Monday, June 27, 2005

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Recently, the AFI released their 100 greatest movie quotes. I’ll list below the ones that come from movies that I have seen. (I was going to list all of them, but that’s boring. Besides, it’s all about me. If you want to list them all on your own blog, and highlight the ones you’ve seen, the complete list, along with a description of how the choices were made is available here.)

Anyway, lots of people have complained about the quotes that didn’t make it, and I thought about doing that, but I’ve got a twist. See, the #1 quote ended up being, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” And it wasn’t that long ago (well, okay, it was before I was born, but still) that “damn” was not acceptable for broadcast on television. Which got me thinking. There are lots of unacceptable for broadcast words. Well, technically, it’s really a small minuscule percentage of the words that are said. But still. The point is that certain “unclean” words appear in some very famous movie quotes, which the AFI ignored altogether. I’m here to remedy that.

So, without further ado, I present

The Top 10 Movie Quotes Which Contain the Word ‘Fuck’, or Some Variation Thereof.

10. “This is FARGIN’ WAR!!” ~ Roman Moronie, Johnny Dangerously [Heee. Fargin’.]

9. “Did you fuck my wife?” ~ Jake La Motta, Raging Bull [this gets in mostly due to it’s notoriety from Eddie Izzard, I didn’t care much for the movie Raging Bull]

8. “Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you! Who’s next?” ~ Saul, Coming to America

7. “Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw!” ~ Heather Chandler, Heathers

6. “Don’t fuck with the babysitter!” ~ Chris, Adventures in Babysitting

5. “Fucking... What the fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking... How did you two fucking fucks...FUCK!!” ~ Rocco, The Boondock Saints

 4. “All right! I am the Messiah! Now fuck off!”
“How shall we fuck off, O Lord?” ~  Brian, and his masses, Life of Brian

 3. “Shut your fucking face, Uncle Fucker!” and “Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?” ~ South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut ["Uncle Fucker" is certainly one of the catchiest songs ever. And the German quote is just priceless. A tie for 3rd]

2. “My god, I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.” ~ Marla, Fight Club

and the number #1 movie quote which contains ‘fuck’ or some variation thereof is….

 

“Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” ~ John McClane, the Die Hard movies.

Let the battling over the forgotten quotes and/or the order of the winners begin now.

Um. Well, after I list the AFI quotes from movies I’ve seen…

 

4

Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

THE WIZARD OF OZ

1939

8

May the Force be with you.

STAR WARS

1977

15

E.T. phone home.

E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL

1982

16

They call me Mister Tibbs!

IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT

1967

17

Rosebud.

CITIZEN KANE

1941

21

A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS

1991

23

There's no place like home. 

THE WIZARD OF OZ

1939

29

You can't handle the truth!

A FEW GOOD MEN

1992

33

I'll have what she's having.

WHEN HARRY MET SALLY

1989

35

You're gonna need a bigger boat.

JAWS

1975

37

I'll be back.

THE TERMINATOR

1984

39

If you build it, he will come.

FIELD OF DREAMS

1989

40

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

FORREST GUMP

1994

44

I see dead people.

THE SIXTH SENSE

1999

54

There's no crying in baseball!

A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN

1992

56

A boy's best friend is his mother.

PSYCHO

1960

66

Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.

PLANET OF THE APES

1968

68

Here's Johnny!

THE SHINING

1980

69

They're here!

POLTERGEIST

1982

72

No wire hangers, ever!

MOMMIE DEAREST

1981

76

Hasta la vista, baby.

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY

1991

77

Soylent Green is people!

SOYLENT GREEN

1973

78

Open the pod bay doors, HAL.

2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

1968

79

Striker: Surely you can't be serious. 

Rumack: I am serious…and don't call me Shirley.

AIRPLANE!

1980

80

Yo, Adrian!

ROCKY

1976

85

My precious.

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: TWO TOWERS

2002

88

Listen to me, mister. You're my knight in shining armor.  Don't you forget it.  You're going to get back on that horse, and I'm going to be right behind you, holding on tight, and away we're gonna go, go, go!

ON GOLDEN POND

1981

94

I feel the need - the need for speed!

TOP GUN

1986

95

Carpe diem.  Seize the day, boys.  Make your lives extraordinary.

DEAD POETS SOCIETY

1989

96

Snap out of it!

MOONSTRUCK

1987

97

My mother thanks you. My father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you.

YANKEE DOODLE DANDY

1942

98

Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

DIRTY DANCING

1987

99

I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!

WIZARD OF OZ, THE

1939

100

I'm king of the world!

TITANIC

1997

TTFN to Piglet and Tigger

Paul Winchell (voice of Tigger) and John Fiedler (voice of Piglet) have both passed away. The Hundred Acre Woods will not be the same. [frown]

Sunday, June 26, 2005

58% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Take the MIT Weblog Survey

In other news, I hate when one changes their password, and then spends the next week (or month or five) typing in the wrong info.

Yesterday was busy.

We went to the circus, and I finished reading Mindscan. I really should blog about both, but I'm not in the mood to blog about such things. Both events (is reading a book an event??) were enjoyable, and maybe some date in the not too distant future I'll expound upon them. Or not. I'm feeling very

Blah. This was supposed to be the Summer of Comedy. "So when do you start being funny?"

Oh, I should do the word count thing, since I missed doing it yesterday. Of course, the idea of me reaching the goal by year's end is sort of a joke, so I guess the Summer of Comedy is still going strong.

Note to self: Blogging while in a sour mood results in less than stellar blog entries.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
41,111 / 200,005
(20.0%)

Friday, June 24, 2005

What an artist the world is losing in me!

So, it turns out that it's not a zombie plot (unless it is...), but the reason that the Vegas sky is an unusual orange/red (again...or, still) is because there are numerous fires surrounding the city. Seems that those lightning storms we had a couple days back started some fires that are still out of control.

The city isn't in any danger, but the surrounding areas (Mt. Charleston, Red Rock Canyon, etc) are having the people who live there evacuate.

Hey! Maybe the fires are really folks burning flags in protest. You know, while they still legally can.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Zombie plot

I just came in from outside, and beside it being unthinkably freakin' HOT, there is also a disturbing Night of the Comet reddish pink hue to the air.

I'm thinking that it's some sort of heinous plot to turn us all into zombies.

On the bright side, maybe once I'm among the undead, the heat won't matter so much. Hmmm.

Today is June 23rd.

Excellent. The above (below?) experiment was a success! Hooray! That means that I can make this entry that I had wanted to make with no problem.

Lots to talk about, so be prepared for a longish entry.

We went to the library on Sunday. I am very happy with the selection of books I checked out, so I'm going to gloat about them for a bit.

The 5 books I checked out were:

Tales of the Vampires by Joss Whedon and a bunch of other Buffy writers and comic drawers. I'll be reviewing this later in this blog entry. With spoiler tags!

Reinventing Comics: How Imagination and Technology are Revolutionizing an Art Form by Scott McCloud. This is a sequel to Understanding Comics which I know that Jess talked about earlier this year. I haven't finished reading this yet, but I think that Jess would appreciate it. Also, she'd be MUCH more articulate regarding it than I ever could dream of being, so, um, basically Jess, you should read this book.

Mindscan by Robert J. Sawyer. I started this yesterday (because I left Reinventing Comics at work. Doh!) and I'm only 3 chapters in, but I am LOVING it. Sawyer is one of my favorite authors, and it looks like this work will not disappoint. Finally, some fiction - that isn't a graphic novel - that I can get into again. Yay!

Better Off: Flipping the Switch on Technology
by Eric Bende. Looks interesting. The author (and his wife, I believe) decide to live an entire year with no electricity at all. Should provide some insight into life off the grid.

and

Welcome to the Machine: Science, Surveillance, and the Culture of Control
by Derrick Jensen and George Draffan. Jensen is one of the harshest critics of civilization and I've read practically every other book he's written, so I'm gonna give this one a go. Plus, being scared shitless by the amount of surveillance going on by those "in control" ought to be fun. [grin]

I'll let you know my inarticulate thoughts on these books as I finish them. Thus far the only one I've completed is Tales of the Vampires. That was a mishmash, seeing how it was an anthology of short comic tales done by several different artists. But it was Buffy-related, so I checked it out. Here's the skinny on each story.

