It feels like it's been January all year long...

there's a wrench in my back pocket

I'm sore, and beyond tired, and I kinda stink (I could use a shower), but we're moved in!! Such a good thing.

This new house is really great. We've met our neighbors - John, Susan, and tiny Devon - which is already a change from the previous house. (We spent 7.5 years there, and all the interactions with our next door neighbors were brief and unpleasant. And we never knew their names)

There's a LOT of room. Very spacious. And numerous windows. Windows EVERYWHERE. It's great. Especially since hte mountain is practically in our backyard, so the view is spectacular. So. Happy.

I'd blog more, but like I said, it has been a very long day, and I'm exhausted. Steph will most likely have pictures (and video?) tomorrow, so keep an eye out for that. In the meantime, I'm going to go take a quick shower, and then sleep in the mattress that was a hell of a thing to get up the stairs.

The number you are trying to reach is not in service...

Dude. Effective tomorrow (sometime between 7am and 4pm) our home phone number will no longer be the same one we have had for [at least] 11 years.

RIP, Catman4. You were a good number for a long long time. And then you got annoying when the only people who used you were creditors. I hope whoever ends up with you isn't overly irritated by getting calls asking for Patrick Wall-in.

And, yeah. Our number was "catman4". (It could have, I suppose, been "Batman4", but we all know that that was an abomination against humanity. And besides, for a while in my youth, my nickname was, in fact, C.A.A.T. (It stood for Crazy At All Times) So being "Catman" had a somewhat logical precedent.

Our new number, sadly, doesn't spell anything out. Or at least, nothing I've figured out yet.

Lost in 5 minutes

Okay, if your attention span is too short for 17-syllable haiku recaps of Lost, check out this hilarious video where all 5 seasons of Lost are explained in five minutes.



And, I swear, this is the last Lost related post until Season 6 starts.

Haiku Review: Lost - No Place Like Home, Part 2

The Oceanic
Six and Desmond and Frank are
able to get saved.

Penny's Boat shows up
to save the day, after Not
Penny's Boat goes boom.

Which happened after
Ben made sure Keamy's heart was
no longer beating.

Keamy was wearing
a heart monitor that would
trigger the C-4.

When the bomb went off,
Michael, Ghost-Christian, and Jin
were all exploded.

Sun's heart-wrenching scream
when she loses Jin is, well...
here. Just watch and weep.

Ben moves the Island.
Literally! He turns a
frozen donkey wheel...

...there's a blinding flash,
and then Whoomp! There it isn't.
Man, this show is cool.

Juliet and James
watch the smoldering wreckage
of their rescue boat...

...and, as far as they
know, about half of the main
characters just died.

That's a pretty good
excuse for getting wasted,
which is what they do.

Locke meets up with the
Others. At least someone has
a happy ending.

Except...not so much.
In the future, Locke is dead.
That's why Jack's a mess.

Jack says Locke said things
went to shit after Jack left.
Jack's on a guilt trip.

Ben's there (becuase
he hangs out at funeral
parlors, I suppose.)

Ben tells Jack that they
have to go back. All of them.
Even dead John Locke.

Haiku Review: Lost - No Place Like Home, Part 1

This felt like it was
mostly getting everyone
in place for next ep.

Jin, Sun, adn Aaron
end up on the freighter, which
is armed with C-4.

Sayid and Kate, who
went after Jack and Sawyer,
get caught by Others.

Jack and Sawyer find
Frank, arm themselves, head to the
Orchid for Hurley.

Hurley, Locke and Ben
get to the Orchid. Keamy
is already there.

Ben instructs Locke on
where the true Orchid is, then
surrenders himself.

Haiku Review: Lost - Cabin Fever

Alpert sees out Locke
the day he's born, when he's ten,
and when he's a teen.

Locke wasn't ready
to accept his destiny.
But Island-Locke is.

With help from some dreams
and a map from a corpse, John
finds Jacob's cabin.

Inside is Christian,
speaking on Jacob's behalf.
Claire is there as well.

I hope Claire's not dead.
Guess we'll have to wait until
Season six to know.

Things on the freighter
are getting intense. Keamy
slit the doctor's throat...

...then dumped the body
overboard. That explains how
he wound up that way.

Keamy also shoots
the captain. And straps some sort
of bomb to his arm.

I think it's safe to
say Keamy is one fucked up
individual.

Why is he on this
killing spree? Why, to force Frank
to be his pilot.

Meanwhile, Sayid has
taken a raft back to get
survivors rescued.

One last flashback with
Locke: Abaddon plants the seed
of a Walkabout.

When Locke asks Christian
"How do I save the Island?"
He answers, "Move it."

Well. They're gonna need
one hell of a U-Haul truck.
Or a big lever.

Haiku Review: Lost - Something Nice Back Home

Jack's appendix gets
taken out by Juliet.
Sound boring? It is!

Future Jack and Kate
live together, get engaged.
Sound boring? It is!

Christian Shepherd shows
up both on the Island, with
Claire, and off, with Jack.

For a guy who's dead,
he sure does get around. He
takes Claire to the woods.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Shape of Things to Come

Another 'holy
crap, a lot happened' ep. Let's
get started, shall we?

The freighter's doctor
washes up on the beach, with
his throat slit. Not good.

When Des radios
the boat, they say the doctor
is fine. Well, that's weird.

At the Barracks, a
shoot-out takes place. The guys from
the freighter want Ben.

The leader is named
Martin Keamy and he has
Alex held hostage.

He says "Ben, come out
or I'll kill your daughter." Ben
tries to call his bluff.

So Keamy shoots her
in the head. Boom. Just like that.
Ben: "He changed the rules."

Ben goes into a
secret hideaway, then comes
back covered in soot.

Smokey shows up and
it is angry as hell. It
destroys Keamy's men.

James, Claire, Aaron, Miles
head for the beach. Ben, Locke will
find Jacob's cabin.

In the future, Ben
recruits Sayid once his wife
is killed by Widmore.

Ben goes to Widmore,
says, "You killed my daughter, so
I'm gonna kill yours."

Haiku Review: Lost - Meet Kevin Johnson

Michael wants to die.
The Island won't let him. He
has to work for Ben.

He gets on the boat,
along with some explosives.
Sayid turns him in.

On the Island, Ben
has Alex, Danielle and Karl
head to the Temple.

Unfortunately,
they're ambushed along the way.
Karl, Danielle both shot.

Haiku Review: Lost - Ji Yeon

Future Sun gives birth
to daughter Ji Yeon, but Jin
is sadly not there.

Sun, Hurley, Ji Yeon
visit Jin's grave site. He "died"
when the plane went down.

The Oceanic
Six (as the media has dubbed
them) have lied. A lot.

Speaking of lying,
on the freighter the captain
blames fake plane on Ben.

Also, on the boat
is "Kevin Johnson" who looks
a LOT like Michael.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Other Woman

Dan and Charlotte stop
Ben (or someone) from pulling
off "The Purge, Part 2".

