Haiku Review: Lost - Abandoned

Sayid and Shannon
have sex. In a horror film
Shannon would die now.

She doesn't die. (Yet.)
But she does have a vision:
Walt -- talking backwards.

She screams. When Sayid
asks what's wrong, she tells him, but
no one can see Walt.

Ana and her crew
are making their way across
the Island. Sawyer...

...still wounded from the
bullet, collapses. Ana
says, "Leave him. Let's go."

(When Ana gets to
the Wizard, she's gonna ask
for a heart, I bet.)

To the credit of
her fellow survivors, they
have some compassion.

They opt to make James
a stretcher and carry him.
Cindy disappears.

They hear the whispers.
Ana draws her gun... and shoots.
Shannon gets gutshot.

She collapses in
Sayid's arms. Sayid looks pissed.
Really, really pissed.

Haiku Review: Lost - ...And Found

Ana decides that
all the Tailies and their new
"guests" should make their way...

...across the Island, back
to where the 815ers
are living. They leave.

We learn the large black
guy's name is Mr. Eko.
He gives James a knife.

The knife is more a
machete, actually.
Eko's pretty cool.

Libby and Michael
are in the jungle. Libby
mentions the Others.

And that's all Michael
needs to hear. He takes off so
he can rescue Walt.

Jin wants to go find
Michael. Eko opts to help.
Ana says, "See ya!"

(Ana is not the
most likeable character.
Her people skills suck.)

While Jin and Eko
hunt for Michael, Jin finds the
body of Goodwin.

He's been impaled by
a large pointy stick. Jin asks,
"Others?" Eko nods.

Speaking of Others,
they walk by Jin and Eko
who hide in bushes.

We only see their
feet and legs (which are dirty)
and... a teddy bear.

At the end, Jin finds
Michael and convinces him
to return with them.

Haiku Review: Lost - Everybody Hates Hugo

Hurley shows Rose the
inside of the Swan. They are
put in charge of food.

But Hurley knows that
being in charge of that means
having to deny...

...some people certain
things they want, and he doesn't
want to disappoint.

So at the end, while
a music montage plays (YAY!)
Hurley hands out food.

To everyone. It's
heartwarming and awesome.
(And, yes, I teared up.)

On the other side
of the Island, our rafties
have talked with Ana.

It turns out that she
is NOT with the Others, but
that her group were all...

...in the tail section
of the plane. She leads them back
to a weird bunker.

That appears to have
Dharma logos on it. But
no computers here.

There are just a few
survivors living here, but
Libby (one of them)...

...tells Sawyer that there
used to be twenty-three of
them. Doesn't bode well.

One of the "Tailies"
is, in fact, an older white
guy named Bernard. Yay!

Haiku Review: Lost - Orientation

We see the scene with
Jack, Locke, Kate and Desmond yet
again! Stop stalling!

This time, though, Kate gets
to the gun storage (yay, more
guns. Just what they need!)

Anyway, she arms
herself with a shotgun and
sneaks up on Desmond.

She hits him, and his
gun fires a bullet which hits
the old computer.

Desmond's reaction
is a bit extreme: "We're all
gonna die. ......brothas."

Desmond points out the
timer, says he needs to push
the button or else.

Or else what? Jack asks.
Des doesn't answer at first.
Tells how he got there:

He was racing 'round
the world, his boat crashed, a guy
named Kelvin found him...

...pulled him in the Hatch,
said "We need to enter the
code to save the world."

So together they
pushed the button. Then, Kelvin
died. Now he's alone.

He returns to the
computer, tells the guys to
watch the film. They do.

The old film is marked
"Orientation" - just like
the name of this ep!

On the film, Dr.
Marvin Candle says, "Welcome
to the Swan Station."

The Swan (which is what
they are inside of) is part
of the DHARMA group.

Dharma is a group
doing experiments in
magnetism and...

...zoology (we
see a shot of polar bears
when this is said) and...

...psychology and
various other science
type things. At first the...

...Swan was designed to
study the magnetism
from the Island, but...

...there was an unnamed
Incident, so for now they
must push the button...

