Haiku Review: Lost - Do No Harm

Despite Jack's efforts
Boone succumbs to his wounds, dies.
Farewell, Worst Lifeguard.

While he lay dying,
Boone mentions the hatch, makes Jack
suspicious of Locke.

And when Boone dies, and
when he's gone, there'll be one
child born, carry on.

Claire gives birth. Kate's there.
Jin and Charlie are, as well.
(Is Sawyer there too?)

Shannon is busy
having a date with Sayid
while Boone is dying.

Oh, Sayid. Any
time you fall in love, it ends
with somebody's death.

In the flashbacks, we
learn that Jack married Sarah,
a former patient.

He fixed her spine, and
she fell in love with him. It's
as dull as it sounds.

At the end of the
ep, Jack is off to find Locke,
since "he murdered Boone".

3 years from now

I feel like i should mention the fast-approaching 2012 winter solstice, but, really i have nothing to say about it. It's fun to pretend that something world-ending or life-changing or paradigm-shifting or whatever-whatevering will take place then, but i honestly dont think it will be anything other than just another day.

aside from the zombie uprising, of course.

in other news, i also wanted to take a brief break from posting in haiku form. and from lost. if my math is correct, if i finish up season 1 by the end of the year, i can get the other 3 seasons done in January if i post 2 episodes a day. do-able, but it may cause Lost-burnout amongst the few readers i still have. so i'll be sure to mix things up a bit and blog about other things, too.

Haiku Review: Lost - Deus Ex Machina

In the past, Locke gets
conned out of a kidney by
his dad, Anthony.

(You can tell it’s the
past because Locke is wearing
a wig. And walking.)

Locke’s mom was in on
the con, too. She introduced
Locke and his papa.

Once Locke got to know
and trust the guy, he reveals
he needs a kidney.

Locke is a nice guy,
so he gladly donates his,
then his dad ditched him.

Poor John. It’s not his
fault that his dad, Anthony
Cooper, is pure scum.

But now we can add
Locke to the list of males with
daddy issues. Yay!

Locke and Boone have built
a trebuchet, even though
Boone can’t spell that word.

It smashes against
the Hatch window, but shatters,
frustrating them both.

(Oh, and a piece of
shrapnel impales Locke’s leg. But
he doesn’t feel it.)

Locke has a vision
involving a small airplane
(and a bloody Boone)

He tells Boone about
the vision (but leaves out the
part of him bloody)

At first Boone is all,
“Whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout Willis?”
And Locke is all, “FATE!!”

As they tromp through the
jungle, Locke’s miracle legs
start to waver some.

Locke & Boone find a
dead body in a tree. It’s
wearing a priest’s clothes.

But it had a gun,
so Locke thinks he wasn’t a
priest. (Boy, is he right!)

They then spot the plane
from Locke’s vision. It’s up on
cliff top, dangling.

Locke can’t go up there,
so Boone climbs up, goes inside,
and finds ...heroin.

Lots of heroin,
hidden in Virgin Mary
statues. Holy crap!

The plane starts to tip,
Locke warns Boone, “get out”. First he
tests the radio.

He says into it,
“We’re the survivors of flight
815.” “Us, too!!”

But then, crash! The plane
comes down, and Boone is bloody.
John carries him home.

He drops Boone’s wounded
body off with Jack, saying
“he fell off a cliff”.

He then goes back to
the Hatch, angry, crying. Then…
on comes a light. Whoa.

Haiku Review: Lost - Numbers

These are The Numbers:
Four. Eight. Twenty-three. Fifteen.
Sixteen. Forty-two.

Hurley heard them from
Lenny, a guy he met while
in a psycho ward.

Why was Hurley in
an institution? (He just
wanted a Pepsi?)

We don’t find out. Yet.
All we know is he’s fine now.
Don’t call him crazy!

Hurley picked up the
numbers from Lenny (who got
them from Sam Toomey)

Toomey was a guy
in the Navy who listened
for transmissions in…

...the Pacific. He
heard the numbers transmitting,
and used them to win…

…a guessing game that
let him win fifty-thousand
dollars, but cursed him.

Hurley used the same
numbers to play the lotto
and now he’s cursed too.

His run of bad luck
includes: grandfather dying,
mother’s house burning…

…getting arrested
by the LAPD, and,
of course, the plane crash.