The Tempest is a
Dharma station with poison
gas. (Who builds these things?!?)

Juliet is Ben's.
At least, that's what he believes.
Ben? Stalking's creepy.

Ben tells Locke Widmore
faked the plane wreckage and is
a dangerous man.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Constant

Listen: Desmond Hume
has become unstuck in time.
And, he's not alone.

One of the freighters,
George, is also time-bouncin'.
George dies. So it goes.

Des is going to
die, too. So it goes. Unless
he gets an anchor.

Penny can be his
constant. He just has to call
her on Christmas Eve.

Love does conquer all.
It stopped Desmond's time bouncing
nosebleeds. Poo-tee-weet?

Haiku Review: Lost - Eggtown

Miles tells Ben he was
hired by Charles Widmore
to come there to find him...

...But, he says, he'll lie,
say Ben's dead, if Ben pays him
3.2 million.

Dan calls the freighter
and is informed the copter
hasn't shown up there.

Future Kate has a
son. The final reveal is
that he is Aaron.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Economist

Future Sayid is
killing people on a list
that Ben gave to him.

Sayid, Kate, and Miles
go to the Barracks to save
Charlotte. they trade Miles.

Also, Kate stays and
moves in with Claire. Sawyer is
happy to see her.

Daniel sets up an
experiment involving
rockets, time delays.

Rocket that should take
20 seconds, takes 30
minutes to arrive.

Ordering pizza
on the Island is a bitch.
Never there on time.

Frank, Sayid, and Des
fly away in Frank's chopper.
Dan warns: "Don't change course."

Haiku Review: Lost - Confirmed Dead

4 new characters
get introduced to us: Dan,
Miles, Charlotte, and Frank.

Daniel Faraday
is a physicist who's a
bit absent minded.

Miles Straume talks to dead
people, is sarcastic, and
really likes money.

Charlotte spent her time
digging up polar bears in
the Tunisian sand.

Frank "The Lawnmower
Man" Lapidus: pilot, drunk,
but pretty cool guy.

All four of them were
hired by Abaddon to
go to the Island.

Charlotte gets captured
by Locke and his people. Ben
tries to shoot her dead.

Ben knows who Charlotte
is because he's got a spy
on her boat. Of course.

Miles tells Jack and his
group that they're there to capture
Benjamin Linus.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Beginning of the End

Future Hurley see
Maybe Evil Abaddon,
Dead Charlie, and Jack.

Abaddon asks him,
"Are they still alive?". Music
plays ominously.

Dead Charlie tells him
that he needs to go back. Hey!
That's what Jack told Kate!

Jack's not saying that
yet, though. When he sees Hurley,
he still has no beard.

When Hurley mentions
going back, Jack says 'never'.
Never say never!

Hurley also tells
Jack he shouldn't have gone with
Locke while on the Isle.

And we see when that
happened - after Hurley hears
about Charlie's death.

Locke tells the Losties,
"I'm going to the Barracks.
Who wants to join me?"

Hurley, Sawyer, Claire,
Aaron, and some background folk
opt to follow Locke.

Jack gets greeted by
one of the freighter crew who
jumped from a copter.

Haiku Review: Lost - Through the Looking Glass

In the off Island
scenes, Jack is a mess. Popping
pills, heavy drinking...

...almost jumping off
bridges, visiting coffins,
sportin' a whack beard.

The beard, by the way,
gives it away that this is
the future, not past.

On the Island, Jack
leads most of his group to the
radio tower.

Ben shows up, Alex
is with him. Ben tries warning
them: Naomi's bad.

Alex and Danielle
have a touching reunion
where they tie Ben up.

Ben says Naomi
is not who she says she is.
No one believes him.

Except for John Locke.
Who got out of the death pit
with some help from Walt.

Walt was able to
help since he grew to be, like,
900 ft tall.

Locke introduces
himself to Naomi by
using his knife skillz.

He stabs her in the
back. Literally. Tells Jack,
"don't use that sat phone."

Locke warns him: "Jack, you're
not supposed to do this." Jack
does it anyway.

Of course, he can use
the sat phone because Charlie
shut down Looking Glass.

Here's what happened there:
Charlie got tortured, Patchy
went rogue, killed Others.

Desmond shot Patchy
with a harpoon gun. Which would
kill a normal man.

Charlie turns off the
signal, just like in Desmond's
vision. Yay, Charlie!

Oh, and hello, what's
this? Penny is on Skype! Cool!
Charlie learns Penny...

...doesn't know a girl
named Naomi, and didn't
send the boat she's from.

Which means...oh my god.
Ben was telling the truth! I
think hell just froze, dude.

Before Charlie and
Penny can talk more, Patchy
returns. Yet again.

He has a grenade.
He blows himself up. Part of
the Looking Glass, too.

As Charlie's room fills
with water, he writes on his
hand "NOT PENNY'S BOAT"

Aww. So long, Charlie.
Please tell me your sacrifice
was not for nothing.

Back at the tower,
Jack makes the call, reaches the
freighter. "Come get us."

For the final scene,
Back to Jack to the Future.
He meets Kate at night.

He tells her he's been
flying in hopes that the plane
will once again crash.

He says that they made
a mistake. They weren't supposed
to leave the Island.

He ends the season
with, "We have to go back, Kate!
We have to go back!!!!"

Haiku Review: Lost - Greatest Hits

This was setting up
for the season finale,
calm before the storm.

Des has another
vision - Claire boards a copter -
if Charlie drowns first.

Naomi's sat phone
will work, if they can get a
signal through. But first...

...they need to shut down
the Looking Glass. Another
underwater site.

Charlie volunteers.
Desmond goes with him. Charlie
dives down, gets inside.

And discovers two
female Others armed with guns.
Well, that can't be good.

Meanwhile, Jack and the
Losties have booby-trapped the
camp with dynamite.

That way when Ben and
the Others raid the camp, they'll
get a big surprise.

Sayid, Bernard and
Jin will stay behind to set
off the dynamite.

Everyone else heads
to the radio tower
to use the sat phone.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Man Behind the Curtain

Ben wasn't born on
the Island. Yeah, he lied 'bout
that. Shocking, I know.

Instead, he was born
two months premature a few
miles outside Portland.

His mom, Emily,
died shortly after she had
him. That's pretty sad.

Ben and his dad came
to the Island when Ben was
about ten years old.

Ben's dad brought him to
the Island when he joined up
with the Dharma group.

Holy shit! Ben's dad
is "Roger Work Man"! His corpse
is found by Hurley.

We learn how Roger
died - Ben personally gassed
him to death. Evil!!

Sure, Roger was no
Father of the Year - he drank,
blamed Ben for Em's death.

But still. Ben watched him
die! The rest of Dharma was
then killed off as well.

The Dharma bodies
are then put into a mass
grave by the Others.

I'm getting ahead
of myself. We'll come back to
the Dharma graves soon.

Locke wants Ben to tell
him the Island secrets. Ben
says, "you want Jacob".