...every one-hundred
and eight minutes. Good luck, we're
all counting on you.

The film ends, Locke wants
to watch it again. Jack's all,
"Nope. This is crazy."

Desmond, meanwhile, has
decided he can't repair
the computer. Run!

He takes off into
the jungle. Maybe he and
Danielle can hook up.

At the Swan, Sayid
has shown up. He repairs the
comp. Locke types the code.

Then he tells Jack to
push the Execute button.
Jack says, "You do it."

The countdown timer
is blaring as they argue
some more. Good god, men!

FINALLY, with one
second remaining Jack hits
the button. Locke smiles.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on
the Island, Jin, Sawyer and
Michael get beat up...

...by a very large
black man with a club. Then they
get thrown in a pit.

As they try to plan
an escape, a woman is
thrown in there with them.

Ana-Lucia!
The girl with the too long name
who was on the plane!

She tells them she has
been alone on the Island
until yesterday.

Sawyer pulls out his
gun so they can escape, but
Ana takes it and...

...the large black guy pulls
her out. So Ana is with
the Others? Oh, crap.

Haiku Review: Lost - Adrift

We fill in a few
of the missing pieces from
the last episode.

We get to see Locke's
first encounter with Desmond.
Locke goes down the Hatch...

...and Desmond is there,
pointing his gun at Kate. He
asks Locke, "Are you him?"

Locke pauses briefly
then says, "Yes." Well, we know Locke
has seen Ghostbusters.

Desmond is happy
to see "him". Asks Locke about
Kate. "She's with me." Des...

...asks Locke, "What did one
snowman say to the other
snowman?" When Locke can't...

...answer, Desmond knows
he's not really "him". He tells
Kate to tie Locke up.

But Locke says, "She's a
fugitive. I just work in
an office building."

So Kate gets tied up
instead, with Locke giving her
a knife to escape.

She gets thrown in a
pantry, full of food. She eats
some chocolate, then crawls...

...up into the vent.
Suddenly an alarm goes
off. Des forces Locke...

...to the computer,
tells him to type the Numbers,
then hit "Execute".

This stops the alarm,
and a large timer resets
back to one-oh-eight.

Meanwhile, Michael and
Sawyer float on what's left of
Michael's burned up raft.

Jin is nowhere to
be found, and Michael yells Walt's
name forty-two times.

Sawyer removes the
bullet from his shoulder with
his bare hands. Manly!

Sawyer and Michael
have the current return them
to the Island. Jin...

...comes running over,
looking horrified. He screams
"Udders!!" They close in.

Haiku Review: Lost - Man of Science, Man of Faith

In the flashbacks, Jack

meets his future wife, Sarah.

She had a crushed spine.

But, Jack, even with

his ridiculous bad wig,

and bedside manner...

...promises to fix

her. He thinks he failed, so he

goes out for a run.

While running, he meets

a Scottish man named Desmond.

Desmond is training.

Training for what? Why,

a race around the world, of

course! Desmond tells Jack...

...maybe he did fix

Sarah. Jack thinks that's crazy.

As they part ways, Des...

...says to Jack, "See you

in another life, brother."

(he says it 'brotha')

Jack returns to his

patient (whom he'll later wed)

and she is healed! Weird.

At the hatch, John wants

to go in, Jack does not. They

return to the caves.

Jack tells the group 'bout

the Hatch, but says they should all

stay together here.

As soon as he ends

his speech, Locke grabs some cables,

says, "I'm going back."

Jack lets him go. Then,

Kate tells Jack, "I'm going with

him." Jack's not happy.

After she's left, Jack

gets one of the guns, and he,

too, heads to the Hatch.

Kate has the cable

tied around her. Locke lowers

her into the Hatch.

She screams, "I think there's

something down here." And then a

bright white light appears.

Locke feels a pull on

the cable, then the light goes

out. Locke yells for Kate.

He pulls the cable,

but Kate is not there. Jack shows

 up, Locke is gone, too.

Jack climbs down into

the Hatch. Once in there, he sees

an old computer.

Also, at one point,

the key around his neck was

floating. Hmm. Magnets?

