Mommy, why does everybody have a bomb?

("1999" by Prince)

So early this morning - around ten after midnight, actually - there was a very strong knock on the door.

Turns out, it was two Las Vegas Metro Police officers, who informed us that we needed to evacuate our house because they had found an "explosive device" in the park behind our home.

I grabbed Irina (who was still sleeping at that point) and Saren and Harper began getting their shoes on while Steph grabbed Silas. At one point, one of the officers asked me how many people were in the residence, and I was still half asleep and answered, "Five." I did a quick (or somewhat slowed) mental count and corrected myself, "I mean six." Gah. Talk about a Homer moment.

The plan, according to the cops, was to have the neighborhood go down to the Wal-mart parking lot, where some buses would be ordered for us all to sit in and wait.

They said that we could drive our van down if we wanted to, and we were going to do that, but it turns out that Silas' car seat cover was not put together at the time, and we didn't know if we had the time to put it together, so we just opted to walk the short distance down to Wal-mart.

As we were walking down the street, looking at all the police and fire vehicles littering the road, we noticed that no other neighbors were making the exodus. It felt very weird. Almost like a really elaborate prank against us. (Surely that feeling was a combination of shock and lack of sleep, though)

We got to Wal-mart, and there was nobody else there, either. Or at least, nobody that we could tell was from our neighborhood. The greeter saw us and asked if we needed a shopping cart. (Heh) We explained the situation to her, and she offered us some seats at the McDonald's inside the store (and also told us of the time she was working at another Wal-mart where a gas station exploded so they evacuated that neighborhood).
The greeter, a few minutes later, came by and told us that she was going to treat us to anything we wanted from McDonald's, in case we were hungry. The girls (and I) did want a tiny snack, so even though we both refused her kindness at first, she insisted, so we ordered a few cheeseburgers, some nuggets, and 2 drinks.
The food helped make the time go a little quicker.

I went outside to check to see where the bus was, and saw another woman who had been evacuated. She said that the person living next to her had been picked up by a family member, but she was just waiting for the bus like we were. I told her to come inside the Wal-mart where it was warmer. A police officer drove up at that point and informed us that the bus would be there within ten minutes.

I asked him if he knew how long it would be until we could return to our homes. He didn't know, but said it could take up to 3 hours. Ugh.

I went back inside, and told the family the deal.

Then, about ten minutes later, the bus did show up. We boarded, as well as a rather cranky old woman who is one of our neighbors, and we all sat on the bus for approximately 30-40 minutes. Well, Irina played. She was having a grand ol' time. :)

At 1:25am, the police officer I had seen earlier came on board the bus, telling us that it would be about another 20-25 minutes until we could go home. Hooray!

At around 1:50, we were told we could go home. We made the short walk back to the house, wondering if any of the cops would tell us what happened (most of them were already getting back into their cars and leaving). We did stop one really young officer who was removing the yellow police tape as we passed, "What was it?"

He chuckled and said somewhat embarrassed, "It was a smoking bong."

A bong?

Not a bomb?

Not a buh-- ?[/Airplane]

Nope. A bong. *sigh* Well, at least we were all safe and sound back in our house, and able to get some sleep. Although I have to admit that I could easily use a few more hours.

And, I suppose, technically, it's July, August, and September's as well

October's word cloud is here.

Bustin' makes me feel good

Happy Halloween!!

Just got back from trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. Very worn out. Now the girls are going through their candy.

We have to go back!

Way back at the beginning of June, I mentioned that I would get around to rewatching and reviewing (in Haiku form) all the previous episodes of Lost.
Cut to 5 months later, and I've done none! Woo!

And Season 6 begins in January.

Which means I've got roughly three months to get a lot of viewing and typing done. Which also means next few word clouds are going to feature a lot of "Jack" "Kate" and probably "Locke". Ah, Lost.

I just hope that I can find the time to get around to doing it all. Fortunately, the universe is giving me an extra hour this weekend, so it seems someone wants it to happen. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to make a stop at hulu.com.

Siren song

Dear musicians,

I'd say that 88% of my music listening life is done inside a moving vehicle. So, putting sirens, or music that sounds like emergency sirens, in your songs? Not really that cool.

Please stop.

Thanks!

P@

I'M NOT YELLING

DESPITE WHAT INTERNET PROTOCOL SAYS ABOUT ALL CAPS, I'M NOT CURRENTLY EXPRESSING MYSELF AS YELLING.

NOPE, TODAY IS JUST INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY!! WOO!!

(SOMETIMES, VERY RARELY, BUT JUST EVERY ONCE IN A GREAT WHILE, I LOVE THE INTERNET) <--THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN 'WHISPERED', BUT TODAY NOTHING IS LOWERCASE!!

7 years later

Today is my blogoversary!

Hard to believe it's been seven years since I joined blogger and started this web log.

I'm curious as to how small my reading audience has dwindled to, so, I'm doing a stalker roll call. If you are reading this blog, please leave a comment, even if it's simply the word verification.

I'm guessing the total number of comments will be... 11. (Unless a conversation starts in there, in which case it will be 14.)

We could be heroes. Just for one day.

("Heroes" by David Bowie)

I had this story idea recently, where there is a virus (or maybe it's not a virus, but something controlled by, say, aliens? I don't know. a lot of the details haven't been worked out)
Anyway. This virus causes people to get superpowers. Particularly, the ones that Superman has (flight, super-speed, invulnerability, x-ray vision)...but only for 24 hours. After that amount of time has passed, the abilities would vanish, and move on to another person. So, if an infected individual was flying 30,000 feet in the air when their time was up...they'd have a really bad day.

Imagine the chaos that would cause, though. If just ONE random person in the world had super powers...for only a day.

And the next person to obtain the powers is completely random. One day it could be a 65 year old grandmother in Miami, Florida, and once she lost her powers, it would be a 4 year old boy in Ibra, Oman.

The problem with the story is ...I don't have a story. I have the idea, which is kinda cool, and might make for an interesting comic book or movie (or even a story to read) but there's no ..plot. It's just an idea at this point. I mean, I guess the story could be about how people react to such an occurrence and/or how people who are infected react or use their abilities (or even how people who WERE infected deal with the aftermath of NOT having the power anymore), but where is it going beyond that?

And besides, doing all that writing sounds like work. And I'm lazy.

So, instead, I started thinking, "what would I do if I had Superman's powers for a day?"

And here's what I came up with:

I would definitely sleep in, because, dude, why wake up early if I can get to work in like 2 seconds?

Actually, why go to work at all? I think I'd call in sick that day.

And then I'd fly they family (one at a time? Or maybe I'd just carry the entire family in the van) over to Disneyland.

Oh, and then I'd be sure to remove all nuclear weaponry from the planet (yes, I know it wouldn't stop the problem, because people can create more, but it would make the world [temporarily] safer, at least)

I'd probably fly to Australia, just to see it.

I'd redistribute food. There's hundreds of thousands of tons of food that goes wasted here everyday. I'd take some of that over to, say, India, and allow them to dine.

I'd stop crimes, of course. That would be fun. I don't know that I'd stop any robberies, but murders? It would be sweet to jump in front of a bullet or two. Just to see reactions.

I'd deliver the mail. And tell all the postal workers to take the day off.

Oh, and hey, I could play Santa, couldn't I? Ha.

I'd blog about it all, of course.

And then, at the end of the day, I'd have to make sure I flew around the world backwards fast enough to turn time back, so that I wouldn't lose my ability. ;)

So. What would you do with superpowers for a day?

Haiku Review: Batman Begins

Gotham is scared. Crime
is everywhere. A hero
is what this town needs.

Bruce becomes Batman.
Something for the criminals
of Gotham to fear.

This Batman kicks ass,
because he trained with ninjas.
An epic reboot.

Haiku Review: National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Historical and
geographical facts have
no place in this film.

But it's a lot of
fun, if you can overlook
those mind-numbing goofs.

Haiku Review: A Time to Kill

When it comes to Law,
Justice, Revenge and Murder,
nothing's Black and White

Haiku Review: Coraline

Other Mother sees
everything, even with her
button eyes. Creepy!

Haiku Review: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Snape kills Dumbledore!
We see (some) Voldemort's past.
Love is in the air.

Works well in print, but
when translated to the screen,
the magic is lost.

Haiku Review: Charlie Bartlett

Being popular
is the most important thing
while in high school

Haiku Review: Knowing

I went in knowing
that this movie would be bad.
I hate being right.

"THE CAVES WON'T SAVE US!!"
And, "You want some of this?!?" Oh,
Nic Cage. Never change.

Haiku Review: Crime Spree

Group of French thieves steal
from the American mob.
Wackiness ensues.

Add in one corrupt
FBI agent and some
street gangs, you get laughs.

Well, not laugh out loud
funny, but it's amusing,
and it held my interest.

Haiku Review: Death at a Funeral

Maybe 10 minutes
from this whole film was funny.
Not great comedy.

Haiku Review: Hamlet 2

"Rock me, rock me, rock
me, sexy Jesus." "Oh my
GOD, writing is hard!!"

Haiku Review: Terminator Salvation

A Terminator
film without time travel or
(real life) Arnie? Huh.

So many plot holes!!
But fancy explosions help
keep you distracted.

There was plenty in
this one to bitch about, but
still better than 3.

Was it as good as
1 or 2? No. Of course not.
It was ...adequate.

I'm easy to please.
Just give me killer robots
who appear human.

Haiku Review: Oliver!

