Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Like gum under a school desk, so are the days of our lives.

The mileage! As of right now, it is 120456. Exactly 3000 miles to go. Woo! Maybe I should drive to Graceland.

Speaking of mileage - I had a dream in which Jupe was driving a minivan. Saren and Harper were in the backseat of said vehicle. And then Jupe got into an accident. [frown] The girls were not harmed, except for a bump on Harper's head. I don't know what that dream means, but I doubt there's much significance, seeing how I later dreamt about taking a slinky to Disneyland.

Speaking of Saren - tomorrow is Take Your Daughter To Work Day. I'll be bringing her in for a little while - a couple hours, maybe? Long enough for her to get bored, anyway.

Speaking of boredom - Only 5 Angel episodes left.

Speaking of Los Angeles - Next week we're going to SeaWorld (I know that it's in San Diego, bear with me), and possibly LegoLand, and maybe we'll stop by LA to visit the Annika and Will folk. The idea was to maybe talk a walk along a beach or somesuch, but I think we should go to the Ryan Seacrest studio. =)

Speaking of all that is wrong with civilization (I joke, Ryan, because I love ya) - I haven't had a chance to participate in the Civ. Discussion Group that my wife was kind enough to set up ...yet. But I will once I have some free time. Lousy work. (I really shouldn't be blogging right now as it is.)

And lastly (no segway here) I wonder if the Muggles will end up discovering Harry's world by the end of the series. That would be ...something.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

"What the hell are you?"

Ahh, Rastafarian trumpet playing human hunter, we hardly knew ye.

Interesting to note - about five days back, I asked on the WD "What's so great about civilization?" (not meaning the computer game). I recieved no answers.

Also interesting to note - the car's mileage is at 120300-something. It's time to get those guesses in for when it'll hit the 123456 mark. And remember that we're driving to Cali next week. (Not that that is three thousand miles away, but just keep it in mind when making your estimations.)

I um...

Oh! It seems like Yaylias is picking back up. Which, yeah, great. I think, though, that I may stop watching after this season ends. Of course, they'll no doubt end it with some annoyingly mind-gnawing cliffhanger, and I'll get sucked back in for next year.

Where does the time go?

I mowed the back yard today. For the first time in (*sneeze*) at least six months. It was jungleicious! I filled up the entire 42 gallon garbage can with grass clippings. And I didn't even completely mow it all. Heh.

Our cat is crazy. Out of his mind bonkers. [up]

My wife and I have matching blogger/google ad keywords. ("Primate") Neat.

We should clean out our harddrive and start over. The one we've got now has gotten almost unbearably slow. *sigh*. And it's only just over two years old.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Free cookies taste better.

It's weird. Whenever I reread stuff I've written, I either find it much better than I remember, or (and this is the case with the Ape10s) all I can see are the errors. Ugh. No wonder writing is so difficult. Lousy inner critic...s.

The past fiveish days did contain quite a bit of blog-worthy material, (going to the Valley of Fire Easter Egg Hunt, attending the Clark County Fair, letterboxing in Cedar City, etc) but I'm not up for it. Imagine that Stephanie did, and that it was entertaining and witty and stuff.

In other news, today is Tax Day, so our news, natch, is doing the stereotypical stories about procrastinators, along with a brief blurb on someone that is Anti-taxes. (Hurray for small victories!) That's all dull and good and all, but there's a new twist, apparently. The news crew just called and informed us that a man was arrested. He was protesting (along with others, I'm assuming) the entire tax system, and in particular, the government using tax money for the War on Terror. However, the excuse that the police gave for arresting this guy was that he said the word "Fuck" while in public.

It's official. Our society is, beyond a doubt, insane.

I want out of it. There is no defending it. None.

Changing gears (I don't want to get started on a rant against society), Everwood on Monday was crapolicious! I think I can safely say that it was the worst episode of Everwood I've seen. Yay for achievments!

Oh! Reminder to me and the Steph - Driver's license!!

