It feels like it's been January all year long...

there's a wrench in my back pocket

I'm sore, and beyond tired, and I kinda stink (I could use a shower), but we're moved in!! Such a good thing.

This new house is really great. We've met our neighbors - John, Susan, and tiny Devon - which is already a change from the previous house. (We spent 7.5 years there, and all the interactions with our next door neighbors were brief and unpleasant. And we never knew their names)

There's a LOT of room. Very spacious. And numerous windows. Windows EVERYWHERE. It's great. Especially since hte mountain is practically in our backyard, so the view is spectacular. So. Happy.

I'd blog more, but like I said, it has been a very long day, and I'm exhausted. Steph will most likely have pictures (and video?) tomorrow, so keep an eye out for that. In the meantime, I'm going to go take a quick shower, and then sleep in the mattress that was a hell of a thing to get up the stairs.

The number you are trying to reach is not in service...

Dude. Effective tomorrow (sometime between 7am and 4pm) our home phone number will no longer be the same one we have had for [at least] 11 years.

RIP, Catman4. You were a good number for a long long time. And then you got annoying when the only people who used you were creditors. I hope whoever ends up with you isn't overly irritated by getting calls asking for Patrick Wall-in.

And, yeah. Our number was "catman4". (It could have, I suppose, been "Batman4", but we all know that that was an abomination against humanity. And besides, for a while in my youth, my nickname was, in fact, C.A.A.T. (It stood for Crazy At All Times) So being "Catman" had a somewhat logical precedent.

Our new number, sadly, doesn't spell anything out. Or at least, nothing I've figured out yet.

Lost in 5 minutes

Okay, if your attention span is too short for 17-syllable haiku recaps of Lost, check out this hilarious video where all 5 seasons of Lost are explained in five minutes.



And, I swear, this is the last Lost related post until Season 6 starts.

Haiku Review: Lost - No Place Like Home, Part 2

The Oceanic
Six and Desmond and Frank are
able to get saved.

Penny's Boat shows up
to save the day, after Not
Penny's Boat goes boom.

Which happened after
Ben made sure Keamy's heart was
no longer beating.

Keamy was wearing
a heart monitor that would
trigger the C-4.

When the bomb went off,
Michael, Ghost-Christian, and Jin
were all exploded.

Sun's heart-wrenching scream
when she loses Jin is, well...
here. Just watch and weep.

Ben moves the Island.
Literally! He turns a
frozen donkey wheel...

...there's a blinding flash,
and then Whoomp! There it isn't.
Man, this show is cool.

Juliet and James
watch the smoldering wreckage
of their rescue boat...

...and, as far as they
know, about half of the main
characters just died.

That's a pretty good
excuse for getting wasted,
which is what they do.

Locke meets up with the
Others. At least someone has
a happy ending.

Except...not so much.
In the future, Locke is dead.
That's why Jack's a mess.

Jack says Locke said things
went to shit after Jack left.
Jack's on a guilt trip.

Ben's there (becuase
he hangs out at funeral
parlors, I suppose.)

Ben tells Jack that they
have to go back. All of them.
Even dead John Locke.

Haiku Review: Lost - No Place Like Home, Part 1

This felt like it was
mostly getting everyone
in place for next ep.

Jin, Sun, adn Aaron
end up on the freighter, which
is armed with C-4.

Sayid and Kate, who
went after Jack and Sawyer,
get caught by Others.

Jack and Sawyer find
Frank, arm themselves, head to the
Orchid for Hurley.

Hurley, Locke and Ben
get to the Orchid. Keamy
is already there.

Ben instructs Locke on
where the true Orchid is, then
surrenders himself.

Haiku Review: Lost - Cabin Fever

Alpert sees out Locke
the day he's born, when he's ten,
and when he's a teen.

Locke wasn't ready
to accept his destiny.
But Island-Locke is.

With help from some dreams
and a map from a corpse, John
finds Jacob's cabin.

Inside is Christian,
speaking on Jacob's behalf.
Claire is there as well.

I hope Claire's not dead.
Guess we'll have to wait until
Season six to know.

Things on the freighter
are getting intense. Keamy
slit the doctor's throat...

...then dumped the body
overboard. That explains how
he wound up that way.

Keamy also shoots
the captain. And straps some sort
of bomb to his arm.

I think it's safe to
say Keamy is one fucked up
individual.

Why is he on this
killing spree? Why, to force Frank
to be his pilot.

Meanwhile, Sayid has
taken a raft back to get
survivors rescued.

One last flashback with
Locke: Abaddon plants the seed
of a Walkabout.

When Locke asks Christian
"How do I save the Island?"
He answers, "Move it."

Well. They're gonna need
one hell of a U-Haul truck.
Or a big lever.

Haiku Review: Lost - Something Nice Back Home

Jack's appendix gets
taken out by Juliet.
Sound boring? It is!

Future Jack and Kate
live together, get engaged.
Sound boring? It is!

