March 2010

Ready, Willing, and Cable

Earlier this month, we ordered cable for the house. We've been cable-less for years now, and haven't really missed it, but the reason we decided to get the hook up now was because the digital conversion has made it more or less a necessity. See, when we moved to the new house, channel 8 (CBS) would not pick up the signal. And since it's digital, it just wasn't there. Unlike analog, where you would get some signal, but it would just be fuzzy.
And since channel 8 houses Survivor...there was just no way we'd be going without that.
So.
We now have the 50ish channels that the extended basic package provides.
And while I have previously done a channel surfing blog entry, that was done at work. This time, I wanted to get a sampling of the stuff that's on at my own house. So. Yesterday, March 30th, 2010, I sat down and started on channel 2 and worked my way up through all the channels to see what exactly it is we're paying for.
Here we go!

All of these were from 3/30/10 5:00pm - 5:22pm:

2 - KCLV - a woman playing a cello. I'm still not sure what this channel *is*, exactly, except that we never watch it.

3 - KVBC - the NBC affiliate - their 5pm news was on, and they were talking about the extremely windy weather. (Gusts up to 50mph)

4 - CCTV - a Clark County Commission hearing wherein a woman was talking about Mountain's Edge and home owners associations.

5 - KVVU - Fox 5 - their 5pm news was advising people not to drive in the wind...

6 - KVCW - Dr. Oz was talking about how anthrax can kill you. Um. Huh. That seems rather ...belated. Weren't all the major the anthrax scares, like, 8 or 9 years ago? (I'm fully aware that I might not have heard about a recent news story relating to this.)

7 - TBS - a King of Queens episode

8 - KLAS - the CBS affiliate - newswoman talking about how allergy season is particularly bad, and especially because of the extremely windy weather!

9 - Spanish - a soldier in camouflage holding flowers, walking down a runway

10 - KLVX - Vegas PBS station - The new Electric Company opening credits. Aaaaah!!!

11- QVC - golden earrings

12 - KVMY - George Lopez show opening credits. "Low. Ri. Der. is a little higher."

13 - KTNV - ABC affiliate - news story about an 80 year old woman who can't get ID from the DMV due to not having the appropriate paper work. Yay, bureaucracy!

14 - KTUD - independent station - but is simulcasting channel 3's news. They're talking about an officer being injured in a motorcycle accident.

15 - Spanish news...just some guy talking. (Can't understand, just what does he say?)

16 - WGN - I think this was Angela's Ashes. It was a scene with a couple of young boys, and there was an Irish narrator, and it looked dark. I've not seen Angela's Ashes, but it seems like this could be it.

17 - Home Shopping Network - selling a pilates workout machine

18 - TNT _ Law & Order episode, a doctor is telling the officers that a woman is in a coma. Oh, and she's pregnant. (The woman in the coma. Not the doctor or the officers.)

19 - Black. This channel has always been just a black screen. I have no idea what it's supposed to be, but it ain't very compelling.

20 - CNN - some talking head mentions that there might be American Militia Terror plots brewing.

21 - Fox News - Bill O'Reilly show, where Laura Ingraham is talking about...Militia Terror plots! (Dude. CNN and Fox News talking about the same thing? Has something semi-important happened I'm not aware of? Let's switch the channel and see.)

22 - Headline News - Sandra Bullock is filing for divorce. (Phew!! *that's* the America I know and love.)

23 - Nickelodeon - Spongebob Squarepants - Spongebob has painted Squidwart's apartment blue. (Oh, and Nickelodeon has 2 shows. Spongebob Squarepants, and iCarly. It's ALWAYS one or the other.)

24 - FX - One of the Underworld movies.

25 - Discovery channel - a StarKist tuna commercial.

26 - Lifetime - an episode of Desperate Housewives

27 - BET - an episode of Everybody Hates Chris

28 - Disney channel - an episode of the animated show Phineas and Ferb. I think.

29 - a Just for Men beard commercial.

30 - some basketball game. The score is Florida St - 30, UConn - 47

31 - NIT (Which, I guess is also some sort of basketball?)...Wow. I should've taken better notes on this channel.

32 - commercial for Claritin D

33 - commercial for the Alvin & the Chipmunks "squeakel"

34 - USA - Law & Order episode

35 - CNBC - Bill Gates is talking about the economy and the real estate market.

36 - commercial for DSW, with talking shoes.

