Friday, May 07, 2010

Haiku Review: Lost - The Candidate

John Locke proclaims that
he won't walk 500 miles,
much to Jack's chagrin.

Jack: "I can fix you."
Locke: "But then we'd get married.
So, thanks, but no thanks."

Mr. Fix-It's all,
"Don't tell me what I can't do!"
and invades Locke's life.

Jack asks Locke's dentist
(who happens to be Bernard)
for info on Locke.

Does doctor-patient
mean anything, guys?

Well, whatever. Jack
visits Locke's dad, Anthony.
And he's brain dead. Ha!!

Karma's a bitch, ain't
it, Mr. Cooper? (I'll take
'drooling' as a yes.)

Turns out Locke and his
pop were in a plane crash three
years prior, which caused...

...Locke's paralysis,
his dad's vegetative state.
So Locke feels guilty.

Claire shows up. She and
Jack ponder the music box
Christian willed to her.

Jack: "Stay with me, Claire."
Since they're practically strangers,
Claire would have said yes.

But then Jack reminds
her that they're related, so
Claire might say no. Heh.

Widmore has Hurley,
James, Jin and Sun, Kate and Frank
locked in a bear cage.

Then Widmore's lackeys
die due to second hand smoke.
Jack unlocks the cage.

They make their way to
the Ajira plane. The plan
is to fly away.

Smocke got to the plane
first. He killed two more Widmore
guards, then went on board.

Inside, the plane was
rigged with C-4 explosives.
This show loves C-4.

Smocke shows the bomb to
the group, says, "we'll need to take
Widmore's sub instead."

Sawyer informs Jack
he doesn't trust Smocke, so don't
let him on the sub.

Once there, there is yet
another shoot out, and Kate
winds up getting shot.

Smocke: "I've secretly
replaced Jack's regular pack
with one with C-4!"

The sub dives away,
leaving Claire behind. AGAIN!
Girl can't catch a break!

But Smocke tells her, "You
don't want to be on that sub.
It's much too sad there."

And he's right. But I'm
getting ahead of myself.
First, they find the bomb.

Jack says, "I've played this
game before! Don't worry, we
can't blow up
. We're safe!"

Sawyer ain't buying
it, though. He pulls some wires and..
the timer speeds up!

Sayid: "Jack, save Des."
Then, he takes the bomb, goes boom.
There is no Sayid.

The sub starts to flood.
Sawyer gets knocked out. Frank gets
killed. (maybe he lived?)

Sun gets trapped by some
debris. Jin says he won't leave.
The room is flooding.

Hurley rescues Kate.
Jack escapes with Sawyer. Sun
and Jin stay behind.

Rest In Peace Sayid,
Jin, Sun, maybe Frank, and lots
of Widmore's lackeys.

Sadly, I expect
more blood to be spilled in the
last few episodes.


P@ said...

I really wanted to work in the line "they all died on Widmore's submarine" as a Beatles reference, but, alas, it just wasn't meant to happen. (You'd be surprised how difficult making things fit into 17 syllables can be.)

Amy said...

Technically, I think if a doctor is treating you, they're allowed to discuss your medical history.

Of course, it's totally weird that Jack is going to his dentist, so I like to think that Jack went to a whole bunch of different doctors before Bernard, and they told him to get lost. Hee!!