Monday, December 21, 2009

Haiku Review: Lost - Deus Ex Machina

In the past, Locke gets
conned out of a kidney by
his dad, Anthony.

(You can tell it’s the
past because Locke is wearing
a wig. And walking.)

Locke’s mom was in on
the con, too. She introduced
Locke and his papa.

Once Locke got to know
and trust the guy, he reveals
he needs a kidney.

Locke is a nice guy,
so he gladly donates his,
then his dad ditched him.

Poor John. It’s not his
fault that his dad, Anthony
Cooper, is pure scum.

But now we can add
Locke to the list of males with
daddy issues. Yay!

Locke and Boone have built
a trebuchet, even though
Boone can’t spell that word.

It smashes against
the Hatch window, but shatters,
frustrating them both.

(Oh, and a piece of
shrapnel impales Locke’s leg. But
he doesn’t feel it.)

Locke has a vision
involving a small airplane
(and a bloody Boone)

He tells Boone about
the vision (but leaves out the
part of him bloody)

At first Boone is all,
“Whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout Willis?”
And Locke is all, “FATE!!”

As they tromp through the
jungle, Locke’s miracle legs
start to waver some.

Locke & Boone find a
dead body in a tree. It’s
wearing a priest’s clothes.

But it had a gun,
so Locke thinks he wasn’t a
priest. (Boy, is he right!)

They then spot the plane
from Locke’s vision. It’s up on
cliff top, dangling.

Locke can’t go up there,
so Boone climbs up, goes inside,
and finds ...heroin.

Lots of heroin,
hidden in Virgin Mary
statues. Holy crap!

The plane starts to tip,
Locke warns Boone, “get out”. First he
tests the radio.

He says into it,
“We’re the survivors of flight
815.” “Us, too!!”

But then, crash! The plane
comes down, and Boone is bloody.
John carries him home.

He drops Boone’s wounded
body off with Jack, saying
“he fell off a cliff”.

He then goes back to
the Hatch, angry, crying. Then…
on comes a light. Whoa.

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