Off to see the wizard

We had a rep from Sony come to the station today, giving the ...well, not the sales pitch, since we've already bought the show, but ...well, just a presentation, on the "Dr. Oz" show.
I'd heard of Dr. Oz before (mostly just from knowing that we were going to be carrying the show, and that he had been on Oprah's program several times) but I didn't know all the info about the guy. Apparently he's the one who has been writing those "You" books ("You - on a diet", "You - only better", "You - oughtta know" [okay, that last one was Alanis]), he writes a weekly newspaper column, he appears on Oprah like every month, he's a doctor/surgeon, he teaches classes, and now he's going to be hosting his own television program.
And it's like, Dude. I'm exhausted just hearing about all your activities. How does he do it??

Speaking of over-extending onesself, May is going to be ...hectic.
We have Baby 4 arriving...whenever, plus I'm considering blogging daily (although now that we're at May's door, I'm feeling much less committed to that particular goal), my supervisor is going to be out from work for half of the month due to a surgery, the upfronts happen [NBC is May 5th, the other networks happen the week of the 18th], May is the month for season finales on television, and we have to devise a way to come up with an extra thousand dollars (give or take) so that we can attend the Live & Learn Conference in September.

Hectic.

I'm sure it would be no sweat for Dr. Oz, but we'll have to see how I handle things. :)

No haikus here

I'm nearly caught up on my movie reviewing.

I don't really have anything else to say right now, but I wanted to make an entry that wasn't seventeen syllables at a time.

I have an idea (or four) for a blogging challenge for the month of May. ...that's all I'm going to say about it right now. I really hope that I a) follow through, and b) haven't jinxed myself by talking about it. Guess we'll find out in a week.

Haiku Review: Yes Man

Jim Carrey says yes
to everything, like dating
Zooey Deschanel

Was this a funny
movie? Yes (and no) Can I
recommend it? Yes!

Haiku Review: Resident Evil: Extinction

Our trilogy comes
to an end as Alice fights
the last boss. Game on!

Alice has powers
that don't make much sense, but then,
logic is sparse here.

Zombie birds are cool,
baked zombie birds are too, as
are the Alice clones.

Haiku Review: Eagle Eye

Just like Transformers,
Shia LaBeouf plays average
guy in crazy sitch.

His name is Jerry,
and soon after his twin dies,
his life goes crazy.

He gets a call from
"Big Sister" who has him jump
through all sorts of hoops.

All in the name of
"National Security".
Go team USA!

See, the computer
wants to kill the president
for not listening.

And it needs Jerry
to help it out. Thus, action!!
Thrills, plot holes abound!

Haiku Review: Lost - Some Like It Hoth

I like puns as much
as the next guy (maybe more)
but, jeez, show. Really?

On with the recap:
Young Miles and his single mom,
looking for a place...

...decide to move in
to the complex so Miles can
chat with dead tenants.

Later, when Miles asks
his dying mom about his
dad, she says he died...

...years ago, and that
his body is someplace that
Miles could never go.

(Oh, yeah. You can tell
this is the past because Miles
has on a bad wig.)

We also get to
see how Naomi hired
Miles to search for Ben.

AND! Bram, who is with
Ilana on the Island,
briefly kidnaps Miles.

He warns Miles not to
go to Craphole, since he's not
on the winning team.

Miles just wants money
(well, that, and his fish taco)
so Bram lets him go.

In the present/past-
Sawyer calls Miles, asks him to
please erase tape 4.

But before Miles can,
Horace sends him to pick up
something. ...It's a corpse.

Miles uses his Sixth
Sense to find out how this guy
wound up DOA.

Turns out, fillings and
super-strong magnets do not
make a good combo.

Meanwhile, Ben's dad flips
out when he discovers his
son has gone missing.

Kate tries to comfort
him: "Don't worry, Roger. Ben
will be just fine. Heck...

...he will be up and
committing mass murder, yours
included, real soon!"

Roger is all, "Kind
words? From someone I just met?!?
She must be evil!"

Roger goes to Jack,
asks if Kate can be trusted.
Jack: "Welllll.... hey! You're drunk!"

Elsewhere, Hurley has
tagged along with Miles for the
corpse delivery.

The duo discuss
conversations with dead folk
and Star Wars fan-fic.

(Oh, and Hurley was
wrong. The Ewoks did not suck!
The prequels did, though.)

Everybody, please
welcome Miles into the Lost
Daddy Issues Club!

Everybody: "Hi,
Miles!" Miles (meekly): "Hi." So...Miles,
what are your issues?

"Well, my dad left me
and my mom when I was a
child, so I had to...

...learn how to speak with
dead people all on my own,
which made me snarky.

Now, through a weird twist
of both fate and donkey wheels,
I'm here, with my dad.