Locke's all, "OK. Take
me to Jacob then." Ben says
Jacob calls you first.

Locke punches Patchy
to prove he's serious. He
really wants answers.

Before he heads out
with Ben, Alex gives Locke a
gun. "You might need this."

Ben leads Locke to a
cabin, surrounded by ash.
Inside is... a chair.

Ah-ha!! So JACOB
stands for Just A Chair Of Ben's.
Okay, maybe not.

Locke hears a voice say,
"Help me" before things start to
fly around the room.

Locke believed Ben faked
the whole thing, wants to tell the
Others - Ben's a fraud.

Ben leads Locke to the
mass grave pit, then shoots Locke and
leaves him for dead. Damn!!

Haiku Review: Lost - The Brig

Locke needs to kill his
dad in order to become
a full-fledged Other

When he can't do it,
Ben says, "John Locke ain't special",
the Others take off.

But first, Richard gives
Locke the file on one James Ford.
Locke needs Sawyer's help.

Locke gets James to go
with him to the Black Rock where
he's tied up his dad.

He puts Sawyer and
his father in the same room
and then locks the door.

As James talks with the
world's biggest asshole, he learns
this is the Sawyer.

The one who conned his
mom and caused his dad to kill
them both years ago.

With his emotions
barely in check, he gives the
letter to "Sawyer".

When he rips it up,
James snaps and chokes the guy to
death. Locke says, "Thank you."

Locke carries his dad's
corpse to where Ben is waiting.
"Tell me everything."

Haiku Review: Lost - D.O.C.

When it comes to Sun's
unborn baby, Jin, you are
the father!! Woo hoo!

But then Juliet
give Sun bad news: Pregnant plus
Island equals death.

Then she leaves a tape
recording for Ben. Doesn't
mention hating him.

Desmond, Charlie, Jin
and Hurley are trying to
tend to the pilot.

She's seriously
wounded and needs medical
attention ASAP.

She has a sat phone,
but it doesn't appear to
be working right now.

Patchy shows up and
he's all, "Reports of my death
have been blah blah blah."

Using his med skillz,
Patchy saves the woman's life.
Then he runs away.

She tells Hurley that
815's wreckage was found
in the ocean. What?!?

Haiku Review: Lost - Catch-22

The vision Des has
includes a woman from a
chopper landing there.

Also, Charlie's neck
getting pierced by an arrow.
You win some, lose some.

It doesn't happen
quite that way, though. Charlie does
not get impaled, and...

...the helicopter
goes down in the ocean. But
the woman does land.

She has a picture
of Desmond and Penny and
she knows Desmond's name.

Haiku Review: Lost - One of Us

Ben told Juliet
that Jacob would take care of
her sister's cancer.

OK, so Jacob
can cure cancer? That doesn't
disprove my theory.

Juliet saves Claire
from a disease the Others
manufactured. Which...

...helps make sure the group
trusts her more. Which is what Ben
wants. Evil bastard!

Haiku Review: Lost - Left Behind

The Others leave their
suburban homes and Locke goes
with them. That's not good.

Kate gets handcuffed to
Juliet and together
they run from Smokey.

We find out that the
sonic fence keeps Smokey out.
That's interesting.

Also, Smokey seemed
to take photos. Juliet's
pics are on it's blog.

Jack, Kate and Sayid
are now going to go back
to the beach. Jules, too.

Meanwhile, Hurley cons
Sawyer into being nice
for a change. Brilliant!

Haiku Review: Lost - Exposé

This was a "love it
or hate it" ep. I loved it.
Razzle Dazzle, dude.

Nikki and Paulo
were having their own series
of misadventures...

...involving stolen
diamonds and nicotine gum
and spiders who stun.

They're both revealed to
be rather unlikable
and greedy people.

Both are bitten by
the Medusa spider so
they look like they're dead.

So they get buried
alive. Which fills me with glee.
I'm a bad person.

Locke does say things don't
stay buried on this island.
So...zombie season?

Haiku Review: Lost - The Man from Tallahassee

We finally learn
how Locke wound up paralyzed.
His dickhead father.

His dad pushed him out
an eight story window. Locke's
dad? Worst. Dad. Ever.

Back in the present,
Kate and Sayid get caught when
they try to save Jack.

Locke, meanwhile, forces
Ben to tell him where the sub
is, then blows it up.

Jesus, Locke. The Swan,
the drug plane, the Flame, the sub.
What won't you destroy?

Ben tells Locke about
a magic box that can make
anything appear.

Locke is skeptical,
which is understandable
since it's Ben talking.

But here's Locke's dad, gagged,
beat up, tied to a chair. He's
a dick in a box.

Haiku Review: Lost - Par Avion

Claire writes a message
that vaguely explains the sitch
re: 815's crash.

She then puts the note
onto a bird's leg and has
the bird fly away.

In the past (you know
it's the past due to Claire's goth
wig), Claire meets Christian.

Although she never
learns his name or that she's got
Jack for a brother.

Sayid, Lock, Kate, and
Patchy get to a sonic
barrier. Patchy...

...claims it doesn't work,
but Locke doesn't trust him, so
he pushes him through.

Which causes Patchy's
mouth to foam and ears to bleed.
Guess it does work, huh?

Our heroes climb past
the sonic fence and are now
on the Other's turf.

At the end they get
to the Barracks. And there's Jack!!
He's...playing football?!?

Haiku Review: Lost - Enter 77

Locke plays a little
chess, blows up a Dharma house.
All in a days work.

But, at least Sayid
got maps to where the Others
live. And a hostage.

His name is Mikhail,
but since he's got an eye-patch,
let's call him "Patchy".

We hear from Patchy
about "the Purge". That's when the
Others killed Dharma.

He also says Kate,
like Jack, is not on Jacob's
list. Was he lying?

He calls Jacob a
great, magnificent man who
brought all of them here.

Interesting. I
again wonder if Jacob
is Fate incarnate.

Haiku Review: Lost -Tricia Tanaka Is Dead

Hurley's flashback starts:
Young Hugo's dad leaves, Hurley
eats to compensate.

Charlie is moping
due to being told he'll die.
Hurley blames the curse.

He tells Charlie that
death follow him around and
right on cue, Vincent...

...brings Hurley an arm.
Ha! I love that crazy dog.
Vincent leads Hurley...

...to a Volkswagen
bus tipped over in the woods.
Hurley says, "Awesome."

Flashback! When Tricia
Tanaka is trying to
interview Hurley...

...the cursed numbers strike
in the form of a random
meteor impact.

It's bizarre and
a bit over the top as well
as very funny.

Hurley comes home and
finds his father has returned.
Hurley's not happy.

He knows his dad has
only come back because of
the money he has.

Jin and Hurley get
into the bus, which has a
dried up corpse inside.

The dead guy has a
uniform on that IDs
him: Roger Work Man

Roger had a bunch
of beer in the back of the
VW van.

The beer, while really
old (like Rocky III old) works
as payment for James...