The book, apparently, was originally released as 4 or 5 issues, each having part of the overall arc as well as some of the vignettes of vampiric tales. I would be pretty pissed to have to spend 3 bucks a pop for something that would be only 15 pages long, but that might just be me. Anyway, the book I got from the libe was all of them collected into one. (Apparently the term is "trade paperback". I'm slowly learning the comic book lingo.)

The varied tales of the vampires are, as I said above, connected by the narrative thread from the beginning, where a group of Watchers-in-Training are being introduced to an ancient vampire that the Watcher's Council has as a prisoner.
And now is the time on P@rix when we use spoilers.

[Begin spoiler for Tales of the Vampires - highlight to view]
Four young Watchers are brought down into a dungeon, where an obviously old vampire, named Roche, is chained up. The premise is that they have been brought to the vampire in order to hear the vampire tell them stories of what vampires are like in the real world.
Roche tells them 11 tales of vampires - 12 if you count his own, where we learn the shocking twist that his sire was actually a young girl, who winds up being one of the Watchers in training.

The watchers in training aren't really developed well enough to care about, save for Edna, the protagonist. As the story progresses, we learn that she is "in love with the baker's boy", and in the very end we discover that the "baker's boy" is working at Giles' Bakery, thus implying that she is going to grow up to be the mother of Rupert Giles. Aww.

[end spoiler]

Now, for the tales that are told...

[begin spoiler for Father - highlight to view]
This story was by Jane Espenson, and was one of the best in the bunch.  It begins in 1930, with a young boy stating that "something bad happened to his father once". It shows his dad being turned into a vamp. When he rises from his grave, he makes his way home, and doesn't kill his young child. (Vamps who show some humanity really do make the best stories, don't they?) Instead, he continues to be a dad, and takes his boy for outings to the Santa Monica Pier - at night, of course.

In 1945, the boy is now a young man, back from the war. He meets a young woman, and they have a night wedding so that his father can attend.

1950, the narrator and his wife have a child, and his mother-in-law gets some bad vibes about the father being around the baby. When the son tells him he can't be around the infant, the mother-in-law goes missing.

Then he doesn't see his father for 50 years. Year 2000, and the narrator is now old, saying he doesn't have much time left, tracks his dad down so they can reconnect. His father - who is supposed to be a soulless monster - takes care of him for 3 years while the narrator is bedridden.

The final pages are heartbreaking. The old man is lying in bed with his father sitting next to him. The narration reads: "This is how we were, right before the door was kicked in." And it then shows a Slayer (I thought it was Buffy at first, but it doesn't look exactly like her) kicking the door in, taking the father, throwing him up against the wall, and staking him.
The Slayer turns to the old man and says, "Was he going to hurt you?"
[narration box] I said no. I said he took care of me.
Slayer: I'm sorry. Was he your son?
[narration box] I said yes. It was close enough.

[frown]

[end spoiler]

[begin spoiler for Spot the Vampire - highlight to view]
Also by Jane Espenson, but lame!
It's told in verse, and it's pretty awful. The drawing is childish as well, so I guess it's supposed to be like a children's book? I don't know. The scene opens with a bunch of customers at a shopping mall at Xmas time, and the poem is asking you to detect which person is actually a vampire.
Turns out at the end that the whole picture at the beginning was in a mirror, and the vampire was behind you, not casting a reflection. What?

[end spoiler]

Next came Dust Bowl... [begin spoiler for Dust Bowl - highlight to view]
Yet another Espenson tale, this time about
a mother and son in 1933 Kansas.
The mother and son own a farm and are trying to get through the Depression and the Dust Storms of that era. A storm arises one day, and a man is traveling through. The mom invites the man in, saying they couldn't leave him out in the storm. The next morning, the mom is a vamp. She tries to kill her son, and in the process he bites her, thus turning himself.

When he reawakens as a vamp, he's disoriented, and winds up killing his mom. (Accidentally, I think.) He goes out and feeds on a cow, then makes it to the neighbor's farm. He wants to turn the neighbor, but since he doesn't make the "other person needs blood" connection, he only kills her.

He puts up a sign on his farm saying, "Room for rent - cheap" and feeds off passersby.

The end shows the growing stack of dead bodies in the barn with the caption reading, "It's just another kind of ranching."

Yeah, most of these are pretty pointless, when you think about it
.[end spoiler]

[begin spoiler for Jack - highlight to view]
Brett Matthews did the story for this rather pedestrian telling of how Jack the Ripper was actually a vampire. Yawn.
[end spoiler]

[begin spoiler for Stacy - highlight to view]
Joss Whedon wrote this one, and you can tell. I mean that both positively and negatively. Stacy tells the story of a disenchanted teenage girl, and it's peppered with pop culture references and Whedonesque witticisms. (Whatever other faults he may have, he can be pretty darn funny.)
Stacy complains that nobody understands her, and her life was empty until she got turned into a vampire, and now she's alive.
I suppose this could be a metaphor for being in cliques? Or gangs? Religion, maybe? I'm not sure. All of these tales are like little character studies. But they aren't really long enough to give insight into  the characters, ya know?
Meh.
[end spoiler]

[begin spoiler for Some Like It Hot - highlight to view]
Ugh.
This one was just awful.
It was written by Sam Loeb, and tells the tale of a vampire who, while being pretty happy with the life he has, misses the sun. So he tracks down a mad scientist who takes out his heart and replaces it with a silver...box? I don't know. Anyway, yeah, it was mandated in that one episode of Angel that if a vamp removes their heart, they can be in the sun for 24 hour hours, and then they go poof. And Some Like it Hot makes mention of that.
But apparently, if you put a piece of silver in the place where the heart was, then they can live forever. (I don't know.)
So this vamp that wants nothing more than to feel the warmth of the sun again, has this scientist do the operation. He then goes out into the sun, starts to sweat, and complains that it's too damn hot.

All that for a stupid one-liner? Lame!

[end spoiler]

[begin spoiler for
The Problem with Vampires - highlight to view]
Drew Goddard wrote this one. It's about Spike and Dru, set in Prague. Um. It was okay, I guess.
[end spoiler]

[begin spoiler for Taking Care of Business - highlight to view]
Written by Ben Edlund. An ancient vampire - even older than the Master! - is the centerpiece of this one. This creature has devolved quite a bit, looking suspiciously like an Ubervamp[rolleyes], which is kinda interesting. Also he is covered with cross marks, as though either he tortures himself or has been repeatedly introduced to crosses.

It begins with CrossVamp in a convince store, buying candy. A man in a priest outfit walks in, buys some candy as well. CrossVamp decides that the priest will be his next victim. Before killing the man, though, he opts to tell his life story. Turns out that CrossVamp has been around since the Inquisition, and that he has made a history of killing holy men. Priests, chaplains, bishops, anyone that was a member of the Church. Because, he felt, he was doing God's work.

The priest listens to all this and just eats his candy. When CrossVamp doesn't sense any fear coming from his potential victim, he questions him about it. The priest tells him that he is God. And he wants CrossVamp to go sit out in the desert until the sun comes up. CrossVamp, humbled by being in the presence of God Almighty, wanders off into the desert. "God" stands there for a bit, and then a police cruiser shows up and the sheriff asks "Hollis" where he got the priest suit (mail order) and if he hasn't been taking his meds anymore. Hollis says he met a vampire tonight. Sheriff says, "Oh, is that so? And what happened?" Hollis replies, "I think my Jesus beat his Napoleon."

Okay, so the payoff was kinda lame. But I really would've liked to have seen more of CrossVamp - like maybe on the show. He seemed sufficiently scary.

[end spoiler]

[begin spoiler for Dames - highlight to view]
This was all noirish. About a vamp in Vegas who spies a woman that he wants to kill. Takes her to a makeout cliff area, is going to turn her, and she ends up pushing him off the edge and taking his wallet. Ends with him at the bottom of the cliff waiting for the sun to come up. It probably could've been better, and maybe I'm not giving it enough credit, but I'm also getting somewhat tired of typing. [wink]
Luckily there's only 2 left.

[end spoiler]

[begin spoiler for Antique - highlight to view]
UGH!

Second to "Spot the Vampire", this one has to be the worst in the lot.

It has Buffy, along with two other Slayers - so it's post-"Chosen", arriving at Dracula's castle.
The entire thing is basically Dracula trying to frighten the Slayers, and them not buying it. Drac and Buffy fight, with Drac saying how even though she's the Leader of the Slayers right NOW, eventually her power will wane because she'll grow older. Her influence will lessen, and she'll become fodder for stale movies and television shows. (heh.)

