Friday, February 05, 2010

Haiku Review: Lost - LA X

Looks like this season
is "It's A Wonderful Life:
Island's POV"

In other words, what
if the Island wasn't there
during the Pilot?

Well, we begin to
find out. Looks like there are two
realities here.

Reality X:
In '04, flight 815
doesn't crash. Because...

...the Island is now
an octopus's garden.
It's under the sea!

The effects here were
supremely awful. I was
all, "Lost jumped the shark!"

On the flight, Jack talks
with Rose, saves Charlie's life, sees
Desmond's twin brotha.

On the Island, Jack
gets his ass kicked by James, who
also gives death threats.

Who else is on the
flight? Hurley, Kate, James, Locke, Boone (!!),
Charlie (!!) and Sayid.

absent: Shannon, Nikki and
Paulo, the Tailies.

We don't see Michael,
but I bet he's off looking
for Walt in first class.

Some things are the same:
Boone still sucks as a lifeguard
("Ocean crash? We'd die.")

Jin is sadly, still
a jerk.  Kate is arrested,
Hurley won lotto.

(Although Hurley says
he never has bad luck. So
that's a big difference.)

Locke's still wheelchair bound,
and Jack still wants to fix things.
Can he fix Locke's spine?

(question - did Jacob
not touch John, Jack, Kate or James?
Does Jacob "live" here?)

Oceanic lost
Jack's dad's body. They are the
worst. airline. ever.

Lots of things happen
on the Island, in the "real"
time line. Let's review:

Juliet dies a
second deaht, so James can feel
the loss once again.

Before she dies, she
hints James should "go then. There are
other worlds than these."

A recently dead
Jacob tells Hurley to get
to the Temple. Now.

At the statue, the
fake Locke becomes Smokey and
kills Ilana's men.

Fake Locke/Smokey (Smocke?)
tells Ben he wants to go home.
He's just like E.T.!

Tells Richard it's good
to see him out of his chains.
That's slashfic fuel, there.

Tells everyone else,
"I'm disappointed in you."
Jeez. Judgmental much?

The 70s group
gets to the Temple. Some more
Others are there. Like:

Secret Asian Man.
They've told us he's an Other,
won't divulge his name.

Also, Cindy, the
stewardess from 815.

The guitar case that
Jacob gave Hurley held a
giant wooden ankh.

Inside that was a
piece of paper. So it's a
fortune cookie, then?

Supposedly the
note says "if Sayid dies, they're
in danger. bed."

The Others then hold
Sayid underwater 'til
he ceases to breathe.

Talk about sending
mixed signals. But then, Others
have always been...odd.

Hurley says Jacob
is dead. The Others spread ash,
shoot off some fireworks.

Dead Sayid wakes up.
"What happened?" he asks. Dude. That's
what we want to know!!


Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

More like the sharks are jumping