otional benefits package

For those who are wondering, this title (and the one before it) were gleemed (gleaned?) from whatever odd scraps of paper have been lying around me when I begin to blog. It's great for coming up with titles when I have no title readily available.

I was thinking today on the drive home about how it's November 19th, and while the idea of shopping for Xmas is in the air (and on the air) the idea of Xmas...isn't. People aren't being more considerate toward one another, or smiling more or anything like that. The holiday is supposed to be something to strive for year round, and while I know that's impractical and impossible... I don't know. It just hit me how November 19th is not considered special. I can't explain it because I didn't really understand it myself. Forget I said anything.

There does seem to be something in the air lately, though. Or on the internet, maybe. Vibes are strange things. God, why do I even talk?

My stomach is empty. I've had to eat today: A bologna sandwich, two pieces of KFC chicken, some candy. Healthy!

You know what's weird? When someone you

You know what's really weird? When you decide mid sentence to not even bother finishing the thought. Well, maybe not so much 'weird' as 'annoying'. Sorry.

Also weird? Numbers.

And a lot of other things. Like, everything.

Merry November 19th, everyone!

include bread, veggies and meat.

ANother very tired day. Tiring. Whatev.

News of the moment that made me ...happy, I guess. ABC is moving Alias to Wednesday's, right after Lost! It'll be J.J.Abrams night! Woo. and hoo.

I'm not quite UTP@, but pretty close. Be. Largh.

Let's see, what else? Tomorrow the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie opens. Hooray! Except that I'm sure I'll wait until it comes out on video. But I will see it someday.

This is becoming a very "and then I made a cheese sandwich" entry. Yawn.

You know what's hard to keep in mind? The fact that people you see on TV are just that - PEOPLE. Politicians are human! It's really really difficult to remember that that is a fact. I think they forget, too. Celebrities, models, other people driving on the freeway, news anchors, terrorists. They're all homo sapiens sapiens. I wonder why that's such a hard thing to keep in the forefront of one's brain. Everyone is a person, who has feelings and thoughts and dreams. They each have desires and wants. They all poop. They all eat. They all emerged from a mother.

I think we forget that too often. And, like I said, I think sometimes the people I mentioned forget that they are people too. Some supermodels came into town a few days back - some Victoria's Secret thing...I don't know what the deal was, it was a secret - and it just hit me that all the attention that these women were recieving (and do recieve, like ALL the time) probably made it difficult for them to remember that they're just like the rest of us. They will age. They will die. They shed tears. And skin cells. Just because they've been deemed extremely photogenic (and they were) doesn't shouldn't grant them special uberhuman privileges.
Just because politicians dress up in suits and have lots of pieces of paper...they're still animals.

I don't know. This ramblingness ties in closely with the epiphany I mentioned a few days back, but at this moment, neither thought seems to be making much sense. Guess that's because I'm a human being.

...and there's nothing on.

I've got 57 emails in my inbox right now.

Theresa Heinz would be proud.

Randomly funny (or at least, semi-amusing) thoughts I've had in the past 24 hours:

"P@, you are a card carrying member of the philosophy of denialism."
"No I'm not."

"I fought Jude Law, and Jude Law won."


Actually, I guess that's all. I thought I had more inner dialouge, but turns out I don't. I would, though, like to fight Jude Law.

under the wire

Jesus, Blogger. Could you be any more uncooperative?

Bah. I have something I want to talk about, but it's long and complex and it's late and I'm not exactly in the mood anymore. So whatever.

Safe, Non-Toxic

Note to self: Don't look at sites like this before blogging. It puts you in a foul mood unsuitable for thinking clearly.

We bought a saw today. For $1.59. You get what you pay for! Unless you're a thief. HA!

You ever have an epiphany, but you don't want to share it, for fear that it will be picked apart? Just wondering. I'm not saying I've had one, simply curious if others have experienced that. Okay, I have had one.

Um.

Think I'm still not really thinking clearly.

Blog Challenge #2: CAST Away

CAST - Continue A STory. In which a story is begun on a blog, and then continued, bit by bit, by the people who leave comments.

I've done this before, but that was back in the Haloscan days. (Heh. So funny.) The "rules" are slightly different this time. Original rules were:

1) You may add on a section up to 3 times - but you need to have at least two other people put entries between yours.
2) Don't end the story. That's for me to do.

The only difference this time is that there is no limit on how many times you may contribute. But! No double posting. You must wait for at least one other person to put up a section of the story before you continue. Don't want anyone story-hogging.

As for the (most likely) inevetiable possibility of double-posting (people putting up sections at the same time)...I don't know how to deal with that, actually. I'm hoping that it just dosen't happen.