No one believes him
when he tells them about the
curse. Except Rousseau.

The irony, I
think, is lost on Hurley, but
it doesn’t matter.

He’s just relieved to
have someone else confirm his
beliefs, re: numbers.

Rousseau (whom Hurley
continuously calls “French
chick”) knows the numbers.

Because her team heard
the same transmission that Sam
heard. It brought them here.

At the end, we see
the Numbers are inscribed on
the Hatch that Locke found.

Haiku Review: Lost - ...In Translation

When Michael’s raft gets
set on fire, Michael blames Jin,
starts beating him up.

Sun breaks them up and
reveals to everyone that
she can speak English.

Jin is pissed, shocked, hurt.
He packs up his stuff, moving
back down to the beach.

He offers to help
Michael build a new, better
raft, as does Walter.

Locke blames the arson
on Ethan's people. They have
attacked them before.

But, turns out that Walt
was the one who destroyed the
raft in the first place.

He tells Locke that he
did it because he likes the
Island. Locke does too.

Haiku Review: Lost - Outlaws

The T-1000
tells Sawyer he's found the guy
who ruined his life.

He goes by the name
of Frank Duckett and he is
living in Sydney.

Sawyer goes down there,
gets a handgun, and stalks Frank.
But can't murder him.

So Sawyer ends up
in a bar, getting drunk, and
Christian Shepherd's there!

Jack's dad admits that
he loves his son, but is too
weak to call him up.

He tells Sawyer, whose
real first name is James, to take
care of his business.

So Sawyer gets his
Ducketts all in a row, and
shoots Frank in cold blood.

As Frank is dying,
we learn he's not who James was
looking for at all.

Mr. Duckett was
just a guy who owed the T-
1000 money.

Main lesson here is
never trust Robert Patrick.
He's an evil dude.

Frank's dying words were,
"It will come back around." So
James is a bit freaked...

...When he hears that phrase
among the whispers while he
is in the jungle.

For a good portion
of this ep, James is harassed
by one of the boar.

He's semi-convinced
the boar has a vendetta
against him. (He's right.)

He wants to kill the
boar, but ultimately he's
like, "It's just a pig."

Near the end, Sawyer
figures out he met Jack's dad,
but doesn't tell him.

(Because it makes more
sense to wait until a more
dramatic moment.)

Haiku Review: Lost - Homecoming

Back before Charlie
crashed on the Island, he tried
to pull off a scam.

But he couldn't pull
it off because he wasn't
responsible then.

Now, though, Charlie is
watching out for Claire, making
sure that she's okay.

Claire has come back from
wherever Ethan had her,
but no memory.

The last thing she can
remember is getting on
the flight to L.A.

Maybe she should read
my Haiku Reviews to help
her remember things.

That's not possible,
so instead Charlie is there
to help her along.

But then Ethan Rom
tells Charlie he wants Claire back.
If not, he'll kill Scott.

Or Steve. Oh. AND Steve.
And everyone in the camp,
until Claire comes back.

Guards are set up, but
Ethan manages to get past Boone
once he fell asleep.

A plan is made to
lure Ethan out and catch him.
Claire is used as bait.

Ethan shows up, and
he and Jack fight. Then Charlie
shoots Ethan. A lot.

Charlie says Ethan
deserved to die, and he'd not
let him get near Claire.

In the end, Claire tells
Charlie that she remembers
peanut butter. Aww.

Haiku Review: Lost - Special

Walt is special. He
can summon polar bears, knife
throws, dice rolls, and birds.

Michael is going
to build a raft. Nice to see
someone proactive.

Charlie reads something
in Claire's journal: she had a
dream about black rock.

Since Rousseau mentioned
a Black Rock too, maybe that's
where Claire was taken?

Maybe they can ask
her, since at the end of the
ep, Claire has come back.

Haiku Review: Lost - Hearts and Minds

Boone gets a call from
Shannon, saying she needs help
and is in Sydney.

Boone flies down to help
his sister. She's with a guy
who is beating her.

Boone goes to the cops,
who are not very helpful.
(Oh look! There's Sawyer!)

(Yeah, Sawyer makes a
cameo in this flashback.
They're all connected!)

Anyway, we learn
that Boone and Shannon aren't blood
relation. Okay.

Boone goes to Shannon's
boyfriend and tells him to leave.
Pays him 50k.