Ahh, Oliver!, that
heartwarming musical that's
all about, um, orphans.

Songs, glorious songs!
Please, sirs, can we have some more?
They were all lovely.

Haiku Review: The Orphanage

Atmospheric ghost
story that is both sad and
beautiful. Well done.

Haiku Review: Grease 2

Michelle Pfeiffer wants
a coo-ooh-ooh-ool rider.
Who's that guy? Michael!

Plenty of great and
cheesy songs, elaborate
dance numbers abound.

It does get tired
by the end, but the first two-
thirds are pretty fun.

Haiku Review: Cry-Baby

I guess I don't "get"
John Waters films, because this
film bored me to tears.

Johnny Depp is good
and there are some moments that
shine, but mostly - meh.

It felt like it was,
I don't know, trying too hard
to be funny, cool.

Temperature in Hell - 33 degrees

Not quite frozen over. But close.

Yep. I've gone and joined Facebook.

Blame Steph. I simply wanted to play Bejeweled Blitz, but she wouldn't let me use her account.

So, yeah. I've joined the hordes of facebookers. But, on the bright side, still not on twitter, and I've still never watched American Idol. So I'm not a complete sell out.

June's word cloud is here.

Hard to believe that aught-nine is half way over. (So is the year half empty or half full? Or just...half?

Speaking of "half", I've recently decided that you should be able to use "half" as an adjective modifier type...thing.
Example? Something can be meaningless or meaningful, but what if it's inbetween? Then, you would say that it's meaninghalf.

....yeah. I don't really expect that to catch on. Although it would be wonderhalf if it did.

Haiku Review: Ghost Town

Socially inept
dentist hates people, learns that
ghosts aren't much better.

Rom-coms mostly suck.
I was surprised by how much
I enjoyed Ghost Town.

Lots of laughs, not too
much sap. Overall a fun
2 hour distraction.

Haiku Review: Muriel's Wedding

While her home life sucks,
("You're terrible, Muriel!")
at least there's ABBA.

And her "friends" suck, too.
("Let her finish her Orgasm.")
But there's still ABBA.

Muriel learns that
happiness comes from being
yourself. (And ABBA)

Haiku Review: Aliens vs Predator - Requiem

A requiem is
a song for the dead, which is
fitting for this crap.

This garbage managed
to annihilate two great
franchises at once.

For a horror flick
to work properly, you need
to care, somewhat, for...

...at least one of the
characters. I didn't. I
doubt the writers did.

At the end, when the
nukes went off, killing the whole
town, I felt nothing.

Nothing but relief
that the torture of this film
was finally done.

Haiku Review: Gremlins 2: The New Batch

The first Gremlins was
funny, scary. A classic.
This one? Kinda sucked.

The problem? They went
overboard with the jokes. And
they weren't funny jokes.

It was just one gag
after another, with no
real plot or story.

Glover's character
was fun, as was the brainy
Gremlin. Not much else.

silas is 1 month old today. time flies!

Sweet Zombie Jesus!

First, the good news, everyone: Futurama is going to return!! Starting in 2010, Comedy Central will be airing brand new episodes (26, in fact) of Futurama! Hooray for Zoidberg!!

(Of course, this means that we might have to, you know, subscribe to cable. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.)

Second, this Saturday is June 13th, which means it's time for the third annual "Blog Like It's the End of the World" experiment. Basically, people sign up to make blog posts wherein they pretend that the undead have risen, and are attacking the real world.
I've participated in the first two years, and they were fun. ...but I don't know if I want to make it a three-peat. I'm ...kinda just not feeling it. [shrug] I don't know. I suppose I have (less than) 48 hours to decide. I do know that this type of thing is perfect for Twitter. But, the thing is, I don't have a Twitter account, and I probably never will. Mostly because I feel that my blog is adequate, and also, Twitter is too popular. (Heh. I'm lame that way.) Also, it seems like Twitter is too much work to maintain. And, I dislike saying/typing Twitter, which I've typed too many times now.
But if I did use that program, BLITEOTW would totally be a good use for it. Quick updates about zombies attacking? Awesomeness.
Anyway, if anyone else does feel like signing up for zombiefied blogging this Saturday, here's the site to sign up at.

Thirdly, here's the latest Church Sign Wisdom:

GREAT IS THE LORD
AND GREATLY TO
BE PRAISED

and

GOD INHABITS
THE PRAISE
OF HIS PEOPLE

I dont' really have anything snarky to say about these. But it does make me wonder why god seems to constantly want/need to be praised. I mean, sure, if there's some Creator of the Universe, it would be cool to pass along one's gratitude. But the Christian God seems to...I don't know, have like low self-esteem or something.

Haiku Review: Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Bill and Ted's sequel
doesn't quite live up to the
original one.

It starts off strong, with
the Bill and Ted cyborgs, but
once the duo die...

...the scenes in hell go
on for too long, and the film
loses it's pacing.

It's not a bad film,
per se, just not as funny
or fun as the first.

To make up for that,
God gave rock and roll to you.
...and to everyone.

Haiku Review: Slumdog Millionaire

Growing up in the
slums of India provides
Jamal with answers.

Which is great, even
though he's not there for the cash.
He seeks his true love.

They find each other,
because it is written. That's
my final answer.

Then, the absolute
best end credit sequence. How
can you not love this?

Haiku Review: Lost - The Incident, Part 2

Locke and the Others
get to the statue's foot, which
is where Jacob lives.

FlashJack! During a
surgery, Jack screws up, starts
to panic. But then...

...Christian tells his son,
"Calm down. Count to five. Drink up."
(Well, not that last one.)

But he does tell Jack
"If you can't do this, I will.
So man the eff up."

Jack does, then goes to
the vending machine to get
an Apollo bar.

But this just ain't Jack's
day. The candy bar get struck.
Frustrated, Jack leaves.

He finds Christian in
the hallway and says, "Hey dad,
why'd you call me out?"

"Silly Jack," replies
Christian. "You are your own worst
enemy. See ya!"

As he leaves, Jacob
shows up with two candy bars.
He hands one to Jack.

As he touches Jack,
he says, "It just needed a
push." Subtle, writers!

Back on the Island,
Sawyer has asked to talk with
Jack for five minutes.

Jack: "Well, Sayid is
mortally wounded back here.
But.... okay. Let's chat."

Sawyer says, "Look, Jack,
my parents died when I was
eight. ...which was last year.

"I could have changed the
past." "Why didn't you?" asks Jack.
"What happened, happened."

"No, no, no," says Jack.
"Just nuke the energy thing,
and BLAM! Past is changed!"

"Jesus, doc. What's so
bad in the future that you
need to blow it up?"

"Would you believe... it's
because Kate and I are no
longer together?"

Really, show? Really?!?!
Sawyer can't seem to believe
it either, and so...

...because they're both male,
and stubborn, they resort to
punching each other.

James is winning the
brawl (he kicked Jack in the balls!!),
but then Juliet...

...says, "Jack is right." Um.
Is this brain damage disease
infecting them all??

Juliet's flashback
is brief, and Jacob-less. Strange.
It's when her folks split.

In the "present", she
tells James she is okay with
blowing up the past...

...because if she and
Sawyer never meet, then she
won't have to lose him.

Because she has seen
the way he's looked at "Freckles"
Aw. Poor Juliet.

At the Swan site, the
Dharma crew is drilling, and
of course, getting guns.

Jack, Kate reminisce
about first time they met, which
is in 30 years.

They discuss Aaron,
and setting things right for him.
Kate is now on board.

Which is good, because
the Incident is going
to happen quite soon.

Flashback for Hurley!
He gets released from jail and
gets in a cab with...

...Jacob! But, of course!
He tells Hurley what flight to
be on to go back.

But he tells Hurley
it's his choice if he wants to
go back or not. Hmmm.

He leaves a guitar
case with Hugo, saying that,
"It's not my guitar."

At Swan site, Sayid
has the bomb ready to go.
He gives it to Jack.

Jack says this will save
him, to which Sayid responds,
"Nothing can save me."

At the statue, Locke
and Ben follow Richard in
a secret passage.

Once Richard opens
a hidden door, he returns
to the beach alone.

Locke hands Ben a large
knife. Ben looks petrified for
the first time ever.

In the '70's,
at the Swan construction site,
Miles sees fit to ask...

..."what if dropping the
bomb is what causes what you're
trying to prevent?"

This is met with a
bunch of blank stares. "So glad you've
thought this plan through, guys."

But it's too late to
turn back now, since: the gang is
shooting at hippies...

...hippies are shooting
at the gang. They get to the
spot where they're drilling.

Jack drops the bomb core
into the deep, dark hole and
we all hold our breath.

Moments pass. Jack's brain
is currently channeling
Marvin the Martian:

"Where is the ka-boom?
There's supposed to be an earth-
shattering ka-boom!"

Soon, though, something starts
to happen. There's a rumbling
from deep in the hole.

All things metallic
at the construction site start
flying to the hole.

Dr. Chang's hand gets
crushed by some equipment. Miles
goes to help his dad.

A crane falls over
and Phil, one of the Dharma
jerks, gets impaled. Yay!

Jack, who often is
a tool, gets hit in the head
with a toolbox. HA!!

Ha ha ha!!! Sorry.
I shouldn't laugh, but, my god
it was funny. Look!

No more laughing now.
Juliet is in danger!
She's wrapped up in chains...

...that begin to drag
her down toward the hole. James
grabs her arms and pulls.