37 - a Sprint commercial

38 - a hockey game. The score is CHI - 0; STL - 0

39 - VH1 - one of those "I love the [whatever]" shows, where they get a bunch of unknown, unfunny comedians to talk about topics. Right now they're talking about Seth Rogen, and how he's always the same character in all his movies.

40 - Turner Classic Movies - 3 guys around a campfire, talking in Korean.

41 - TV Land - Bewitched episode

42 - Food Network - onions being dumped into a skillet. Mmm. Brings tears to my eyes.

43 - History Channel - dinosaurs! We watched (part of ) this show earlier in the week. It's about what really killed the dinos, and this particular section was discussing parasites/insects. Dude. Bugs suck.

44 - the weather channel - some guy talking on Skype. About...wind?

45 - a commercial for Orkin. It's the one where the giant ant is driving a car. Creepy.

46 - a Glen Lerner commercial. ("Glen Lerner is the one to call. Call 877-1500." [sigh])

47 - Kevin Olberman. That's all I wrote down.

48 - an infomercial. Again, that's all I wrote down.

49 - another hockey game. Where again, the score is tied at zero. ("Who's winning?") The teams were LA and NSH.

50 - A basketball game. LAC is at 7, while MIL is at 8. ...Which seem pretty low for basketball scores. But, hey, that's what I saw.

51 - a commercial for something called "auto relief group".

52 - AMC is showing a Clint Eastwood movie.

53 - Kathy Najimy...talking on a telephone about cooking.

54 - a funniest videos show

55 - a commercial for Le Cordon Blue cooking schools

56 - an episode of Married with Children.

57 - a woman smoking a cigarette

58 - a Wal-mart commercial.

59 - a commercial for DentalVille (a local dentist office)

60 - Discovery Health. a doctor taking x-rays. Yup. That's health for ya.

61 - Spanish channel - selling a watch

62 - Spanish channel - a man talking

63 - Spanish weather

64 - Spanish court show

65 -cartoon network... I don't recognize the cartoon though.

66 - the travel channel is talking about the Mall of America and all it's wondrous glory

67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73 and 74 are all just blue screens.
Then jumps to 96, which is also a blue screen.

Now, overall, this doesn't really seem like it's worth paying for, but we've been pretty happy with our new viewing capabilities. We get to see Mythbusters (tonight! New episode!), and Breaking Bad (I'm into it, Steph and the girls, not so much. And I haven't watched all of the previous seasons, but before season 3 started, AMC did a marathon of some of the best eps, and I caught a good 4 or 5 of them, so I've been watching season 3 and liking it.), and Cash Cab (Harper likes this show, and so do I), and iCarly (it's dumb, but we like it anyway) and the Food Network and the Daily Show.
Now, all that probably isn't worth the 50 dollars a month it costs us, and we'll probably cut it down to just basic service (channels 2 - 17) very soon, but in the meantime, we'll go with it.

Haiku Review: Lost - Ab Aeterno

Ricardo, you got
some 'splainin' to do. So he
does, via flashback.

Richard lived in Spain
in 1867
with his dog, Vincent.*

Richard's wife gets sick
so he goes to the doctor,
who's a total prick.

Is he perhaps Jack's
great-great-great-great-grandfather?
We'll never find out.

Since Richard killed him
(completely by accident).
Richard must now hang.

That's not the worst part.
Richard's wife, Isabella,
ended up dying.

So now Richard is
a widower on death row.
Things are looking grim.

He gets sold into
slavery by a priest who
sucks bad at his job.

Richard is on board
the Black Rock, which hits the storm
of the century.

The boat somehow takes
down the statue and lands in
the jungle, unharmed.

Smokey shows up, kills
everyone except Richard.
That was nice of him.

Then Smokey decides
to play dead wife/good cop to
make Richard confused.

Smokey appears as
the Man in Black, tells Richard
"go and stab Jacob".

Jacob, of course, thinks
this plan sucks. He convinces
Richard of this truth.

By "convince", I mean
he tries to drown him, then grants
him eternal life.

Then Jacob is all,
"Look. There's only, like, seven
episodes left, so...

...let me spell some stuff
out. Me and Smokey wanna
know - do people suck?...

...Smokey thinks you do,
but then, he's a bit biased
cuz his mom was nuts."

And I was all, "Um.
This is old info, dude. We
learned this last season."