Anyway, the reason that Buffy & Co. were at Dracula's abode was because he "has something that belongs to me" (Buffy's words) and she wants it back.
The "something" ends up being Xander.
Xander, who still has the eyepatch, has (re)become Dracula's bitch-monkey. He lurches around, and has stubble and appears very Igoresque. If it's supposed to be funny, it falls short. What it does is ruin the memory of Xander Harris' character.

But, wait, there's more!

Eventually Dracula says that Buffy can take Xander with her. But before he goes, Dracula turns to Xander and says, "I'm going to release you fro you trance now. Please know - I have very much enjoyed your company. This past year has been one of the best years of my life."

Year???

It took Buffy and her Slayers a full YEAR to decide to rescue her friend? Granted, maybe they didn't know where he was, and it took some research to determine that it was Dracula that was holding Xander, but Jesus Christ. Xander was held hostage and humiliated for a full year?

I suppose I shouldn't let a comic book interpretation of a fictional character bother me. But it just feels like further salt on the wound of what the Buffyverse became. [sigh]

[end spoiler]

[begin spoiler for Numb - highlight to view]
This is just boring Angel/Angelus torment stuff that we've seen a hundred times before. Nothing exciting here.
[end spoiler]

So all in all, I'd say Tales of the Vampires is okay to check out from the library, if you're a fan of Buffy, but not worth paying for.

In other news, Karen Denise Small (that's her name. I've heard enough messages from her now to have picked it up) - the ...um...viewer who left me the message - called today and the receptionist patched her through to me so I could talk to her in person. The conversation went thusly:

Me: "Programming, this is Pat."
KDS: "Um...oh. I just wanted to say that I love the programming on the WB and UPN. Thank you."
click.

Huh. I guess getting hold of a live person was more than she was expecting. [shrug]

In other other news, there are 23 days left until the next Harry Potter book comes out. I guess we better preorder our copy, eh?

Phew. This was a lengthy one.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Heh.

Lesson - make sure all your boxes are checked. Or NOT checked, as the case may be.

Thus concludes todays valuable internet secret.

Math equals funny.

*while shopping for clothes*

*P@ gives a dubious look to a shirt that soandso holds up*


soandso: You don't know anything about fashion, so you can't say anything.

P@: I don't know anything about fractions?

soandso: That either.

P@: I only know two thirds of what you do about fractions. Heh. I'm so
using that in my blog.

My day so far.

Awesome. Weird. Awesomely weird.

Woke up at 5, since today is a CAT bus day. Groggily got up, poured
myself a bowl of Psuedo Lucky Charms, read some of my book (which, I
need to blog about the books I got from the library on Sunday. Remind
myself to do that, okay, P@?), showered. Showering woke me up - some.
Blah blah blah. Got ready the rest of the way, and left the house at
6:15. When I stepped outside, the first thing I noticed was a puddle
near the back of the car. My first thought (yay for jumping to
conclusions!!) was that the radiator had sprung some kind of leak and
that the car was gonna be FUBAR.

I approached the car and got a closer look (with Kevin Trudeau) and
found that my conclusion jumping was unfounded. (Heh. Found that it was
unfounded? I bet my English teachers ain't too happy with that one.) It
turned out that it had rained sometime in the night, and the puddle was
just left over from the storm.

Walked to the bus stop and got on the bus with Spike Lee and about 15
other Vegasians. The bus driver informed the crowd that the bus "has
air, but it isn't working." Hmm. I'm hoping for a different bus on the
way home, because 'round 4pm, that ain't gonna be a fun vehicle to be
in. Fortunately, at 6:35 in the morning, the heat wasn't too bad.

Once we got over the I-15, I saw that the on ramp was shut down, with a
police cruiser blocking the entrance and lots of orange cones.
Eavesdropping from some fellow bus rider's conversations (not that they
were being all secretive), I heard that a semi had overturned on the
freeway, and they had shut it down. Ick. I thought of Steph, since she'd
be going out that way today with the girls, and mentally reminded myself
to email her about it as soon as I got in. (Done!)

Got to the bus stop, got off the bus, and began walking toward 7-11 for
a Super Big Gulp. (I needed some caffeine) While in line with my soda, I
heard a distant "boom" from outside. I wondered briefly what it was, but
no one else seemed to notice, and I didn't see any explosions, so it was
quickly forgotten.

Bought my soda - oh, and by the way, I'm on to you 7-11!! I know all
about your evil penny conspiracy. See, Super Big Gulps are (for a
limited time) 89 cents. Which, with tax, comes to 96. So when you use a
dollar to pay for it, gives you four cents change. Basically, 7-11 wants
to get rid of all of their pennies. Nice try, Sev, but I ain't falling
for it! I put the pennies in the penny container and began walking to work.

While walking, I thought to myself, "Taking the bus is kinda cool. You
get to see so many unusual things when you walk that you miss when you
drive." What had spurred that thought was the inordinate amount of
baseball cards I saw lying in the street. The things were EVERYWHERE!
I wondered who had dropped them, and what the story behind them was. Did
someone simply say, "Baseball cards? Bah! Who needs these?" and decide
to toss their four year collection out the window? Was it some modern
day Hansel and Gretel, lost in the city of Las Vegas, leaving a trail of
Mark McGuires to find their way home? I may never know.

As I was continuing my walk, I noticed a half-opened package of fish on
the sidewalk. (See? Strangest things!) There were ants swarming all over
it. I had time to say "Awesome!" out loud, and then I was soaking wet.

A downpour of rain came out of nowhere - seriously, the sky above me was
still blue! - and completely drenched me (my hair is still not
completely dry) for the rest of my walk (about two and a half blocks). I
laughed out loud as the rain washed over me. The lighting flashes in the
distance provided visual entertainment, and the extra loud thunderclap
completed the experience.

Once I got inside, I put away my lunch, powered up the computer, emailed
Steph, and blogged this. The rain, quickly as it started, has already
gone. Although a coworker says that it's supposed to be like this all
day, so maybe I'll have more weather related tales to tell later. The
day is turning out great, and it's not even eight o'clock yet.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Summer of Comedy!

That, and intense freakin' heat, but that's a given.

Yup. Today is (er..was. The hour groweth late, and the day, it draweth to a close..eth) the Summer Solstice.

To celebrate, and because I was trying to improve my outlook on life, and be more positive, and just make life happier, I was being incredibly silly today with the girls. When they made note of it (and how upsetting is it that the norm has been for me to not be in a good mood??) and asked me "Why are you being so funny today?" I responded that it was because today was the first day of Summer. ...of Comedy!

So, there you have it. For the next 92 (?) days, funniness will reign supreme. Wackiness will ensue. Americans will sue. Peggy Peggy Peggy Peggy Sue.

I figured in addition to having my "Real Life" be enveloped by the Summer of Comedy, I'd attempt to have it carry over into the P@rix as well. So, during the unbearably hot months of (the remainder of) June, July, August, September, and October (or whenever Summer officially ends, or until I get tired of it), I will blog something funny everyday. That's right, I said Funny. Everyday.
Well, maybe not necessarily "Funny", but at the very least mildly amusing. Or cynically smile inducing. Something in tribute to the Summer of Comedy.

That being said, hopefully some of the funny stuff can also be 800 words long. You know, as an added benefit.

So. Today, in addition to being the start of the Comedy of Summer (heh. Um. Other way around) was the premiere of the Television Event of the Century!!! That being the interview with the Runaway Bride!

AHHH!!

Sadly, we missed it. But, hopefully this will mean one of two things.

a) That the Runaway Bride will move on to bigger and better things. Runaway Bride movies, perhaps?? Or maybe a Runaway Bride Action Figure. How about a Runaway Bride blog? I'd read that. Once. heh. Runaway Blog.

2) That the country will move on, and nobody will ever mention the Runaway Bride ever again. You know, like Darva Conger. (Remember her? Yeah.)

Steph and I were talking about her (the Runaway Bride, not Darva Conger) though, and I realized that "Runaway Bride" is not really accurate. She was, if anything, a Runaway Fiance. And Steph pointed out that for someone to truly be a runaway bride, they have to pretty much do the running at the ceremony. Otherwise, they're a Runaway Wife.

Anyway, I hope that the Runaway Bride winds up doing Runaway Jury Duty, or perhaps gets hit by a Runaway Train...in a Runaway Car. (Heh. Runaway Car. That was fun. And, supposedly, based on a true story.)