Lastly, the "challenge" part is for you to start your own CAST on your blog. You can use the same story beginning (if you want) but it would be more ...creatively expanding for you to come up with something original. If you do, though, I ask that you please link back to me crediting me with the idea. (Only because I want more traffic and possible people adding to the story)

Okay. With no further delaying, onto the acutal story...

*****

Paul Washington was woken up by the ringing of the telephone. A beam of almost-noon sunlight sneaked in his bedroom window between the thickly drawn curtains. Groggily, he reached for the phone, willing the hangover away. "Hello?" he answered.

The voice on the other end shouted something in German. Paul didn't understand it, but there was no mistaking the urgency, whatever the message may have been. "Sorry, dude. Wrong number." He hung up and fell back into a deep slumber.

Ten minutes later, the door was kicked in. Paul sat up instantly, heart pounding. The adrenaline raced through his body and he was sweating as three men in dark black uniforms and brandishing machine guns surrounded his bed. The men were all yelling at him, obviously irate. Paul stuck his hands up, terrified. Well, at least my hangover is gone, he thought mindlessly as his brain attempted to understand the bizarre situation he found himself in. The leader of the men poked the nozzle of his machine gun into Paul's ribs and barked some sort of question. Paul shook his head and said, "I...I don't speak German."

The leader said the same phrase again, and again poked Paul with his weapon. Paul's vision blurred and he feared he would faint. He willed himself to stay conscious and said, "Take whatever you want. Just don't hurt me. Please." The leader grabbed Paul's arm roughly. He looked at his forearm, but obviously didn't like what he saw - or as Paul quickly determined, what he did not see. All three men had a barcode tattoo on their forearms, and they were expecting Paul to have the same. One of the other men asked a question - most likely, "Where's his tattoo?" - and the leader barked angrily at him. Paul was hoping was ferevertly wishing this was all a horrific nightmare that he'd soon wake up from.

Paul protested as the leader placed a pair of handcuffs on him, but these men did not seem to understand English any better than he spoke German. "You've got the wrong guy!" he yelled, as they forced him to get out of bed. He had on his jeans, but no shirt.

Realizing that dealing with these thugs wasn't going to work, Paul decided his best course of action was to get help from a neighbor. As the men started to march him out of his apartment, he screamed, "Mrs. Johansen! Mrs. Johansen, call 9-1-1!" His yells brought his next door neighbor to her door. Mrs. Johansen had been Paul's neighbor for the past 4 years. They attended the same church. He knew she'd help. The woman opened the door, and Paul nearly did faint when he saw that Mrs. Johansen had a barcode on her forearm...

Weekend Update!

Since I have nothing of importance to blog about today, I figured I'd read the news today (oh boy!). Just to find out what the people who control the media think we ought to know.

Here's a sampling, with some fun witty comments by yours truly following!

Dick! ~ Yup, Dick Cheney's having heart problems again. Which is surprsing to me, since I wasn't sure the man had a heart. They say that the body and mind are connected. Or maybe the Universe is trying to tell him something. Of course, if he does actually die, like the head of a hydra, there would just be another monster to replace him.

Zzzzap! ~ Recipe for disaster: Take authority figures, add tazer guns, mix in children. Stir.

Well, duh! ~ Finally Scott Peterson was found guilty. Also, why is any of this of importance? I don't know Scott. I didn't know Laci. Their lives should not be in the news. But, of course, I've tried to make this aruguement with the president and political figures before, to little avail. I just don't see why we're being told about this court case. Or any court case, for that matter. That being said, I hope they kill the fucker.

How's that War on Terror coming along? ~ I've got Rage Against The Machine's Killing in the Name stuck in my head.

Hollywood is magical ~ They can clone Tom Hanks!!

Fungus among us ~ This fungus just wanted to come to America, the land of opportunity! Soybean rust. Hmm. Well, you reap what you sow.

Micro$oft news ~ Phew! I wouldn't want Bill Gates to lose any money.

That was kinda fun. Maybe I'll make that a regularish feature.

Work kicked my ass.

I'm so bloody tired.

I have a long list of people that I would like to see fired.

I also have nothing to talk about. Blah.

Special Guest Star: Oreo, the cat.

Whose name may actually just be "Cat!", but I digress.

Today is 11/11! Go numbers! I've altered the time-stamp to reflect and honor this.

It's also Kurt Vonnegut's birthday. Hooray! He's one of my favorite hairless apes. In honor, I'm reading Hocus Pocus which is a novel by him. I may throw in some quotes from it. If I can be arsed. [/Britishism]

Today is also Veteran's Day. Kurt Vonnegut is a veteran. Of World War 2! Man. That's like, historic. History.

Also, it's been brought to my attention that I don't speak enough of our cat. That's because he's no longer cute. He still exists, though. But he's generally pretty bitey. Or annoying. But we still love him! Currently, I have no idea where he is, but if I had to wager a guess, I'd say he's most likely sleeping in the bedroom.