But then Boone finds out
Shannon set up this scam to
get Boone's mom's money.

Boone is (rightfully)
pissed and gets into a brawl
with Shannon's boyfriend.

Later, Shannon shows
up at Boone's hotel, saying
she knows he loves her.

First he denies it,
but then performs CPR
on her...with his tongue.

Afterward, Shannon
says things have to go back to
how they were before.

Now, on the island,
Shannon flirts with Sayid while
Boone is jealous, mad.

Locke has Boone focus
on the hatch. Says that is their
top priority.

To convince him, Locke
makes some homemade LSD
let's Boone go trippin'.

Suddenly Shannon
is nearby. The monster shows
up. They scream, and run.

Shannon gets snagged while
running!! Whoa! It just picked
her up, and killed her!

Except, as it turns
out, not really. That was a
drug-induced vision.

And since when she died
in his vision, Boone was glad,
he'll follow Locke now.

Other storylines:
Kate learns that Sun speaks English.
And Sayid asks Jack...

...to stand in the place
where he lives, and now face north.
His compass is whacked.

Sayid thinks either
the compass is defective
or magnets are near.

Haiku Review: Lost - Whatever the Case May Be

Kate finds a suitcase
that belonged to the marshal
and wants what's inside.

After grave-robbing
with Jack, the case gets opened.
Oh great. More handguns.

But Kate doesn't want
guns or ammo or money.
She wants the airplane.

Yup, a toy airplane
that she claims belonged to the
man she loved...and killed.

In her flashbacks, we
see that Kate helped rob a bank
just to get this toy.

Haiku Review: Lost - All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

Was Jack's dad, Christian:
Alcoholic? Surgeon? Jerk?
All of the above!

Seems Christian sometimes
went into surgery while
intoxicated.

Jack at first covers
for his dad. Ultimately,
though, he turns him in.

So, yeah, you could say
that Jack has daddy issues.
So...he's a cowboy?

That's in the past, though.
Presently, everyone is
looking for Ethan

Who has managed to
kidnap both Claire (who's pregnant)
and Charlie, alone.

He made fake trails, too.
Dude's a good multi-tasker,
is all I'm saying.

Jack, Kate, Boone, and Locke
are following the trails. Kate
has some tracking skills.

Jack & Kate head one
way, Boone & Locke another.
Jack finds Ethan....'s fist.

Ethan beats the crap
out of Jack, warning him to
stop following him.

If he doesn't, he
will kill one of them. Moments
later, there's Charlie...

...hanging from a tree.
Jack and Kate cut him down. Jack
performs CPR.

But it's too late. Kate
asks Jack to stop. Jack won't give
up. He continues.

And then, it works! Jack
worked another miracle.
They shed joyful tears.

They return to the
camp, but Charlie's traumatized.
He won't speak, just stares.

Eventually
he tells Jack that "they" only
wanted Claire. Just Claire.

Meanwhile, Boone and Locke
are still in the jungle. Boone
tells Locke 'bout Redshirts.

Locke replies, "Sounds like
Kirk was a piss poor captain."
Ha! That scene was great.

Later that night Boone
wants to head back. John tosses
him a flashlight, but...

...Boone misses the catch,
and it hits the ground with a
metallic "ka-thunk!".

The duo reveal
something large and metal is
buried in the ground.

Boone asks, "What is that?"
Locke: "We're going to find out."
Eventually.

Haiku Review: Lost - Raised by Another

Eight months ago, young
Claire Littleton found out she
was pregnant. Uh-oh.

Not to worry, though.
Her boyfriend is on board.
Things are going great.

Claire goes with her friend
to get a psychic reading.
The psychic freaks out.

He asks the girls to
leave, and won't do the reading.
This doesn't bode well.

Five months ago, Claire's
boyfriend changed his tune and left
Claire all alone. Jerk.

A week later, Claire
returns to the psychic and
asks for a reading.

He informs her that
she must raise the child. "It can
not be another."

Claire doesn't want to
hear that. She's putting the kid
up for adoption.

The psychic begs her
to reconsider. "This child
needs your protection."

Four months ago, Claire
was ready to sign the forms,
but the pens were dry.

She took that as a
sign that adoption wasn't
the thing to do then.

A month and a half
ago, the psychic bought Claire
a plane ticket so...

...she could fly to where
a family was waiting to
adopt in L.A.