James is yelling, "Don't
let go!" Juliet says she
loves him, can't hold on.

Helplessly, Sawyer
watches Juliet fall to
her untimely death.

The show goes to a
commercial break, and I have
something in my eye.

Ilana shows up
at the base of the statue.
She asks for Richard.

Well, she really asks
for "Ricardus", which goes to
show how old he is.

She asks, "What lies in
the shadow of the statue?"
and Richard answers...

...in Latin. Thank god
we have the internet to
translate these things, yes?

The answer Richard
gave was, "He who will protect
(or save) us all." Hmmm.

Satisfied with this
response, Ilana opens
the box, revealing...

...a still very dead
John Locke. Which means the Locke in
the statue... uh-oh.

Inside the statue,
Jacob greets "Locke" by saying,
"You found your loophole."

"Locke" confirms this, adds,
"You have no idea what I've
gone through to be here."

Ben asks if Locke and
Jacob have met before. "Locke"
tells Ben that they have.

He then urges Ben
to do what he was asked to.
"Ben, you have a choice"...

...so says Jacob. Ben
asks, "What choice?" Jacob says, "You
can do what he asked...

...or you can just go."
But Ben is pretty peeved that
Jacob has ignored...

...him for so many years
after his devotion, yet
he'll see John, no prob.

Ben whines, "What about
me? It isn't fair! I've had
enough, want my share!"

Then Jacob says the
worst thing he possibly could:
"What about you?" Ben...

...stabs Jacob two times.
With his dying breath, Jacob
warns "Locke": "They're coming."

"Locke" looks upset at
this, then kicks Jacob's body
into the fire pit.

The Swan site has built
up a lot of energy
and is gonna blow.

So those still alive
start to run from the site as
fast as they can, but...

...at the bottom of
the hole, Juliet, wounded,
but alive, wakes up.

Lying beside her
is Jughead's core and a rock.
She picks up the rock...

...and bangs it against
the bomb's core, crying as she
does. It takes eight hits...

...before there's a flash
of white, ending the show 'til
winter of next year.

So the show ended
with a bang - literally.
What did you all think?

Your theories, questions,
speculation, wish lists and
feedback are welcome.

1 year, 1 week, and 1 day

Years ago, I heard the song "My Chinchilla" by the band Cub. (here's the video!)



Anyway. After hearing that, first I was all, "What the hell is a chinchilla?" Then, after finding out what they are, I decided, I WANT ONE!


So. About five years ago, we were at a pet store, and we passed the chinchilla cages, and Steph (jokingly?) said that she would get me a chinchilla for my 35th birthday.
I've reminded her of this promise off and on for the past five years, although now she is saying that it was a joke, and that she won't be getting me the cutest pet in the world next year.
I have one year, one week, and one day to wear her down. Oh, and to come up with a name.

Haiku Review: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill and Ted was most
educational! I learned
many awesome things!

Like: Joan of Arc was
not Noah's wife! San Dimas
High school football rules!!

Bill's step-mom is cute.
(Shut up, Ted!) Napoleon
loved the water slides.

Strange things are afoot
at the Circle K. And, of
course, most important:

"Be excellent to
each other, and party on,
dudes!" Words to live by.

Haiku Review: Bicentennial Man

Based on Asimov's
story, Robin Williams plays
robot seeking love.

Not sure who this was
aimed at. Too sad (and long) for
kids, the "jokes" fall flat.

Any sympathy
for the robot's struggle to
find humanity...

...is lost in the crap
writing, horrid pacing, and
syrupy music.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Incident, Part 1

This first scene is, in
retrospect, one of the most
important - ever.

So pay attention!
All right, here we go. We start
with a guy.... weaving.

So this Dream Weaver
goes out to the beach, and he's
caught a red herring!

He's joined by "Man
#2", which is what the
credits list him as.

Dream Weaver offers
Man #2 some herring
he says he just ate.

They sit on the beach
together, watching a ship
(the Black Rock?) approach.

It should be noted
Dream Weaver has light hair, while
Man number 2, dark.

That may mean nothing
but this is Lost, which loves black-
white symbolism

Warning!! Important
dialogue coming up!! I'll
quote (near) verbatim

"I take it," says Dream
Weaver, "You're here 'cause of the
ship." Man 2: "I am."

Man 2 continues,
"How did they find the Island?"
"You'll have to ask them."

"You brought them here. You
are trying to prove me wrong."
"You are wrong, my friend."

"Am I? They come. They
fight. They destroy. They corrupt.
Always ends the same."

"It only ends once.
Anything that happens 'fore
that is just progress."

"Do you have any
idea how much I wanna
kill you?" Man 2 asks.

Dream Weaver says, "Yes."
Man 2: "One of these days I'll
find a loophole, friend."

"Well, when you do, I'll
be right here." "Nice talking with
you, Jacob." .... JACOB!?!!

Young Kate is about
to begin her life of crime
she steals a lunch box

It's a New Kids on
the Block lunch box, which means that
Kate was hangin' tough.

But Kate's not real good
at crime. She gets caught stealing
(once, when she was five eight)

However, before
the store owner can call Kate's
folks, Jacob (!!!) steps in.

Jacob offers to
buy the lunch box. He's sure that
Kate's got the right stuff.

He asks Kate if she'll
steal again. She says no. He
boops her nose. "Be good."

In the present/past
Kate tells James and Juliet
how Jack has a bomb.

Sawyer is rather
cavalier about Jack's plan
to blow up the past.

"Jack's got a bomb, good
for Jack." Um. James? It's Jack. With
a nuclear bomb.

Perhaps Juliet
should check to see if Sawyer
suffered brain damage.

Locke, meanwhile, is in
full-on leader mode, leading
his group to Jacob.

Richard Alpert tells
Locke "I've never seen someone
come back from the dead."

Locke says in return
he's never seen someone who
doesn't age. Touché.

Richard says he's that
way due to Jacob. Locke says
well let's go thank him.

Bram and Ilana
show Frank what's in the box. Frank
sighs, "Terrific." Heh.

Young James is writing
the letter to the man he
blames for his folks' deaths.

His pen runs out of
ink, but Jacob is there to
help him continue.

He hands James a pen
says he's sorry for his loss.
James writes his letter.

James, Kate, Juliet
hijack the sub so they can
go back and stop Jack.

Jack and Sayid are
ready to remove Jughead's
core, using Dan's notes.

Richard decides that
Eloise shouldn't be this
close to a bomb, so...

...He knocks Eloise
out and drags her away, but
first asks about Locke.

Jack tells him, "Don't give
up on Locke." ..wait. Jack said that
about John Locke?? Huh.

Speaking of John, he's
just told Ben that Ben's the one
who will kill Jacob.

If you think you're shocked,
you should see Benjamin's face.
It's "WHAT THE!?!?!" defined.

In flashback, we see
Jacob was there when Sayid
watched Nadia die.

At this point, I had
to ask, is Jacob fate? Or
is he weaving it?

Either way, Jacob
does touch Sayid, in cast that's
important later.

On the Island, Jack
and Sayid carry the bomb
through the tunnels and...

...right in the middle
of Dharmaville, while all the
hippies excavate.

But our duo need
to get Jughead to the Swan
site! What can they do?

They put on Dharma
jumpsuits, blending right in, and
then Ben's dad spots them.

Bullets start flying
(Man, these guys are violent
for hippies, aren't they?)

Sayid tries to warn
Ben's dad not to shoot since he's
carrying a nuke.

But Mr. Linus
is all, "You shot my son!!" BLAM!!
Gut shot for Sayid!

I believe this makes
Sayid the 15th person
we've seen get gut shot.

Things look grim for the
guys, but then Hurley (and friends)
arrive in the van.

They jump inside and
race from the gun play! Time for
a commercial break.

James, Juliet, Kate
wash ashore and ...dude. Dude! DUDE!!
Vincent is there!! Dude!!

And so are Rose and
Bernard!! (Although Bernard has
not aged well.) But still!

All those weeks we asked
"Where are Rose and Bernard and
Vincent too?" paid off.

The trio have spent
the last 3 years hiding out,
enjoying nature.

They're done with the whole
Dharma drama-rama and
the love quad from hell.

The Dharma group could
learn a thing or two from these
guys. I'm just sayin'.

But, taking a break
from the plot only works with
minor characters.

So, James, Kate, and Jules
continue on their mission
to find and stop Jack.

Flashback! Ilana
is in a hospital with
her face bandaged up.

And, hey! Jacob is
there, because he's in every
flashback now, I guess.

Anyway, Jacob
knows Ilana. Asks her to
help him. She says yes.

Interestingly,
Jacob doesn't touch her and
he's wearing black gloves.

Jack tells Hurley to
get to the Swan site so that
he can "save" Sayid.

Ilana and her
crew have found Jacob's cabin,
but they are alarmed.

Jacob's not there, and
hasn't been for some time. Plus,
outside the cabin...

...the ring of ash has
been disturbed. The circle has
been broken. So they...

...burn the cabin down,
despite Frank's warnings about
forest fires. Heh.

Oh, hey, flashback time.
Jacob is reading a book
when John Locke drops in.

Jacob is the first
one to get to Locke after
his fall. He touched Locke.

And John gasped for breath.
Now, did Jacob just give John
a resurrection?

Or did his touch make
John Locke paralyzed? Or both?
Or neither? Oh, Lost.

Locke, Ben reminisce
about their time in the hatch
and Jacob's cabin.

