Tuesday, June 30, 2009

June's word cloud is here.

Hard to believe that aught-nine is half way over. (So is the year half empty or half full? Or just...half?

Speaking of "half", I've recently decided that you should be able to use "half" as an adjective modifier type...thing.
Example? Something can be meaningless or meaningful, but what if it's inbetween? Then, you would say that it's meaninghalf.

....yeah. I don't really expect that to catch on. Although it would be wonderhalf if it did.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Haiku Review: Ghost Town

Socially inept
dentist hates people, learns that
ghosts aren't much better.

Rom-coms mostly suck.
I was surprised by how much
I enjoyed Ghost Town.

Lots of laughs, not too
much sap. Overall a fun
2 hour distraction.

Haiku Review: Muriel's Wedding

While her home life sucks,
("You're terrible, Muriel!")
at least there's ABBA.

And her "friends" suck, too.
("Let her finish her Orgasm.")
But there's still ABBA.

Muriel learns that
happiness comes from being
yourself. (And ABBA)

Haiku Review: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem

A requiem is
a song for the dead, which is
fitting for this crap.

This garbage managed
to annihilate two great
franchises at once.

For a horror flick
to work properly, you need
to care, somewhat, for...

...at least one of the
characters. I didn't. I
doubt the writers did.

At the end, when the
nukes went off, killing the whole
town, I felt nothing.

Nothing but relief
that the torture of this film
was finally done.

Haiku Review: Gremlins 2: The New Batch

The first Gremlins was
funny, scary. A classic.
This one? Kinda sucked.

The problem? They went
overboard with the jokes. And
they weren't funny jokes.

It was just one gag
after another, with no
real plot or story.

Glover's character
was fun, as was the brainy
Gremlin. Not much else.

silas is 1 month old today. time flies!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Sweet Zombie Jesus!

First, the good news, everyone: Futurama is going to return!! Starting in 2010, Comedy Central will be airing brand new episodes (26, in fact) of Futurama! Hooray for Zoidberg!!

(Of course, this means that we might have to, you know, subscribe to cable. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.)

Second, this Saturday is June 13th, which means it's time for the third annual "Blog Like It's the End of the World" experiment. Basically, people sign up to make blog posts wherein they pretend that the undead have risen, and are attacking the real world.
I've participated in the first two years, and they were fun. ...but I don't know if I want to make it a three-peat. I'm ...kinda just not feeling it. [shrug] I don't know. I suppose I have (less than) 48 hours to decide. I do know that this type of thing is perfect for Twitter. But, the thing is, I don't have a Twitter account, and I probably never will. Mostly because I feel that my blog is adequate, and also, Twitter is too popular. (Heh. I'm lame that way.) Also, it seems like Twitter is too much work to maintain. And, I dislike saying/typing Twitter, which I've typed too many times now.
But if I did use that program, BLITEOTW would totally be a good use for it. Quick updates about zombies attacking? Awesomeness.
Anyway, if anyone else does feel like signing up for zombiefied blogging this Saturday, here's the site to sign up at.

Thirdly, here's the latest Church Sign Wisdom:




I dont' really have anything snarky to say about these. But it does make me wonder why god seems to constantly want/need to be praised. I mean, sure, if there's some Creator of the Universe, it would be cool to pass along one's gratitude. But the Christian God seems to...I don't know, have like low self-esteem or something.

Haiku Review: Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Bill and Ted's sequel
doesn't quite live up to the
original one.

It starts off strong, with
the Bill and Ted cyborgs, but
once the duo die...

...the scenes in hell go
on for too long, and the film
loses it's pacing.

It's not a bad film,
per se, just not as funny
or fun as the first.

To make up for that,
God gave rock and roll to you.
...and to everyone.

Haiku Review: Slumdog Millionaire

Growing up in the
slums of India provides
Jamal with answers.

Which is great, even
though he's not there for the cash.
He seeks his true love.

They find each other,
because it is written. That's
my final answer.