...to get him to help
in Hugo's quest to get the
van running again.

Flashback! Hurley's dad
says in life (and Titanic)
you make your own luck.

Taking this advice
to heart, Hurley gets Charlie
to ride in the van.

His logic is if
they don't die, they'll have beaten
their curses. Makes sense.

So they get in while
Jin and James push it down a
hill toward huge rocks.

But of course Hurley
pops the clutch and the eight track
kicks on and it's great.

Jin and James exclaim
with happiness and all four
guys enjoy the drive.

Even Vincent is
thrilled since he gets to go for
a ride again. Yay!

This episode, and
this scene in particular,
was just lots of fun.

Haiku Review: Lost - Stranger in a Strange Land

Jack has skanky sex
with a skanky skank, then gets
his tattoos. The End.

Haiku Review: Lost - Flashes Before Your Eyes

After Desmond saves
Claire from drowning, Charlie and
Hurley get him drunk.

They want to know how
Desmond is able to see
what's gonna happen.

The majority
of the rest of the ep is
a flashback, of sorts.

After Des turned the
key, he woke up in the past,
living with Penny.

Now he has flashes
of his future in the Hatch,
which would be our past.

Time is meaningless!
Des asks his friend: "Time travel?"
Time is meaningless!

His physicist friend
says, "Just marry Penny. Time
travel is bunk."

But while buying the
wedding ring, the shopkeeper
tells him OTHERwise.

She tells him about
course correcting Universe
-can't fight destiny.

We know the rest. He
breaks up with Penny and winds
up on the Island.

He tells Charlie how
turning the key let him see
flashes of his life.

But they haven't stopped,
so he keeps seeing how things
are going to be.

And he's got some bad
news for Charlie. Although he's
saved him 3 times now, ...

...the Universe wants
hm dead. No matter what, "You're
gonna die, brotha!"

Haiku Review: Lost - Not In Portland

Juliet was a
fertility doctor in
Miami years back.

She was recruited
to the Island by a guy
named Richard Alpert.

She's been held against
her will by Ben for three years.
That's why she hates him.

James and Kate get to
a boat, thanks to Alex, who
says she's Ben's daughter.

After rescuing
Karl, who was being brainwashed,
they board their canoe.

Jack makes Kate promise
not to come back for him. Yeah,
like she'll keep her word.

Haiku Review: Lost - I Do

Kate was married to
a cop who looked like Captain
Hammer. She drugged him.

At the end of the
flashback, she goes on the run
again, and drugged him.

Someone named Jacob
is mentioned by the Others.
Jacob had a list...

...Jack wasn't on it.
Huh. I wonder what the list
was for. Why no Jack?

Sawyer and Kate have
cage sex. It's hot. Really hot.
Jack sees this and tells...

...Ben he'll operate.
During the operation,
Jack cuts Ben's kidney.

He tells Kate to run.
She doesn't want to, but Jack
says, "Kate, damn it, RUN!!"

Haiku Review: Lost - The Cost of Living

Eko goes chasing
his dead brother's ghost, leads him
back to the drug plane.

Locke, Desmond, Sayid,
Nikki and Paulo go in
the Pearl, watch some tube.

There's nothing much on
(the Island has poor reception)
they see... a pirate?

A guy wearing an
eye patch shows up briefly on
one of the screens. Arr!

"Yemi" wants Eko
to seek forgiveness for his
off-the-Island sins.

Eko says he won't.
"Yemi" walks away, angry.
Smoke monster shows up.

Eko tries to stare
it down again, but this time
it grabs and throws him.

Eko gets beaten
to death. Before he dies, he
tells John, "You are next."

Jack, meanwhile, learns Ben
has a tumor on his spine
that will kill him soon.

Juliet tells Jack
(in secret) that surgery
could "go wrong" -wink wink.

Haiku Review: Lost - Every Man For Himself

James has a daughter!
Cassidy informs him of
this when he's in jail.

His daughter's name is
Clementine (oh my darlin').
James: "I'm not the dad!"

That may be the case,
but he does set up a trust
fund for Clementine.

Guess he forgot that
when he told Charlie he had
never done good things.

Colleen, the Other
that Sun shot, ends up dying,
despite Jack's efforts.

Colleen was Pickett's
wife. In his grief, he beats the
hell out of Sawyer.

Then they operate
on him, putting a bomb in
his chest. ...Not really.

Ben does show Sawyer
that they are on a second
island. No escape.

Things are looking bleak.
Meanwhile, Des saves Claire from a
lightning bolt. Shocking!

Haiku Review: Lost - Further Instructions

Vision-Boone sees Locke,
tells him Eko is in danger.
Locke goes to save him.

Locke saves Eko from
becoming Polar Bear Chow.
Charlie "helps" him, too.

Seriously, all
Charlie contributed to
the mission was snark.

A naked Desmond
tells Hurley about Locke's speech
before it happens.

Locke's speech is pretty
much just this: We're gonna get
James, Jack and Kate back.

Two background Losties,
Nikki and Paulo, make their
first appearance here.

We're supposed to think
they've been here all along but
I think monks made them.

Silas is eight months old today

Eight months

Haiku Review: Lost - The Glass Ballerina

The Others make Kate
and Sawyer do hard labor.
They make them break rocks.

If they don't do work,
their supervisor, Pickett,
will give James a shock.

Sawyer kisses Kate,
gets beat up. He was testing
how strong the guards are.

Sayid, Jin, and Sun
find the dock. They try to lure
the Others to them.

Instead, the Others
board (and ultimately steal)
Desmond's sailboat. Crap.

Sun did manage to
shoot an Other named Colleen.
This show loves gutshots.

"Henry" goes to Jack,
introduces himself as
Benjamin Linus.

He tells Jack he's lived
on the Island his whole life,
wants Jack to help him.

Says he'll take Jack home.
Jack thinks he's trapped just like they
are. So Ben shows him...

...they have access to
the outside world by showing
him the Red Sox win.

This episode could
have been written by Dr.
Seuss. See what I mean:

Breaking rocks, getting
shocks, shooting near docks. Matthew
Fox sees the Red Sox.

Haiku Review: Lost - A Tale of Two Cities

Jack, Kate and Sawyer
are being held captive by
the Others. First, Jack:

He awakens in
some sort of dank room with a
large plexi-glass wall.

There are chains and pipes
all over the place as well.
Hey, Jack - a visitor!

A female Other
named Juliet brings a cheese
sandwich in for him.

Jack doesn't want her
sandwich. He wants to know where
Kate and Sawyer are.

Later, he tries to
escape, resulting in his
near drowning. Oh, Jack.

He's being held in
an underwater Dharma
station called Hydra.

Kate, meanwhile, gets to
put on a pretty dress and
also some handcuffs.

She has breakfast with
Henry, who tells her the next
two weeks won't be fun.

She's then brought to a
cage opposite Sawyer. He's
happy to see her.

The cages are where
the polar bears were kept. James
shares his fish biscuit.

Sawyer also met
a young teen named Karl who helped
James escape - briefly.