Ben admits he has
never seen Jacob. He lied
back in Season 3.

He's also lied
in every episode he's
been in. Ben lies. Lots.

Anyway, Ben now
wants to know why Locke wants him
to murder Jacob.

Locke says, "Look. You're on
the Magic Healing Island
...and you got cancer.

"And you had to watch
your daughter get gunned down in
cold blood." (Ben's own fault.)

"And your reward for
listening to a man you've
never met? Exiled!!"

"So, really, Ben. Why
wouldn't you want to kill him?"
Ben considers this.

It's amusing how
Locke has manipulated
Ben for a change, huh?

Sun, meanwhile, has found
Aaron's old crib and Charlie's
old ring from Driveshaft.

We flashback to the
wedding of Jin and Sun. Lo
and behold, Jacob!!

He greets them at the
reception, touching them both,
wishing them the best.

Despite the fact he
spoke "excellent Korean",
Jin nor Sun knew him.

In the Dharma van
Sayid works to make Jughead
explode on contact.

Even when dying
from a gunshot wound, Sayid
does what he must. Wow.

Hurley stops the van
cuz Juliet, James, Kate are
in the road with guns.

Part 2 will be posted in a few days.

May's word cloud.

Huh. Now that I don't have my story to write, I find myself not knowing what to blog about.

For the four people that actually read and care about the Lost Haikus, please note that I do plan on writing up the review/reacap of The Incident. And... I was thinking that since there is such a big hiatus before the final season of Lost begins, that I would go back and rewatch seasons 1 - 4, and write up haikus for them, too. No specific time table, just as I rewatch and write them up. That way, we'd have the entire series in seventeen syllable recaps. Yes, I'm a big ol' geek.

Also, for anyone that isn't up to date on the series, note that the entire series to date is viewable online at abc.com. Note also that abc.com's online player is one of the most heinous inventions of the 21st century. Thirdly note that eventually the series is supposed to be up at hulu.com, and hulu is way awesome.

Zero-Sum

Previously: The Beginning of the End; The Good Soldier; Me, I'm Not; My Violent Heart; God Given; The Greater Good; Another Version of the Truth

Mim-cha #Af200-27KJa1-480trzB3, AKA Kyle Johnson, stared into the night, and allowed himself a small sense of accomplishment. Judging by the position of the stars, he had traveled back in time 57,387 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, 19 hours, and 24 minutes.

He had not made this trip alone, however.

The vampire that had crawled into the sphere with him was barely a husk of her former self. She was bleeding from every orifice, and her breathing was ragged and labored. The hair on her head had fallen out in bunches during the trip through time, leaving only a few stray strands attached to bits of her skull. Her skin itself was patchy and blistering. Most of her flesh hung on her bones loosely. She lay on the ground, near death. Vampires, it is safe to say, do not time travel well.

She gasped at the robot before her, using what must have been an extraordinary amount of strength, to utter four words. First a question, then a demand.

"Where... Adam?"

Kyle considered that. Had his brother made the journey? He would need to determine the answer to that for himself. Looking around the meadow he was currently standing in, he did not see Connor but that didn't mean that he hadn't made the trip successfully. It was not an exact science, after all, he could be anywhere within a twenty mile radius. Or he might not have arrived yet. Or he could have arrived minutes ago and fled.

The vampire female spoke again. "Need... blood..." the last word was said so quietly that it was barely vocalized at all. Kyle heard, of course, but a human probably wouldn't have.

Kyle considered the pathetic creature before him, and then quickly, professionally, and painlessly, reached down and ended it's existence. The top priority, of all Mim-cha, after all, was to eliminate all vampires.

Kyle looked around his surroundings again, and saw tracks in the dirt - the footprints were human. A tribe of homo sapiens had been through this area. He followed them.

*****


Pain.

So much pain.

He ran his tongue over his lower jaw and tasted blood, and felt that teeth were missing. His shoulder throbbed. He was bleeding. Where was he? For that matter, who was he? What had happened to him? And where was everyone? He felt for certain that moments ago there had been a lot of people around him. Thinking about the recent past filled him with an intense sadness, as though some essential test had just been failed. But he couldn't pinpoint why.

He had other things to focus on, however.

Like healing up. And, he realized, finding food. He was suddenly ravenous. He swallowed some more of his own blood from the wounds in his mouth, and, interestingly, that seemed to quell the hunger minutely.

He wanted ...more blood.

He stood and looked around. He was standing in an unfamiliar meadow, and it was a slightly cool night. In the distance, he could see a fire burning. Focusing that way, he could actually smell the flames. And the people around it. A small group of individuals were based around the fire. His stomach growled again, and he opted to head in that direction.

As he walked, his name came back to him. Adam. He was Adam.

*****

The tribe heard him coming, and watched with a mixture of wonder and distrust at this pale stranger, wearing unusual garb. He spoke gibberish that they did not understand, but he indicated his mouth (which was bleeding), and they soon understood that he was looking to eat. They happily offered him some of their fruits (which he denied) and a sampling of their hyena that they had captured and eaten that night (which he took hungrily). Dining on the flesh of the animal seemed to ease the stranger, and the tribe laughed and sang into the night.

Adam felt himself healing after eating the hyena meat. But still, watching the group of people, he knew his hunger would not be satisfied completely with just hyena flesh.

*****

Sometime in the night, after the tribe had gone to sleep, Adam woke. He walked through the sleeping people, silently, looking over each individual. He settled on a small female, who was probably only 10 years old or so. She was sleeping near her mother. He felt somewhat foolish preying on such a weak individual, but he himself was not up to his full strength, and did not want a fight. Not yet. There would be time for that soon enough.

He drained her of blood quickly, feeling the life force rush into him.

After he was done, he took her corpse and tossed it a good thirty yards from the camp. Feeling infinitely better, he returned to doze amongst his new friends.

Hours later, when the camp awoke, nobody thought anything at first - the girl's mother assumed the child had gone off to play. It wasn't until the body was discovered that things got ugly.

One of the tribesman blamed the newcomer - or at least that was Adam's interpretation - and sensing that his time with these people was growing short, Adam decided to feed again. He grabbed a young hunter, and swiftly sank his teeth (he marveled at the fact that his lower mandibles had begun to grow back in!) into the young man's jugular. Blood washed over him, and the power flooded into his body instantly. He felt that he could take on an entire army. The tribe had stood in shock at this development. They were so naive! He'd be able to dine for months with no problem!

And then he'd felt the stick hit him in the head.

One of the other men had grabbed a stick and whacked him with it. It didn't hurt, of course, not the way he was feeling, but it had been enough of a shock that he dropped the teen - he was dead now anyway - and turned to face his attacker. He snarled at the man, who stepped back defensively.

The whole tribe was shouting at him, surrounding him like the animal they obviously thought he was. Several of them had rocks, and had begun to throw them at him. Adam laughed. These people were no match for him. Not really.

But there was no need to stand here and take a beating. He pushed his way through the group and ran, leaving them to mourn their dead.

*****

That night, he'd gone back to their camp, and he ate two more. He left both of the bodies there, blatantly mocking them.

As he was eating the second, he had a strange sensation to ...convert one. He couldn't describe the feeling any other way - it was simply an instinct make this one like himself. He wasn't sure how it would work, exactly, but he thought that if he simply fed on the person, without completely killing them, they should become like him. He had to admit that he was lonely.

He paused, but it was too late for this person. He had already drank too much. He dropped the lifeless body, and, though he wasn't hungry any more, he grabbed a third individual - a woman, and bit her as well. She woke up from the bite, and shrieked a scream that made Adam's hair stand on end. He instantly backed away from her, as the entire tribe awoke. One of them managed to take a sharpened stick - hell, it could have been a spear, for all Adam knew - and jabbed it into Adam's ribs.

"Jesus Christ!" Adam yelled in anger and pain. He stumbled away from the camp, as the tribe angrily forced him away, throwing rocks, sticks, anything they could find. They only chased him for a few yards before returning to their camp, as Adam retreated for the night to tend his wounds.

*****

When the woman he bit converted, she tried to feed. The tribe exiled her out, wondering why she would act like the madman that had brought so much grief to their life.

She began to walk, searching for Adam.

Kyle found her first.

When he did, he knew that his brother had, indeed traveled through time, and had, unfortunately, become the first vampire. The very thing he (and all Mim-cha) had sought to prevent had been what they had created. Even though he was a robot, the irony was not lost on him.

Still. He had a mission, and he would do his best to fulfill it. Seeing the female vampire walking alone, Kyle approached her. At first, she must have thought he was Adam, as she joyfully ran toward him. Kyle realized long ago that all vamps seemed to know Adam, and thought of him as their leader. It was why the vampires in 2012 had been so willing to help him (and Connor) out - they had both looked very similar to the first vampire, the vampire that had indirectly borne them all: Adam.

As she got close enough to realize that Kyle was not Adam, she paused, unsure of whether he was a friend or not. He opened his arms in what he hoped was a universal signal of acceptance and friendship. She still paused.

Kyle bent down and picked up a small rock. He used it to draw some blood from his arm. He offered it to her. This got her attention. She eagerly approached his wound. As soon as she was within reach, he struck out with his other arm, and crushed her windpipe. He continued to squeeze her neck until her head detached.

He then continued to walk in the direction of his brother.

*****

Adam was all set to torment the tribe for another night, but this time they were ready for him. Using fire, and guards with more of those spears, they pushed him away from their camp, toward a cave. Adam didn't know whether fire could kill him or not - he suspected it probably could - but it certainly hurt like hell. So he allowed himself to be pushed toward the mouth of the cave.