Then, the absolute
best end credit sequence. How
can you not love this?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Haiku Review: Lost - The Incident, Part 2

Locke and the Others
get to the statue's foot, which
is where Jacob lives.

FlashJack! During a
surgery, Jack screws up, starts
to panic. But then...

...Christian tells his son,
"Calm down. Count to five. Drink up."
(Well, not that last one.)

But he does tell Jack
"If you can't do this, I will.
So man the eff up."

Jack does, then goes to
the vending machine to get
an Apollo bar.

But this just ain't Jack's
day. The candy bar get struck.
Frustrated, Jack leaves.

He finds Christian in
the hallway and says, "Hey dad,
why'd you call me out?"

"Silly Jack," replies
Christian. "You are your own worst
enemy. See ya!"

As he leaves, Jacob
shows up with two candy bars.
He hands one to Jack.

As he touches Jack,
he says, "It just needed a
push." Subtle, writers!

Back on the Island,
Sawyer has asked to talk with
Jack for five minutes.

Jack: "Well, Sayid is
mortally wounded back here.
But.... okay. Let's chat."

Sawyer says, "Look, Jack,
my parents died when I was
eight. ...which was last year.

"I could have changed the
past." "Why didn't you?" asks Jack.
"What happened, happened."

"No, no, no," says Jack.
"Just nuke the energy thing,
and BLAM! Past is changed!"

"Jesus, doc. What's so
bad in the future that you
need to blow it up?"

"Would you believe... it's
because Kate and I are no
longer together?"

Really, show? Really?!?!
Sawyer can't seem to believe
it either, and so...

...because they're both male,
and stubborn, they resort to
punching each other.

James is winning the
brawl (he kicked Jack in the balls!!),
but then Juliet...

...says, "Jack is right." Um.
Is this brain damage disease
infecting them all??

Juliet's flashback
is brief, and Jacob-less. Strange.
It's when her folks split.

In the "present", she
tells James she is okay with
blowing up the past...

...because if she and
Sawyer never meet, then she
won't have to lose him.

Because she has seen
the way he's looked at "Freckles"
Aw. Poor Juliet.

At the Swan site, the
Dharma crew is drilling, and
of course, getting guns.

Jack, Kate reminisce
about first time they met, which
is in 30 years.

They discuss Aaron,
and setting things right for him.
Kate is now on board.

Which is good, because
the Incident is going
to happen quite soon.

Flashback for Hurley!
He gets released from jail and
gets in a cab with...

...Jacob! But, of course!
He tells Hurley what flight to
be on to go back.

But he tells Hurley
it's his choice if he wants to
go back or not. Hmmm.

He leaves a guitar
case with Hugo, saying that,
"It's not my guitar."

At Swan site, Sayid
has the bomb ready to go.
He gives it to Jack.

Jack says this will save
him, to which Sayid responds,
"Nothing can save me."

At the statue, Locke
and Ben follow Richard in
a secret passage.

Once Richard opens
a hidden door, he returns
to the beach alone.

Locke hands Ben a large
knife. Ben looks petrified for
the first time ever.

In the '70's,
at the Swan construction site,
Miles sees fit to ask...

..."what if dropping the
bomb is what causes what you're
trying to prevent?"

This is met with a
bunch of blank stares. "So glad you've
thought this plan through, guys."

But it's too late to
turn back now, since: the gang is
shooting at hippies...

...hippies are shooting
at the gang. They get to the
spot where they're drilling.

Jack drops the bomb core
into the deep, dark hole and
we all hold our breath.

Moments pass. Jack's brain
is currently channeling
Marvin the Martian:

"Where is the ka-boom?
There's supposed to be an earth-
shattering ka-boom!"

Soon, though, something starts
to happen. There's a rumbling
from deep in the hole.

All things metallic
at the construction site start
flying to the hole.

Dr. Chang's hand gets
crushed by some equipment. Miles
goes to help his dad.

A crane falls over
and Phil, one of the Dharma
jerks, gets impaled. Yay!