Lastly, I wish I could go to the WD. But this computer uses Internet Explorer, and I know there have been virus issues. The last thing I need is to corrupt the computer here at work.

In conclusion, the page turned, and the Yoshis grew happier.

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Ape10 episode 5:
15 Minutes

Ape10 smiled and thanked his friends. "Thanks, guys. You're both right, of course. Worrying about the future is completely pointless. Whatever happens, happens. From now on, "Inevitable, schminevtable" is my motto. Besides, the future can't be as bad as she predicted."

"Ohhhllllldderryouu?" Zombielyn mentioned.

Ape10 brightened up. "You know, Zombielyn, that's a pretty good idea. Maybe I will do ..."

Just then, the Time Blender appeared in the park. Before anyone could react to the appearance of a second time travelling appliance, the machine opened, and a chimpanzee walked out of it. "Hello, Ape10. I'm Ape10."


The two apes stared at each other.

The chimpanzee who had emerged from the Time Blender said, "Uncanny, isn't it?"

Spark scanned the newcomer and said aloud, "As unlikely as it sounds, it appears that this person is indeed..." he turned to Ape10, ""

The visitor, upon seeing Spark, gave the robot a friendly embrace. "SPARK!! I'm so glad to see you! Stay right here. I've got something for you!" The primate scrambled back into the Time Blender and returned with a box wrapped in wrapping paper. "You can consider me Mr. Christmas Yet To Come." he said, smiling at his joke. He then unwrapped the box, revealing a package of Hot Pockets, among other things. He handed the microwaveable meals to Spark and said, "I know they're your favorite."

Spark smiled and said, "Thank you....Ape10 be."

Zombielyn warned Spark, "Eeennnjoy. Faaaaahhht."

At that, Ape10-2b said, "Zombielyn! Oh, dear! You look just as I remember you! So dead and full of life!" He reached into the box and dug around, pulling out a carton marked "Fresh Pork Brains." He handed them to the undead woman and said, "For you."

Zombielyn smiled, and took the tasty treat. "Yuuuuuhhm!"

Ape10-2b then asked, "Where's Steggy?" Upon receiving a few blank stares, he realized his error and said, "Oh. Right. You guys haven't met her yet."

"Hmm." He said, more to himself than aloud, "I wonder how far back I've gone." Then, to his younger-self, Spark, and Zombielyn, he asked, "Have you encountered the Diaper Sniper?"

"No." Spark said.

" The Bagel Boy Band?"

"Nuh-uh." said Ape10.

"The gutalielidnaeiarians?"

"Noooooh." Zombielyn said.

Ape10-2b scowled. "Wow. I came back further than I thought. What episode am I in? Um. You've at least encounted Belinda the witch, right? Or Bluebush? Tell me I'm not pre-episode one."

The trio confirmed that, yes, they had met and dealt with the evil that was Belinda. "And Bluebush is still out there," Ape10 said, "but we'll bring him to justice eventually."
He paused.

Ape10-2b smiled and said, "That's what I'm here to tell you about. Your future! Or, really, OUR future."
He instructed Ape10 and the others to sit down, then grabbed a television and DVD player, along with some DVDs, out of the Time Blender.
"What I have here," the visitor from the future said, waving the DVDs, "is what you will do in the next twenty years."

Ape10 looked skeptical. "I'm going to make movies?"

Ape10-2b said, "Well, no. But there will be movies made about you. Ben Stiller does a pretty good job, too. I don't know if it's Oscar worthy, but still."

"Ben Stiller looks nothing like me." Ape10 pouted.

Ape10-2b shrugged, and set up the entertainment center. "Are you ready for a glimpse into the future?" he asked.

"Wait!" Spark interrupted. "Before you do this, we must consider the consequences of the actions we are about to partake. Having Ape10 know what his future is will undoubtedly alter what decisions he would normally have made, and that will cause unknowable ripples through the space-time continuum. Billions of lives will be changed drastically based on the choices that Ape10 makes. Having insight into what is "supposed" to take place will taint the future, perhaps in ways that we should not change. Fate is not something to be messed with, and the flow of natural chronology should remain intact and pure. There also is the possiblity of creating a paradox that would destroy the universe as we know it. The chance of a time-disparity ripping the threads of reality apart is, by my calculations, 65.31%.

