My My My

So. The My Network Television Upfront was yesterday.

And since one of our stations will be the Las Vegas affiliate of My Network starting in September (the other station will be the CW), I was witness to it.

And, since I promised I'd report on it, I'm doing so.

A little backstory, in case you need it (I keep forgetting [we're not in love anymore] that not everyone is "in the biz" and thus not up to date on the upcoming television shakeups):

Back in January, it was announced that the WB and UPN would be combining to form one new network, dubbed the CW. This meant that a lot of stations across the country would be forced to be affiliate-less. Which could have proven to be an interesting way to go, actually.
But. Instead, about one month after the CW announcement, Fox Company decided that they would start up a new network to fill the void. This new network would be called My Network TV (or MyNetwork TV. I still don't know if they officially have spaces between "my" and "network", but whatever. For the ease of my writing, I'm going to shorthand it to MN or MNTV.)
Anyway.

Our WB station [because as it stands right now, we have two stations. 21, which is currently the WB, and 33, which is currently an independent (no affiliation)] was in competition with the UPN affiliate in town (ch. 25) to see which station would become the CW. That negotiation took a LONG time. While we were waiting, the MN announcement came out. And Sinclair Broadcasting did a deal with them, so 21 was granted the MN affiliation, so that it would at least have SOMETHING to affiliate with in the fall.
CW was still up in the air, and we were still trying to get it, as was 25. If we got it, we would put it on 33 instead.
Long story short (too late) we did get the CW, and it will go on 33. MN will go on 21. And 25 gets nothing.
(I plan on keeping a tally of how many times in the next 4 or 5 months I will have to explain that situation to people who will be calling wanting to know. Because viewers are, sadly, pretty dense sometimes. No offense to anyone out there who watches TV.)

What the hell was my point?

Oh. Right. So we're getting both new networks. Which is way cool. Very exciting, very busy times for me. This next summer will be ...busy.

Anyway. Since May is usually when networks do their upfront presentations (that's when they unleash their fall schedules to everyone, letting them know what shows will be on what days), we got to watch the MyNetwork upfront yesterday.
Whew. I overexplain things a lot, don't I?

The upfront started at 7am, which is why I got to the station at 6, which is why I was awake at 4.
We taped it, of course, but people were urged to arrive and watch it in person. I'd say the turnout was about 45%. (Most folks who work the 'office' side get here at 8, so 7 is kinda early for them.)
Anyway. Here (finally) is the recap of the upfront::

It began with a title card that read:
Insanity
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results
~ Albert Einstein

Except that the screen was cut off, so it was actually attributing the quote to Albert Ein, whoever that is.
The title card was black on white lettering.
It then switched to read the same thing, only white on black lettering.
Then back to the original.
Then back to the reverse.
I think it switched one more time.

All the while there was some kind of classical music playing. Something familiar, but unidentifiable (by me at least) that is generally associated with "wackiness".

A title card then informed us that for years the networks have been trying to bring life to the way things are scheduled. (Or something along those lines. It's been a while, and it was early, so details are fuzzy.)
They then played a scene from "Young Frankenstein" - where Dr. Frankenstein is trying to bring his monster to life.... and failing. Heh. That was a good movie. I think we have it in our queue. If not, we should definitely put it there.

Um. Oh. Right. Topic.

FInally it cut to the stage, where the speakers would be. Voiceover introduced some guy - Roger Ailes - who was a stereotypical rich, fat, white man.
(No, really, he is.  
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger_Ailes
See?)
Anyway. He comes out and says the network system is not working, and they should blame it on [some name I didn't catch] because NBC has been doing it for years.
Which, I guess, was supposed to be a joke.
Except NOBODY laughed.
The Man kinda chuckled nervously, and I swear to god he looked at his cue cards like, "Okay. They're gonna hate the rest of my material too." and he stumbled a little bit then said, "We're going to be doing something completely new and different. Wanting to win isn't enough, you also have to hate to lose. Blah blah blah." (Only he didn't really "say" blah, blah, blah.)
He then cut to a prerecorded segment where the announcer gave the (very short) history of My Network.
Feb. 22, My Network created,
On March whatever, Sinclair signs up with My Network,
On March whatever, some other stations signed up with My Network.
On this day, Bo Derek agreed to star in one of our shows.
On this day, MORE stations signed up with My Network.
Boring!!

It included another  "joke" about "aspiring actor" Les Moonves auditioning to be in one of My Network's new programs and that it was "under negotiation". Ugh. [Les Moonves is the president of CBS, so this was, I'm presuming, some sort of dig at him?] These people have a really poor sense of humor. (The strangest "joke" was yet to come, though.)

So.
Finally we get to the programming. And, I've got to give it to them, what they are trying is way different. My Network is going to have two shows. Two hour long dramas that will air 6 nights a week. These dramas will have story arcs that run for 13 weeks. 65 episodes per show, and they will not have any reruns - EVER. Monday through Friday will be the actual "story" of these programs (they weren't referred to as "telenovellas" - they called them Short Scripted Dramas- , but in every other part of the world where they've tried this form of programming [and they've worked HUGELY successfully, apparently] that's what they're called. ) and Saturday will be a sort of recap show for the previous week.
At the end of the 13 weeks, the story arc will conclude, and a NEW storyline - with completely different actors and actresses will start up.
Basically, these are soap operas that are being run in prime time. And they have all the draw of daytime soaps - sex, deception, sex, intrigue, drama, sex, actiony violence stuff, sex, and sex. Also, since they're lifting this type of programming from Spanish stations, a lot of the cast is of Latino descent.
(Interestingly enough, the MN logo looks similar to the logo of Telemundo. It's almost like MN is the Taco Bell of television. It's "americanized" Spanish tv)