And I can see he
did love me as a child. So...
I guess I'm done here!"

And Hurley was like,
"See? Daddy issues can be
resolved without death!"

(Pointed look at Kate,
Locke, Sawyer, Ben, George Lucas.
You too, Joss Whedon.)

Things with Miles seem good
but Phil found the tape with James,
Kate, and Ben on it!

So Sawyer punches
Phil, and has Juliet get
a rope. Here we go!

And lastly, Daniel
is back! He returns on the
sub, saying, "Hey Miles!"

In two weeks we get
the one hundredth episode!
Can't wait to see it!

Haiku Review: Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Still not great, but it
was better than the first one.
It felt more...um... real?

I guess setting it
in Raccoon City gave it
a more 'real world' vibe.

This was a small step
(a shuffle, you might say) in
the right direction.

Haiku Review: Wanted

Lots of Matrix-y
slow-mo, but they made it work.
This was full of cool.

Curving bullets, rats
that explode, shooting the wings
off of flies, and more!

The "fuck you" keyboard,
Morgan freakin' Freeman, just
a great action flick.

Although the last line
made me want to punch someone.
This wasn't Fight Club.

Haiku Review: Lost - Dead Is Dead

It's a Ben-centric
episode, so anything
we learn is suspect.

Charles charges in,
asks Richard, "Why'd you save him?"
"Jacob wants it so."

Charles tells young Ben
he must go back to Dharma
but he's "one of them".

In the present, Ben
awakens with Locke looking
over him. Surprise!

Ben's all, "I knew it!"
Locke: "Oh Really?" Ben: "Sorta?
See, I was hoping...

...that it wouldn't work,
and you'd remain dead, but the
Island loves you best...

...but let's go see the
Smoke Monster and see what it's
got to say." Locke: "Cool."

On the beach, Ben talks
with Caesar, "Hey, do you think
Locke might be... loco?"

Caesar is intrigued
by Ben's views and would like to
subscribe, etc.

Flashback! You can tell
it's the past, because Ben is
wearing a bad wig.

Anyway, he and
teenage Ethan are on a
mission - kill French chick.

But, Ben has a heart!
(Who knew??) When he sees newborn
Alex, he spares her.

Instead of killing
Danielle, he just takes her child,
warns her 'bout whispers.

Back in the present,
John and Ben are taking a
boat. Caesar stops them.

Well, "stops" them until
Ben shoots Caesar in the chest
with a shotgun. Damn!

Ben and Locke arrive
on the main island, where Sun
and Frank are waiting.

Sun shows Ben the pic
of the Dharma crew with Jack,
Hurley, Kate in it.

Ben seems surprised by
this, but then, he's a master
liar, so who knows.

When he asks what Frank
and Sun are doing there, they
"Waiting for Godot John Locke"

Frank has had enough
craziness for one lifetime,
says he's going back.

Sun says, "I got to
try and find my husband, so
I'll stay with these guys."

Locke tells Sun, "I have
some ideas on how to find
Jin again, but first...

...Ben has to summon
our pal Smokey." Ben pulls a
plug on a drain. Huh?

When Smokey doesn't
show up, Locke says, "Follow me."
and heads jungle-bound.

They get outside the
Temple. Locke tells Ben, "Under
there you'll find Smokey."

Ben tells Sun, "If you
see Desmond, tell him 'Sorry',
he'll know what I mean."

And we know - sort of -
because we flash back to when
Ben confronted Des.

Ben shoots Desmond's bag
of groceries, spilling his
milk! No use crying!

He then is planning
on killing Penny, but stops
when he sees her kid.

Desmond then beats the
crap out of Ben and throws him
into the water.

Other flashback stuff:
Widmore gets pissed that Ben saved
Alex, claims it's fate.

Later, Charles is
banished from the Island 'cause
he had his own child.

On the small island,
Frank comes back to find a coup
Ilana asks him...

...this question, "What lies
in the shadow of statue?"
(Is the answer 'Ben'?)

When Frank doesn't know,
Ilana smacks him in the
head with a gun. Ouch!

In the Temple (of
Doom?), Ben is surrounded by
Smokey in Judge Mode.

After showing Ben
the Alex Greatest Hits, the
monster goes back home.

An Alex vision
appears before Ben, commands
him, "Do. What. Locke. Says."

Ben swears he will, and
that appeases SmokeAlex.
It leaves Ben alive.

Seems there's been a shift
in power from Ben to Locke
in who knows the most.

Haiku Review: Bolt

Superhero dog,
declawed cat, and a hamster
make a funny team.

Predictable? Sure.
But, dude, it's Disney. Plus, it
made me laugh a lot.

They had similiar discussions a thousand years ago

So. Next year - is it "two thousand ten" or "twenty ten"?
We've got about 260-ish days to figure it out. Discuss.