In short, I don't know if we should watch those DVDs."

The two Ape10s looked at Spark and replied in unison, "Meh."

Spark shrugged and sat down to enjoy the show.

Ape10-2b placed the first DVD into the player. "This is a copy of VH1's documentary on you, VH1's Behind the Monkey. It was made will be made after your initial rise to fame. Well, you'll see."
The ape pushed play, and the documentary began....
Ape10. Arguably the world's most famous primate, the shape-shifting monkey wasn't always world-known. From his humble beginnings in the little town of Azwood to his rise as international superstar, to his eventual downfall and his comeback, this is Behind the Monkey!

Ape10 paused the video. "What did he mean, 'eventual downfall'?"

Ape10-2b looked uncomfortable and said, "Oh. You know how these things are. Let's just watch the show and I'll explain more at the end."

The video resumed:

Not much is known of Ape10's origins. The only mammal with the capability to physically alter his DNA at will has been quite reclusive in speaking about his past. Even his best-selling autobiography, "Monkey Musings", did not delve into the details of his birth and childhood. Many conspiracy theories have been put forward. Some believe that Ape10 is alien in nature, and that he is the first of an intergalactic invasion.

"Pfft! Alien invasion!?!" Ape10 said in disbelief. "I'm not planning on invading anyone."

The NARRATOR continued:
Others believe that Ape10 is an agent of the United States Government.

"Please! I wouldn't work for any government!"

Or an advanced being from the distant future of Earth.

Ape10-2b sort of nodded his head and said, "Well, they've got me there."

Most people, of course, pay these theories no heed, and are content with simply enjoying all that Ape10 does to entertain.

(shot of crowd screaming for Ape10)

Of course, Ape10 was not always in the entertainment business. He began by fighting crime. Primarily in the city of Azwood. The first time he was noticed by the public was at the Azwood West Mall, where he and fellow crime fighter Zombielyn Monroe fought off a horde of rogue minotaurs.

(cut to a woman, about 40ish, onscreen graphic IDs her as "Sarah Faraday, Azwood citizen")

I was at the Azwood Mall that day. I used to work there. I saw Ape10 yelling at some poor boy, and I felt sorry for him - the boy, not Ape10 - but then that kid made these half-bull things come out of nowhere and surround him. And that zombie woman. Those minotaurs were pretty awful, so I left in a hurry. I thought they were goners for sure.

But Zombielyn and Ape10 were not goners. Using ingenuity, muscle, and some old fashioned luck, the monkey and the undead starlet, along with their robotic pal, Spark, fought many such battles. Not only in Azwood, but all over the world, and all throughout history. This was due to the Time Blender, an appliance that allows those inside of it to visit moments in the past. Such a powerful tool has provided Ape10 with many moments of distress. In his own words:

(shot of Ape10, onscreen graphic IDing him as "Ape10")

The Time Blender, of course, could be quite dangerous in the wrong hands. But Spark is the only one that knows how to operate it correctly. He provided me lessons before we split up, of course, but I'm nowhere near as good a pilot as he was.

Spark and Ape10 looked at Ape10-2b in shock. "Split up?" Spark asked. "Why...?"
But Ape10-2b was not in the mood to answer questions. He pretended to not hear the question and instead remained focused on the program.

Ape10's existence became known worldwide when a reporter for the Azwood Times wrote an award winning article on the monkey.


This boy was the one that tipped me off. He told me that there was a talking monkey living in the park, along with a robot and a dead woman. At first I thought he was pulling my leg, but there was something about that kid...
Anyway, once I saw Ape10 for myself, I knew that his story would be big.

And, indeed, it was big. In the months that followed, Ape10 found himself in the center of public attention.