Fifteen days ago,
that plane crashed. So Claire *can* raise
the baby alone.

Which makes Claire wonder
if the psychic knew the plane
would crash all along.

But now, Claire's having
visions of being attacked
(or are they visions?)

Hurley points out to
Jack that they don't really know
one another well.

For instance, his name
is actually Hugo.
Hurley's a nickname.

So, Hugo wants to
get a census. Jack says "Go
for it." Hurley does.

One of the men we
see him interview is named
Ethan. Ethan Rom.

Near the end of the
ep, Hurley tells Jack, "Ethan's
not a passenger."

Ethan was not on
the plane to begin with. Crap!
Where is Ethan now?

He's in the jungle.
With Charlie, and Claire, who is
having contractions.

Haiku Review: Lost - Solitary

Sayid, wandering
the jungle, ends up caught by
distress signal girl!

The French woman who
made the distress signal has
been here all this time.

Her name is Danielle
Rousseau. And she is a bit
detached from normal.

She asks Sayid where
Alex is several times. He,
of course, doesn't know.

They trade stories. She
crashed here on a boat with her
science team, years back.

Her time on the isle
hasn't been fun. She rambles
about the Black Rock...

...the Others, some sort
of sickness, whispers in the
jungle, and Alex.

Alex was her child.
The other stuff is left vague.
Poor, crazy, Danielle.

She lets Sayid go
back to camp, once he repairs
her old music box.

On his way back, though,
Sayid is stopped when he hears
whispers in the jungle.

Meanwhile, Hurley builds
a golf course to help relieve
the stress and boredom.

Jack goes golfing. Wait.
A doctor? Golfing? Come on!!
That's ridiculous!

In Sayid's flashback
we met Nadia, Sayid's
true love. She's dead now.

She was to be killed
for treason, but Sayid helped
her escape that fate.

Interestingly,
to help her escape, he shoots
a guard, then his leg.

Before she leaves him,
she signs a photo, "You'll see
me in the next life."

Haiku Review: Lost - Confidence Man

Shannon has asthma
but doesn't have inhalers.
Boone checks Sawyer's stash.

Unfortunately,
Sawyer catches him in the
act, and beats him up.

Kate figures she'll use
her feminine charms to get
the inhalers back.

Sawyer says he'll give
them to her in exchange for
a kiss. Um. Really?

Dude. Both of you have
been on this island without
toothpaste for nine days.

Kate must be thinking
the same thing, since she turns him
down (for now at least).

Meanwhile, Sayid has
spoken with Locke, who implies
Sawyer as the one...

...who attacked Sayid
from behind the other day.
Heh. Locke's a con man.

As Shannon's breathing
worsens, Sayid mentions he
has tortured people.

Jack and Sayid tie
Sawyer to a tree, and then
get under his skin.

Or fingernails, to
be more precise. With bamboo.
Ouch. Finally Sawyer...

...says he'll give them the
inhalers. But only to
Kate. And again, he...

...asks Kate for a kiss
first. This time she agrees. Then,
Sawyer admits that...

...he doesn't have the
inhalers after all. Wow.
Kate slaps him, tells Jack.

Sayid gets pissed, and
winds up accidentally
stabbing Sawyer's arm.

Jack is able to
patch him up so he doesn't
bleed to death, although...

...Sawyer says if the
tables were turned, he'd let Jack
die. Sawyer's just....wow.

Oh, and Sawyer is,
it turns out, not even his
real name. Of course not.

Does Sawyer tell the
truth about *anything*? Jeez.
Okay, backstory:

When Sawyer was a
kid, his mom got conned by her
lover. Sawyer's dad...

...found out, killed her, and
then himself. Sawyer has spent
his life looking for...

...the conman who caused
so much pain in his life. And
that man's name? Sawyer.

After torturing
Sawyer, Sayid decides he
needs to get away.

He wants to map the
island, and also atone
for doing torture.

Sun finds some plants to
help Shannon's breathing. Take that,
Western medicine!

Charlie gets Claire a
jar of imaginary
peanut butter. Yum!

Haiku Review: Lost - The Moth

Charlie wants his drugs.
Locke says, "No. Unless you ask
three times. Now bug off."

Jack gets trapped in a
cave-in. Charlie goes to get
help. ...and ask for drugs.

Locke says, "A moth has
to struggle to survive. Ask
once more for your drugs."

