Thursday, June 30, 2005

How to boost your word count: A series in (at least) 4 parts

Part one.


Hi! I'm Troy Mc...oh. Wait. Hi! I'm sure you're reading this because you've discovered the wonderful world of weblogging, or, it's shortened "hip" form, "blogging". A blog is an online journal where people type lots of interesting, banal, insipid and other adjectively descriptive thoughts from their lives, and post them onto the Internet(s) for everyone else's enjoyment.

Some bloggers have...bah. This is not working! DELETED!

Starting over.

Here's how to boost your word count on your blog. There's no reason you would WANT to boost your word count, unless you were me. Which you are not. Unless you are. But YOU aren't, I am. So the point remains that these instructions are meaningless for you. But not for me.

So. Word count increasing tips.

1) Uncompound any compound words. Make doghouse into dog house. Instead of "shoehorn", type "shoe horn". Turn "breakfast" into "the first meal of the day, that is often skipped by those who don't have time due to their busy busy schedules".

2) Be wordy. Remember that while brevity is the soul of wit, if you are too brief, there's no way in hell you will end up with the desired goal of over two hundred thousand words by the end of the year. Talk talk talk! Even if (especially if!) you have nothing to say, blather on for a few more sentences. Like those who believe in fairy tales tell you,  "Every vote  word counts!" So get out there and chat away. And by "chat", of course, I mean "type". Interesting how the language of the internet hasn't caught up with the language of real life yet. Or the other way around, maybe? Bah. That's the downside to being wordy. You end up confusing (or boring) your readers as well as your self. Doh.

3) Post often. Even if you post something that is only 20 words long, if you post 98 times a day, you're half way there. [/math whiz] Plus, posting often means people will check in more frequently, and provide a lot more feedback (er, I mean feed back) than usual. Yay!

4) S p a c e  o u t  y o u r  w o r d s. Okay, technically it's cheating, but what some call "cheating", others refer to as "S t i c k i n g   i t   t o   T h e   M a n".  Thus, it is all a matter of perspective.

5) Post pictures.  They're worth a thousand words. Quick way to boost that count. Say it with images instead of symbols. (Note that I have yet to do that. Hmm.)

6) Fiction! Remember that writing stories is a lot more interesting than whatever is going on in your dull little life, so try to post some stuff about aliens and whatever.

7) Plagerize. If you can find a long article by someone on the internet, (and the internet is FULL of long articles by someone) copy and paste it. It will entertain your readers, and have the added bonus of doing a percentage of the work for you. Awesome!

So that's that. Hopefully I will fall back on these tips as the year continues, seeing how it is nearly half way over, and I'm still only at 20%. It's time for me to really kick it into gear.  In conclusion, 573.

1 comment:

Simon said...

That means you've done about a fifth of the work in about half of the time. Yikes!