It was difficult to fight any crime. Or even go anywhere without being harrased. Zombielyn told me that fame was a hassle, and she was right. Eventually, I couldn't take living in Azwood anymore - too many people knew where I lived, bothered me all the time. I felt like I was in a zoo, for crying out loud. So I did a very stupid thing. I got an agent, and, on her suggestion, moved out to Hollywood. Rahter than fighting for my normal life back - something the old Ape10 would've done - I surrendered to the monster that was stealing my friends away from me. If I could go back and do it differently, I would. Sure, I got to meet several celebrities, but...I sometimes miss the Good Old Days with Zombielyn and Spark.

Ape10's move to TinselTown put a strain on the relationship between him and his former colleagues.

I told him that becoming big isn't all it's cracked up to be. You'd think he'd've listened to me. Nope. Sometimes that ape can be a real ass.
Zombielyn and I stayed behind in Azwood, at least until that ordinance from The Man came down, making Azwood an Anti-Zombie Zone. Poor Zombielyn got run out of town by an angry mob. Not that there's any other kind. I've run across my fair share of mobs, and finding a happy mob is a true rarity. But, yeah, the townsfolk got it into their heads that zombies were evil, and

The video was paused.


"I would never leave my friends! And you're telling me that The Boy becomes The Man ...and he is in a position of power?? Who in their right mind would let The Man tell them what to do?? And why aren't I stopping it?! Future-me sucks!" Ape10 was quite irate.

Spark had an idea. "Wait right here!"
The robot found a bucket of paint and said, "Watch the screen. If this works, we should be okay."
Spark then painted his head green. The Spark on the DVD suddenly had a green head too!

"YES!" Spark exclaimed.

Upon the somewhat puzzled looks he recieved, Spark explained. "See? My future-head turned green when I painted my now-head green. Now watch." The robot used a washcloth and cleaned the fresh paint off of his metallic head.

The image on the paused DVD also changed from green, back to the usual silver.

Ape10 was excited. "This means that the future is still maleable! We don't have to split up! We don't have to let The Man take over!"

Ape10-2b smiled sadly. "That's why I wanted to come back. To insure you didn't make the mistakes I did. Of course, by changing your future, you also alter my present, but I knew that going in. I don't mind being a martyr. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one."

The two Ape10s hugged. "The future is in your hands," Ape10-2b said tearfully, "don't screw it up."

After his goodbyes to Spark and Zombielyn, Ape10-2b said, "All right. I'm ready. You know what you have to do."

Ape10 nodded slightly and said, "...Or, maybe, Zombielyn, I won't..."

Instantly, all traces of Ape10-2b disappeared.

[Being spoiler for -Dead Woman's Party highlight to view]A surprise party for Zombielyn results in angst when some unexpected family members drop by.[end spoiler]

Thursday, April 08, 2004

Poor toothless Michaelangelo Washington.

Man, that guy.

So, yeah, if our computer gets any slower, I'm going to go out and purchase a gun. To use on it.

And, yes, I'm aware there's a five-day (or whatever) waiting period to buy a gun. I'm just hoping that by the time I get back with the firearm, the computer will be done downloading. Sheesh. The pain I go through for profile pics...

In other news, we went to the zoo today. That was zoological! There were "apes" (damn lying signs!) and wallabies and emus and lions. Birds all over the place, and goats that kept trying to escape. There was an alligator basking in the sun, and several turtles, who moved quicker than one would assume. There were two ravens, trapped in what had to be the smallest cage I have ever seen. I felt quite sorry for them. Zoos bring that out in me. While at work, I mentioned the zoo, and it seems I'm not alone in that feeling. Huh.

The other big news of the day - we had a celebrity drop by work! Sandra Bullock is in town, filming Miss Congeniality 2. Apparently at some point in the movie, she will be on "the news". And our fake news will be the one they went to! Hee! Guy and BobbleHead and RachWell will make it onto the Big Screen!

Unless the scene gets cut, in which case, DVD!!