Jack, who often is
a tool, gets hit in the head
with a toolbox. HA!!

Ha ha ha!!! Sorry.
I shouldn't laugh, but, my god
it was funny. Look!

No more laughing now.
Juliet is in danger!
She's wrapped up in chains...

...that begin to drag
her down toward the hole. James
grabs her arms and pulls.

James is yelling, "Don't
let go!" Juliet says she
loves him, can't hold on.

Helplessly, Sawyer
watches Juliet fall to
her untimely death.

The show goes to a
commercial break, and I have
something in my eye.

Ilana shows up
at the base of the statue.
She asks for Richard.

Well, she really asks
for "Ricardus", which goes to
show how old he is.

She asks, "What lies in
the shadow of the statue?"
and Richard answers...

...in Latin. Thank god
we have the internet to
translate these things, yes?

The answer Richard
gave was, "He who will protect
(or save) us all." Hmmm.

Satisfied with this
response, Ilana opens
the box, revealing...

...a still very dead
John Locke. Which means the Locke in
the statue... uh-oh.

Inside the statue,
Jacob greets "Locke" by saying,
"You found your loophole."

"Locke" confirms this, adds,
"You have no idea what I've
gone through to be here."

Ben asks if Locke and
Jacob have met before. "Locke"
tells Ben that they have.

He then urges Ben
to do what he was asked to.
"Ben, you have a choice"...

...so says Jacob. Ben
asks, "What choice?" Jacob says, "You
can do what he asked...

...or you can just go."
But Ben is pretty peeved that
Jacob has ignored...

...him for so many years
after his devotion, yet
he'll see John, no prob.

Ben whines, "What about
me? It isn't fair! I've had
enough, want my share!"

Then Jacob says the
worst thing he possibly could:
"What about you?" Ben...

...stabs Jacob two times.
With his dying breath, Jacob
warns "Locke": "They're coming."

"Locke" looks upset at
this, then kicks Jacob's body
into the fire pit.

The Swan site has built
up a lot of energy
and is gonna blow.

So those still alive
start to run from the site as
fast as they can, but...

...at the bottom of
the hole, Juliet, wounded,
but alive, wakes up.

Lying beside her
is Jughead's core and a rock.
She picks up the rock...

...and bangs it against
the bomb's core, crying as she
does. It takes eight hits...

...before there's a flash
of white, ending the show 'til
winter of next year.

So the show ended
with a bang - literally.
What did you all think?

Your theories, questions,
speculation, wish lists and
feedback are welcome.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

1 year, 1 week, and 1 day

Years ago, I heard the song "My Chinchilla" by the band Cub. (here's the video!)

Anyway. After hearing that, first I was all, "What the hell is a chinchilla?" Then, after finding out what they are, I decided, I WANT ONE!

So. About five years ago, we were at a pet store, and we passed the chinchilla cages, and Steph (jokingly?) said that she would get me a chinchilla for my 35th birthday.
I've reminded her of this promise off and on for the past five years, although now she is saying that it was a joke, and that she won't be getting me the cutest pet in the world next year.
I have one year, one week, and one day to wear her down. Oh, and to come up with a name.

Haiku Review: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill and Ted was most
educational! I learned
many awesome things!

Like: Joan of Arc was
not Noah's wife! San Dimas
High school football rules!!

Bill's step-mom is cute.
(Shut up, Ted!) Napoleon
loved the water slides.

Strange things are afoot
at the Circle K. And, of
course, most important:

"Be excellent to
each other, and party on,
dudes!" Words to live by.

Haiku Review: Bicentennial Man

Based on Asimov's
story, Robin Williams plays
robot seeking love.

Not sure who this was
aimed at. Too sad (and long) for
kids, the "jokes" fall flat.

Any sympathy
for the robot's struggle to
find humanity...

...is lost in the crap
writing, horrid pacing, and
syrupy music.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Haiku Review: Lost - The Incident, Part 1

This first scene is, in
retrospect, one of the most
important - ever.