Christian Shepherd shows
up both on the Island, with
Claire, and off, with Jack.

For a guy who's dead,
he sure does get around. He
takes Claire to the woods.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Shape of Things to Come

Another 'holy
crap, a lot happened' ep. Let's
get started, shall we?

The freighter's doctor
washes up on the beach, with
his throat slit. Not good.

When Des radios
the boat, they say the doctor
is fine. Well, that's weird.

At the Barracks, a
shoot-out takes place. The guys from
the freighter want Ben.

The leader is named
Martin Keamy and he has
Alex held hostage.

He says "Ben, come out
or I'll kill your daughter." Ben
tries to call his bluff.

So Keamy shoots her
in the head. Boom. Just like that.
Ben: "He changed the rules."

Ben goes into a
secret hideaway, then comes
back covered in soot.

Smokey shows up and
it is angry as hell. It
destroys Keamy's men.

James, Claire, Aaron, Miles
head for the beach. Ben, Locke will
find Jacob's cabin.

In the future, Ben
recruits Sayid once his wife
is killed by Widmore.

Ben goes to Widmore,
says, "You killed my daughter, so
I'm gonna kill yours."

Haiku Review: Lost - Meet Kevin Johnson

Michael wants to die.
The Island won't let him. He
has to work for Ben.

He gets on the boat,
along with some explosives.
Sayid turns him in.

On the Island, Ben
has Alex, Danielle and Karl
head to the Temple.

Unfortunately,
they're ambushed along the way.
Karl, Danielle both shot.

Haiku Review: Lost - Ji Yeon

Future Sun gives birth
to daughter Ji Yeon, but Jin
is sadly not there.

Sun, Hurley, Ji Yeon
visit Jin's grave site. He "died"
when the plane went down.

The Oceanic
Six (as the media has dubbed
them) have lied. A lot.

Speaking of lying,
on the freighter the captain
blames fake plane on Ben.

Also, on the boat
is "Kevin Johnson" who looks
a LOT like Michael.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Other Woman

Dan and Charlotte stop
Ben (or someone) from pulling
off "The Purge, Part 2".

The Tempest is a
Dharma station with poison
gas. (Who builds these things?!?)

Juliet is Ben's.
At least, that's what he believes.
Ben? Stalking's creepy.

Ben tells Locke Widmore
faked the plane wreckage and is
a dangerous man.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Constant

Listen: Desmond Hume
has become unstuck in time.
And, he's not alone.

One of the freighters,
George, is also time-bouncin'.
George dies. So it goes.

Des is going to
die, too. So it goes. Unless
he gets an anchor.

Penny can be his
constant. He just has to call
her on Christmas Eve.

Love does conquer all.
It stopped Desmond's time bouncing
nosebleeds. Poo-tee-weet?

Haiku Review: Lost - Eggtown

Miles tells Ben he was
hired by Charles Widmore
to come there to find him...

...But, he says, he'll lie,
say Ben's dead, if Ben pays him
3.2 million.

Dan calls the freighter
and is informed the copter
hasn't shown up there.

Future Kate has a
son. The final reveal is
that he is Aaron.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Economist

Future Sayid is
killing people on a list
that Ben gave to him.

Sayid, Kate, and Miles
go to the Barracks to save
Charlotte. they trade Miles.

Also, Kate stays and
moves in with Claire. Sawyer is
happy to see her.

Daniel sets up an
experiment involving
rockets, time delays.

Rocket that should take
20 seconds, takes 30
minutes to arrive.

Ordering pizza
on the Island is a bitch.
Never there on time.

Frank, Sayid, and Des
fly away in Frank's chopper.
Dan warns: "Don't change course."

Haiku Review: Lost - Confirmed Dead

4 new characters
get introduced to us: Dan,
Miles, Charlotte, and Frank.

Daniel Faraday
is a physicist who's a
bit absent minded.

Miles Straume talks to dead
people, is sarcastic, and
really likes money.

Charlotte spent her time
digging up polar bears in
the Tunisian sand.

Frank "The Lawnmower
Man" Lapidus: pilot, drunk,
but pretty cool guy.

All four of them were
hired by Abaddon to
go to the Island.

Charlotte gets captured
by Locke and his people. Ben
tries to shoot her dead.

Ben knows who Charlotte
is because he's got a spy
on her boat. Of course.

Miles tells Jack and his
group that they're there to capture
Benjamin Linus.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Beginning of the End

Future Hurley see
Maybe Evil Abaddon,
Dead Charlie, and Jack.

Abaddon asks him,
"Are they still alive?". Music
plays ominously.

Dead Charlie tells him
that he needs to go back. Hey!
That's what Jack told Kate!

Jack's not saying that
yet, though. When he sees Hurley,
he still has no beard.

When Hurley mentions
going back, Jack says 'never'.
Never say never!

Hurley also tells
Jack he shouldn't have gone with
Locke while on the Isle.