Jack is looking at

the old computer, Locke says,

"I wouldn't do that."

Jack asks where Kate is,

Locke can't really answer. There's

a gun at his head.

Jack draws his weapon,

and the gunman tells Jack to,

"Drop it, brotha!" Yup.

The guy living in

the Hatch is Desmond. Small world,

wouldn't you say, Jack?

the more things change...

well, zolo may or may not live up to it's potential of awesomeness ( I am still optimistic, it's fairly early on, after all), but one thing about  this year is, so far, sadly, exactly the same as every other year: going back to work after a long weekend sucks

on a roll

I've blogged every day this year!!

zolo

January 1, 2000 was a Monday*. January 1, 2010 was a Friday.

That is just one of the many reasons this year, and this decade** are going to be better than the last.



*No, it wasn't. But if the past ten years (and Wikipedia. And Stephen Colbert, who I'm sure told this joke better) has taught us anything, it's that facts are most certainly malleable to fit our desires.

**And, yes, I'm aware that technically this isn't a new decade. (Hi, Miranda!) But a) everyone else has been calling 09 the end of the decade, and b) I'm just too tired to argue about it and c) the last ten years have been less than great in a lot of ways, so I'm all for jumping on the "2010 is going to be a much better year than 2009 was" bandwagon, even if it is just false hope. Because I suspect that zolo*** IS going to be a really good year in a lot of ways.

***zolo is what I've decided to start calling this year. Rather than getting into the whole "two-thousand ten" or "twenty ten" debate (which I know I talked about on this blog, and would link to if I a) weren't too lazy and b) the computer were able to handle such actions.), I'm just going to create my own name for the next 365 days, and I have decided it is "zolo". Because it looks like 2010, and also, "zolo" is just fun to say.

Sign of the times

Pretty much sums up the year, i think

Haiku Review: Lost - Exodus, Part 2

Jack, Kate, and Locke go
inside the Black Rock. Hurley
and Arzt stay outside.

The trio find an
old crate full of dynamite.
They carry it out.

Arzt berates the main
characters, telling them they
need to be careful.

He does have a point,
because mid-sentence the stick
Arzt was holding? Boom.

Yup. Just like that, Arzt
exploded. Nobody will
really miss him, though.

Very carefully
Jack and Locke pick up and wrap
some dynamite sticks.

As the group heads back
they encounter the Monster.
They all, but Locke, run.

Locke goes to see the
Monster, and winds up getting
dragged away by it.

The Monster tries to
pull Locke into a hole. Jack
grabs his arms, holds on.

He uses a stick
of dynamite to force the
Monster to let go.

We get a semi-
good look at the Monster for
the first time. It's ...smoke.

Yes. Apparently
the thing making machine-like
noises, crushing trees...

...dragging Locke, eating
pilots, and scaring the crap
out of them all? Smoke.

On the beach Danielle
shows up and steals Turnip-head.
Sayid and Charlie...

...go after her. They
track her down near the black smoke.
She wanted to trade.

In her nutso mind,
she would give them Turnip-head,
she would get Alex.

But, the Others aren't
there to make the trade. Charlie
thinks she made them up.

But, no, she heard the
whispers. They said "we're coming
for the child. The boy."

Sayid and Charlie
take back Turnip-head, who is
named Aaron by Claire.

On the raft, a boat
approaches! Everyone cheers!
Yay! They are rescued!!

Michael begins to
tell their rescuers about
the crash and so on.

He's interrupted
by the boat's captain, saying
some creepy ass lines:...

..."Only, the thing is,
we're going to have to take
the boy." Oh my god.

Michael says, "Hell no."
The boat people shoot Sawyer
who falls overboard.

Jin jumps in to save
him. Two of the Others board
the raft, and take Walt.

As Walt is taken
from his dad, screaming, Michael
jumps in the water...

...as a Molotov
cocktail burns his second raft,
and the Others flee.

Michael cries Walt's name
in a heartbreaking voice as
the boat disappears.

Back on the island,
Hurley notices the Hatch
contains the Numbers.

He tries to stop Locke
from lighting the dynamite,
but he's too late. Boom!