In conclusion, this wasn't as funny as I had intended it to be. But then, the summer has just begun.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Hacker or slasher?

I got a 7 out of 10.

Um. Yay? although, really, they're all creepy looking.

Wow.

I just cut off another one of my fingers.

My head hurts. I should drink some more water, and perhaps take an aspirin.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Cheaters always win.

I suppose if I were to
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t


that it would probably be considered cheating. Judges?

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
36,755 / 200,005
(18.0%)

Friday, June 17, 2005

Braaaains

You know, once they start cloning organs, and they get to the brain, it'll be an interesting experiment to discover when brains become ...brains. I mean, one brain cell - probably not gonna do a lot of "thinking", ya know? (Look at Bush for an example. [rimshot])

Two cells? Well, while it's twice what one is, still probably not enough to warrant being called a "brain".

So how many does it take before a brain actually thinks? When does conciousness first spark in there? Is it the number of brain cells and neurons that contribute to conciousness taking place at all? I don't know. But I bet that some smarty scientist with enough funding could find out.

Not sure WHY we'd need to know, but, hey, maybe they can solve that problem while they're at it too.

What was my original point?

Oh. Right. Sometimes I hate my brain. And everything it filters.

In conclusion, a quote from Emo Phillips: "I used to think my brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, 'Wait a minute. Look who's telling me that.'"

Jerry! Jerry!! Jerry!!!

The pinnacle of human evolution is The Jerry Springer Show.

Discuss.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

These pretzels...are making me thirty!!

What a week I'm having.

Now, for your viewing pleasure, I shall give you the rundown.

Monday: Well, yeah, I blogged that day, so most of it is covered already. Yay! That means less typing for me! And less reading for you!
Everybody wins! Flawless victory.

But. There was more to Monday than just what I've already written. Hmm.
Maybe not a flawless victory, then.

Okay. So, here's the Previously Unseen on Monday stuff:

After leaving work around 4:30, I arrived at home shortly before 5. Got the girls in the car and packed up, and left the house around 5:20. The movie, as I believe I mentioned in that entry, was to begin at 7pm. The clock, it was a ticking.

We got onto the freeway - which!! I almost forgot to mention this! The on ramp that had been closed since, like, 1430BC, has FINALLY reopened!!
Hooray!! So, anyway, we got on the freeway and everything was going smoothly ..until the Spaghetti Bowl. (They actually call it that. The Spaghetti Bowl is the section of the two interstates that cross each other. It's also a breeding ground for traffic jams and mass
frustration. Monday was no different.)

We got off the freeway several exits earlier than we needed to, and long story short (Heh. I realized while typing the freeway stuff that I was breaking the "don't tell them every step" rule that soandso I discussed later this week. Everything relates.)...where was I? Oh. Right. So we
got to Steph's mom's house near 6ish. Got the girls set up with grandma, and then we left for the theater. Both of us were hungry by that time, and, as my better half mentioned in her blog, she tried to talk me out of going to the movie altogether. I must admit, I was tempted. The idea
of just hanging out with my wife, sans children, was highly appealing.
Next time, I swear. This time, we had a date with the Dark Knight to keep.

We arrived at the Orleans at 6:40. Went to the ticket counter - an elderly man standing in front of us was asking Steph all these questions
about the movies, "What's Madagascar?" "It's a cartoon." "Oh. Well,
forget that....Cinderella Man is that boxing one, right?" and so on. We
got our tickets - which read BATMAN BEGINS (PR), and I made a lame joke
about how the movie was going to be about Batman doing Public Relations.

We got into the theater at 6:50, and ...it was packed. There was a
gabillion people there, and the number of seats was a gabillion minus
three. There was a section of empty seats in a pretty good spot, but
they were marked off with tape, and labeled, "Media ID" or "Media ID
Required" or something. soandso asked me if I had a Media ID, and I
laughed and laughed until I realized that it was more sad than funny
that my station is so ...not professional enough to provide such a thing
for me. Or any of it's employees, really.

Anyway. I ran into Scott, who was working the event (he was handing out
the free posters and whatnot) and I asked him about the Media section.
He pointed me in the direction of a woman who appeared to be in charge.
I asked her about it, explaining that I "worked for the WB". She said
that she couldn't put me there, because there were a lot of people who
"worked for the WB, or for the other sponsors". Or a lot of people who
CLAIMED to work for the sponsors. I mean, really there was no way that I
could've proven that I actually am employed by them. Well, I mean, I
could've driven down to the station with her, punched in the security
code to the building and shown her my office. But I think we would've
missed the movie.

So instead, In Charge Lady did some searching, and somehow found two
empty seats next to each other - about the 4th or 5th row back, so we
were closer to the front than we normally like, but beggars can't be
choosers - and Steph and I sat down and waited.

The trailers started, and there was only one. It was for Dukes of
Hazard
, which looks extremely skippable.

Then, Batman Begins ...began.

[Begin Spoiler for major f'in' spoilers for Batman Begins - Highlight to
view]
It was awesome.

The whole retelling of the Batman mythology, and the fact that the movie
focused on BATMAN instead of one of the villains. This definitely washed
out the bad taste that Batman and Robin left (and who thought that was
possible? I mean, Jesus Christ, that movie sucked).

It was awesome to see Bruce Wayne as a child, and to actually get to
know Bruce Wayne, both as a child and as the 20 something that he
becomes. It's great to actually see him learn how to fight - and it
fills me with geeky glee that Ra's Al Ghol (or however you spell it -
Racecar Cool is how Bizarro says it [/ubernerd]) is in this movie at
all, let alone that he has such a huge role in a) shaping Batman and b)
the plot of the movie.

Learning how Batman gets his weapons - also cool. It's like this was the
Episode 3 of Batman. It fills in the pieces on WHY Bruce Wayne is who he
is.Plus, you get to see him kick criminal ass. Heh.

Moments I got goosebumps: When Batman makes his first appearance, and is
kicking the crap out of Falcone's thugs, and scaring them half to death
in the process, and one of them says, "What the hell are you?!?" "I'm
Batman." = Goosebumps!! I think it's partly because of the homage given
to the Burton film, but also it's just an awesome scene. Especially
since, if memory serves, he's hanging upside down when he says it. Hee!

Other goosebump moment - when Joey Potter...er, I mean Mrs. Tom
Cruise...I mean Katie Holmes - was on top of the roof and she asks
Batman's name. He says, "It's not who I am underneath, but what I do." -
a quote that she delivered to Bruce earlier in the movie - oh, man. The
goosebumps were there. (Yeah. I know. Cheesy goodness. What are ya gonna
do?)

Rolleyes moment: The ending. Or, rather, the not quite ending, with
Katie Holmes and Bruce Wayne. She knows who he is, but gives this speech
about how Bruce Wayne isn't Bruce Wayne anymore, because being Batman
has changed him. So they can't be together...but she kisses him anyway.
There needs to be a word that combines "rolleyes" and "huh?" Once that
word is coined, apply it to that scene.

Laughy moments: "Keep them entertained. Tell them that joke you know."

"I need it for ...spelunking."

"Drunken Billionaire Burns Down Mansion"

There were others, but I need to see it again.

Oh! You know what I just realized? That this was a movie based on a
comic book that didn't rely [heavily] on CGI! I mean, yeah, there
probably were computer generated images in the movie, but there was no
Jar Jar Binks. Batman didn't have super stretchy arms or anything like
that. Cool.

They left the movie open for sequels, and I'm sure that there will be,
and right now I don't have a problem with that. I do worry that
eventually, though, the franchise will degenerate into unbearable crap
that the original had become. But let's just see what happens, shall we?

[end spoiler]

Overall, it was a really good time. It was worth the freeness that we
paid to see it.

After it was over, the Steph and I were STARVING. (Oddly, while watching
the movie, I got so absorbed into the story, that my hunger went
unnoticed) We drove to an ATM to get some cash so we could get some
food. Steph discovered that you can get into the bank with ANY card that has a magnetic stripe on it.

After getting the money, I had to pee. Well, actually, I had needed to
pee since leaving the movie theater. We were near my work, so I
suggested that we stop in the building so I could use the restroom. We
did so, but we stayed downstairs. I had the urge to go upstairs to my
cubicle, but we were hungry, and so we didn't. Interesting.(read on to
see why)

We ate at Taco Bell's parking lot, then picked up the girls. Got home
around 11:30, and I posted my blog entry. Then went to sleep and that
was that. The end of my 20s. *sniff*


Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
30!