In other news, Green Day's American Idiot is the album I most want to add to our collection. Go Green Day! Although, as I was telling Stephanie, the other day, I heard a radio commercial for Green Day coming in concert, and it ended with, "Green Day, produced by [name of some huge corporation]" and it made me sad that a PUNK band would allow themselves to associate with a huge corporation. I mean, yeah, Green Day sold out a long time ago, and I don't ultimately care what Green Day does...it just seems ...hypocritical, I guess, for a band that is supposed to represent an anti-establishment mentality to want money, fame, and mass marketing. Ya know?

I don't know. Hypocrites rule. I'm a hypocrite. He's a hypocrite. Wouldn't you like to be a hypocrite too?

In other other news...I had something, but I forget. Damnit. OH! I was going to ask about Attorney Generals. What exactly do they do? Are they attorneys? Or are they generals? Or neither? Is there some sort of army of lawyers out there? (Other than Wolfram & Hart, that is) And are there Attorney Corporals? And! There's the Surgeon General, too. Hmmm. Do all professions have an army? That's a strange thought.
Maybe, though, it's the wrong meaning of 'general', and there's an Attorney Specific out there somewhere, who simply doesn't get as much press time as the Attorney General.

You know what it's like?

It's like having 8 emails in your inbox that you just won't delete.

It's like Vietnam, all over again.

It's like a half-eaten fig newton.

It's like sitting in a car which is in a garage, with the engine running, and fighting over which radio station to listen to.

It's like a moth.

It's like the Roman Empire invading surrounding cities, raping the villagers.

It's like pizza.

It's like a cultural collapse.

It's like history repeating. Repeating. Repeating. Repeating.

It's like talking til you're blue in the face, and still having it fall on deaf ears.

It's like blogging.

It's like rigging the game in your favor.

It's like...something, that I forget.

It's like a metaphor, or something.

It's like monkeys. Just like monkeys.

It's almost like someone knows.

It's like humans and ants.

It's like a movie.

It's like a tv show.

It's like nothing before it.

It's like everything before it.

It's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot...like life.

What is it like?

Maybe I should build a boat?

It's been raining for two days nonstop now. Which is cool, but a little disturbing. I mean, this is a desert, right? It never rains in Vegas. It rains on the outskirts of Vegas, or it rains in Vegas, but only for 10 minutes at a time. This has been pretty much a downpour, and pretty constant, for two days.

And the weather folks keep adding days to the forecast. "This is gonna end by Monday" they said a few days ago. It's now supposed to clear up "on Wednesday" only to have more rain show up through Sunday.

And we just lost power briefly.

There's thunder. LOUD thunder. And lightning. And rain, rain, rain.

Our back porch is totally flooded. And the power just blinked off again.

Better blog before I lose it.

Great is ok, but amazing would be great!

Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Blog Challenge #1: To comment is to reply.

I've decided that in the month of November, in celebration of NaMeBlogWriMoSoLaTiDo, that each Sunday I will issue a sort of Blog Challenge. You are by no means forced to take part in any of them, but if one of them grabs your fancy, go for it. [up]

This being the first week, I thought I'd start with something relatively easy to complete. Commenting!

Here's the challenge.

1) Comment on an old entry in my blog. It doesn't matter if you've commented in it before or not, just find an entry that is dated before November 7th, 2004 and leave some words.

2) Comment on an old entry in someone's blog that you frequent regularly. Go through a friend's archives and find an entry that you like, then send them a note. Looking back at past entries is often illuminating.

3) Find a blog you've never read before, a complete and total stranger, and leave them a comment. If you're feeling skittish about doing this one (The Internet is populated with freaks, after all) you can leave your comment anonymously. However, if you let them know where your blog is, you might just widen your circle of friends.

That's it. I've already completed step #3, so go team me!

Oh, and of course, feel free to repeat steps 1-3 as many times as you'd like. No need to stop after just one round of commenting. Comment like the wind!

jIH DichDaq taH pa' vaD SoH

The alien civilizations in Star Wars, Star Trek, and ...well, about 98% of all sci-fi, actually, go off the assumption that they were just like ours, and they advanced to the point where they can have space travel and whatnot.

Ignoring the silliness of that assumption, I'd like to focus on an idea that is not really touched upon by this theory. Before the Klingons (for example) built interstellar spaceships, they must have built other technology. Like, say, television.

Which would mean that they would have had television shows....

Which means that there must exist Klingon versions of Friends. Dude.

DUDE.

military monkey men might make movies

Yeah, I don't know either.