So Jacob said, "Here's
something you don't know, then:
Smokey's like fine wine...

...and the Island is
like a cork, keeping Smokey
here, where he belongs."

Richard's dead wife warns:
Don't let that cork-soaker, Smocke,
get off the Island.

cuz if that fargin'
icehole gets off the Island,
we all go to hell.

Haiku Review: Lost - Recon

So, in the alt-world,
James Ford is a policeman.
Miles is his partner.

I guess every cop
is a criminal, and all
the sinners saints, right?

Well, no. Kate is still
on the run from the law, though
she's not good at it.

Here's a hint, Kate -
don't run your getaway car
into a cop car.

James still has desire
to find and kill Anthony
Cooper (still Locke's dad?)

I have a theory
Smocke is from the sideways world
and wants to get back.

Evidence, maybe?
Smocke has issues with his mom
instead of his dad!

Smocke tells Kate his mom
caused him "growing pains". Show me
that smile again, Smocke!

I still can't raise much
sympathy for this devil,
because he smacked Claire!!

Though at least he stopped
Claire from killing Kate. Unlike
non-action Sayid.

Smocke sends Sawyer to
Hydra Island so Sawyer
can do some recon.

He visits the old
bear cage/sex pit which makes him
long for season three.

Also on Hydra -
a dozen new characters
who work for Widmore.

Um. Did the writers
get the memo that this is
Lost's final season?

Widmore's got a sub
and he brought sonic fences
and a padlocked door.

What's he got locked up?
Or should I say "who"? I bet
it's Desmond. Or Walt.

Sawyer promises
Jin they won't leave without Sun,
plans to steal the sub.

Haiku Review: Inglourious Basterds

Tarantino can't
spell. He can make good movies.
This isn't one, though.

Vengeance flick with no
real heroes. I guess his point
is that war is hell.

Save yourself the time
(two and a half hours!!) and watch
Downfall jokes instead.

Haiku Review: Lost - Dr. Linus

In the other realm,
Ben Linus has to contend
with his dickless boss.

He could have power,
instead, he makes sure Alex
gets to go to Yale.

Richard's lost his faith
in Jacob. He heads to the
Black Rock. Dynomite!!!

Jack knows he's safe from
death, which has made him reckless
and kinda awesome.

Ilana boards the
Daddy Issue train: Jacob?
Her father figure.

Ilana learns Ben
killed Jacob. She forces him
to dig his own grave.

Smocke unlocks Ben's chains
says, "I'll be at the Hydra
Station. See you there!"

But Ilana stops
Ben, who breaks down and says he
regrets Jacob's death.

Ilana forgives
him, which is kinda crazy,
but to each their own.

Yay! Music montage!!
And Hurley hugs!! Heartwarming!
But now Widmore's back.

Yum!

Thursday is pizza day

Who who, who who

("Who Are You?" by The Who)

Time for a work-related tale that is hopefully entertaining, despite not having a decent denouement.

A few weeks ago we received a commercial for Auto Insurance America, which is a local insurance company (they're not nationwide like, say, Geico or All State). Anyway.
The commercial starts with a guy washing his truck (the title of the commercial is even "Truck Wash"), when he's suddenly startled by the appearance of the Auto Insurance America mascot (a cartoony/CGI Uncle Sam character. You can see what he looks like if you go to their website)

Truck Wash Guy (let's call him...Doug) yells out, "WHOA!! Who the heck are you!??"

Again, that's "who the heck are you" [my emphasis]

When the guys in Master Control were dubbing the spot, they weren't looking directly at the screen, and the inevitable reaction occurred.
"What did he just say??"

After I viewed the spot myself (several times) we came to the conclusion that, yeah, if you aren't paying attention to the commercial when it first airs (like, say, you're in the kitchen while it's on in another room), you could VERY easily mistake "heck" for "fuck".

Which is, more than likely, exactly why they chose that wording.

However, since "heck" is legally allowed by the FCC, there wasn't anything I could do about it, other than opine, "I bet we get calls about this."

We did.

It took about a week, but eventually we did get a call from an older lady who complained about the Auto Insurance America spot where the guy was swearing. After calling her back to explain that it certainly sounds like it, but, that, no, he really ISN'T saying "that word", I told her that short of getting a barrage of calls/complaints and/or also complaining to the client themselves, there wasn't anything that I coudl do about it.