Juliet caught James
and put him back in his cage.
Karl got caught as well.

Juliet, by the
way, informs us of Henry's
actual name - Ben.

Haiku Review: Lost - Live Together, Die Alone

My god. So much takes
place in this episode, it's
making my head hurt.

Desmond is back! He
was the one on the boat. He
tried to leave, couldn't.

His sailboat somehow
wouldn't sail north, instead brought
him back to the Isle.

Desmond flashback time!
Des was in jail for a bit.
Military, too.

A man named Charles
Widmore tells Des some bad news:
his daughter's engaged.

Widmore's daughter is
Desmond's true love. Penny is
her name. Des is sad.

To win Penny's love,
and the respect of her dad,
Des will race round globe.

Yeah, it's a little
convoluted. Lost sometimes
gets that way, ya know?

Anyway. Desmond
wants to race around the world,
but he's got no boat.

Fortunately, he
meets Libby (!!) who's recently
widowed. She gives him...

...her dead husband's boat.
Well, that's exceptionally
kind-hearted of her!

Just before starting
the race, Penny finds Desmond.
He tells her, "One year."

"One year from now I'll
be back, your dad will respect
me, things will be great!"

Of course, it doesn't
work that way. During the race
Desmond's boat crashes.

Kelvin, who is dressed
in a biohazard suit
finds, rescues Desmond.

We see Desmond and
Kelvin entering the code,
working on the map.

Kelvin made lots of
trips outside the Swan, always
while wearing the suit.

On the day the plane
crashed, Des followed Kelvin out
to where his boat was.

Des asks Kelvin, "You
were going to leave me here?
What of the button?"

Kelvin says, "Screw the
button! We don't even know
if it's real or not."

Des isn't happy
about this. He and Kelvin
fight. Des knocks him out.

He may have killed him,
but we don't know. Des has to
run back to the Swan.

The alarm's blaring,
metal is flying, the comp.
says, "System Failure"

And yes, 815
apparently was destroyed
by the Swan's magnets.

Des enters the code
and things go back to normal.
We're now up-to-date.

Sayid, Jin and Sun
sail in the boat to surprise
attack the Others.

Along the way, they
see a large four-toed statue.
(What's in the shadow?)

The Others capture
Hurley, Jack, Kate and Sawyer,
take them to a dock.

Henry shows up and
appears to be the leader
of the Others. Huh.

He tells Michael he's
free to get on their boat with
Walt, and not come back.

He instructs him to
follow a particular
bearing to escape.

Suddenly there's a
very loud, very weird sound
and..a purple sky.

Purple freaking sky!!
How'd that happen? Well, Locke
let timer run out.

Desmond (and Eko)
tried to convince Locke not to,
but were unable.

Des turned a fail safe
key at the last possible
sec, and... purple sky.

Also, the Swan seems
to have exploded, maybe
killing Des and Locke.

The Others untie
Hurley, so he can tell the
Losties: "Stay away"

As Michael boards the
boat to leave, he asks Henry,
"Who are you people?"

"We're the good guys," is
Henry's response. Damn. I'd hate
to see the villains.

In some snow covered
part of the world, two guys with
computer systems...

...pick up some signal
about the Island. They call
Penny. "We found it!"

Haiku Review: Lost - Three Minutes

We get confirmed what
we'd already guessed - Michael
has been compromised.

The Others took him
hostage, told him if he wants
to see Walt, help them.

They promise hm they'll
let them both go if Michael
rescues Henry and...

...brings 4 people back
to them. The four they want are:
James, Jack, Kate, Hurley.

While at the double
funeral, a boat shows up.
Let's hope it's rescue!

Haiku Review: Lost - ?

Jack, Kate, Locke, Sawyer
all enter the Swan and find
the mess Michael made.

Michael blames Henry,
who, of course, has already
left the premises.

Ana is dead. But
Libby hasn't died quite yet.
Jack tries to save her.

He has Sawyer get
the heroin, but it's no
use. Libby soon dies.

Her final word was
"Michael". Jack assures her that
Michael is okay.

Eko has dreams with
Ana and Yemi telling
him to find the mark.

The question mark, that
is. And they say to bring John.
Eko obeys them.

Locke and Eko find
the question mark - it's where the
drug plane's wreckage is.

Moving the plane, they
discover another hatch.
Man, they're everywhere!!

Inside this one is
a bunch of old monitors.
On one screen - it's Jack!

Locke and Eko watch
the Orientation film.
It tells them these things:

They're in the Pearl Hatch.
The job of the Pearl is to
observe the Swan Hatch.

The Swan folks won't know
they're being observed. Reports
of their behavior...

...are to be sent in
a pneumatic tube. After
the video ends...

...Locke is even more
convinced that the button is
meaningless. Eko...

...on the other hand,
is absolutely certain
the button's vital.

Haiku Review: Lost - Two for the Road

Ana-Lucia
knew (sorta) Jack's dad! They went
to Oz together.

Christian got wasted,
yelled at Claire's mom that he has
the right to see her...

...since she's his daughter.
(Jack and Claire are related
and don't know it. Weird.)

Ana is attacked
by Henry. He calls her a
killer, says she's bad.

Locke saves her, and asks
why he didn't attack him
when he had the chance.

Henry tells Locke it's
because Locke is a good guy
he was coming for.

Ana asks Sawyer
for a gun, but of course he
denies her request.

Later, she distracts
him by redirecting the
blood flow from his brain.

Hurley and Libby
are going on a picnic,
forgot the blanket.

Libby says she'll get
the blanket if Hurley gets
the wine. They're so cute.

Michael tells the group
that the Others are weak and
they can be taken.

Jack, Kate and Locke go
to ask Sawyer for the guns
while Ana confronts...

...Henry. She can't bring
herself to pull the trigger.
Michael says he will.

Ana gives him her
gun. He says, "I'm sorry," then
Michael shoots Ana. (!!)

Then Libby shows up
and blam!, Michael shoots her, too. (!!!!)
Next, he sees Henry...

...but Michael doesn't
shoot the prisoner, but his
own shoulder instead (!!!!!!)

I think the only
phrase that can sum this up is:
Holy Fucking Shit.

Haiku Review: Lost - S.O.S.

Bernard thinks making
a giant S.O.S. sign
on the beach will...

...get them rescued. It's
possible. However, his
people skills are poor.

So all his helpers
leave him to do it alone.
By episode's end...

...he's trying to do
a ten person job solo.
He gives it up once...

...Rose tells him that she
was cured of her cancer by
being Island-bound.

Locke has begun to
doubt whether the button does
anything. Instead...

...he is focused on
recreating the blast door
map from memory.

Mostly he recalls
the middle with the giant
question mark on it.

Jack and Kate venture
out to where the Others had
taken Kate hostage.

The plan is to trade
fake Henry for Walt. Henry
says that will not work.

After getting caught
in a net, Jack yells and yells.
No Others show up.

But then there's Michael!
He collapses, 'cuz that's what
returning folks do.