So pay attention!
All right, here we go. We start
with a guy.... weaving.

So this Dream Weaver
goes out to the beach, and he's
caught a red herring!

He's joined by "Man
#2", which is what the
credits list him as.

Dream Weaver offers
Man #2 some herring
he says he just ate.

They sit on the beach
together, watching a ship
(the Black Rock?) approach.

It should be noted
Dream Weaver has light hair, while
Man number 2, dark.

That may mean nothing
but this is Lost, which loves black-
white symbolism

Warning!! Important
dialogue coming up!! I'll
quote (near) verbatim

"I take it," says Dream
Weaver, "You're here 'cause of the
ship." Man 2: "I am."

Man 2 continues,
"How did they find the Island?"
"You'll have to ask them."

"You brought them here. You
are trying to prove me wrong."
"You are wrong, my friend."

"Am I? They come. They
fight. They destroy. They corrupt.
Always ends the same."

"It only ends once.
Anything that happens 'fore
that is just progress."

"Do you have any
idea how much I wanna
kill you?" Man 2 asks.

Dream Weaver says, "Yes."
Man 2: "One of these days I'll
find a loophole, friend."

"Well, when you do, I'll
be right here." "Nice talking with
you, Jacob." .... JACOB!?!!

Young Kate is about
to begin her life of crime
she steals a lunch box

It's a New Kids on
the Block lunch box, which means that
Kate was hangin' tough.

But Kate's not real good
at crime. She gets caught stealing
(once, when she was five eight)

However, before
the store owner can call Kate's
folks, Jacob (!!!) steps in.

Jacob offers to
buy the lunch box. He's sure that
Kate's got the right stuff.

He asks Kate if she'll
steal again. She says no. He
boops her nose. "Be good."

In the present/past
Kate tells James and Juliet
how Jack has a bomb.

Sawyer is rather
cavalier about Jack's plan
to blow up the past.

"Jack's got a bomb, good
for Jack." Um. James? It's Jack. With
a nuclear bomb.

Perhaps Juliet
should check to see if Sawyer
suffered brain damage.

Locke, meanwhile, is in
full-on leader mode, leading
his group to Jacob.

Richard Alpert tells
Locke "I've never seen someone
come back from the dead."

Locke says in return
he's never seen someone who
doesn't age. Touché.

Richard says he's that
way due to Jacob. Locke says
well let's go thank him.

Bram and Ilana
show Frank what's in the box. Frank
sighs, "Terrific." Heh.

Young James is writing
the letter to the man he
blames for his folks' deaths.

His pen runs out of
ink, but Jacob is there to
help him continue.

He hands James a pen
says he's sorry for his loss.
James writes his letter.

James, Kate, Juliet
hijack the sub so they can
go back and stop Jack.

Jack and Sayid are
ready to remove Jughead's
core, using Dan's notes.

Richard decides that
Eloise shouldn't be this
close to a bomb, so...

...He knocks Eloise
out and drags her away, but
first asks about Locke.

Jack tells him, "Don't give
up on Locke." ..wait. Jack said that
about John Locke?? Huh.

Speaking of John, he's
just told Ben that Ben's the one
who will kill Jacob.

If you think you're shocked,
you should see Benjamin's face.
It's "WHAT THE!?!?!" defined.

In flashback, we see
Jacob was there when Sayid
watched Nadia die.

At this point, I had
to ask, is Jacob fate? Or
is he weaving it?

Either way, Jacob
does touch Sayid, in cast that's
important later.

On the Island, Jack
and Sayid carry the bomb
through the tunnels and...

...right in the middle
of Dharmaville, while all the
hippies excavate.

But our duo need
to get Jughead to the Swan
site! What can they do?

They put on Dharma
jumpsuits, blending right in, and
then Ben's dad spots them.

Bullets start flying
(Man, these guys are violent
for hippies, aren't they?)

Sayid tries to warn
Ben's dad not to shoot since he's
carrying a nuke.