The hatch is removed,
and Jack and Locke peer down a
very long passage.

So what's inside? We'll
have to wait until Season
Two to answer that!

Haiku Review: Lost - Exodus, Part 1

Season finale!!
This ep plus the next one have
multiple flashbacks

The flashbacks are brief,
and mostly unimportant.
One exception: Jack's.

Jack is in a bar,
Michelle Rodriguez sits next
to him. Her name is...

...Ana-Lucia.
That's too many syllables!
Let's call her "Ana".

Ana flirts with Jack,
and we learn she will be on
the plane...in the back.

Oh, we also learn
Sawyer's real last name. It's "Ford".
Okay. Island time.

Danielle shows up on
the beach with a warning: The
Others are coming.

She tells them all how
sixteen years ago they showed
up and took her child.

First, she says, there was
a pillar of black smoke. That
night they took Alex.

Now they are coming
back. The survivors have 3
options: Run. Hide. Die.

A pillar of black
smoke on the horizon seems
to prove she's correct.

Jack's plan is to get
into the hatch, and hide the
group inside it. But...

...to do that, he needs
explosives. Danielle will take
them to the Black Rock.

So. Jack, Kate, Hurley,
Locke, Danielle, and Arzt will trek
to get the boom sticks.

Meanwhile, the raft is
nearly ready to set sail.
Jack wishes James luck.

And gives him one of
the guns ("just in case"). Sawyer
tells Jack 'bout his dad.

Walt gives Vincent to
Shannon. Sun gives Jin a list
to help his English.

Jin says he's going
to save her. They share a kiss.
Then, it's time to go.

The raft is launched, and
amidst cheery, uplifting
music, starts sailing.

Meanwhile, the jungle
crew has arrived at Black Rock.
It's a pirate ship.

Haiku Review: Lost - Born to Run

A science teacher
named Arzt (but Hurley calls Arntz)
is a survivor...

...from the crash.Up 'til
now, he's been just an extra
with no speaking lines.

He tells the group that
the winds are changing, the raft
should launch...yesterday.

He's a bit of a
know-it-all and somewhat rude.
He should go away.

Sayid shows the Hatch
to Jack, who, like Locke wants to
open it up now.

Sayid is aghast.
He thought Jack would talk Locke out
of his crazy plan.

But Jack is all, "Hey
this could be a great place to
live!" Sayid thinks not.

The trio decide
they need to figure out what
they should all do next.

Michael continues
to work on the raft. He, Walt,
two more, will soon leave.

Position 3 is Jin.
Rounding out the crew - Sawyer.
Kate wants on the boat.

She tells Sawyer she'll
get his spot. He scoffs. But when
Sawyer & Michael...

...have an argument,
Michael says maybe Sawyer
shouldn't come along.

Sun, meanwhile, does not
want her husband to leave her,
but he won't listen.

Michael suddenly
gets quite ill. Jack figures out
that he's been poisoned.

Blame time! Michael blames
Sawyer. Sawyer blames Kate. Jack
does, too. Which makes sense.

When Sawyer reveals
Kate's criminal past to all,
she is ostracized.

Michael votes Sawyer
back onto the boat, which will
set sail tomorrow.

Jack concludes that Sun
poisoned the water, meaning
for Jin to drink it.

She wanted to make
him sick enough that he'd have
to stay and not go.

Walt warns Locke not to
open it (meaning the Hatch).
Walt knows he will, though.

So that night he tells
his dad, "I burned the first raft.
I wanted to stay."

Michael says, "We can
stay. We don't have to go." Walt
says, "Yes. We do." Chills!!

Haiku Review: Lost - The Greater Good

In Sayid's flashbacks,
we learn the CIA used
Sayid as a mole.

Sayid's roommate from
his college days is plotting
to blow himself up.

In the end, Sayid
tells his friend he was working
for the CIA

His pal shoots himself.
But, Sayid learns Nadia
is alive stateside.

(Which makes me wonder
why he told Rousseau she was
dead. Writing error!!)

On the island, Boone's
funeral is being held.
It's not going well.