Haiku Review: Lost - Dave

The obvious joke
is "Dave's not here, man." (Ha ha!
Hurley's dad is Cheech!!)

Another thing that
may not be real - the button.
"Henry Gale" tells Locke...

...that he did not push
the button, all that happened
was a scary hum...

...and then the timer
reset. He calls the Swan a
"joke". Locke looks upset.

The end has one of
Lost's most infuriating
unsolved mysteries.

It shows Libby in
the same institution
as Hurley. What the ???

Haiku Review: Lost - Lockdown

Jack and John aren't pleased
with Henry's "joke" about the
map he made last ep.

Jack tells John to put
him back in the armory.
Henry: "He your boss?"

But Locke seems to have
wised up to Henry's tactics
as he locks him up.

Sayid, Ana, and
Charlie find a grave plus a
wrecked hot air balloon.

Looks like Henry has
been telling the truth from the
beginning. Poor guy.

A muffled warning
on the loud speakers tells Locke
"lockdown imminent"

The blast doors slam shut.
Locke barely gets a crowbar
under the last one.

He can't lift the doors
alone, and the button is
gonna need pushing.

So Locke asks Henry
if he'll help. Henry agrees -
on one condition.

He wants protection
from "Locke's people", since they are
looking for scapegoats.

Locke agrees and lets
Henry out. Together they
get the door lifted...

...and slide a toolbox
underneat to prop it up.
Locke slides under and...

...the door comes down on
Locke's leg. (Ouch!) Henry puts some
weights under the door.

John tells Henry he
needs to crawl through the vents and
enter the code. Now.

Henry crawls through the
vent. While he's doing that, the
lights go out. Black lights...

...kick on, and a map
of all the Dharma stations
is revealed to Locke.

The lights return and
the door goes up. Locke calls for
Henry. He's still there.

On the way back to
the Swan, Jack and Kate find an
enormous food drop.

As they ponder this,
Sayid et al emerge from
the jungle. Back at...

...the Swan, Locke wonders
what Henry did to restore
the lights, lift the door.

Henry says he just
entered the code, nothing more.
A pissed off Sayid...

...enters, pointing his
gun at Henry. Jack pushes
him against the wall.

Henry's all, "didn't
you find my balloon?" Sayid
says, "Yeah. And a grave...

...But I dug it up.
And guess what. The real Henry
Gale was a black man."

Sayid shows "Henry"
the driver's license he took
from dead guy's wallet.

The lesson here is
Fake Henry is not good at
identity theft.

The other lesson
is Sayid is a bad ass
motherfucker, yo.

Thank you, Mario, but our princess is in another castle...

Argh! Our New Super Mario Bros. Wii save files were all just deleted due to a miscommunication on the Wii.

Time to start fighting those Koopalings all over again, I guess.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Whole Truth

In flashbacks, Jin and
Sun were trying to conceive.
Jin has low sperm count.

But the Island, it
seems, fixes paralysis
and fertility.

Because Sun? Knocked up.
She tells Jin. He's ecstatic.
Jin's such a good guy.

Locke tells Ana 'bout
Henry, asks her to talk to
him, see what she thinks.

She does so, asks him
to draw her a map to his
hot air balloon site.

Ana, Sayid, and
Charlie follow the map to
a dense jungle field.

Back at the Swan, Jack
and John give Henry a bowl
full of cereal.

As he eats, he tells
them about the map (neither
man knew about it.)

He then says, "if I
was an Other, I'd draw a
map that was a trap...

...so Ana could be
taken and held hostage for
my release. So it's...

...a good thing I'm not
an Other, isn't it? ...You
guys got any milk?"

Haiku Review: Lost - Maternity Leave

When Aaron gets sick,
Claire decides she needs to get
back her memories.

The best way to do
that? Go into the jungle
with Kate and Rousseau.

They find a Dharma
medical bunker, but it's
been cleared out. Although...

...Kate finds a fake beard
and Claire gets her memory
back: Ethan drugged her.

Ethan drugged her lots.
The Others kept her doped up.
But, a teenage girl...

...(Danielle's child, perhaps?)
helps Claire escape before they
perform C-section.

When they get back to
camp, Aaron's sickness has passed.
Turnip-Head's okay!

Meanwhile, Eko talks
with Henry Gale, tells him how
he killed two Others.

Says he's sorry, asks
for forgiveness. Henry looks
terrified of him.

At the end, Henry
insinuates to Locke that
Jack is the leader.

Locke says decisions
are made together, then has
a fit, breaks dishes.

Henry smiles, since his
seeds of dissension and doubt
have been well planted.

Haiku Review: Lost - One of Them

Overall great ep.
This was a turning point in
the show, I believe.

Danielle shows up in
the jungle, looking for Sayid.
She has caught a man.

One of her net traps
is holding a guy who says
he's named Henry Gale.

Danielle tells Sayid
he's "one of them". Henry says,
"What's she talkin' 'bout?"

Sayid wants to talk
with Henry and cuts him down.
He begins to run.

So Rousseau shoots him
with an arrow, right through his
shoulder, knocks him out.

She predicts (rightly):
"Know this. He will lie. For a
long time, he will lie."

Sayid takes Henry
to the Swan. Tells Jack and John.
Jack removes arrow.

Locke and Sayid's plan
is for Sayid to torture
the truth out of Gale.

Henry insists he
and his wife crash landed four
months ago while they...

...were travelling in
a hot air balloon. His wife
got sick and then died.

Jack's worried Henry
might be telling the truth. Says
Locke, "What if he's not?"

Sayid does torture
the man, but he doesn't change
his cover story.

However, Sayid
is convinced Henry is one
of them. Tells Charlie.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Long Con

When Sun gets attacked,
the Others are blamed, causing
Jack, Jin, and Ana...

...to want to get guns.
Locke thinks that's a bad idea,
so he hides them all.

But Sawyer finds them
(with help from Charlie), declares
himself "New Sheriff".

Charlie and Sawyer
worked together to pull this
off. James wanted guns.

Charlie just wanted
Locke to look like a fool. Both
got what they wanted.

Charlie says no one
can ever find out about
what he did to Sun.

Sawyer agrees to
this, but Sawyer is not a
good person, he says.

We see his flashback
where he pulled a long con on
Cassidy Phillips.

She was jus ta mark,
at first, then he fell in love
with her. Still conned her.

Haiku Review: Lost - Fire + Water

This was a really
crappy episode. Charlie
starts having weird dreams.

And sleepwalking. He
becomes convinced Turnip-Head
needs to be baptized.

Locke finds Charlie's stash.
Charlie swears he's not using,
but Locke takes it all.

And then he hides it
inside the gun armory,
and changes the lock.

At night, Charlie sets
a fire as a distraction
while he steals Aaron.

He's found out, of course.
Locke takes Aaron back, hands him
back to his mother.

And then Locke punches
Charlie in the face. Three times!
Unnecessary!