And then, a person looking almost exactly like himself showed up. "Hello, brother." The man said.

Adam was surprised, to say the least. A brother? Who spoke his same language! This was fantastic news!

The tribe was also surprised, and must have thought that the monster had brought reinforcements. They backed away in terror, leaving Adam and Kyle to face each other. Adam said, "Brother? I thought I was the only one of my kind. It's nice to see I'm not alone." He stepped forward to embrace his twin.

Kyle said, "I'm not like you," and grabbed the vampire by the arm. The two twirled, like dancers, into the mouth of the cave, and Kyle tripped over a rock, bringing Adam down with him. Adam leapt to his feet, snarling. "I'll kill you!" he promised.

Kyle got to his feet as well. "Doubtful."

Adam rushed at his twin, and managed to push him back into the cave's darkness, where, unknown to either of them, there was a precipice waiting. The duo tumbled down the hole, falling for nearly three hundred feet. Kyle landed first, and a pointed rock at the bottom impaled itself into his skull, breaking his main processor chip. His eyes dimmed as his power sources attempted to revert themselves.

Adam landed on top of the machine, and he felt his spine snap. Glaring at his dying robotic twin, the vampire felt his own consciousness fading. "Fuck you.... asshole." he said with his last breath before he blacked out.

*****

55,385 years later, a spelunker in Eastern Africa stumbled across what appeared to be two skeletons at the bottom of a very deep hole.

"My god. This guy must've been done here for years." He went to investigate one of the bodies a little closer, and was amazed to discover that there was still flesh on him. The skin was paper-thin, and there was no way it should have been possible, but... this skeleton with a thin layer of flesh was still alive! "Oh my god! Don't worry, mister, we'll get you some...AHHHH!" The man began to scream in pain as the unbelievably thin man had bitten down on his fingers, drawing blood.

Adam felt the energy returning to him quickly. He had no idea how long he'd been down there, but he eyed the rope that the other man was using to try to escape. He smiled. Finishing off the man whose fingers he had just bitten off, he felt he could certainly climb a rope.

He left the endoskeleton of Kyle at the bottom of the cave saying, "See you around, bro."

The End

Week two

Week two

Another Version of the Truth

Previously: The Beginning of the End; The Good Soldier; Me, I'm Not; My Violent Heart; God Given; The Greater Good

US Military to Purchase Si Birden Systems, as AI Race Heats Up

Simon Birden, Founder and President of Si Birden Systems, a computer company specializing in Artificial Intelligence research, announced today that his company would be funded by the U.S. Military...

(page 23 of Business Weekly, July 3rd, 1991)

******

In Africa, Dead Rise, Feed on Human Flesh!!

Reports of dead people rising from graves to feast on human flesh of the living have been reported by numerous people in remote sections of Africa over the past two months. Authorities are dismissing the reports as pranks...

(Weekly World News, March 14th, 2002)

******

SKINet Capable of Growing Artificial Skin, Hair, Blood
..."The benefits in helping burn victims are enormous," said SKINet's CEO, Dyson Miles, "and there have been many interested parties in helping us develop the technology further. Including the U.S. Military..."

(ScienceNews Monthly, September 2007)

******

Louisiana Woman Attacks Family, Flees

Lisa Mooney, a 22 year old woman in Shreveport, Louisiana, viciously attacked her husband and three year old child yesterday afternoon. The attack was stopped when her neighbors, alerted by the husband's screams, fired upon Mooney, wounding her. Her husband and child are in intensive care at Shreveport Medical. Mooney is still on the run, and wanted for questioning by authorities. The reason for the attack is still unknown.

(Shreveport Times, June 2009)

******

Is Your Neighbor a Robot?

(Weekly World News Headline, January 2010)

******

CDC Says Super Rabies Could Reach Epidemic Status by August

(New York Times Headline, July 15th, 2011)

******

Fourth Twilight Movie Postponed as Original Stars Fall Victim to Super Rabies

(Entertainment Weekly headline, August 19th, 2011)

******

[8:52pm] Skyenet: OMFG!
[8:52pm] traxler: what is it, Skye?
[8:52pm] Skyenet: my dad just got attacked by some guy with SR
[8:52pm] traxler: shit!!
[8:52pm] traxler: 'sokay?
[8:53pm] Skyenet: yeah, think so. brb
[8:53pm] traxler: k
[9:06pm] Skyenet: hey, Trey? u there?
[9:06pm] traxler: yeah, Skye. hows ur dad?
[9:07pm] Skyenet: good. no bites. just scared, bruised up a bit.
[9:07pm] traxler: glad he's okay. my cousin's gf got bit last week.
[9:07pm] Skyenet: O_O
[9:07pm] traxler: yeah. she turned, tried to kill my 'cuz, but the fam threw her out.
[9:08pm] traxler: haven't seen her since.
[9:08pm] Skyenet: I hate this.
[9:08pm] traxler: I hear ya.

(IM transcript, August 30th, 2011)

******

MARTIAL LAW DECLARED!
PRES. PALIN GRANTS NAT'L GUARD RIGHT TO KILL INFECTED

President Palin announced today that all those infected with Super Rabies virus pose a serious health risk to the public, and should voluntarily turn themselves over to authorities. In addition, all infected individuals are hereby considered extremely dangerous, and the National Guard has the power to shoot to kill...

(Washington Post, September 11th, 2011)

******

Gun Ownership Triples in States
CDC Estimates 1 in 100,000 May Be Infected

(headlines from the week of September 20th, 2011)

******
"Super Rabies=vampires"
"Was SR created by gov't?"
"What is Project Mimicry?"
"SR next stage in human evolution? Discuss."
"Super Rabies Vaccines a hoax?"

(Top 5 topics from ConspiracyTruth.com forums, November, 2011)

******

Operator: "911, what's the nature of your emergency?"
Wisher (groggily): "I need some cops... to find my stol... my stolen car."
Operator: "You're car was..."
Wisher: "And... I may need an amb.. an ambulance."
Operator: "Are you injured, sir?"
Wisher: "Yeah. My head. Fuck, that fucker."
Operator: "Were you assaulted by an infected, sir?"
Wisher: "What? No. This was some... asshole stole my car and hit me with a wrench."

(911 transcript, March 2012)

******

Palin Introduces Decoy Robots to Terminate Infected

(headline from March, 2012)

******

"How Safe Are Robots? A News 4 Investigation, tonight at 11!"

(April, 2012)

******

Vamp Attacks Down 71% in Cities With Decoy Bots

(headline from May, 2012)

******

Bot Fires at Civilian!! Authorities Questioned

(headline from June, 2012)

******

Bot Demand Still High, despite Monterrey Fluke

(headline from June, 2012)

******

Skyenet: Our neighborhood bot arrived today. He's kinda cute!

(from Skyenet's twitter feed, July 7th, 2012)

******

1st Completely Automated Bot Construction Factory Opens: No Humans Involved At All

(headline from August 3rd, 2012)

******

Are We God?
A Look at Bot/Human Relations from a Theological Viewpoint

(cover of Newsweek, August 15th, 2012)

******

Automated Bots Faster, Stronger, Say Happy Customers

(headline from August 20th, 2012)

******

posted to worldwide web:
Mim-cha: WE ARE MIM-CHA
Skyenet: @Mim-cha: Um. Who?
Mim-cha: We'll be back.

(from Mim-cha's/Skyenet's twitter feed, October 20th, 2012)

******

World Wonders Who Was Responsible for Mim-cha Hack

Bloggers, chatters, and just about everyone who uses a computer experienced a 'hack' from an unknown party yesterday. The odd post interrupted online transactions world wide, and read the same everywhere. At 4:31am, EST, the words "WE ARE MIM-CHA" appeared on any sort of computer screen connected to the World Wide Web.
Several people responded to this prompt, but Mim-cha, whoever that may be, sat silent for approximately three minutes, and then signed off with the equally cryptic comment, "We'll be back."
The CIA is investigating, but thus far, no body has taken official credit for the hack.

(headline from October 21st, 2012)

******

AI Gone Rogue? Reports of Bots Calling Themselves Mim-cha

(headline from October 22nd, 2012)

******

Mim-cha Attack!!
Mim-cha bots kill entire office in Atlanta, Georgia
Town of Colorado Springs Devastated after Mim-cha Rampage
300 dead in London Subway Mim-cha Massacre
Bots Turn on Humans, Hundreds Killed In Sydney
BASTARDS!!!

(headlines from various papers on October 31st, 2012)

******

Skyenet: The Mim-cha can't be reasoned with. They don't feel pity or remorse or fear. They're worse than the vamps. At least they used to be human.

(from Skyenet's twitter feed, November 4th, 2012)

******

Palin not seen in months, chaos reigns in streets

(from CNN ticker, December 5th, 2012)

******

Skyenet: Oh god. CNN reports that nukes have been fired.
Skyenet: This is it, folks. Judgment Day. Make peace with your loved ones, everyone.
Skyenet: I'm scared. There was an explosion, and a flash. Oh fu--
...signal lost...

(from Skyenet's twitter feed, December 21st, 2012)

Next: Zero-Sum

The Greater Good

Previously: The Beginning of the End; The Good Soldier; Me, I'm Not; My Violent Heart; God Given

270 days remain...

"2012? So... we haven't even been born yet."