Sayid mentions (in
a roundabout way) how poor
a swimmer Boone was.

Then Locke shows up and
Jack goes berserk, punches him,
calls him a liar.

Locke tells the crowd 'bout
the plane that he and Boone found,
fails to mention Hatch.

Shannon tells Sayid:
"Locke killed my brother. Will you
do something 'bout that?"

So Sayid walks with
John to the plane, asking him
questions the whole way.

Locke's all, "Why don't you
trust me?" Sayid says: "You've got
a handgun on you."

Locke tells him about
the dead "priest", and then gives the
handgun to Sayid.

And then, because Locke
has some serious chutzpah,
he tells armed Sayid...

..."I was the one who
knocked you out and broke your stuff."
Sayid aims the gun.

Locke talks him out of
pulling the trigger, but *still*
lies about the Hatch.

Meanwhile, Kate drugs Jack
with sleeping pills to force him
to recuperate.

While he's passed out, the
key to the case with the guns
goes missing. Uh-oh.

It's Shannon who took
the key, and she has a gun
now. She wants revenge.

Sayid, Jack and Kate
try to talk Shannon out of
killing Locke. She shoots.

But the gunshot goes
wild, only grazing Locke's skull.
It's just a flesh wound.

I'll quickly mention
the b-story here: Charlie
is baby-sitting.

He's christened the child:
Turnip-head. (Ha ha! I had
forgotten 'bout that.)

The only person
who can stop Turnip-head from
crying is Sawyer.

At the very end,
Sayid goes to Locke, demands
to be shown the Hatch

Haiku Review: Lost - Do No Harm

Despite Jack's efforts
Boone succumbs to his wounds, dies.
Farewell, Worst Lifeguard.

While he lay dying,
Boone mentions the hatch, makes Jack
suspicious of Locke.

And when Boone dies, and
when he's gone, there'll be one
child born, carry on.

Claire gives birth. Kate's there.
Jin and Charlie are, as well.
(Is Sawyer there too?)

Shannon is busy
having a date with Sayid
while Boone is dying.

Oh, Sayid. Any
time you fall in love, it ends
with somebody's death.

In the flashbacks, we
learn that Jack married Sarah,
a former patient.

He fixed her spine, and
she fell in love with him. It's
as dull as it sounds.

At the end of the
ep, Jack is off to find Locke,
since "he murdered Boone".

3 years from now

I feel like i should mention the fast-approaching 2012 winter solstice, but, really i have nothing to say about it. It's fun to pretend that something world-ending or life-changing or paradigm-shifting or whatever-whatevering will take place then, but i honestly dont think it will be anything other than just another day.

aside from the zombie uprising, of course.

in other news, i also wanted to take a brief break from posting in haiku form. and from lost. if my math is correct, if i finish up season 1 by the end of the year, i can get the other 3 seasons done in January if i post 2 episodes a day. do-able, but it may cause Lost-burnout amongst the few readers i still have. so i'll be sure to mix things up a bit and blog about other things, too.

Haiku Review: Lost - Deus Ex Machina

In the past, Locke gets
conned out of a kidney by
his dad, Anthony.

(You can tell it’s the
past because Locke is wearing
a wig. And walking.)

Locke’s mom was in on
the con, too. She introduced
Locke and his papa.

Once Locke got to know
and trust the guy, he reveals
he needs a kidney.

Locke is a nice guy,
so he gladly donates his,
then his dad ditched him.

Poor John. It’s not his
fault that his dad, Anthony
Cooper, is pure scum.

But now we can add
Locke to the list of males with
daddy issues. Yay!

Locke and Boone have built
a trebuchet, even though
Boone can’t spell that word.

It smashes against
the Hatch window, but shatters,
frustrating them both.

(Oh, and a piece of
shrapnel impales Locke’s leg. But
he doesn’t feel it.)

Locke has a vision
involving a small airplane
(and a bloody Boone)

He tells Boone about
the vision (but leaves out the
part of him bloody)

At first Boone is all,
“Whatchoo talkin’ ‘bout Willis?”
And Locke is all, “FATE!!”