Haiku Review: Lost - The Hunting Party

Michael knocks out Locke,
and at gunpoint, forces Jack
into the gun vault.

He then takes off, to
go track down Walt. Sawyer
and Kate open the...

...door to let Jack and
John out of their prison. Jack
is gonna track Mike.

Sawyer tags along.
Kate tries to as well, but Jack
sends her back. "Stay, Kate."

Of course, Kate doesn't.
She tells Hurley 'bout Michael.
Then she takes off, too.

In the woods, the men
get shot at, then find themselves
surrounded. Others!!

The Others tell Jack
to drop their weapons and go
home. Jack refuses.

But when the Others
show they've captured Kate, Jack sighs
and gives up his gun.

The foursome return
to the beach. Jack tells Ana,
"Let's build an army."

Haiku Review: Lost - The 23rd Psalm

Eko was at one
time a vicious, murdering
heroin smuggler.

His brother, Yemi,
is a priest. Eko wants him
to forge papers that...

...say Eko and his
partners are priests so they can
safely smuggle drugs.

As the drug plane is
being loaded, the Army
shows up to stop them.

Yemi gets shot and
the plane leaves Eko behind,
dressed in his priest garb.

Eko has Charlie
take him to where the drug plane
crashed. But on the way...

...the Monster stops by.
It and Eko stare at each
other. Eko wins.

Together, Eko
and Charlie burn the plane, but
Charlie has a stash.

Haiku Review: Lost - What Kate Did

What Kate Did: Murder
her abusive step father,
then went on the run.

On the Island, Kate
kissed Jack, then ran away and
saw a horse she knew.

What Eko did: watched
the Orientation film,
along with Michael.

Eko gives Locke a
strip of film he found while at
the Dharma bunker.

He then tells Locke, "Don't
mistake coincidence for
fate." Good advice, dude.

The extended film
just warns of the dangers of
using the comp for...

...anything other
than entering the numbers.
So, nothing new there.

(Which makes me wonder
why it was removed and put
way across the Isle.)

Anyway. Here's what
Michael did: pointed out the
blast doors in the Swan.

Then did a little
chatting on the computer.
With Walt. O. M. G.

Haiku Review: Lost - Collision

In Ana's flashback
we learn she was a police
officer. Also...

...she was shot by a
criminal, whom she later
tracked down and murdered.

Now, Ana fights with
Sayid.She somehow disarms
him. (She's good at that.)

She orders Sayid to
be tied up. Michael asks if
she is crazy. Heh.

She makes a deal with
Michael - get her some supplies
from their camp, she'll leave.

Michael is all, "Sure!"
(Michael often agrees to
do things he shouldn't.)

Eko carries James
all the way to Jack, who puts
Sawyer in the Swan.

When Michael shows up,
tells Jack what's going on, Jack
wants to get revenge.

Eko says "Ana
made a mistake." And Jack's all,
"Ana?? My Ana??"

Ana lets Sayid
go, and gives him his gun back.
He doesn't shoot her.

Lots of reunions,
which means music montage time!
Vincent greets Michael...

...Rose gives Bernard a
hug and kiss, and of course Jin
and Sun reunite.

In the jungle, Jack
and Ana-Lucia stare
at one another.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Other 48 Days

We see the Tailies
version of the plane crash. Their
season one is short!

Eko rescues a boy.
Ana gives CPR to
his sister, Emma.

The boy - Zach is his
name - is holding a teddy
bear. Like what Jin saw.

That first night, Others
show up, kidnap 3 Tailies.
Two Others get killed...

...By Mr. Eko.
Dude is not someone you want
to mess with, for sure.

Eko spends the next
40 days saying nothing,
carrying big stick.

Others return on
night 12, taking 9 more (this
includes the children).

Ana kills one, finds
they had a list of their names.
Others are creepy.

We see the group find
the Dharma bunker and a
radio. Boone's voice!

Paranoia sets
in and Ana suspects
one of them's a spy.

Turns out, she's right. But
she picks the wrong guy at first.
Goodwin's the Other.

Once she figures it
out, he attacks her. She kills
him in self-defense.

This ep ends like the
last one: Ana shoots Shannon,
Sayid looks real pissed.

Haiku Review: Lost - Abandoned

Sayid and Shannon
have sex. In a horror film
Shannon would die now.

She doesn't die. (Yet.)
But she does have a vision:
Walt -- talking backwards.

She screams. When Sayid
asks what's wrong, she tells him, but
no one can see Walt.

Ana and her crew
are making their way across
the Island. Sawyer...

...still wounded from the
bullet, collapses. Ana
says, "Leave him. Let's go."

(When Ana gets to
the Wizard, she's gonna ask
for a heart, I bet.)

To the credit of
her fellow survivors, they
have some compassion.

They opt to make James
a stretcher and carry him.
Cindy disappears.

They hear the whispers.
Ana draws her gun... and shoots.
Shannon gets gutshot.

She collapses in
Sayid's arms. Sayid looks pissed.
Really, really pissed.

Haiku Review: Lost - ...And Found

Ana decides that
all the Tailies and their new
"guests" should make their way...

...across the Island, back
to where the 815ers
are living. They leave.

We learn the large black
guy's name is Mr. Eko.
He gives James a knife.

The knife is more a
machete, actually.
Eko's pretty cool.

Libby and Michael
are in the jungle. Libby
mentions the Others.

And that's all Michael
needs to hear. He takes off so
he can rescue Walt.

Jin wants to go find
Michael. Eko opts to help.
Ana says, "See ya!"

(Ana is not the
most likeable character.
Her people skills suck.)

While Jin and Eko
hunt for Michael, Jin finds the
body of Goodwin.

He's been impaled by
a large pointy stick. Jin asks,
"Others?" Eko nods.

Speaking of Others,
they walk by Jin and Eko
who hide in bushes.

We only see their
feet and legs (which are dirty)
and... a teddy bear.

At the end, Jin finds
Michael and convinces him
to return with them.

Haiku Review: Lost - Everybody Hates Hugo

Hurley shows Rose the
inside of the Swan. They are
put in charge of food.

But Hurley knows that
being in charge of that means
having to deny...

...some people certain
things they want, and he doesn't
want to disappoint.

So at the end, while
a music montage plays (YAY!)
Hurley hands out food.

To everyone. It's
heartwarming and awesome.
(And, yes, I teared up.)

On the other side
of the Island, our rafties
have talked with Ana.

It turns out that she
is NOT with the Others, but
that her group were all...

...in the tail section
of the plane. She leads them back
to a weird bunker.

That appears to have
Dharma logos on it. But
no computers here.

There are just a few
survivors living here, but
Libby (one of them)...

...tells Sawyer that there
used to be twenty-three of
them. Doesn't bode well.

One of the "Tailies"
is, in fact, an older white
guy named Bernard. Yay!

Haiku Review: Lost - Orientation

We see the scene with
Jack, Locke, Kate and Desmond yet
again! Stop stalling!

This time, though, Kate gets
to the gun storage (yay, more
guns. Just what they need!)