The very next day, we received a revised version of the commercial. "Truck Wash Rev." came in, and intrigued, I decided I wanted to see how the edit had gone. Would they bleep Doug? Did they make a completely new commercial? Did they put fine print at the bottom of the screen saying, "He said 'heck'."? How would the makers of the commercial work around the puritan standards of our culture??

Well, it turns out that they did edit the audio.

But poorly.

Now, instead of Doug saying, "WHOA!! Who the heck are you!??"

He now says, "WHOA!! Who you!??"

Oh, man. Seriously? They couldn't leave in the "are"?? To at least make Doug sound literate? Bwahaha!

I only wish I had the ability to put it online so I could share it with everyone. It's quite amusing.

"WHOA!! Who you!??"

Haiku Review: Lost - Sundown

Huh. I figured with
a title like that, it would
be Sun-centric. Nope!

Instead, it's all 'bout
Sayid. He's a killer who
struggles with his guilt.

Just like every one
of the Sayid-centric eps.
I can't complain, though.

Sayid is still one
hell of a cool character.
Just don't piss him off.

On the island, the
battle for Sayid's soul is
under way. Let's watch!

Team Dogen (can't call
them Team Jacob...) start things off
by fighting Sayid...

...and very nearly
killing him, but then give him
a knife to kill Smocke.

So, yeah, Team Dogen's
continuing to stick with
confusion tactics.

Team Smocke's going with
(false?) promises and smooth talk.
Much more effective.

Smocke says deliver
a message for me, you'll get
to see your true love.

So Sayid tells the
Temple Others: "Come with Smocke
if you want to live."

Dogen's then all, "My
life story - let me give it
to you: Don't drive drunk."

And Sayid is all,
"Bored now." and drowns Dogen in
Resurrection Pool.

Then Smocke, in Smoke form,
goes through the Temple, killing
Others all the way.

But Smokey didn't
kill all the Others because
Lost loves it's extras.

Sayid joins Smocke and
his followers (Claire's there too)
as they head...somewhere.

In the off-Island
reality, Nadia
is alive. Hooray!

But she's married! To
Sayid's brother. Bittersweet!
Was a wish granted?.

After Sayid shoots
three goons (including Keamy!)
he finds Jin - chillin'.

Jin is tied up in
Keamy's freezer. He says, in
Korean, "I'm cool!"

Haiku Review: Moon

Sam Bell is alone.
No, "alone" isn't quite right.
It's pretty close, though.

Sam's got GERTY, who
is there to help Sam during
his three year mission.

And Sam can (and does)
talk to himself. You could say
Sam is Sam's best friend.

Haiku Review: District 9

Lots of "fooks", lots of
awesome, lots of gore, lots of
fooking awesome gore.

At first, Wikus can't
stand the Prawn. Can you blame him?
He's only human.

Wikus gets in touch
with his inner Prawn, befriends
Chris - he's a changed man.

today is Friday

normally on Fridays I post the latest haiku review of the Lost episode from this week.
However, I... um. kinda haven't seen the episode yet.

this week has been extraordinarily draining.

Monday, the 1st, was just a Monday. But after getting home from work, and then watching Chuck, and needing to wake up early the next day, I never got around to going online to blog.
Tuesday, the 2nd, was the sleepover (that Steph blogged about already) and it was fun, although that day I rode 14 miles on my bike, so I was a little bit tired. [/understatement]
Wednesday, the 3rd, was another day of riding my bike/the bus (I didn't take my bike all the way home that day, because my legs were KILLING me by that point). Instead of going online, I watched Moon.
Yesterday, the 4th, we had Sean (Steph's youngest brother) over for dinner and games, plus there was Survivor to watch, so that was another night of non-onlineness.

Which brings us to today. I'm sick, with whatever illness it was that Irina and Harper had earlier in the week, but I'm only suffering slightly. (I suspect that it might be worse tomorrow, but we'll see.)

I had originally planned for March to have a story-a-day as my blog entries, but you know what they say about plans. (They're the best way to make god laugh, and also that they're for intellectuals and morons) Besides, none of the umpteen hundred of story ideas I had over the past week or so seemed... good. Which shouldn't stop me, since it's never stopped me before, but ...I don't really have a point. Just rambling.

But, anyway. At least now I've blogged, and I do have some ideas for future blog posts for this month, so, stay tuned, I guess?