I paused to consider the bigger picture. The Mim-cha uprising hadn't taken place yet, either. It appeared that the vamp plague was still going strong. I recalled the stories that I'd learned from those few in our camps who had lived in the pre-Mim-cha world. The basic history was that some time in 2011 vampires, who had for millennia been considered to be myth, made their presence known to mankind en masse. It took a while for people to accept that the crisis they were facing was, in fact, vampires. For months the media referred to it as "Super Rabies". Eventually the truth was finally accepted, and the war on vampires began. It didn't go well, to begin with, but soon, human-looking cyborgs were introduced to battle the creatures.

The bots worked extremely well, reducing vampire attacks in every major city. By July of 2012 there were more than 2 million of the bots worldwide. In August, they began to automate themselves, making advanced changes in their software along the way. They began to refer to themselves as Mim-cha.

Reports than got blurry, as things happened quickly and nobody knew the exact truth. But at some point, the Mim-cha decided that eliminating vampires wasn't enough, and they began to exterminate humans. Efficiently.

Humans, of course, tried to fight back, but the Mim-cha had numbers, intelligence, strength, and camouflage on their side.

Finally, on December 21st, 2012, the bombs fell, decimating humans, vampires, and machines alike. The twenty-five years following had been a constant battle between the remaining humans and a hell of a lot of Mim-cha. The vampires, while still around, had slunk back to the shadows to stay out of the war.

And in '37, the tide had been changing. Bands of survivors such as the one I had come from were learning ways to fight back, and some had reportedly captured and reprogrammed Mim-cha to help them -which is how we had gotten the idea to try it out with Kyle.

The hidden base in South America had been a shocking development. And that they had - apparently - developed time travel on top of that? Astonishing.

And deeply disturbing.

Why in the hell would the Mim-cha want to travel back in time? It certainly wasn't for historical site seeing, or to make a profit betting on sporting events. No, the bastards wanted to alter history. But how? They'd already caused nuclear annihilation. What more could they want? There was some piece of the puzzle I wasn't seeing.I was shaken out of my reverie to notice we were driving down the freeway at nearly a hundred and thirty miles per hour. The Tercel's engines protested being pushed to such extremes.

"What's the rush?" I asked. "You said we have nine months until the shit hits the fan."

"It is in our best interest to get out of the city. The authorities may be looking for us, there will be less vampire activity, and most importantly, currently there are at least a dozen Mim-cha from 2037 residing in various places in the city."

"What?"

"Before we discovered the temporal displacement facility, I pinged that there were almost three dozen Mim-cha in the South American jungle. Their signatures simply vanished, and since we have been here, I have pinged on twelve of them."

I felt my heart begin to race. "Jesus. So... if you pinged them, they must know where you are!" I looked behind us, expecting an army of pissed off robots on our tale.

"It appears," Kyle said, "that they are not in pursuit. This could mean several things. One, they simply do not view me as a threat - 89% possibility. Two, they did not ping on me for some reason - unknown possibility, but unlikely. Three, they are setting up a trap for later - 50% possibility."

"Wonderful. So, what's our game plan?"

"First, get out of the city and out of range of any Mim-cha. Second, build our resources - weapons, knowledge, and if possible, assistance."
"Who is going to be willing to assist us against an army of killer robots? Who is even going to believe a story like that?"

"I know of two people."

*****

265 days remain...

Simon's display for the President was set up. A vampire that had been captured and kept alive by the National Guard was shackled in a cage at one end of the room. Simon, President Sarah Palin, and her staff of advisers were seated in a separate room, watching behind a one-way mirror.

Simon addressed the Commander-in-Chief, "Madam President, the subject you see has been suffering from the 'super rabies' for, as far as we can tell, eight months. Before he was turned, he was Mr. Robert Arnold, 22, of New York City. When he was captured by the Guard, he was feeding on a three week old child. The family had already been slaughtered by him. Robert Arnold is, I can say without hyperbole, a monster."

Robert shuffled his shackles, staring down at the floor. His skin was translucent and his hair was greasy and stringy. He hadn't fed since his capture.

Simon continued, "We have subdued him, of course, but trust me, Mrs. Palin, if given the opportunity, he would dine on all of our flesh without a second thought."

Sarah Palin nodded. She was well aware of the threat these infected people posed. She also knew that if she could eradicate the vampire plague, history would judge her kindly. She had promised to do just that, and had spent the majority of her presidency looking for any possible solution. Nothing so far had turned out to be effective.

Simon proceeded, "I'm not much of one for speaking, I prefer to let the results speak for themselves. So, please, take note of what you are about to witness."

Two armed Guards and an unarmed woman entered the room. The woman was dressed in jeans and a plain t-shirt, was five foot four, and completely nonthreatening in appearance. She had a grim look upon her face. When she saw the vampire at the other end of the room, she attempted to turn around. The Guards held her arms, preventing her from leaving. Simon smiled a bit knowing that if not for it's programming, the "woman" would have had no problem getting past the two men.

The President watched, fascinated, as the Guards exited the room, leaving the female locked in there with a shackled, but very hungry, vampire. Palin glanced briefly at Birden, but he nodded toward the room with a 'trust me, you want to see this' look.

Simon pushed a button on a remote control he held, and there was a low clink as the shackles were mechanically released.

The female had turned to the locked door and was banging on it, screaming in terror, "Let me out, please, God, it's going to kill me!" Simon felt a burst of pride. His programming was good.

Surprisingly quickly for a creature that had gone a week without sustenance, the vampire crossed the room, tackling the woman. She screamed out one final, "No!!" which caused a few gasps in the room - Palin included - and even Simon felt a twinge of sympathy. The bots looked and sounded and acted so human.

The creature bit into the woman's neck, tearing out a chunk of flesh. There was a half-second where the vampire had a look of confusion on it's face, and then the robot went into action. It had been knocked to the ground, with the vampire on top of it, but once it was bitten, it flipped the creature over so that it was pinned.

The President watched in awe as the woman displayed incredible strength - she was kneeling on the vampire's back, and was repeatedly beating the vamp's face into the ground. Even after the monster's face was a bloody mess that was unrecognizable, she continued to rhythmically bang the creature's head (or what was left of it) into the floor. After the beast had gone limp, Simon pushed another button the remote control, and the woman froze, mid-attack.

Simon addressed the President, "This is a decoy model, Mrs. Palin. We feel that these machines will be effective deterrents for vampire attacks. But we are also able to deploy the Hunter-Killer models, to eliminate the threat altogether.

"These cyborgs are a perfect solution to our problem, and they are completely in our control. They won't harm civilians, they are programmed only to destroy those who are infected. Our lab tests have been 100% accurate, as you can see with the documents my crew have provided you. It's now your call, Madam President. Do you want to implement these robots into the public?"

Sarah Palin enthusiastically replied, "You betcha."

******

150 days remain...

Over the next four months, Kyle and I acquired IDs. I was now known as Adam King, while the bot was going as Gabe, my younger brother by one year. When Kyle had been captured and the Mim-cha made a copy of his features, we were both 24. Even though it had only been a little over a year, I had certainly aged enough, while Kyle, of course, still looked the same. So the age difference made a bit of sense in that regard. Also, Kyle figured that people would remember identical twins much easier than simply two siblings, and the less conspicuous we were, the better.

We had also obtained a good deal of weaponry, which made me dread the inevitable showdown between us and the Mim-cha army.

The Mim-cha themselves were staying under the radar, at least so far. We would travel from town to town, with Kyle doing internet searches whenever we could. It was bizarre to see Kyle connect to the internet. He could interact with the machines in a way that was downright spooky, but it certainly helped us in knowing what was going on in the world. Kyle notified me that the Mim-cha ancestors were being released into the public. These were the bots that had been designed to destroy vampires. They looked human, of course, as a way of fooling the infected, but they were just as much a machine as he was. The only difference, I was told, was that these bots were still under human control. Kyle informed me that the Mim-cha would not truly be born until they began to automate themselves and make altercations to their software.
For now, though, he said that any Mim-cha we saw would not pose a threat, and besides, he'd ping on them in advance so we could escape.

Turns out that Kyle wasn't always right.

In Monterrey, Mexico, we had gone to a small internet cafe to conduct some searches, to see if the Mim-cha from 2037 had yet shown up - but so far no reports of bots killing people - there were folks who feared them, of course, but most of the critics were silenced by how well the bots performed. It's difficult to criticize something that routinely saves your life. In fact, the demand for bots was far outpacing the supply, and Kyle reported that Sarah Palin was pushing for automated factories to be opened.

While in the cafe, a man saw us and approached with recognition in his eyes. I eyed him cautiously, and saw that he had a concealed weapon. Of course, Kyle and I were also armed. I whispered to Kyle, "We should go."

Kyle looked up as the man arrived in front of us. "Kyle Johnson?" he asked. I felt my heart begin to race - who would know us here? Kyle, of course, wasn't thrown at all. He shook his head. "No. Sorry." We tried to make our way past the man, but he blocked the path. "You are Kyle Johnson. You need to ..." Kyle pushed the man, hard, which should have been enough to unbalance the man and knock him to the floor, but he stood his ground, and in fact, even drew his weapon. A few of the patrons gasped. Kyle grabbed me, and pushed me in front of him, toward the door to leave. The man fired four shots, directly into Kyle's back, as the two of us began to flee.

Kyle fired his own gun at the man, hitting him in the shoulder. Even while running, we both heard the metallic ting that was familiar to both of us - this 'man' was actually a robot! Kyle hadn't pinged on him, for some reason.