Woke up, showered, dressed, got my lunch together, came to work. Arrived
around 7:15.

Walked upstairs, and on the door to the offices was a banner saying
"Happy Birthday". Turned the corner and came to my desk, only to
discover that it was completely covered in balloons and streamers and
two more Happy Birthday banners. Sitting on top of my computer monitor
was a plastic derby with Happy Birthday written on it, and a noise maker
attached to it with tape. I really do wish I had a camera to capture the
whole moment. The girls in accounting (who work near me) had apparently
decorated my desk Monday night after I had left. If Steph and I had come
upstairs Monday night, the surprise would've been ruined. Or, rather,
the surprise would've been ...surprised on me a lot sooner than expected.

Eventually my embarrassment at the whole situation subsided.

I did wear my Birthday hat for a bit, and got plenty of comments
throughout the day. I also got two birthday cards. Included in one was a
gift card to Target from Tina. Aww. I'm liked.

Around 10:30 there was a sales pitch from two guys from Buena Vista
Television regarding the show Scrubs. Tina, Rob, and I sat in on it. It
was my first presentation such as this to bear witness to. Parts of it
were boring - why must the business world be so...stuffy?? - but overall
it was kinda a cool experience. Plus, I got to see an 8 minute videotape
pitch of Scrubs. I love that show. I hope our station ends up getting it
when it goes into syndication next year. We're gonna make an offer, so
we'll see. There are two other stations in town also in the running. I
guess it depends on who pays the most money for it.

After the meeting, it was time for lunch. I had two PB&J sandwiches. (I
was told by Raynette to document that fact. So that (in her words) when
"I'm an old man, I can remember that on my 30th birthday, I had peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch." So, there. Documented.

The Frederick's Fact was something I knew. (Where did HAL from the movie
2001: A Space Odyssey obtain his name? [begin spoiler for the answer -
highlight to view] IBM. Take the letter of the alphabet before each
letter from IBM, and you get HAL
. [end spoiler]

Around 2pm, while I was in Tina's office talking to her, a crowd of
about 10 coworkers came into her office carrying an ice cream cake with
candles in it, singing "Happy Birthday to You" By the time they were
done, I was bright red with embarasment. In fact, my birthday "wish" was
that the embarrassment would go away. (I didn't mention that to anyone
at the time. I do have SOME tact.) It kinda did, because after I blew
out the candles, everyone clapped and then immediately zoomed back to
their offices. A few people stuck around for pieces of cake (and it was
very yummy) but there was a lot left for me to take home at the end of
the day.

It was around 3:43pm, which is what time it is now, that I started to
work on this massive list of programming changes for the reminder of
June and all of July. I wanted to finish the changes up, and send out
the accompanying email before I left for the day. Unfortunately, it took
longer than expected. Long story short (ha!) I didn't get out of here
until 5:20.

I got home around six, and I still hadn't decided where to eat. (I
wasn't hungry. Cake and PB&Js being the reason)

The girls and Steph had half-melted cake, then we left. We wound up
eating at Applebee's. Because it is close to Target, and because it is
pretty yummy, and just because.

Then we went to Target, and looked around, but I didn't spend any of my
gift card. Still haven't. Although I discovered that Ben Folds and
Garbage both have new CDs out (Songs for Silverman and Bleed Like Me, respectively)! Too many choices!! Maybe if CDs were
cheaper, I'd've bought them both. (Of course, I also had American Idiot,
With Teeth, and In Your Honor [Green Day, Nine Inch Nails, and Foo
Fighters, respectively] to choose from. Lesson? CDs should cost under
six dollars.)

We went home and there were two messages on the machine. One from my
sister, and one from my dad. It was already 10pm, so I didn't call
either of them back. Also, because I am a horrible brother/son.

None of us were tired, so we opted to watch a movie.

Punch Drunk Love. Which I wound up giving 2 stars on Netflix, but after
watching the Special Futures (heh.) on the DVD, I want to give a 1. This
movie was bad. Because it was pointless, and didn't explain itself, and
had many many things that were there, apparently, just to be there. The
Special Features were worse, though. The deleted scenes? So. Stupid. The
thing called "Blossoms and Blood"? Made. Zero. Sense. I really liked the
song that was on there, but what the fuck, man? Why was it called
Blossoms and Blood? There were no flowers. I didn't see any blood. And
it just seemed to be a montage of the events of the movie. A whuh? This
movie could've used a director's commentary, because it just didn't make
sense. Or at least, I didn't get it. Steph hated it worse than I did,
and for other reasons, which she may go into on her blog, but I doubt
she will because the movie isn't worth talking about even as much as I
already have. Moving on.

Eventually, the girls fell asleep, and then Steph and I stayed up, and
then Steph went to bed, and then I stayed up longer because I just
couldn't sleep. At 4:55am, I called Tina's voicemail and informed her I
wouldn't be coming in tomorrow...today...which is now yesterday. Time! Ack!

Anyway, I went to sleep at five in the morning. Woke up around 8:45, and
couldn't go back to sleep. They say when you get older that you sleep
less. I guess I was finding this out the hard way.

So the 15th. Um. Aside from going to the DMV to get my license renewed
(finally), I dont' think there's much to report on that day. [oh - side note - apparently my vision, it is getting worse. My right eye is now 20/70. But they still passed me. I've noticed my eyesight worsening over the past ...year or so, and have considered making blog entries about it (tentative titles: Doctorb, my eyes! or I can see, I can see, I can see I'm going blind. Maybe someday (soon) I will.)
We watched Rabbit-Proof Fence, which was a pretty good flick, especially
considering how little there was to it. The girls and I went to the
grocery store and they helped me with the U-Scan thing. Um. I don't
know. Nothing too exciting (not that any of this has been, you know,
riveting, but I want to get as much down for the sake of prosperity [is
that the word I want? Bah. Words.]) Irina had trouble going to sleep -
again - but I was asleep by 1am, as was she.

Today, the 16th...Um. I don't know. I got a phone call from someone in
charge of the Homeschooling Convention that is taking place on the 24th
and 25th!!!! How freaky is it that he called (he was looking for our
station to do a community calendar mention type of thing - which, of
course, we don't have because our station sucks) - but how freaky is it
that he called, and got ME? Never underestimate the power of
coincidence, as I like to say. What else? I blogged hella long. Which,
while nothing great, has hopefully helped my word count some.
And there was something else, but I forget what. At lunch today, well,
first I drove to cash my check. When I got back, the ladies in the
lunchroom were watching tv, as usual. But instead of the Fucking News
(by the way, not our Fucking News. All news is (or can be) referred to
as Fucking News), anyway, instead of watching the Fucking News, they
were watching ESPN, or some shit, because on the TV was golf. Or should
I say Fucking Golf?
Golf!???!

One) I don't understand the appeal of playing golf. Hitting a ball into
a hole? Meh. I mean, yeah, mini golf is awesome. That sport is the shit,
but "real" golf? Don't get it.
b) I understand LESS the appeal of standing around watching people play
golf.
3) I REALLY don't get the appeal of watching golf on television.
And dont' get me started on the fact that there is such a thing as a
Professional Golfer. Those two words together...almost justification for
the extinction of the human race. Seriously.

Needless to say, I didn't stay in the lunchroom long.

What else can I bore everyone with? I think we'll go grocery shopping
tonight. Do a big trip, spend too much money, increase our imaginary
savings account at Smith's. And then maybe tonight I'll get to watch
Cube Zero. Of course, I doubt that anyone else in the family wants to
see that (Oreo??) so I may have to wait a bit to check it out.

I also learned today that the internet is not stupid. It's the people that populate
it. Heh.

In conclusion, you think you're tired from reading this? I had to type it!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Non penultimate 29

I was going to call this "Penultimate 29", but realized that that
wouldn't be accurate. YESTERDAY was. Today would be "Ultimate 29", I
suppose.

But Penultimate 29 still has a cool ring to it. It sounds like an album
name. Or a Pay Per View Wrestling show.

So, yeah. I turn 30 tomorrow.

The big Three Oh.

Three decades.

Um. Yup.

Not much else to say about that. I keep saying that it isn't bothering
me - it really isn't - but at the same time, I keep bringing it up. Hmm.
The brain, it is a mysterious bitch. Or perhaps that's just my brain.