So. How do you fill an hour long upfront when you only have two programs? Well, since each storyline only runs for 13 weeks... they showed clips from 3 "sessions". 6 shows total.
Here's how it played out:
"Desire" will run at 8p, "Secret Obsessions" will run at 9.
Starting on September 5th, 2006, it will be "Desire: Table for Three" and "Secret Obsessions: Fashion House" (which is the one with Bo Derek)
Table for Three - I've seen the pilot already. It's totally a guilty pleasure, and I can see these being addicting. If people can get into them. But, the drawback with the 13 week run style is that if someone doesn't like the storyline, you've lost them as a viewer for 3 months. Doh.
Anyway. Table for Three is the story of two brothers. One of them sleeps with the daughter of a mobster. Mob daddy gets pissed and tries to kill the brother. So they move across the country. There, they both fall in love with the same girl. Meanwhile, Mobdaddy tracks them down, and kills the brother who slept with his daughter. Except he didn't kill him. He comes back. Only to find that his brother is now sleeping with his girl.
Oy.
Fashion House - Bo Derek is ....welll, actually. Remember Models Inc? (Okay. You probably don't. Do you remember Melrose Place? Because Model's Inc was just Melrose Place) It's that. Only for 13 weeks instead of years and years.

Next up will be Desire: Dangerous Love, which I don't remember exactly what it was about. Appeared to be a Romeo & Juliet ripoff, actually. And Secret Obsessions: Watch Over Me looked to be a ripoff of The Bodyguard and The Transporter. (Some rich (mafia??) guy hires a guy to protect his wife. They sleep together. His goons find out, and report it back to the mafia guy. Mafia guy orders them to kill him. Wheee!

Thirdly will be Desire: Rules of Deception and Secret Obsessions: Art of Betrayal. AofB has Sean Young in it, so, um, there's that, I guess. RoD was just as generically blah as the previously mentioned storylines. I think it had sisters who fall for the same guy, or something. So, you know, that's a twist! [rolleyes]

I don't know. The shows themselves are pretty tawdry and lame, but it's television. It panders to the lowest common denominator, and it appears that these shows will do that very very well. Plus, supposedly, each show will end with a cliffhanger to draw people back in each night. (Well, cliffhanger for 13 weeks, anyway. It's kinda cool that they actually have an ending they work toward. And you know that they'll get to it, and it won't allow the show to go on and on and on, unlike some dramas *cough*Buffy*cough* that don't know when to quit.)

The other things of interest:
The website.
Mynetworktv.com (not up and running yet, sadly) is going to play a HUGE role in these shows, and in the way the network operates. Apparently, EVERYDAY there will be new "hidden scenes" that is only available online that didn't make it into the shows. They aren't necessary to see to enjoy the storyline, but they "enrich the experience". For example, you can fire up the website, and watch some character's "confession" of something. The online material will, of course, instruct people to tune in that night to watch the show.
Also. My Network is owned by News Corporation (Fox, Fox News, FX) which owns a little site called MySpace.com. I guess that's pretty huge or something. Anyway. Expect a LOT of tie in with MySpace and MyNetwork. I wonder if this means that I'll have to eventually break down and actually visit a Myspace website. [shudders] (I've avoided them so far basically out of spite. It's gotten way too much press and hype for me to bother to care. Maybe I'm elitist, but I just don't care. And I don't WANT to care.)
Anyway. The MyNetworktv.com site looks like it will be very very slick and cool and way too time draining for people who get sucked into things like that. So, um. Yay?

The other thing that was pretty interesting, and I need to get clarification on this, exactly, but it appears that MNTV will be very open to product placement. My understanding is that different markets will be able to have different product placement. So, a scene where someone is drinking a coke in one market could be a pepsi in another. How? Ah, the joys of the digital age.

This bothers me on some fundamental level. Product placement has always been a pet peeve of mine. And the MyNetwork folks seem to be embracing it full on. It's ...I don't know. A coworker and I had a conversation about it after it aired, where he complained that product placement made art more commercialized. And, yes, he conceded that calling shows like Table for Three "art" was a bit of a stretch. But it still stands that  this really draws attention to the fact that  while we may like to think that  TV shows are there for our entertainment, they really are there for people to make money. I don't like that. I prefer to live in my bubble of denial where I believe that the creators of programs are doing it solely because they love to and want to entertain folks, not due to the almighty dollar.

Anyway. I've rambled for a long time now. And I've pretty much covered it all. Oh! Except for the strangest part of the presentation. It was before they went on the shpiel about the website. The voiceover said, "The difference between involvement and commitment is like the difference between ham and eggs. The chicken is involved. The pig is committed."
What. The. Fuck?

I mean, okay. That sentence - while bizarre - makes sense. But what?? What!?? All that scene did was
a) confuse all of us in the room and caused us to laugh/make jokes/discuss whether that meant the network was a pig and the viewers were chickens/etc.
and
b) made me hungry for some ham and eggs.

Well. That is pretty much it. My gut feeling is that the MN has potential to be huge. Rupert Murdoch and his cronies have built networks before, and have done a pretty good job of it. But I guess we'll have to see how things play out in September.

And of course, tomorrow is the CW's upfront, so I can't wait to see how screwed up that's gonna be!