And we see when that
happened - after Hurley hears
about Charlie's death.

Locke tells the Losties,
"I'm going to the Barracks.
Who wants to join me?"

Hurley, Sawyer, Claire,
Aaron, and some background folk
opt to follow Locke.

Jack gets greeted by
one of the freighter crew who
jumped from a copter.

Haiku Review: Lost - Through the Looking Glass

In the off Island
scenes, Jack is a mess. Popping
pills, heavy drinking...

...almost jumping off
bridges, visiting coffins,
sportin' a whack beard.

The beard, by the way,
gives it away that this is
the future, not past.

On the Island, Jack
leads most of his group to the
radio tower.

Ben shows up, Alex
is with him. Ben tries warning
them: Naomi's bad.

Alex and Danielle
have a touching reunion
where they tie Ben up.

Ben says Naomi
is not who she says she is.
No one believes him.

Except for John Locke.
Who got out of the death pit
with some help from Walt.

Walt was able to
help since he grew to be, like,
900 ft tall.

Locke introduces
himself to Naomi by
using his knife skillz.

He stabs her in the
back. Literally. Tells Jack,
"don't use that sat phone."

Locke warns him: "Jack, you're
not supposed to do this." Jack
does it anyway.

Of course, he can use
the sat phone because Charlie
shut down Looking Glass.

Here's what happened there:
Charlie got tortured, Patchy
went rogue, killed Others.

Desmond shot Patchy
with a harpoon gun. Which would
kill a normal man.

Charlie turns off the
signal, just like in Desmond's
vision. Yay, Charlie!

Oh, and hello, what's
this? Penny is on Skype! Cool!
Charlie learns Penny...

...doesn't know a girl
named Naomi, and didn't
send the boat she's from.

Which means...oh my god.
Ben was telling the truth! I
think hell just froze, dude.

Before Charlie and
Penny can talk more, Patchy
returns. Yet again.

He has a grenade.
He blows himself up. Part of
the Looking Glass, too.

As Charlie's room fills
with water, he writes on his
hand "NOT PENNY'S BOAT"

Aww. So long, Charlie.
Please tell me your sacrifice
was not for nothing.

Back at the tower,
Jack makes the call, reaches the
freighter. "Come get us."

For the final scene,
Back to Jack to the Future.
He meets Kate at night.

He tells her he's been
flying in hopes that the plane
will once again crash.

He says that they made
a mistake. They weren't supposed
to leave the Island.

He ends the season
with, "We have to go back, Kate!
We have to go back!!!!"

Haiku Review: Lost - Greatest Hits

This was setting up
for the season finale,
calm before the storm.

Des has another
vision - Claire boards a copter -
if Charlie drowns first.

Naomi's sat phone
will work, if they can get a
signal through. But first...

...they need to shut down
the Looking Glass. Another
underwater site.

Charlie volunteers.
Desmond goes with him. Charlie
dives down, gets inside.

And discovers two
female Others armed with guns.
Well, that can't be good.

Meanwhile, Jack and the
Losties have booby-trapped the
camp with dynamite.

That way when Ben and
the Others raid the camp, they'll
get a big surprise.

Sayid, Bernard and
Jin will stay behind to set
off the dynamite.

Everyone else heads
to the radio tower
to use the sat phone.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Man Behind the Curtain

Ben wasn't born on
the Island. Yeah, he lied 'bout
that. Shocking, I know.

Instead, he was born
two months premature a few
miles outside Portland.

His mom, Emily,
died shortly after she had
him. That's pretty sad.

Ben and his dad came
to the Island when Ben was
about ten years old.

Ben's dad brought him to
the Island when he joined up
with the Dharma group.

Holy shit! Ben's dad
is "Roger Work Man"! His corpse
is found by Hurley.

We learn how Roger
died - Ben personally gassed
him to death. Evil!!

Sure, Roger was no
Father of the Year - he drank,
blamed Ben for Em's death.

But still. Ben watched him
die! The rest of Dharma was
then killed off as well.

The Dharma bodies
are then put into a mass
grave by the Others.

I'm getting ahead
of myself. We'll come back to
the Dharma graves soon.

Locke wants Ben to tell
him the Island secrets. Ben
says, "you want Jacob".

Locke's all, "OK. Take
me to Jacob then." Ben says
Jacob calls you first.

Locke punches Patchy
to prove he's serious. He
really wants answers.

Before he heads out
with Ben, Alex gives Locke a
gun. "You might need this."

Ben leads Locke to a
cabin, surrounded by ash.
Inside is... a chair.

Ah-ha!! So JACOB
stands for Just A Chair Of Ben's.
Okay, maybe not.

Locke hears a voice say,
"Help me" before things start to
fly around the room.

Locke believed Ben faked
the whole thing, wants to tell the
Others - Ben's a fraud.

Ben leads Locke to the
mass grave pit, then shoots Locke and
leaves him for dead. Damn!!