In other news, apparently the big news of the day is that Michael
Jackson may be going to jail. It's currently *inserts time stamp*
...12:50:17 PM on Monday, June 13, 2005. And the "Breaking News" is that
the verdict will be read in about 40 minutes. Fox News Channel is all a
flitter. My gut tells me he's going to be found guilty, but we shall
see. My gut has been wrong before.

Also, I shouldn't care. I feel badly for the guy.

Tonight we're going to see Bruce WayneBatman Begins.
If I'm awake enough when we get home, I may blog up a review. But I
ain't promisin' nothin'.

According to my calculations, I need to blog 830ish words a day for the
rest of the year in order to reach my goal. Doable? Perhaps. Especially
if I just blather on about nothing in particular. (I can do that! I'm
doing that now!) But will I lose readership if I do? And should it
matter? Is the goal the most important thing? Or is it making
entertaining blog entries? Or is it none of the above? Why do I blog?
Why does anyone? Why do you read blogs? Why do you read this one? Who
are these people? Where are my keys? What's going on here?

Sorry.

So, it's now 01:34:43 PM, and they still haven't read the results of the
Trial of the Century of the Week. But! I'm hoping that whatever the
results, that there will be riots. Isn't that what Californians do when
they release the results of celebrity trials?
Well, maybe this time we can have laugh riots instead. That would be a hoot.

*steps away from computer in order to see Fox News Network*

*returns, somewhat baffled*

Huh. Not Guilty. On every charge. Well, okay, then.

Moving on.

The day has flown by pretty q uickly. I think that it's partly because
I'm getting older. [/beating (old) dead horse] But seriously, time does
go quicker when you get older. The reason being that when you are, say,
2 weeks old, a week is half your life. But when you're 30 years old, a
week is 1/1560th of your life.

Also, I believe it's because time is on a downhill slope, and it's
gathering speed, accelerating. Like a sled. Wheee!

Yeah, I don't know either. [shrug]

Oh. Karen Denise whatever called back on Friday. This time she left a
three minute message on my voice mail. No way am I going to transcribe
all of that one. Suffice to say that it was, ultimately, more of the
same. I'm convinced that the poor woman has some sort of mental
imbalance. We used to get letters to the station written by a man who
had a similar condition - he would see conspiracies in WB shows, and
numbers, etc - but he hasn't written to us in a while. And this is the
first repeat caller we've had in a while. And the first that I've had
the experience of ...hearing. In any case, the receptionist is now aware
of her voice and will make sure that she doesn't get through to my voice
mail anymore, so out of sight, out of mind. ugh. I suppose that could be
interpreted as a pretty bad pun. I didn't intend it that way. I also
don't mean to make light of mental illness - I was really not sure
whether I wanted to post the original message to begin with, for fear
that it would look like I was mocking her. I think that she needs
someone to look after her, and feel sorry that someone obviously is not
doing so right now. [sigh] Situations suck.

I can't believe it's almost 3pm! I'll be going home in about an hour or
so, and then we'll drive the girls across town to Steph's mom's house,
then trek on over to the ...actually, I'm not sure which theater the
sneak preview of Batman Begins is going to be at. Either the Palms or
the Orleans. Both are really close to my work, but it's gonna be a lot
of driving for moi. Pity I don't have a Batmobile. Man, that would be a
cool car. Although I doubt that the car seats would fit... I guess
that's why Batman doesn't have Batbabies.

*gets up to go ...do something other than sit at my desk*

*returns at 4:34:15 PM to email this to myself so that it can be blogged*

*goes home*

It's now almost Flag Day, and we are (obviously) back from our outing. (it was at the Orleans, for those who are keeping track at home) I am very tired, and therefore won't do a full review of Batman Begins, but I'll sum up with this: It's very very good. I KNOW that Batman fans won't be disappointed. And even if you aren't a fan of Batman (what are you, some kind of Republican or something??) it's still a very enjoyable ride. The movie felt epic. In a good way.

Well, that's it. Next time I blog, I'll be a whole year older.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Lazy blogging.

The \\
Last Cigarette:Um. I guess when I was, like, 6? I don't know.
Last Alcoholic Drink:Over a year ago. I'm sure I blogged about it (or while I was drunk?)
Last Car Ride:7:50pm tonight. I drove to Smith's to pick up Pepsi and cereal.
Last Kiss:Stephanie, sometime today.
Last Good Cry:No idea.
Last Library Book:That I read? The Whole by John Reed. Finished that today. Of course, we went to the library today, and I picked up "Idlewild" by Nick Sagan
Last book bought:Erm.
Last Book Read:Oh. I guess I should read ahead.
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (although tomorrow we're going to see Batman Begins)
Last Movie Rented:Does Netflix count? Because if so, then I guess it would be Tuck Everlasting. We also picked up some movies from the library, but I forget what right now.
Last Cuss Word Uttered:Uttered? Wow. I so don't keep track. But it was most likely "fuck". Tis a good word, that one.
Last Beverage Drank:Pepsi.
Last Food Consumed:Chili dogs. Mmm. Chili dogs.
Last Crush:A whuh?
Last Phone Call:Um. Wow. You know, this is not turning out as interesting as I had hoped. Also, I'm realizing that I must not have much in common with mainstream ..um..Internetia.
Last TV Show Watched:Family Guy.
Last Time Showered:4pm today.
Last Shoes Worn:My non-clodhopper clod-hoppers. AKA Flip flops.
Last CD Played:Hey! I know this one!! New Roman Times from Camper Van Beethoven. We picked it up from the library.
Last Item Bought:Cereal, Pepsi, and a frozen pizza from Smiths.
Last Download:I don't know.
Last Annoyance:Heh. Does this survey count?
Last Disappointment:Heee. Does this survey count?
Last Soda Drank:Dude. Pepsi. Jesus, keep up, will ya?
Last Thing Written:Look above. Oh, fine. I wrote "Dude. Pepsi. Jesus, keep up, will ya?" Jesus. Keep up, will ya?
Last Key Used:Tab. Before that was the Shift Key along with the / key, to form a question mark.
Last Words Spoken:"I don't know." No, really. I said that to Steph in response to "What's PSP?" Because I don't know what the hell PSP is. Nor, really, do I want to.
Last Sleep:Last night. Duh. From 4am til 11:30am.
Last Ice Cream Eaten:Why did I think this would be a good idea?
Last Chair Sat In:Um. The one I'm in right now? These questions suck.
Last Webpage Visited:Blogger, so as to put this up on my blog. Before that would be ...wherever the hell I got this code from.

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!


Ugh. In other news, I'm pretty disappointed in myself. I mean, I'll get over it - and I pretty much am already - but still. I went six months with no problem, and then ruin it. Stupid. [sigh]

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Okay.

TAB, not RETURN.

Doh.

What makes the previous (non)entries even funnier is that all I was going to post was the word count total, since it's Saturday and all.

So I'll do that now.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
31,952 / 200,005
(15.0%)

(OT) Re: undo Ridged as Miter

It may break a few international laws, some unspoken agreements, and perhaps be slightly tacky, but I'm going to post my answers to a Bunch Of Questions (boq) from the Watcher's Diary here instead. AND I'll provide a template. Not that I expect anyone to actually use it in their blogs, but, heck, it's a simple way to boost my word count.

Would you like butter on your copporn?

We sick fucks. (ha!)
Um. Nah, I think I'll pass. Butter (not to mention porn, cop related or otherwise) tends to make me ill these days.

Money is no object. Where would you travel to first? Where would you NEVER travel to no matter what?
Money (originally I wrote monkey) is no object?!?! Coooooool!! I'm guessing the first place I'm travelling to is Fort Knox, so I can laugh at them for guarding imaginary treasure.
To answer the question(s) a bit more honestly - I've always wanted to see Awwwwstralia.
As for places I'd avoid? Africa looks rather hot.

Don't you think coffee is the most wonderful substance on the planet?
It smells nice.

"Burned all my notebooks, what good are notebooks?"
Well...they make for good burning.
("Life During Wartime" by The Talking Heads)

What is wrong with you?
Physically:
My kidneys hurt.
My hair is dry.
I have a gap in between my two front teeth - not as pronounced as say, David Letterman's, but still irritating to me.
I have an overbite.
I'm getting a belly.
My back hurts.
My feet are dry.
My toenails are pointy.
I'm short (for a male).
I most likely have morning breath.
My penis curves to the left.
I kinda stink. (In my defense, I haven't showered yet. I don't think I normally have a bad odor to me.)
I thometimes lisp.
I don't talk loudly or clearly enough.
I hate my laugh, and sometimes my voice.
My posture is crap.