But Mr. Linus
is all, "You shot my son!!" BLAM!!
Gut shot for Sayid!

I believe this makes
Sayid the 15th person
we've seen get gut shot.

Things look grim for the
guys, but then Hurley (and friends)
arrive in the van.

They jump inside and
race from the gun play! Time for
a commercial break.

James, Juliet, Kate
wash ashore and ...dude. Dude! DUDE!!
Vincent is there!! Dude!!

And so are Rose and
Bernard!! (Although Bernard has
not aged well.) But still!

All those weeks we asked
"Where are Rose and Bernard and
Vincent too?" paid off.

The trio have spent
the last 3 years hiding out,
enjoying nature.

They're done with the whole
Dharma drama-rama and
the love quad from hell.

The Dharma group could
learn a thing or two from these
guys. I'm just sayin'.

But, taking a break
from the plot only works with
minor characters.

So, James, Kate, and Jules
continue on their mission
to find and stop Jack.

Flashback! Ilana
is in a hospital with
her face bandaged up.

And, hey! Jacob is
there, because he's in every
flashback now, I guess.

Anyway, Jacob
knows Ilana. Asks her to
help him. She says yes.

Jacob doesn't touch her and
he's wearing black gloves.

Jack tells Hurley to
get to the Swan site so that
he can "save" Sayid.

Ilana and her
crew have found Jacob's cabin,
but they are alarmed.

Jacob's not there, and
hasn't been for some time. Plus,
outside the cabin...

...the ring of ash has
been disturbed. The circle has
been broken. So they...

...burn the cabin down,
despite Frank's warnings about
forest fires. Heh.

Oh, hey, flashback time.
Jacob is reading a book
when John Locke drops in.

Jacob is the first
one to get to Locke after
his fall. He touched Locke.

And John gasped for breath.
Now, did Jacob just give John
a resurrection?

Or did his touch make
John Locke paralyzed? Or both?
Or neither? Oh, Lost.

Locke, Ben reminisce
about their time in the hatch
and Jacob's cabin.

Ben admits he has
never seen Jacob. He lied
back in Season 3.

He's also lied
in every episode he's
been in. Ben lies. Lots.

Anyway, Ben now
wants to know why Locke wants him
to murder Jacob.

Locke says, "Look. You're on
the Magic Healing Island
...and you got cancer.

"And you had to watch
your daughter get gunned down in
cold blood." (Ben's own fault.)

"And your reward for
listening to a man you've
never met? Exiled!!"

"So, really, Ben. Why
wouldn't you want to kill him?"
Ben considers this.

It's amusing how
Locke has manipulated
Ben for a change, huh?

Sun, meanwhile, has found
Aaron's old crib and Charlie's
old ring from Driveshaft.

We flashback to the
wedding of Jin and Sun. Lo
and behold, Jacob!!

He greets them at the
reception, touching them both,
wishing them the best.

Despite the fact he
spoke "excellent Korean",
Jin nor Sun knew him.

In the Dharma van
Sayid works to make Jughead
explode on contact.

Even when dying
from a gunshot wound, Sayid
does what he must. Wow.

Hurley stops the van
cuz Juliet, James, Kate are
in the road with guns.

Part 2 will be posted in a few days.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

May's word cloud.

Huh. Now that I don't have my story to write, I find myself not knowing what to blog about.

For the four people that actually read and care about the Lost Haikus, please note that I do plan on writing up the review/reacap of The Incident. And... I was thinking that since there is such a big hiatus before the final season of Lost begins, that I would go back and rewatch seasons 1 - 4, and write up haikus for them, too. No specific time table, just as I rewatch and write them up. That way, we'd have the entire series in seventeen syllable recaps. Yes, I'm a big ol' geek.

Also, for anyone that isn't up to date on the series, note that the entire series to date is viewable online at abc.com. Note also that abc.com's online player is one of the most heinous inventions of the 21st century. Thirdly note that eventually the series is supposed to be up at hulu.com, and hulu is way awesome.