The patrons at the cafe screamed and ducked for cover and tried to flee for cover. The bot fired it's gun a few more times, emptying it as it ran after us. I led the way, with Kyle taking up the rear and acting as my shield from the bullets. We exited the cafe along with a good portion of the crowd, and began running down the street. The cyborg continued to chase us.

As we ran, we could hear sirens approaching.

The two of us ran through an alley, approaching an abandoned looking building. Kyle paused, and said, "In here."

I wasn't about to question Kyle's planning - it had worked for us so far - but this seemed a bit odd. Leading us into a building with no obvious exits? Well, it wasn't like I had many other options. I followed Kyle as he hammered through the closed door into the darkened building. As soon as we entered, I could sense that we were not alone. I could see a creature, huddled in the corner, watching us. I heard another shuffle above us. Undoubtedly there were others within the structure.

Kyle stepped forward and shouted, "Help me and my friend, and I will help you."

I still hadn't figured out what exactly my robotic twin had planned, but this was certainly an unexpected twist. How was Kyle going to help a bunch of vampires? If I were the vamps, I'd be thinking the same thing, but a gravelly voice answered back, "Of course."

And then, before I could wonder at how Kyle could calm a group of monsters so easily, the door was kicked in by the bot that had been chasing us. Behind him were three other people (or were they bots? I had no idea of knowing how many of the cyborgs were active in Monterrey, and whether the bot searching for us had requested backup. In the future, Mim-cha often traveled in packs, so it was possible that there could have been more robots nearby. Regardless, there were four individuals entering the premise looking for us.

The bot leading the group entered and was swarmed upon instantly. It was difficult to make out the melee in the dark, but there were more vamps than I had ever seen. Some of them were armed with crowbars and pieces of wood or shards of glass as well as their teeth and nails. Bots are quite strong, of course, but there were just too many vampires attacking this one for it to fight them all off. It did manage to kill some, but it wasn't enough. The beasts devoured the skin, blood, and muscle that was the bot's outer layer, leaving the robotic endoskeleton underneath - which they dismantled in a frenzy of anger and destruction.

The three people who had joined the bot in it's search were grabbed by other vampires and dragged into the building before they could flee. They had, it turned out, been human. Soon, nothing remained of them but bloodstains on several of the creatures' mouths. Even their clothing was being passed around and tried on by the monsters. I leaned over and vomited, the taste bitter and acidic.

Kyle said to me, "We should go. More will be coming."

The vampires were passing around bits of the bot - an arm here, a leg there. One of them had the silver metal skull in his hands, carrying it like a trophy. Kyle approached and said, "I need this." The vampire glared at him, and I could see that he was considering the fact that his kind out-numbered Kyle and I - by a lot. Then, he looked at Kyle a little closer, and simply handed the skull over. He took the machine-head, and said to me, "We have research to do."

*****

140 days remain...

We had learned several things in the week and a half since the attack in the cafe. First, that the bots that were being deployed worldwide (the pre-Mim-cha bots) were on a different frequency than he (and the other Mim-cha from the future) were, which is how he was unable to ping the bot that had attacked us in the cafe. The good news about that was that it worked both ways. He was unable to detect them, but they could not track him down, either.

Second, if given a chance to 'operate' on him, he would be able to talk me through altering his programming so that he would be able to also be hidden from the future Mim-cha's pings, which would allow us to go back to LA to get a closer look at whatever it was that the bots from '37 were planning - and perhaps stop it.

Third, I learned that I still despised the bot that had my brother's face. Over the months that we had been in the past, I had grudgingly begun to almost respect the thing. But I held him accountable for the murders of those three men who had followed us into the building. Our relationship was rather strained, but, of course, Kyle felt nothing, which left all of the resentment and anger and hostility completely on my shoulders. I ached for Reese, or any human contact, really. My whole life, it seemed, was being dictated by machines from the future. I had considered simply going on a kamikaze mission on my own, when Simon found us.

Simon was an old man now, and when he first approached us, I didn't recognize him. But when Kyle had confirmed that he was, in fact, the Simon Birden we had known ...or would know... I embraced the friend I had thought had been lost forever.

*****

Simon explained his story: In '37 when the vampires had attacked us, and the three of us had gone into spheres, he had not activated his right away. Simon could read some of the readouts - he had learned some Mim-cha-ese over the years - and saw that the display panel was indicating that the default time destination was where we had wound up - early 2012. But, upon further inspection, he saw that he was able to choose a different destination. He was able to travel back to 1984. The way the spheres worked, at least in part, was that they soaked up energy from around them like sponges, and were able to use that to travel further into the past. Simon was only able to go back to 1984 because the Vultures had been flying above the facility when the original '37 had gone back in time. And, he theorized, that if there had been more energy available, he would have been able to go further back than that.

Simon had spent the last 28 years helping to create Project Mimic - which, as we all knew, was the precursor to the Mim-cha. He had wanted to change history, but at the same time, he needed to ensure that the vampire plague did not overwhelm humanity. Additionally, he knew that eventually we would show up, as would the other Mim-cha.

When Simon had seen the video footage of Kyle and I in the Los Angeles neighborhood, he knew that time was short. He convinced President Palin to implement the bots into the public, but he had added a feature that nobody knew about - he had ordered them to be on the lookout for Kyle and myself, and to notify him if we were spotted.

Unfortunately, the plan had worked too well, and now Palin had approved automated factories - despite his protests - and soon enough the Mim-cha would be self-aware and would start killing humans as well as vampires.

We told Simon that we were planning on stopping the '37 Mim-cha, and Kyle told him about the pinging frequency solution. Simon agreed to help us, and to alter Kyle's frequency.

Once the change had been made, we made our way back into LA, to track down and investigate the robots from the future.

*****

23 days remain...

The Mim-cha had hidden pretty effectively, and LA is a large city, so it took a longer time than anticipated to locate the bots. Eventually, we pinpointed a large abandoned building that had been receiving odd shipments for several months. Through interrogation of several vampires that Kyle had caught and spoken with (and I again made a note to ask myself why exactly they trusted him), we discovered that the large empty building had once been a thriving breeding ground for vamps, but after some especially brutal machines moved in, they had stayed away. The odd thing was that the bots had arrived months before Palin had released any to the public, and they didn't patrol the neighborhoods, they just stuck to their one location.

We decided that was it, and made our way to it in the middle of the night. When we made our way in, guns drawn, expecting to be assaulted, we found... spheres. Time displacement spheres, simply sitting on the factory floor. All 36 of the bots were stored inside them, in hibernation mode. We walked around the spheres, taking in the entire scene, expecting that at any moment they may sense intruders, and awaken.

Kyle looked at one of the spheres, and noticed a countdown timer. It was set to go off minutes before the time that the bombs were going to hit.

Simon put the pieces together. "My god," he whispered, "they are going to use the energy from the atomic blasts to travel further back in time."

A nuclear bomb had a hell of a lot of energy. If two airplanes were able to send Simon back almost 30 years, I wondered about a blast that size. "How far back could they go?"

Simon did some quick calculating. "I don't know exactly, but it wouldn't surprise me if they were able to go back some fifty thousand years. They could eliminate humankind much easier back then."

"We have to get reinforcements!" I said. "We can still prevent them from doing this. You have an in with the President, just have her send in the Guard, and wipe these bastards out!"

"We can try that," Simon agreed, "but Sarah is less likely to listen to me now that the Mim-cha are actively killing people, and besides, the Guard are thinning. She's reaching the desperation point. Perhaps I can convince her to just bomb here - early. If the bombs go off before the Mim-cha inside are expecting it, they'll simply be obliterated instead of able to use the energy from the blasts to go back in time."

"No, Simon." I said. "There has to be a way to do this without setting off nukes. If Sarah or the Guard won't help us, perhaps the vamps will. They listen to you, Kyle. Can you convince them to help destroy these?"

Kyle considered it. "It will take some time to get enough infected to destroy all of these spheres and Mim-cha. But, yes, I will do what I can."

*****

3 days remain...

In the White House, Sarah Palin watched the reports coming in with increasing dread. The god-damn machines had backfired. They were taking over, and since it was damn near impossible to tell a robot (who were so alien in their thought patterns, that they'd started calling themselves "Mim-cha") from a human, the paranoia levels were supremely high. She had locked herself away for several months now, not making public appearances at all. The rumors were flying about her - that she was dead, that she was a robot, that she was pregnant with twins [one human, one machine], that she was traveling into the future - but she had to remain hidden. Most of the public demanded her to pay. They held her accountable for crashing civilization, and for the birth of the Mim-cha.
She had, of course, tried so hard to turn them off. And they had succeeded briefly. But somehow the machines had risen again, and they'd been pissed.

Now, she was considering her options, and the "kill it to save it" philosophy was beginning to seem more and more reasonable. A few tactical nuclear drops would eliminate a good portion of the Mim-cha, while still allowing humanity to recoup their losses....

But did she really want to have that mark on her record as well? The stress at making this decision was greater than anything she'd ever felt before.

Her head in her hands, she didn't hear that another person had entered the room until she was tapped on the shoulder. She turned and faced... herself.

"Hello, bitch," the Sarah Palin bot said. "You shouldn't have pulled the plug."

****

4 hours remain...