Charlie digs his way
into the cave-in, and saves
Jack. Just like a moth.

Wait. That doesn't make
sense. Eh. Whatever. The drug
rehab plotline sucked.

Sayid, meanwhile is
about to find the distress
signal's location.

But then he gets cLOCKEd
on the back of the head by
an unseen person.

Charlie asks for his
dope a third time. Locke gives it
up. Charlie burns it.

Haiku Review: Lost - House of the Rising Sun

Here comes the Sun. ..and
Jin episode. Sun and Jin
are the Koreans.

Jin was working as
a waiter when Sun first met
him. That much is true.

Sun's dad will only
let Jin marry his daughter
if Jin works for him.

So, great! Jin gets a
high paying job and gets to
marry his true love.

But if it were that
simple, it would be boring.
So. Complications.

It seems Jin is now
married to the mob. I mean
married to his job.

He's seldom home since
Sun's dad has him doing his
dirty work for him.

And as a result, Jin,
who once was a nice, decent
guy, has become...mean.

Not seeing any
other options, Sun has learned
English, plans to flee.

At the airport, though,
Sun sees the man she loves is
still there, so she stays.

On the Isle, Jin hits
Michael, so Sun has to come
clean: "Habla ingles"

Michael grudgingly
agrees to keep Sun's secret,
still doesn't like Jin.

Jack asks people to
move to the caves for safety.
Sayid's not convinced.

Sayid's argument
is the beach is more likely
the spot for rescue.

The camps get split. Kate,
Boone, Shannon, Sawyer, Michael
Sayid - stay on beach.

Hurley, Jin, Sun, Locke
move into the caves. So much
for "live together".

Oh, and Kate found the
remains of a couple in
the caves. Locke dubs them...

...Adam and Eve. Their
bones have been there a long time,
and each had a stone.

Jack took the stones, and
pocketed them. Does this mean
he's somehow Adam?

And lastly, Locke has
Charlie give him his drug stash,
points out his guitar.

Haiku Review: Lost- White Rabbit

Charlie yells for Jack
to save someone from drowning,
since Charlie can't swim.

Jack jumps in and saves...
Boone. Wow. He really is the
worst lifeguard ever.

Especially since
Boone was out there trying to
rescue a woman.

So the woman drowns,
and Jack feels guilty, and goes
off to chase his dad.

The fact that his dad
is here on the Island makes
Jack somewhat worried.

For two reasons. One:
Jack's dad was a bit of a
jerk. Also? He's dead.

Jack, being Mr.
Logic, thinks he's gone nuts from
dehydration, stress.

Locke, on the other
hand, says, "What if you're not nuts?"
Which....isn't helpful.

So Jack chases his
dead, jerkass dad and almost
falls off a cliff. Ha!!

Eventually, Jack
finds both a water supply,
and his dad's coffin.

The coffin is sans
papa, which doesn't do much
for Jack's sanity.

But, hey! Fresh water!
Jack says, "Live together or
die alone. Your choice."

Haiku Review: Lost - Walkabout

John Locke has changed quite
a bit since the plane crashed. Let's
look at how, shall we?

John's pre-Island life:
worked in a cubicle, spent
his lunch playing games.

He often spoke of
his destiny, planned to go
on a Walkabout.

His dickish boss thinks
he can't do it. But Locke's made
his reservation.

He wants to bring his
"girlfriend", Helen, she's just
a phone sex girlfriend.

On the Island, Locke
is able to show off his
Walkabout talents.

He knows how to hunt,
and track, and stare down monsters.
Island-Locke kicks ass.

Locke can't stand being
told "what he can't do". He makes
his own destiny.

The biggest change for
John, though, has to be that he
was in a wheelchair.

For four years, he'd been
paralyzed from the waist down.
The crash changed all that.

Oh, hey! We learn two
more names. Preg-o is named Claire,
Walt's dad is Michael.

The Korean man
and his wife are still nameless.
This show's cast is huge!

Other goings-on:
Sayid wants to find where the
distress signal is.

Jack wants to burn the
bodies, and is seeing his
dead father around.

Rose, the woman Jack
saved back in the pilot ep,
says her husband lives.

Jack is all, "Um. He
was in the tail section. So...
I don't think so, Rose."

But Rose has faith that
her Bernard somehow survived.
*cough* season two *cough*