I missed meeting Miss Bullock by about 10 minutes, apparently, but maybe I'll get to see her for Miss Congeniality 3. [shrug]

What else?

Oh. I finished Hybrids, and liked it. I feel all weird now, since, like I said before, I'm done with the trilogy. It's as though my brain is saying, "Okay. Now what?"
I also (re)read God Bless You, Dr. Kervorkian today. Yup. Finished it in one day. Course, it's a short book, and I've read it before, but I do like my Vonnegut. [up] I know the guy is like 80ish, but he should totally still be writing. [sigh] I don't know what I'll read tomorrow. Guess it's library time again.

So, that's pretty much my day in a nutshell.

Oh, and I talked to the Jupe today. She's awesome.

Monday, April 05, 2004

A three hour tour. A three. hour. tour.

We went to the library today, and I found Hybrids!! WOOO-MOTHERFUCKING-HOOO!! It's awesome to be "catching up" with Ponter and Mary. And Cornelius. Ugh. I've got a bad feeling about him. Bastard got what he deserved in Humans.
I'm already 60 pages in. Which is great, but at the same time, this is the third book in the trilogy, so when it's over, it's over.

In addition, the Steph spent her gift certificate at Borders. Mmm. Free-ish stuff. I won't say what she bought in case you want to guess and/or suggest things at her blog, but she's been engrossed in the book since we got home. I'm sure she'll make mention of it eventually. (Don't you love how I constantly try to get her to blog more? And how it never seems to work. It's endearing.)

Dinner was at Chili's (Baby Back Ribs ....barbecue sauce!!), and was sufficient.

Tomorrow the plan is to go to the movies to see Home on the Range with the girls. I think we'll make sure we miss the Twenty.

If you're asking yourself what "the Twenty" is, consider yourself lucky.

We just discovered what the Twenty was ourselves. When we went to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind last Sunday, we arrived rather early. About 25 minutes early, actually. For the first five minutes, there was nothing. No muzak, no slide show on the stage, nada. (I don't know about nonAmerican theaters, or theaters outside of Vegas, for that matter, but the movies here used to have slides before the trailers started, along with muzak. They were obnoxious, but at least it gave you something to watch while you waited. And the slides may have been irritating, but they were nothing in comparison to what they've been replaced by...)

At 20 minutes to showtime, a film started projecting on the screen. Steph and I looked rather puzzled - were they starting the previews now? That couldn't be right.

It wasn't.

Apparently they now have a prepackaged "movie" that starts twenty minutes before the trailers. It's called The Twenty (clever name, huh? I'd love to shoot the person who dreamt that one up.) and it is 20 excrutiating minutes of commercials.

They started with a five minute commercial for TNT. TNT, in case you were not aware, KNOWS drama. Because it's TNT. TNT! On TNT, there is drama. In the afternoon. That's when TNT KNOWS drama. On TNT. Where the drama is at. (It's on TNT.)

You get the idea.

After that was a longish plug for Fraiser, cuz I guess this is the final year for that sitcom or something.

Oh, and they had a Behind the Scenes of Van Helsing thing that was actually pretty interesting. But still mockable. Best quote came from some actress who is in the movie, talking about Hugh Jackman (Jackson? What's his name? I don't care about Hollywood people anymore) playing Van Helsing and how he is "Romantic, with a capital R. And that's pretty exciting."
To which I whispered to Steph, "...with a lower-case e."

But the best thing said during the Twenty was when they had a Coke commercial. (Yes, in-between the 'segments', they have commercials. Mostly for, but also Coca-Cola and other Coca-Cola made products.) Anywhat, the commercial had some woman - I'm assuming she's from American Idol, because that's where all singers come from now - who was walking down a street singing some updated version of I'd Like To Buy The World A Coke.

As she is walking, she reaches into her purse and hands bottles of Coca-Cola to passersby.

Steph leaned over and said, "Coke dealer."