Anyway, she arms
herself with a shotgun and
sneaks up on Desmond.

She hits him, and his
gun fires a bullet which hits
the old computer.

Desmond's reaction
is a bit extreme: "We're all
gonna die. ......brothas."

Desmond points out the
timer, says he needs to push
the button or else.

Or else what? Jack asks.
Des doesn't answer at first.
Tells how he got there:

He was racing 'round
the world, his boat crashed, a guy
named Kelvin found him...

...pulled him in the Hatch,
said "We need to enter the
code to save the world."

So together they
pushed the button. Then, Kelvin
died. Now he's alone.

He returns to the
computer, tells the guys to
watch the film. They do.

The old film is marked
"Orientation" - just like
the name of this ep!

On the film, Dr.
Marvin Candle says, "Welcome
to the Swan Station."

The Swan (which is what
they are inside of) is part
of the DHARMA group.

Dharma is a group
doing experiments in
magnetism and...

...zoology (we
see a shot of polar bears
when this is said) and...

...psychology and
various other science
type things. At first the...

...Swan was designed to
study the magnetism
from the Island, but...

...there was an unnamed
Incident, so for now they
must push the button...

...every one-hundred
and eight minutes. Good luck, we're
all counting on you.

The film ends, Locke wants
to watch it again. Jack's all,
"Nope. This is crazy."

Desmond, meanwhile, has
decided he can't repair
the computer. Run!

He takes off into
the jungle. Maybe he and
Danielle can hook up.

At the Swan, Sayid
has shown up. He repairs the
comp. Locke types the code.

Then he tells Jack to
push the Execute button.
Jack says, "You do it."

The countdown timer
is blaring as they argue
some more. Good god, men!

FINALLY, with one
second remaining Jack hits
the button. Locke smiles.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on
the Island, Jin, Sawyer and
Michael get beat up...

...by a very large
black man with a club. Then they
get thrown in a pit.

As they try to plan
an escape, a woman is
thrown in there with them.

Ana-Lucia!
The girl with the too long name
who was on the plane!

She tells them she has
been alone on the Island
until yesterday.

Sawyer pulls out his
gun so they can escape, but
Ana takes it and...

...the large black guy pulls
her out. So Ana is with
the Others? Oh, crap.

Haiku Review: Lost - Adrift

We fill in a few
of the missing pieces from
the last episode.

We get to see Locke's
first encounter with Desmond.
Locke goes down the Hatch...

...and Desmond is there,
pointing his gun at Kate. He
asks Locke, "Are you him?"

Locke pauses briefly
then says, "Yes." Well, we know Locke
has seen Ghostbusters.

Desmond is happy
to see "him". Asks Locke about
Kate. "She's with me." Des...

...asks Locke, "What did one
snowman say to the other
snowman?" When Locke can't...

...answer, Desmond knows
he's not really "him". He tells
Kate to tie Locke up.

But Locke says, "She's a
fugitive. I just work in
an office building."

So Kate gets tied up
instead, with Locke giving her
a knife to escape.

She gets thrown in a
pantry, full of food. She eats
some chocolate, then crawls...

...up into the vent.
Suddenly an alarm goes
off. Des forces Locke...

...to the computer,
tells him to type the Numbers,
then hit "Execute".

This stops the alarm,
and a large timer resets
back to one-oh-eight.

Meanwhile, Michael and
Sawyer float on what's left of
Michael's burned up raft.

Jin is nowhere to
be found, and Michael yells Walt's
name forty-two times.

Sawyer removes the
bullet from his shoulder with
his bare hands. Manly!

Sawyer and Michael
have the current return them
to the Island. Jin...

...comes running over,
looking horrified. He screams
"Udders!!" They close in.

Haiku Review: Lost - Man of Science, Man of Faith

In the flashbacks, Jack

meets his future wife, Sarah.

She had a crushed spine.

But, Jack, even with

his ridiculous bad wig,

and bedside manner...

...promises to fix

her. He thinks he failed, so he

goes out for a run.

While running, he meets

a Scottish man named Desmond.

Desmond is training.

Training for what? Why,

a race around the world, of

course! Desmond tells Jack...

...maybe he did fix

Sarah. Jack thinks that's crazy.

As they part ways, Des...

...says to Jack, "See you

in another life, brother."

(he says it 'brotha')

Jack returns to his

patient (whom he'll later wed)

and she is healed! Weird.

At the hatch, John wants

to go in, Jack does not. They

return to the caves.

Jack tells the group 'bout

the Hatch, but says they should all

stay together here.

As soon as he ends

his speech, Locke grabs some cables,

says, "I'm going back."

Jack lets him go. Then,

Kate tells Jack, "I'm going with

him." Jack's not happy.

After she's left, Jack

gets one of the guns, and he,

too, heads to the Hatch.

Kate has the cable

tied around her. Locke lowers

her into the Hatch.

She screams, "I think there's

something down here." And then a

bright white light appears.

Locke feels a pull on

the cable, then the light goes

out. Locke yells for Kate.

He pulls the cable,

but Kate is not there. Jack shows

 up, Locke is gone, too.

Jack climbs down into

the Hatch. Once in there, he sees

an old computer.

Also, at one point,

the key around his neck was

floating. Hmm. Magnets?

Jack is looking at

the old computer, Locke says,

"I wouldn't do that."

Jack asks where Kate is,

Locke can't really answer. There's

a gun at his head.

Jack draws his weapon,

and the gunman tells Jack to,

"Drop it, brotha!" Yup.

The guy living in

the Hatch is Desmond. Small world,

wouldn't you say, Jack?

the more things change...

well, zolo may or may not live up to it's potential of awesomeness ( I am still optimistic, it's fairly early on, after all), but one thing about  this year is, so far, sadly, exactly the same as every other year: going back to work after a long weekend sucks

on a roll

I've blogged every day this year!!

zolo

January 1, 2000 was a Monday*. January 1, 2010 was a Friday.

That is just one of the many reasons this year, and this decade** are going to be better than the last.



*No, it wasn't. But if the past ten years (and Wikipedia. And Stephen Colbert, who I'm sure told this joke better) has taught us anything, it's that facts are most certainly malleable to fit our desires.

**And, yes, I'm aware that technically this isn't a new decade. (Hi, Miranda!) But a) everyone else has been calling 09 the end of the decade, and b) I'm just too tired to argue about it and c) the last ten years have been less than great in a lot of ways, so I'm all for jumping on the "2010 is going to be a much better year than 2009 was" bandwagon, even if it is just false hope. Because I suspect that zolo*** IS going to be a really good year in a lot of ways.

***zolo is what I've decided to start calling this year. Rather than getting into the whole "two-thousand ten" or "twenty ten" debate (which I know I talked about on this blog, and would link to if I a) weren't too lazy and b) the computer were able to handle such actions.), I'm just going to create my own name for the next 365 days, and I have decided it is "zolo". Because it looks like 2010, and also, "zolo" is just fun to say.