Sunday, March 29, 2009

Haiku Review: Lost - He's Our You

The flashbacks are back!
Or are they flashforwards? Ehh.
Time is meaningless.

How does Sayid prove
to his dad that he's manly?
Choking his chicken.

Sayid in a cage,
Ben gives him chicken sandwich.
What's with all the fowl?

Sayid and Ben talk
Ben more or less says, "I'll get
you out of here, pal."

Sawyer gives Sayid
multiple chances to get
out, but he's not game.

So the Dharma clan
take Sayid to visit the
local torturer.

(Which makes me wonder
why does a group of hippies
have a torturer?)

He's given some drugs
to make him tell the truth, which
he does, but come on...

...who is gonna buy
the truth? It's too outlandish.
So Sayid's recaged.

Ben's dad mops up near
Sayid's cage. Ben shows up with
more food. Dad flips out!

Christ, what an asshole!
He bangs young Ben's head on the
bars, and spills the food.

Ha ha, joke's on him!
He'll have to clean that up! (Or
get Jack to do it.)

Speaking of Jack, he's
eating Hurley-cooked food with
Kate. They speak of James.

Kate is the last to
know that Sawyer has moved on.
Kate is... kinda dumb.

Back to Sayid! In
his flashbacks: he kills the last
guy on Ben's 'kill' list.

Ben says, "All right. Thanks!"
Sayid's all, "Um. Well, now what?"
Ben shrugs. "See ya 'round!"

So Mr. Jarrah
goes to build houses instead
of breaking necks. Then...

Ben shows up. "You have
to come back!! There are people
(like me) you must kill!"

But once at the dock,
Sayid says, "Aw, hell no!" And
leaves to get wasted.

He meets Ilana
at a bar. Seduction, guns
and handcuffs follow.

So now we know how
Sayid got on the plane and
that takes us back to...

Dharma. Where they vote
to execute Sayid!! Jeez!
Worst. Hippies. Ever.

Before that happens,
the community is shocked
by a flaming bus.

Seems young Ben set the
bus afire to distract the
guards and save Sayid.

The two make their way
into the jungle, but are
stopped briefly by Jin.

When Jin starts to call
for backup, Sayid flips him,
knocks him out, takes gun.

Then Sayid says, "Screw
history! I'll kill baby
Hitler right now!" Bang!

Sayid shot young Ben
in the chest! I suspect that
Ben read Marty's note.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Haiku Review: Lost - Namaste

Maybe it was the
two week delay between eps,
but this was ...not great.

Granted, it was no
Stranger in a Strange Land, but
it was no Constant.

Anyway. On with
the show. Frank Lapidus pulls
a "Sully". Nice job!

Well, his co-pilot
might disagree, but you get
the point. (So does he!)

Ben leads Sun to some
outriggers. She thanks him with
an oar to the head.

Sun and Frank row, row,
row their boat to Craphole, where
Christian awaits them.

Meanwhile, in the past,
Jack, Kate and Hurley are brought
in as Dharma crew.

And Sayid is caught
by Radzinsky, who thinks he's
a Hostile/Other.

Sawyer locks him up
and in the end young Ben brings
Sayid a sandwich.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

:/

There are certain bloggers i wish would update more often, but I totally get that they don't.

I had(have) more to say, but honestly, even typing this is a struggle. My mind is just NOT in the mood to type text right now. (Which begs the question of why I'm bothering to post this at all. I don't know, precisely, why, I think it's because there's a part of me - a very nagging, irritating, persistent part of me - that also wants to write. Write something. So I'm caving to that part - but the other part that has nothing to say or thinks anything I do say is boring trash - is winning. Hrm.

Blah. This was a very mundane entry. Perhaps the word verifications will spice things up a bit. If you reply, work your wv into your comment. You know. If you want.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Don't blame me, I voted for Voldemort*

It's been a while since I've done a Church Sign Wisdom post - partly because it's been a while since they've updated their signage, and partly due to not having anything witty to say about the previous signs when they have changed it. I mean, there's not really anything funny about

BIBLE CLASS
WEDNESDAYS 7PM


(Well, there might be. But you know what I mean.)

Anyway. They've updated the marquee, and it's ...oddly worded, I think is a fair assessment.
The new message:

THE PROBLEM IS NOT
WHO IS PRESIDENT
BUT WHO IS LORD


Well there we go. We just have to vote out God, and everything will be so much better.


*I was debating what title to use for this entry. It was always going to be "Don't blame me I voted for [name]" but the options that I was waffling between were: "Voldemort", "Fauntleroy", "Vader", or "Tracy" (all Lords), or going the other way, "Zeus", "Odin", or "Yahweh". Not certain which choice was actually funniest, but I think Voldemort works best, obviously. The merit of the choices can be debated in the comments, if you'd like.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Haiku Review: Lost - LaFleur

Locke goes down the hole,
the gang sees the statue from
the back
, fans go nuts.

There's one more flash then
...No more time jumps! Looks like Locke
set things right again.

Well, mostly right. Seems
Sawyer and pals are gonna
relive through disco.

James interrupts a
Dharma/Others picnic/fight
thus saving Amy.

Amy leads them to
the Dharma camp, where Sonic
Fence knocks them out cold.

Our favorite con-man
gets grilled by Horace Goodspeed,
lies convincingly.

Horace says, "Ya'll can
leave Craphole via our sub!"
Then Richard shows up.

Sawyer goes to chat
with Mr. Never Ages,
persuades him to chill.

Horace says, "Nice job.
You can stay two weeks." (Which is
like three years Lost-time)

Later, Amy goes
into labor - Juliet
delivers the boy!

James and Juliet
are so happy together!
Then Jin calls. Guess what.

Freckles is back on
the Island, to make things suck.
(And Jack will help, too.)

I was hoping James
would end the show by saying,
"Hey Kate! ...Where's Aaron?"

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Haiku Review: Lost - The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham

Much later in the day than I had originally planned on posting these, but what are ya gonna do?


After turning the
wheel, Locke (re)meets Widmore, who
says, "War's a-comin'."

Widmore gives John a
new identity. Time to
bend it like Bentham.

Also from Widmore -
creepy driver Abaddon!
Locke's all, "Um. Gee. Thanks?"

First Locke goes to see
Sayid. "We have to go back,"
says John. Sayid: "No."

Next Locke visits WAAAAALT!
He doesn't ask him to go
back, causing much ire.

Seriously, if
that was the send-off for WAAAAALT,
I'ma be pissed, dudes.

Next up is Hurley,
who is convinced that Locke's dead.
Not yet, dude. Not yet.

Hugo doesn't want
to listen to John once he
spots Abaddon. Smart!!

So far, Locke's batting
zero. And his talk with Kate
is no different.

You know what will cheer
you up, Locke? Finding out your
ex-girlfriend is dead.

Or being shot at
by Ben's lackeys, who do kill
Abaddon. A LOT.

And then a car crash
so Dr. Jack can work you
over. Nice one, Jack!

At his apartment,
Ben shows up and says, "Hey Locke,
how's it hanging?....Locke?"

Then Ben Linus came
to talk him down. But he don't
need advice, he's down.

And things seemed okay
until Locke mentioned Hawking.
Ben...went kinda nuts.

Now that both Ben and
Locke are back (and living) on
Craphole... well...NOW what?