We had an army. Kyle, with about 400 vamps at his command (some of them eyeing me hungrily). Simon, with roughly three times that amount of his bots. (He had been able to reprogram them in secret. Sarah Palin had decided that Simon Birden was a domestic terrorist and had ordered his immediate execution on sight. So the three of us had been conducting this army building in secret. Not only were we hiding from the authorities, but the Mim-cha were also killing indiscriminately.

But, despite it being the day of the bombs falling, we were here. And we were ready to take these time traveling menaces out, once and for all.

We stormed the building, and were met with resistance. The Mim-cha had set up guards. These robots were not the ones from '37, but were instead ones that had been built in the present, and knew that they were to stand outside this building and not allow anything to get past them.

The vampires and robots battled intensely, with many of the vamps falling at the wayside. During the fighting, one vamp leapt onto my back - thinking in the confusion that he'd be able to sneak in a snack - and Kyle again saved my life. The thing had gotten a good bite into my shoulder before Kyle hurled it some thirty feet into the air, where a bullet (who knows whether it was 'friendly fire' or not) caught the creature in the right eye, ending it permanently. Kyle asked me if I was okay, and I assured him that I was.

Simon was not. He was shot in the hip by a Mim-cha shortly into the battle, and demanded that we go on without him. He apologized for all he had done saying that all he'd done had done no good, and you couldn't fight fate. I told him that it wasn't over yet, and that there was no fate but what we make.

Eventually the fighting made it's way into the building. Our army began to demolish the spheres. The Mim-cha inside would awaken, screaming as if in horrible pain, and thrash about at whatever they could, but most of them were too confused to do much damage.

One of the Mim-cha must have set off some sort of alarm, though, as the final three spheres opened before we could reach them to destroy them. The Mim-cha inside were alert and incredibly angry. (And I thought machines couldn't feel emotion. But these things had an aura of rage about them.)

One of them raced toward me, and kicked me, hard, in the jaw. I felt some of my teeth go down my throat, and my vision blurred. I felt arms pick me up, but I knew it wasn't Kyle, since I was watching him get pummeled by two of the other Mim-cha. The mystery savior placed me inside the sphere and shut the door. As it was closing, I could see that it had been a vampire that had rescued me. I was amazed that a creature like that could demonstrate such an example of humanity.

I blacked out momentarily.

I came to, in time to hear a beeping and see a flash of lightning. I realized that the sphere was activating. I tried, in vain, to stand up and protest. At least, I thought, the bombs haven't fallen. I won't be able to go back that far without the energy from the bombs.

There was a blinding flash of white, and Los Angeles disappeared.

Next: Another Version of the Truth

Glasshole

At 12 noon today, just as I was about to go to lunch, my cell phone rang. It was Stephanie. She told me that the sliding glass door had been broken (I missed the "how" at the time).

So, I drove home, swept up a billion pieces of glass, and set a giant board up where the back door used to be.

(Oh, the how it happened part - Irina, in anger, threw a magnet that belongs to Saren. It hit Saren in the head, and then hit the sliding glass door, shattering it. Yeah. That girl needs to get a deal with a professional baseball team.)

So, anyway. I got out the yellow pages to call a glass company or two to get quotes to find out how much it would cost to replace the door.

First company I called, I got a voicemail. The message said, "We're unable to get to the phone, please leave a message. If this is an emergency..." But I hung up at that point because it wasn't, and if the people weren't going to answer their phones, well, that's their loss.

As I was looking for the next company to call, the phone rang. I answered, and it was a guy from the place I had just called, he said, "This is [iforgethisname], I just missed your call?"

I was a little surprised, but I explained the situation and the door's measurements to him. He asked if we wanted tempered glass (which is what we had) or laminated, which would be extra, but it (supposedly) wouldn't shatter if it broke in the future. The tempered glass would cost $250, the laminated would be $375.
I said the tempered, and he told me that he'd have to check his stock to see if he had a piece that size, and that he would call me back in 20 minutes. He also asked me, "If I don't have the tempered glass, I *do* have the laminated in, would you want to go with that?"
I agreed that, if we had to do the laminated, I'd go with that.

I hung up, and talked to Steph.
After a few minutes, she said, "Do you want to call any other places to see if it might be cheaper?"

I said sure, and called another place, and long story short (too late!), they're going to be able to put the tempered glass in for 200, and they've got it in stock. (ALthough they said they won't be here until sometime between 5pm and 8pm....so we're still waiting.)

After hanging up with Company #2, I was like, "Should I call the first guy back to let him know we don't need him?"

Steph said to just wait until he calls us. But I didn't want to risk him actually sending someone out, so I called him up and here's how our conversation went:

Me: "Hey, I just called you a few minutes ago, about the sliding glass door?"
Jerkass Glass Guy: "Yeah."
Me: "I wanted to let you know that we got someone else that is going to do it."
JGG: "Oh. Thanks for making me go out of my way."
Me: "Well, sorry, man."
JGG: "Asshole." and then he hung up.

Wow. So glad we didn't go with him. And really, I stopped him from going out of his way. I mean, jesus. Some people.

Upfront, briefly

This year's CW Upfront actually took place on Thursday of last week. However, since I was at home with Silas at the time, I didn't get a chance to watch it until today. Since it was a really short presentation, and since I've blogged about each upfront for the past three years, I figured I'd blog my thoughts on this one.
(And, yeah, this is sort of a procrastination tactic for my story. But I swear, The Greater Good should be posted tomorrow.)

Like I said, this Upfront was brief. Which is good. They should all be this short. But I guess since the CW is eliminating an entire night's worth of programming next fall [they're dropping Sundays from the schedule, giving the time back to the affiliates {yay! More work for me!}], it doesn't take as long to talk about their lineups.

So. Anyway, out walked some CW bigshot, whose name and position I've forgotten, who spoke for maybe a minute, and introduced some character from Gossip Girl (I deduced. I don't watch the show.). His name was Chuck Bass, and I guess his character is a greedy womanizer. He's supposed to be a CEO of some industry, so he's like a millionaire playboy or something. Somehow I doubt he's dressing up in batsuits and doing vigilante justice. But if that is happening, I might have to start watching Gossip Girl.
Anyway, Chuck Bass does a shpiel about how in these tough economic times, even networks can fail, (but enough about NBC - Ha!) but the CW won't because they're going after the demographic of young women. His speech was slightly amusing, and I'm sure I'd've appreciated it more if I watched the show, but whatever. He introduces Dawn Ostroff (CW's President of Entertainment), who comes out and does a little more of the "CW is awesome" shtick that is to be expected at these things. And then, after about three minutes, she gets right to the new shows. Yay!

First up was Melrose Place. Yup. The Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off from the 1990s is now the 90210 spin-off of the aughts. It looked like more of the same - pretty, rich people having not-real-life problems. And sex. So I think I'll pass. The future girlfriend of Derek Reese (Jessie, I think her character's name was?) from Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles is in this show, though, so that was neat in a "hey! I know that actress!" sort of way.

Next up was Vampire Diaries, which, I guess, are based on some books. Basic premise: Vampire who used to live in Generic Town X moved away, then comes back for Mysterious Reasons. Oh, and he doesn't kill people anymore. Or so he claims.
Anyway, Mysterious Vampire attends high school (insert world's biggest fucking sigh here) and falls in love with World's Most Beautiful Girl whose parents died in a car crash a few years back. Um. So, it's Lana Lang?? Ugh. Shoot me.
I was all set to write it off, but then there was a twist. Mysterious Vamp has a vampire brother! And vamp bro is totally evil!! As in, he still likes killing people! And when he finds out that Mysterious Vamp is in love with World's Most Beautiful Girl, he's all, "ORLY?" and decides he might just fall in love with her. Or, you know, kill her. Sibling rivalry and vampire fighting ensues.
But the best part? Evil Vamp Bro is totally Boone from season one of Lost!! Yay!
It looks like it might suck (and it probably well) BUT!! Boone!! So, maybe. (but probably not)

Third up was The Beautiful Life, a scripted show that is about the fashion industry. So, rich, pretty people having not-real-life problems. And sex. Yawn!

The midseason show, Parental Discretion Advised looked semi-good, actually. A teenage girl who was given up for adoption finds her birth parents in Portland, Oregon (dad is a slacker type who lives above a bar he owns, mom is a famous DJ - they hooked up in high school and then went separate ways). She wants to get emanicipated, but a judge forces the parents to watch over her? It sounds kinda cheesy when I write it out like that, but it might not be half bad. I'd be willing to give it a shot, anyway.

So, having shown clips of the new shows, Dawn went to the schedule. New shows are bold:

Mon
8p - Gossip Girl
9p - One Tree Hill (again?? Won't this show just die already?)
Tue
8p - 90210
9p - Melrose Place
Wed
8p - America's Next Top Model
9p - The Beautiful Life
Thur
8p - The Vampire Diaries
9p - Supernatural
Fri
8p - Smallville
9p - America's Next Top Model repeat

Smallville on Fridays? Huh.
And Vamp Diaries on Thursday at 8 means we won't be watching due to Survivor. Oh well. Since I'm not a young woman, I'm not really the CW's target audience anyway.

I wish it really worked this way.

Irina and I were playing pretend.

Irina: You wanna buy some ice cream?

Me: Sure!

Irina: Okay. Do you have moneys?

Me: No.

Irina: Okay. Here's some moneys! *hands me imaginary money* ...And some pennies! *hands me imaginary pennies*

Me: Thanks! *hands her the imaginary money back*

Irina: And here's your ice cream! *hands me imaginary ice cream cone*

Best. Ice Cream. Vendor. Ever.