As they tromp through the
jungle, Locke’s miracle legs
start to waver some.

Locke & Boone find a
dead body in a tree. It’s
wearing a priest’s clothes.

But it had a gun,
so Locke thinks he wasn’t a
priest. (Boy, is he right!)

They then spot the plane
from Locke’s vision. It’s up on
cliff top, dangling.

Locke can’t go up there,
so Boone climbs up, goes inside,
and finds ...heroin.

Lots of heroin,
hidden in Virgin Mary
statues. Holy crap!

The plane starts to tip,
Locke warns Boone, “get out”. First he
tests the radio.

He says into it,
“We’re the survivors of flight
815.” “Us, too!!”

But then, crash! The plane
comes down, and Boone is bloody.
John carries him home.

He drops Boone’s wounded
body off with Jack, saying
“he fell off a cliff”.

He then goes back to
the Hatch, angry, crying. Then…
on comes a light. Whoa.

Haiku Review: Lost - Numbers

These are The Numbers:
Four. Eight. Twenty-three. Fifteen.
Sixteen. Forty-two.

Hurley heard them from
Lenny, a guy he met while
in a psycho ward.

Why was Hurley in
an institution? (He just
wanted a Pepsi?)

We don’t find out. Yet.
All we know is he’s fine now.
Don’t call him crazy!

Hurley picked up the
numbers from Lenny (who got
them from Sam Toomey)

Toomey was a guy
in the Navy who listened
for transmissions in…

...the Pacific. He
heard the numbers transmitting,
and used them to win…

…a guessing game that
let him win fifty-thousand
dollars, but cursed him.

Hurley used the same
numbers to play the lotto
and now he’s cursed too.

His run of bad luck
includes: grandfather dying,
mother’s house burning…

…getting arrested
by the LAPD, and,
of course, the plane crash.

No one believes him
when he tells them about the
curse. Except Rousseau.

The irony, I
think, is lost on Hurley, but
it doesn’t matter.

He’s just relieved to
have someone else confirm his
beliefs, re: numbers.

Rousseau (whom Hurley
continuously calls “French
chick”) knows the numbers.

Because her team heard
the same transmission that Sam
heard. It brought them here.

At the end, we see
the Numbers are inscribed on
the Hatch that Locke found.

Haiku Review: Lost - ...In Translation

When Michael’s raft gets
set on fire, Michael blames Jin,
starts beating him up.

Sun breaks them up and
reveals to everyone that
she can speak English.

Jin is pissed, shocked, hurt.
He packs up his stuff, moving
back down to the beach.

He offers to help
Michael build a new, better
raft, as does Walter.

Locke blames the arson
on Ethan's people. They have
attacked them before.

But, turns out that Walt
was the one who destroyed the
raft in the first place.

He tells Locke that he
did it because he likes the
Island. Locke does too.

Haiku Review: Lost - Outlaws

The T-1000
tells Sawyer he's found the guy
who ruined his life.

He goes by the name
of Frank Duckett and he is
living in Sydney.

Sawyer goes down there,
gets a handgun, and stalks Frank.
But can't murder him.

So Sawyer ends up
in a bar, getting drunk, and
Christian Shepherd's there!

Jack's dad admits that
he loves his son, but is too
weak to call him up.

He tells Sawyer, whose
real first name is James, to take
care of his business.

So Sawyer gets his
Ducketts all in a row, and
shoots Frank in cold blood.

As Frank is dying,
we learn he's not who James was
looking for at all.

Mr. Duckett was
just a guy who owed the T-
1000 money.

Main lesson here is
never trust Robert Patrick.
He's an evil dude.

Frank's dying words were,
"It will come back around." So
James is a bit freaked...

...When he hears that phrase
among the whispers while he
is in the jungle.

For a good portion
of this ep, James is harassed
by one of the boar.

He's semi-convinced
the boar has a vendetta
against him. (He's right.)

He wants to kill the
boar, but ultimately he's
like, "It's just a pig."

Near the end, Sawyer
figures out he met Jack's dad,
but doesn't tell him.

(Because it makes more
sense to wait until a more
dramatic moment.)