After the final segment of the Twenty (a neverending sequence about Dr. Seuss stamps and The Cat in The Hat movie), they recapped it all.
Yes. They recapped the past twenty minutes again. In case you had forgotten what you had just fucking seen!

Ugh. Give me back the slides anyday.

AND THEN!! The previews - arguably the best part of going to the movies - start up, and those have commercials in them. Fuck me running, dude. I want to see commercials for movies, not for Nissan. Bastards.

In conclusion, it's 12:25, but it feels like it's only 10:30. Lousy Daylight Saving. I think it should be Spring Back, Fall Back. Or, maybe, we should just leave the clocks alone. Or better yet, toss them altogether.

Oh, and we rented Panic Room from the library as well. Don't spoil the movie for me!

Friday, April 02, 2004

I want Charles in charge of my days and my nights.

The Steph was just talking to me and said that I should start writing again everyday. That sounds like work, to me, but at the same time it seemed to have sparked the "writing" bug in me, and so this may be a lengthy entry. I feel like I've got lots to say. Hurrah.

It rained today. A lot. I was thinking that maybe we somehow woke up in Seattle without realizing it, because this is definitely not Vegas weather. I wonder if other places are having wacky weather too. I believe as we continue to screw with the environment, the weather patterns are gonna get more intense, and more unusual. I believe that because other people have done research on the matter and said as much. And because I pretty much believe whatever I'm told.

But, yeah, it rained cats and dogs this afternoon, and as a result, despite leaving home several minutes early, I arrived at work 22 minutes late. Woo hoo! (In case you can't tell, I was being sarcastic.)
I'm hardly ever on time at work anymore. It doesn't matter what time I leave home, the traffic on the way in compensates and I end up walking in at 3:03, or 3:10, or, like today, 3:22. Nobody has said anything to me (yet) but I don't like it.

Huge bombshell was dropped today at work. The chief engineer, Greg, who has been with the company for at least 11 years, resigned today. Details have not been forthcoming yet - those in the know haven't been eager to gossip about it [eyebrow] - but it's shocking, nonetheless. I'll certainly miss him, as Greg was a pretty good guy, and I wish him well.

I'm also slightly envious.

I don't think it'll happen tomorrow, or even in the next month, but I can feel that something has got to change here at work. Too much has happened and my thoughts have altered too drastically for me to continue in the manner that I have for nearly nine years now. Or maybe I'm not smart enough for anything to change. (There's a story behind that, but it's for another day. PM or email or call me if you're interested.)

In nonwork news....hmm. What should I talk about? I had a very funny story about our date to the movies from a few nights back. Or I could talk about oil. Or terrorism. Or, that's pretty much all I got. Oh. I could mention the April Fool's escapades of yesterday. Although those are more "you had to be there" type of things. And the oil and terrorism things are probably best saved for separate future entries.

Oh! There are plans! I'm sure most of you are as shocked about this as I am, (knowing how Anti-plan I am) but I'm really really excited about this one. It's a Long Term Plan, and heaven only knows if it'll pan out, but the fact that it's got me looking forward to it is noteworthy.

And with that, I'm done. Seacrest ....OUT!!

If only.

I were a good writer.

We had 40,000 dollars.

It weren't raining.

I didn't have to go to work.

We didn't need to go to the grocery store.

Ideas were freely flowing from my brain.

I could find something to spark my interest.

People didn't suck.

I didn't have so many self-esteem issues. (Self-esteem is for everybody. Self-esteem is for everyone.)

I could beat the next level of BanjoKazooie.

I knew things.

Our computer were faster.

Dentists weren't so expensive.

Everything weren't so expensive.

Money didn't exist.

Fucking news.

I would end this rant/stream of conciousness. It's not doing anyone any good. And I'm not particularly in a bad mood - or at least I wasn't at first - I don't know why I'm so ...bitterish. I think because I felt like I was forcing myself to write. Pfft. I'm stupid sometimes.

Next entry should be of lighter fare. Now, though, I think we need to go buy groceries. Hope everyone had a good April Fools Day.