Mentally:
I'm stubborn.
I'm quick to anger (way too quick with regard to my girls).
I'm not as smart or as clever as I'd like to be.
I'm selfish.
I have a vocabulary of about 4.
I'm lazy.

Financially:
I'm nearly 30 years old and I make 19,500 a year. Gross. Or Net. Whichever one is after taxes.

In short, I'm a human being, and I really ought to stop thinking of the above things as being "wrong", but, being a human being means that I most likely won't.

Desert or dessert?
Yes.
I prefer dessert, myself, but that's because I have the desert all the time. Dessert is more special, because it's not a constant.

So who is Carly Simon singing about, anyway?
George W. Bush.
But, oddly enough, Warren Beatty thinks it's about him.

They (read: Van Halen) claim "there's only one way to rock!" Do you know what that one way is?
I already said I didn't!
Also, there is no one right way. [tongue]

What days are your trash/recycling/whatall collected?
Wednesdays and Saturdays. Although we don't recycle.

I don't have a sig right now. Say something significant.
That's not a question. Oooh. I think that gives me an idea for what to make my sig...

Yeah, okay, fine. But what if you're wrong?!?
Jesus, I wish more people would ask themselves that.

Is Tom Cruise out of control?
Pffft. Control is an illusion.
I think Tom Cruise might be as well...

and finally...

[In the style of a game show host]"What.... is your face? (you have ten seconds, Bob.)[/In the style of a game show host]

Fluid?

BZZZZT!!

Aww, thanks for playing! Tell him what he's won, Johnny!

Well, he's won himself a three month supply of Rice-a-roni, the San Francisco treat (ding ding!), along with an additional 2000 words added to his blog! Congratulations, fluid-face!!

[cheers and applause]



And the template, if you want to answer it yourself... (copy and paste the red text)


<b><span style="color:#cc0000;">Would you like butter on your copporn?</span></b>

<b><span style="color:#993399;">Money is no object. Where would you travel to first? Where would you NEVER travel to no matter what?</span></b>

<b><span style="color:#006600;">Don't you think coffee is the most wonderful substance on the planet?</span></b>

<b><span style="color:#000066;">"Burned all my notebooks, what good are notebooks?"</span></b>

<b><span style="color:#3366ff;">What is wrong with you?</span></b>

<b> <span style="color:#993399;">Desert or dessert?</span></b>

<span style="font-size:130%;color:#99ff99;"><b>So who is Carly Simon singing about, anyway?</b></span>

<b>They <span style="font-size:78%;">(read: Van Halen)</span> claim "there's only one way to rock!" Do you know what that one way is?</b>

<b><span style="color:#cc66cc;">What days are your trash/recycling/whatall collected?</span></b>

<b><span style="color:#9999ff;">I don't have a sig right now. Say something significant.</b></span>

<b><span style="font-size:85%;color:#ff0000;">Yeah, okay, fine. But <em>what if you're wrong?!?</em></span></b>

<b><span style="color:#ffcc66;">Is Tom Cruise out of control?</span></b>

<b>and finally...</b>


[In the style of a game show host]<b><span style="color:blue;">"What.... is your face? (you have ten seconds, Bob.)</b></span>[/In the style of a game show host]


Dear God, you have no idea how sick I am of these questions now. Oh well. Yay for random words!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Hit Me Baby 1 More Time

Before I forget - other Netflix DVDs watched this month: Pirates of the
Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
, Tuck Everlasting, and Pooh's
Heffalump Movie
. Which brings the total to 5. I think.

I've restarted this like four times now, because each time is just
...boring.

My desk is a mess. I'm so unorganized and cluttery. Part of me wants to
just toss everything in the trash. So long, papers! So long, green pen!
So long more papers!!

Still no progress on either story. On any story. Writing? Bah!

We watched part of NBC's Hit Me Baby 1 More Time last night. For those
not in the know - consider yourselves lucky - this show is an unscripted
program wherein bands that had hits (sometimes just one) in the 1980s
(or early 90s) are brought back to perform in front of an audience.
Multiple bands play each week, and then the studio audience votes on
which band was the best. The winner gets $50,000 donated to the charity
of their choice, along with an additional 15 seconds tacked onto their
15 minutes of fame.

Last night's bands were: The Knack ("My Sharona"), Tommy Tutone ("Jenny
(867-5309)"), Haddaway (um...who? Oh! That "Baby don't hurt me" song. I
swore that was Howard Jones that sang that, but whatever), The Motels
("Only the Lonely") and Vanilla Ice ("Ice Ice Baby").

Each band sings their original hit, then once all the bands are done,
they come back to sing a cover of a song that is famous now.

In between are snippets of interviews with the wash-ups, finding out how
life has been treating them since fame left them.

So. Highlights (such as they were) from last night's episode:

Tommy Tutone does computer work now! He's an office drone, and seemed
very sad about it. I actually felt kinda bad for him. It seems The Man
had won in regards to Mr. Tutone. And when they sang "Jenny (867-5309)",
they were pretty rocking. I got goosebumps. (Which, admittedly, doesn't
mean much. I get goosebumps from frickin' pizza commercials) Anyway,
when they came back to do "All the Small Things" by Blink 182...um. The
goosebumps went away. They BUTCHERED that song. Oh, man. It was
extremely painful to listen to. He kept putting the emphasis on
the wrong syllable. Also, as Steph pointed out, "he sounds too
tired to sing". Aww. Poor 80 year old man. At least he gets an A for
effort, right?

I missed The Knack's performance of "My Sharona", which is a pity,
because they did an okay version of "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by Jet.
Funny Steph commentary: The Knack guy says, "The Knack - you can't kill
it with a stick." Steph says, "What can you kill it with?" Heh. My wife
gets all the good lines.

The Motels were boring all around. When the lead singer lady (I can't be
arsed (heh) to check her name) came back for her rendition of the Norah Jones song, "Don't Know Why", though, she totally turned it into an 80s song.
I don't think that's meant as a compliment, but I guess the small amount
of goosebumps I got would argue otherwise.

I didn't see Haddaway perform his first song, either. But his cover of
Brittany Spears' "Toxic" was wrong on many many levels.

And then there was the Ice.

Oh. But first, the Host. Or, rather, the HostBot. The host of this show
is a British guy who ...I don't know what, exactly, but he just looks
wrong somehow. Like his teeth are too large, or his face is too square
or ...something. Steph suggested that maybe he is a robot, and that made
sense to me. HostBot! And sense I never heard HostBot say his "real"
name, HostBot he shall be.

Anyway, HostBot kept referring to Vanilla Ice as Vaniller Ice. Hee.
Vaniller.

So, yeah, when they showed Vaniller's back story (they did that for all
of them - updating the viewers who are too young to remember when these
people were "important", or reminding those of us who had tried to
forget) they played snippets of "Ice Ice Baby", and of course, I got
goosebumps.

But then they doubled, because Vaniller came on stage, and the funk, he
did bring. Ohhh, yeeeah.

He kicked all kinds of ass, because if there was a problem, yo, he'd
solve it.

Except for when he put the mike out for the audience to sing along.
Because either they were too far from the microphone, or they weren't
singing loudly enough, or maybe the microphone wasn't really plugged in
to begin with, but whenever Vaniller would hold out the mike for some
"audience participation", there was a pretty embarrassing lack of
lyrics. Doh.

But despite that, there was break (grape) dancing (heh) and record
scratching and lots of words to everyones muthas. So it was good.

His 2nd song, though, was supposedly Destiny's Child's "Survivor", but
Vaniller turned it into some kind of hip-hop metal ...mishmash that was
not appealing. Interestingly enough, Stephanie got goosebumps from that. (Okay, I did too, but it took longer for it to effect me.)

In the end, there was no contest. The audience (both studio and
television viewing) knew that Vaniller had stolen the show, so the Make
a Wish Foundation wound up 50 thou richer. Hoorah.

Next week, because I'm a huge sucker for bad tv, I'm sure I'll watch again.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Phone calls! We get your phone calls! We get your phone calls everyday!

Transcript of a voice mail message I received at 11:49 am, Wednesday, June 8th

[note - the woman was talking incredibly fast and was sometimes hard to understand]

Hi, my name is Karen Denise [inaudible].There is a wire tap on my
telephone everyday. I talk a lot about this for Mad TV. Guess what. The
number one movie this week has the word "mad" in the movie title.