Haiku Review: Lost - Whatever Happened, Happened

Not a lot of plot
here, but plenty to discuss.
Let's break it down, yo.

Ben spends most of this
episode in pain from the
bullet in his chest.

It's not a question
of if he'll live, but the how
is what we don't know.

Juliet does her
best to save the young kid's life
but she's no surgeon.

Hey, good thing that there
is a doctor in the camp!
But Jack says "uh-uh."

Wait.... WHAT? Jack doesn't
want to fix something?!? Are we
sure that's really Jack?

Hey Jack, remember
that oath you took that you would,
you know, do no harm?

Well...I guess you could
argue you haven't taken
that oath yet, but still.

Since Jack doesn't want
to save a young kid's life, Kate
will have to step in.

Kate, along with James,
take Ben to the Others and
say, "Fix him up, guys!"

Richard Alpert warns
"This will wipe his memory,"
and I roll my eyes.

But at least we have
an answer (however bad)
to Hurley's question:

"If this all took place
already why doesn't grown Ben
remember Sayid?"

Speaking of Hurley
his conversation with Miles
was hilarious.

If you're still confused
about the whole time travel
issue(s), this may help:

Scroll down and read the
bit about cookie crumbs and
Central Avenue

Other important
events from this ep: Kate came
back to rescue Claire.

Seems that raising a
kid who belongs to someone
else ate at Kate's soul.

Also - Kate told the
truth (all of it?) about the
Island to James' ex.

AND she told Claire's mum
at least some of the truth, too.
Kate. Here. Look this up.

Do you remember
Rose and Bernard and Vincent?
The writers sure don't!

In the future/now,
Ben wakes up and sees John Locke
next week's gonna rock!

Haiku Review: Resident Evil

How does a movie
with zombies, guns, and zombie
dogs wind up so meh?

March's word cloud is here.

There was a Stephen King category on Jeopardy! today, and I got every response correct. So, that was nice and ego-boosting.

I've gone back to the haiku review entries made on the last day of '08, and separated them all into individual posts (rather than grouped in bunches of 20). I'll also restart posting haiku reviews of movies I see from here on out.

Not a lot else to say right now. All of Spish is currently in varying degrees of unhealthiness, which sucks.

...that's about all for now, I guess.

Haiku Review: Lost - He's Our You

The flashbacks are back!
Or are they flashforwards? Ehh.
Time is meaningless.

How does Sayid prove
to his dad that he's manly?
Choking his chicken.

Sayid in a cage,
Ben gives him chicken sandwich.
What's with all the fowl?

Sayid and Ben talk
Ben more or less says, "I'll get
you out of here, pal."

Sawyer gives Sayid
multiple chances to get
out, but he's not game.

So the Dharma clan
take Sayid to visit the
local torturer.

(Which makes me wonder
why does a group of hippies
have a torturer?)

He's given some drugs
to make him tell the truth, which
he does, but come on...

...who is gonna buy
the truth? It's too outlandish.
So Sayid's recaged.

Ben's dad mops up near
Sayid's cage. Ben shows up with
more food. Dad flips out!

Christ, what an asshole!
He bangs young Ben's head on the
bars, and spills the food.

Ha ha, joke's on him!
He'll have to clean that up! (Or
get Jack to do it.)

Speaking of Jack, he's
eating Hurley-cooked food with
Kate. They speak of James.

Kate is the last to
know that Sawyer has moved on.
Kate is... kinda dumb.

Back to Sayid! In
his flashbacks: he kills the last
guy on Ben's 'kill' list.

Ben says, "All right. Thanks!"
Sayid's all, "Um. Well, now what?"
Ben shrugs. "See ya 'round!"

So Mr. Jarrah
goes to build houses instead
of breaking necks. Then...

Ben shows up. "You have
to come back!! There are people
(like me) you must kill!"

But once at the dock,
Sayid says, "Aw, hell no!" And
leaves to get wasted.

He meets Ilana
at a bar. Seduction, guns
and handcuffs follow.

So now we know how
Sayid got on the plane and
that takes us back to...

Dharma. Where they vote
to execute Sayid!! Jeez!
Worst. Hippies. Ever.

Before that happens,
the community is shocked
by a flaming bus.

Seems young Ben set the
bus afire to distract the
guards and save Sayid.

The two make their way
into the jungle, but are
stopped briefly by Jin.

When Jin starts to call
for backup, Sayid flips him,
knocks him out, takes gun.

Then Sayid says, "Screw
history! I'll kill baby
Hitler right now!" Bang!

Sayid shot young Ben
in the chest! I suspect that
Ben read Marty's note.

Haiku Review: Lost - Namaste

Maybe it was the
two week delay between eps,
but this was ...not great.

Granted, it was no
Stranger in a Strange Land, but
it was no Constant.