I saw the trailer for Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith today. At work! On our "news"!! Which is pretty darn neat, considering. The movie will most likely be as horrible as the other two, but the trailer did leave me feeling slightly optimistic that it'll be worth the 20 bucks to go see it with Steph. Only 7 more months of waiting to find out. [doh2]

Also, in case anyone was living in a cave (or, um, outside of the US...or inside the US, but wasn't watching the WB for the past two weeks or so) this Sunday is the NETWORK TELEVISION PREMIERE OF THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING. [/dramatic voice] I swear if I see another trailer for that I'll ...I don't know what. BUt seriously, I know it's impressive and all, and they've most likely got a lot riding on the amount of viewers they expect to pull in, but do they have to mention it in EVERY COMMERCIAL BREAK?

This Sunday, of course, is also the season premiere of The Simpsons. Year 16. Sixteen! Woohoo! So, if we watch any of LOTR:TFOTR, we'll be missing at least a half hour of it. Sorry, Frodo.

Question about the Star Wars ...sextilogy (? I know that's not the word (or even really a word at all) but I can't locate what I'm looking for). Are we meant to watch them in the order 1,2,3,4,5,6? Or are people meant to watch them in the order 4,5,6,1,2,3? Because if you watch them 1-6, the "surprise" of Yoda in Empire Strikes Back...isn't a surprise. We meet Yoda early on, and we know he goes into hiding. But in Empire, Luke doesn't know that the little green creature stealing his food is the Jedi Master he's looking for. I think because of this (and probably other reasons as well) we're meant to watch them in the 4-6 then 1-3 order. Or maybe just ignore the 1-3 films altogether.

Cheaters never win.

Except, of course, when they do.

I'm cheating on the date. I didn't blog yesterday, but as Annika said, " I will allow myself to pre- or post-date entries" so I'm justified in tinkering with time. Ha! Tinkering with time!!

Um. Funny thing is, I don't have anything to say. I could talk about how Bush stole this election, too (Legitimate my ass) but I really don't want to get into political crap. The feeling of overwhelming despair that comes whenever I think about it is too horrible. I've been trying to look on the bright side of the outcome of Nov. 2nd, and while it may be a stretch, I think I've found some.

Maybe, just maybe, Bush will be what finally pushes us to Rock Bottom. Maybe, just maybe, having a so called leader make life so goddamn unbearable will wake people the fuck up. Maybe, just maybe, a cultural awakening will result from whatever travesties come from Bush & Co. Maybe.

I mean, it's got to happen eventually, right? Maybe Bush will be the catalyst. Maybe it'll be Peak Oil. Maybe it'll be global warming's effects. Maybe it'll be the extinction of some species that we vitally depend upon. Most likely, it'll be a combination of those (or some other factor I've not even considered). I also suspect that it won't happen yet. I'm really leaning toward 2012. 8 more years! 8 more years!!
[sigh]

I don't know. What's something more positive to talk about? Anyone? Anyone?

Monkeys like fruit snacks.

We went to the zoo today, and I fed a Barbary Ape (which, as we know, is not an ape at all) an orange flavored fruit snack. Screw the rules, man. That monkey wanted that sugar-filled gummi concoction.

The coolest thing about them were their eyes. And how human they looked. Oh, and the fur-cleaning they did to each other. And how they leaped around. And their fingers! So humanlike! And their big-ass teeth. (Scary!) And how when the monkey I fed ate the fruit snack, he stuck his arm out through the gate in a "Gimme more" fashion. All around, monkeys rule.

Speaking of ruling, I guess there was an election or something last night. My only response to this is as follows:

HA HA HAH HAAAHHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAH HAHA HA HA HA HAAAA!! HEEEE HA HA HHOOOO HA HA HA HA HAA HA HA HAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAAAA HAA HAAA AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAH AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

HA!!

Seriously.

I wish I could've stayed with the monkeys. They were so much better than having to go to work.

Once more, with feeling.

Interview with the Magic 8-ball, part III.

Magic 8-ball, do you know the outcome of the presidential election?
YES
DEFINITELY

Ooh! Now we're getting somewhere! Magic 8-ball, will you tell us the outcome?
YES
DEFINITELY

Awesome! Well worth the wait. (I hope) Okay, Magic 8-ball, is the president going to be John Kerry?
IT IS CERTAIN

Really. So George W. Bush is going to lose?
YES

Will there be rioting or lawsuits or a mass exodus to Canada as a result?
BETTER NOT TELL YOU NOW

That bodes well. Magic 8-ball, are you just making these results up to make people feel better?
MOST LIKELY

Well, now we just have to see how accurate the 8-ball is. But, really, how wrong can a piece of liquid filled plastic be?

Political update!

Interview with the 8-ball, cont.

Magic 8-ball, do you know the outcome of the presidential election?
CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN


It's just like the media!! Only more accurate!

You heard it here first!

Interview with the 8-ball!!!

Magic 8-ball, do you know the outcome of the presidental election?
ASK AGAIN LATER

Well, there ya have it!