Sunday, November 22, 2009

Haiku Review: Lost - Pilot, Part 1

Lost begins with a
creepy wind-chime theme song, which
sets the mood nicely.

We start the show with
a closeup of an eyeball.
Hey! It's Matthew Fox!

He's lying on the
ground in a jungle. He hears
rustling. It's a dog.

A golden lab, to
be precise. The dog darts off,
and the guy stands up.

He's mildly hurt,
but at least he's got vodka
in his pocket. Yay!

He runs through the trees
(one of which grows sneakers) and
winds up on a beach.

It's a gorgeous beach,
except for the plane wreckage
and screaming people.

Obviously there
was a plane crash. Lots of
chaos and screaming.

As Matthew Fox looks
around, we see a guy who
yells in Korean...

...a Hobbit who looks
dazed and confused walk by the
plane's whirring engine...

...a black guy who is
yelling "Walt!!" repeatedly
(we hear it twice here)...

...a young blond woman
who is simply screaming at
the top of her lungs...

...and a guy who is
pinned under a piece of the
plane. He goes to help.

The guy's got bloodied
leg. Fox uses his tie as a
tourniquet, and then...

...runs over to help
a woman who is having
contractions. Don't! Can't!

She's eight months along,
but before we can find out
more, Gary Troup dies.

What a way to go!
He gets sucked into the plane's
turbine, which goes boom.

Fox asks a big guy
to stay near Preg-o and call
him if labor starts.

Big guy asks his name,
and we learn it is "Jack!" So
now we do know jack.

Jack approaches a
young guy doing CPR
on a black woman.

Jack admonishes
him for doing it wrong. He
says he's a lifeguard.

Jack's all, "Well, you're the
worst lifeguard I've met today!"
and begins CPR.

Lifeguard suggests a
pen to do a trach on her,
then goes to find one.

Jack revives her, then
has to race back to Preg-o
to save her. Again.

Because the plane's wing
was about to fall on her
and that other guy.

Once he's made sure that
they're both okay, he tells the
big guy to stay there.

He responds, "Dude, I'm
not going anywhere." Yay!
The first Lost 'Dude'!

World's Worst Lifeguard comes
back with, like, eight pens and he
hands them to Jack. Heh.

Jack rummages through
some luggage, finds thread, goes to
the jungle alone.

He removes his shirt,
revealing his scratched up back
and also, tattoos.

Jack can't reach his back
(so there is something he can't
do!). But here's someone!

A brunette woman
rubbing her wrist has shown up.
Jack asks if she sews.

She has. Jack asks if
she'll sew up his back. She says
'yes', but seems squeamish.

As the sun sets, we
see: Big Guy sorting food, a
bald guy just sitting...

...World's Worst Lifeguard walks
by with a cell phone, but he
gets no reception.

We meet Charlie (he's
the Hobbit) who helps Sayid
with building a fire.

Jack and the brunette
are still sewing him up (jeez!
it has been hours, guys!)

Jack tells a story
about how when he was a
surgeon, he goofed up...

...and cut a girl's dural
sack. He was terrified, but
he counted to five...

...and then he was good.
Jack can control his fear, you
see. Jack is a douche.

The woman says if
it had been her, she would have
run for the door. (HA!!)

Jack says, "That's not true.
You're not running now." Give her
time, Jack. Give her time.

Night time! Charlie is
writing FATE on his bandaged
fingers, Sayid says...

..."Where's the rescue?" The
blond who was screaming is now
painting her toenails.

World's Worst Lifeguard sits
next to her, offers candy.
She refuses, since...

...according to her,
rescue is coming. She'll eat
on the rescue boat.

Her name, by the way,
is Shannon. We still don't know
Lifeguard's real name, though.

Big guy gives food to
Preg-o, who says contractions
have, for the time, stopped.

Black guy looks over
a young black boy, asks if he's
warm enough. Kid nods.

Korean man tells
the woman he's with they need
to stay together.

Jack looks over an
injured man. Brunette asks "Will
he live?" Jack: "Know him?"

Spoiler! She knows him!
But she simply says she sat
near him on the plane.

Jack recalls some of
the flight: they hit turbulence,
and then he blacked out.

THe brunette did not.
She knew the tail section fell
off, as did the front.

Jack wants to find the
cockpit, cuz there might be a
transceiver inside.

Brunette wants to go
with him. Jack finally asks
for her name. "I'm Kate."

Seriously? They
didn't introduce themselves
until just now? Huh.

Suddenly there's a
weird metallic clanky sound
as lots of trees move...

...well, not so much move
as get pushed around. Something
large and powerful... causing this scene,
which is really quite creepy.
The survivors look...

...toward the jungle
with a mix of confusion
and fear. The kid asks...

..."Is that Vincent?" The
black guy answers, "No. That's not
Vincent." (or is it??)

Charlie utters an
understated, sarcastic,
funny: "Terrific."

And with that we go
to the first commercial break.
This show is awesome.

Hey! Jack's on a plane!
That sure was a quick rescue!
Should have shown it, though.

Jack begins talking
to the black woman he saved.
Then, there's turbulence.

Again? Jeez. These guys
have the worst luck when it comes
to flying in planes.

Cut back to the beach,
and we see that previous
scene was a flashback.

Folks on the beach
are discussing the "monster".
(So are folks online!)

Jack is prepping to
go look for the cockpit. Kate
insists she's coming.

She'll need better shoes,
though. Fortunately, there are
plenty of corpses.

And they don't need shoes.
So. Kate looks for shoes that fit.
And gets a look from...

...a bald man (Terry
O' Quinn!) who smiles at her while
eating an orange.

It's hilarious,
but Kate seems disturbed by it.
Jeez, Kate, lighten up.

Charlie decides he
wants to tag along with Jack
and Kate. Off they go!

On the trek in the
woods, we learn Charlie was in
a band called Drive Shaft.

He sings a bit of
one of their hit songs, called "You
All Everybody!"

When a rain storm comes
from out of nowhere, people
on the beach scramble...

...except for Mr.
Orange Peel, who sits in the
rain, arms extended.

The trio has found
the front part of the plane. They
make their way inside.

Jack and Kate get to
the cockpit door, which is locked.
Dr. Jack breaks in.

Pilot is still in
his seat, presumably dead.
But, no! He's alive!

He asks how many
people survived the crash. Jack
tells him: forty-eight.

"How long has it been?"
the pilot wants to know. Jack
tells him: sixteen hours.

The pilot then gives
Jack and Kate (Charlie's not there)
some really bad news:

Turns out, during the
flight, the radio went out.
They turned around, and... the time they hit
the turbulence, they were way
off course. Rescue crews...

...will be looking for
them in the wrong part of the
world. That can't be good.

Also not good? There
are sounds of the "monster" near.
We see it's shadow.

And then, the pilot
gets pulled out of the freaking
window!! Yoink! He's gone.

The trio run like
hell through the jungle while the
monster pursues them.

Charlie gets his foot
caught in a vine. Jack goes back
to save him. Kate screams.

She hides, alone, and
starts to count to five. I don't
think it's working, though.

Charlie finds Kate, but
Jack isn't with him. Kate says
they have to go back.

They find the pilot's
pin lying in a puddle.
Jack arrives there, too.

He managed to get
away from the monster, but
he didn't see it.

Charlie points above
them, to where the pilot's dead
corpse lies in the trees.

Charlie asks "How does
something like that happen?" And
with that, this ep. ends.

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