Like a safety pin is a safety pin, there are too many promotional plugs
in the 1985 movie, The Adventures of the American Rapid.

Please see what the movie Leprechaun... please see what the
movie Leprechaun say about "franchise" or "finger lickin' good".

I love chocolate, especially Hershey's chocolate. I love to call Willy
Wonka a pioneer. In the movie Willy Wonka [and the] Chocolate
Factory
, Willy Wonka is called a legendary magician.

In the 1981 movie, Nothing To Show For It, a man is tricked out
of his money. Also in the Mel Brooks movie, Life Stinks, the man
is tricked out of his money.

Please see what the movie Trancers 3 [or maybe she said
Transfers 3?] say about steroids and Wonder Woman.

I love to say "all time favorites", "ultimate [inaudible...sounds like
'cheese'] spirit", "one of a kind", "always strive for excellence",
"hands down", "make it to the top of the list" and a lot of stuff.

Goldie Hawn is in the movie... Goldie Hawn is in the Broadway autopsy
hot tub movie, Death Becomes Her. Also ..uh let me go ahead and
say something else. When I'm done with something, I love to say, "I'm
done with that.".

I talk a lot about the movie The Bang in the movie Toy
Story.


In the 1981 movie, Megamonsters, the megamonsters say, "You name
it...have a little faith in me."

Goldie Hawn's book made it...Goldie hawn's book made it on the top ten
non-fiction bestsellers book list. Guess who has a new book...guess who
has a new children's book. Madonna! Madonna. Madonna is also in the
handcuff movie, Body of Evidence.

Please take this message to the police. Let the police know
there's a wiretap on our telephone everyday. When Curtis the first [??]
did work on his home...

[sneezes]

Excuse me. Pardon me. When Curtis the first did work on his home, Curtis
the first would weekly put wiretaps on his telephone. From his skeleton
home. He's the best from his home. And also Curtis the first would put
smell and sound fiction device in his home.

Please take these messages to the police, thank you and God bless you.


Yes, please take these message to the police.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Meredith Viera is hott.

I'm in a

I don't even know if I want to blog. My mindset, she's not so good.

Despite the fact that right now on PBS there's some metaphysical guy doing some show about Intentions. It's...I don't know.

Remind myself to transcribe a phone call I got at work today...tomorrow. Or not. I haven't decided yet if I should. Part of the critic inside. (Critic inside, critic inside, every single one of us...)

Speaking of work stuff (which I'll do, because it takes my mind off other stuff) - Steve Scott (yes, there was someone at my work named Steve Scott. Coincidentally enough, he sometimes called himself "Fred", and there were people who did not know that "Fred" and Steve were the same person. Um. What was my point? I don't know.)
Oh. Steve Scott left (retired? resigned? got another job? I don't know. Nobody told me, and if we're going to be honest, I didn't care enough to ask. I mean, I liked Steve well enough, but [shrug]. I have issues with being social.). He had been at the station for, seriously, like 30 years. Man.

Also, my ex-boss, whom I used to ^lovingly^ refer to as Fuck Face, put in his two week notice yesterday. Oddly, after I left Master Control and no longer had to work under him, he wasn't so bad. I mean, we were never gonna be close personal friends or anything, but I decided a couple months ago that he no longer deserved the nickname of Fuck Face.

In other news, I'm totally craving a Pepsi.

Monday, June 06, 2005

365 to the 666

One year. That's all that remains until 6/6/06. Which, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, is the date that the world is supposed to end in the story (the ever elusive "Perth story") that has been in my mind for ...a while now.

Sigh.

I was looking through an old journal of mine, and I found the very first mention of the Perth story. October 14th, 1998. Seven years.

For seven years I have had the basic idea of this epic tale hitching along in my brain. And as of this writing, I still don't have much more. I don't know all the characters (I know a few of them - Choset, of course. And Fulle. Noah. Mr. and Mrs. Porter and their two children (names of all four at this point are still maleable. Although Mama Porter is probably named Vivian). Xil. Connie Rivers. Phoenix McDowell. Andi(lus) Be's daughter...).

I still don't know what's going to happen in the end. Or how they'll get there. Hell I don't even know what's going to happen in the beginning. I have ideas, of course, but nothing etched in stone, as it were. I mean, I know parts of the story. I have some of the scenes in mind - the events of 6/6/06 - but the after? Much more vague. And the before? Less so.

Sigh.

I toyed with the idea of having today's blog entry be the notes and basic outline of the story - instead of actually writing it, I would just tell the P@riots out there what would happen. You know, if someone actually wrote it. A recap, sorta. Or precap, maybe? Whatever. Anyway, I was thinking about this earlier today, and while the idea was being mulled over in my mind, I started to get excited about the actual story again. And the idea of finishing (or, um, you know, starting really) the damn thing was enticing. Note that this idea happened while I was away from the computer.

So. For a while I was all hyped up about the Choset story (it's really more his tale than Perth's. I mean, yeah, it [may] take place in Perth - at least the climax - but really, he's the catalyst for the whole shebang. Heh. Shebang.), but since then...I don't know. I mean, will I really work on it at all in the next year? Honestly? Probably not. But if I did - if I just ignored the stupid inner critic saying that it's crappy (and, yeah, it would be, because, hey, have you read the stuff I write?) and just write it with the goal of having ME enjoy it...it could be done.

In conclusion, stay off the roads one year from today. Just to be safe.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

There's only one way. There's only one way... to rock!

Sadly, I don't know it.


Um. I don't have a "theme" for this entry, it's just random whatever comes into my head type of stuff. Which, I guess, could be considered a theme.

The word "ewok" is never said in Return of the Jedi. Honestly! I know that seems unbelievable (I was skeptical when Tina told me) but it's true. The ewoks are listed as such in the credits, but otherwise, throughout the movie you're going, "Who are these adorable tribe of teddy bears?!" Or you're gritting your teeth waiting for their scenes to be over (if you're not in touch with your inner child).

Mmmm. Big Gulp Prize Pack. I don't know what it consists of, but it sounds appealing, ya know?

Harper finished her Kindergym class this week. I attended the final class on Thursday, and was very impressed and very proud of her. She was adorably gymnastic. And every time she would run by us, she would smile and wave. Hee!

Um.

Wow. I thought that I had more to say. I was going to originally update the Nonmemorable Memorial Day Post (I should put a link to it. Or, you know, if you just scroll down a bit you'll see it. It was just a few days ago.) with some stuff that I forgot to put in there, but it seems like ancient history now. And nobody cares about ancient history! heh.

The highlights, though: On Sunday, while at the Pool Party, I got the very first phone call on the cell phone - from work. Yes, they had called me at 8am that morning, but they also called me later that afternoon. [Interestingly (or not) enough - work called me AGAIN on Thursday night. Also related to a baseball game. There's another game on Sunday (we are in the midst of baseball season, obviously) so I'm expecting a phone call that day as well.]

The pigeon died. I buried it in the backyard on Tuesday after work. Saren, Harper, and one of the neighbor girls (Rosa, I believe) attended the funeral. When I placed the time traveller in the shallow grave, I asked if they wanted to say anything. The "eulogy" went as such:

Saren: "You were a beautiful bird, and I'm sorry that you died."
Harper: "Yeah."
Rosa: "And it didn't take long, either."

Then they took turns putting the dirt on the bird. I placed a big rock over the grave, to serve as both a headstone, and so that no cat (I'm looking at you Tripod aka Tiger aka Se-Beasty aka Sebastian) digs it up. Harper then jumped on the stone, to make sure that it was "in the ground enough".


Other highlights from the week: Saren's karate class ended - that was on Wednesday. After it was over, we went to Chuck E. Cheese's to celebrate. The people got the order incorrect, but the girls had a good time anyway.

Um. I guess that's all. The girls watched Lion King 1 1/2 - twice! So, I guess that would make it Lion King 3? They enjoyed it muchly. Steph watched Spanglish last night; I fell asleep. Although I did watch the "Special Futures" with her this morning.

In the mail today we got Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, which I'm not really into, but I've heard good things about, so we shall see.

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
28,855 / 200,005
(14.0%)

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Based on a true story

When I got off the bus this morning, a man holding a small plastic
bucket with a 3 by 5 index card attached asked me, "Small donation for
the children, sir?"

I looked, and inside the bucket was some money. So I said, "Yeah,
thanks." and took it.