Anyway. On with
the show. Frank Lapidus pulls
a "Sully". Nice job!

Well, his co-pilot
might disagree, but you get
the point. (So does he!)

Ben leads Sun to some
outriggers. She thanks him with
an oar to the head.

Sun and Frank row, row,
row their boat to Craphole, where
Christian awaits them.

Meanwhile, in the past,
Jack, Kate and Hurley are brought
in as Dharma crew.

And Sayid is caught
by Radzinsky, who thinks he's
a Hostile/Other.

Sawyer locks him up
and in the end young Ben brings
Sayid a sandwich.

:/

There are certain bloggers i wish would update more often, but I totally get that they don't.

I had(have) more to say, but honestly, even typing this is a struggle. My mind is just NOT in the mood to type text right now. (Which begs the question of why I'm bothering to post this at all. I don't know, precisely, why, I think it's because there's a part of me - a very nagging, irritating, persistent part of me - that also wants to write. Write something. So I'm caving to that part - but the other part that has nothing to say or thinks anything I do say is boring trash - is winning. Hrm.

Blah. This was a very mundane entry. Perhaps the word verifications will spice things up a bit. If you reply, work your wv into your comment. You know. If you want.

Don't blame me, I voted for Voldemort*

It's been a while since I've done a Church Sign Wisdom post - partly because it's been a while since they've updated their signage, and partly due to not having anything witty to say about the previous signs when they have changed it. I mean, there's not really anything funny about BIBLE CLASS
WEDNESDAYS 7PM

(Well, there might be. But you know what I mean.)

Anyway. They've updated the marquee, and it's ...oddly worded, I think is a fair assessment.
The new message:

THE PROBLEM IS NOT
WHO IS PRESIDENT
BUT WHO IS LORD

Well there we go. We just have to vote out God, and everything will be so much better.


*I was debating what title to use for this entry. It was always going to be "Don't blame me I voted for [name]" but the options that I was waffling between were: "Voldemort", "Fauntleroy", "Vader", or "Tracy" (all Lords), or going the other way, "Zeus", "Odin", or "Yahweh". Not certain which choice was actually funniest, but I think Voldemort works best, obviously. The merit of the choices can be debated in the comments, if you'd like.

Haiku Review: Lost - LaFleur

Locke goes down the hole,
the gang sees the statue from
the back, fans go nuts.

There's one more flash then
...No more time jumps! Looks like Locke
set things right again.

Well, mostly right. Seems
Sawyer and pals are gonna
relive through disco.

James interrupts a
Dharma/Others picnic/fight
thus saving Amy.

Amy leads them to
the Dharma camp, where Sonic
Fence knocks them out cold.

Our favorite con-man
gets grilled by Horace Goodspeed,
lies convincingly.

Horace says, "Ya'll can
leave Craphole via our sub!"
Then Richard shows up.

Sawyer goes to chat
with Mr. Never Ages,
persuades him to chill.

Horace says, "Nice job.
You can stay two weeks." (Which is
like three years Lost-time)

Later, Amy goes
into labor - Juliet
delivers the boy!

James and Juliet
are so happy together!
Then Jin calls. Guess what.

Freckles is back on
the Island, to make things suck.
(And Jack will help, too.)

I was hoping James
would end the show by saying,
"Hey Kate! ...Where's Aaron?"

Haiku Review: Lost - The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham

Much later in the day than I had originally planned on posting these, but what are ya gonna do?


After turning the
wheel, Locke (re)meets Widmore, who
says, "War's a-comin'."

Widmore gives John a
new identity. Time to
bend it like Bentham.

Also from Widmore -
creepy driver Abaddon!
Locke's all, "Um. Gee. Thanks?"

First Locke goes to see
Sayid. "We have to go back,"
says John. Sayid: "No."

Next Locke visits WAAAAALT!
He doesn't ask him to go
back, causing much ire.

Seriously, if
that was the send-off for WAAAAALT,
I'ma be pissed, dudes.

Next up is Hurley,
who is convinced that Locke's dead.
Not yet, dude. Not yet.

Hugo doesn't want
to listen to John once he
spots Abaddon. Smart!!

So far, Locke's batting
zero. And his talk with Kate
is no different.

You know what will cheer
you up, Locke? Finding out your
ex-girlfriend is dead.

Or being shot at
by Ben's lackeys, who do kill
Abaddon. A LOT.

And then a car crash
so Dr. Jack can work you
over. Nice one, Jack!

At his apartment,
Ben shows up and says, "Hey Locke,
how's it hanging?....Locke?"

Then Ben Linus came
to talk him down. But he don't
need advice, he's down.

And things seemed okay
until Locke mentioned Hawking.
Ben...went kinda nuts.

Now that both Ben and
Locke are back (and living) on
Craphole... well...NOW what?