Thursday, September 01, 2005

Dear Western Civilization

I realize that you are on the brink of collapsing what with Peak Oil, bioterrorism, global warming, mass extinctions, American Idol, and whatever else we modern humans decide to throw your way, but I have a very selfish request to make.

Please put off the complete collapse  until after the last Harry Potter book has been released. And I've been able to read it. That's only three years, max. I'm sure you could hold off for that long.

And if you're feeling extra benevolent (HA HA HA HA HA), could you also wait until the Spish have gotten their shit together enough to go RVing for a while. The Universe is already making it more of a burden than we need it to be, by breaking our car (again!), so I'm hoping that you could at least cut us a little slack. I know that Peak Oil is pushing you closer to that breaking point, and Hurricane Katrina may wind up being the straw that breaks your back (or maybe not. You are pretty damn resilient you know.), but just PLEASE keep on chugging until ...oh, say, twenty aught nine.

After that - after the Spish have found a good place to live a sustainable life, go ahead and eff yourself. I'm sure it'll be a marvelous crash, and we'll have a great time watching from the sidelines, but for right now, you going down would be disastrous - FOR US. And that's the most important thing, you see. Me and my family. While we aren't too fond of you, and we all know that eventually you're going to go away, we're just not quite prepared for that. See, your death is going to be messy. And we'd prefer to not get any of it on us. You understand.

So, yeah. Just wait a leeetle bit longer, if you would, before you bite the big one.

Much obliged,



Amy said...

Dude, America isn't Western Civilization!

P@ said...

Nope, it's just another one of it's victims.

Amanda said...

I know longer feel bad about having this thought:

"If I die tomorrow, my biggest regret will be not knowing what happens to Harry Potter."