The Goatest story ever told

Billy was 9 when the Supreme Creator of the Universe first spoke to him directly.

He was at a petting zoo, when he heard the voice behind him. "Billy."

Young Billy turned to see who had spoken. His father was watching off in the distance, along with several approaching families, but this voice had come from the opposite direction.

One of the goats looked at Billy with it's bizarre square-shaped pupils and opened it's mouth. "Hey there," it said.

Billy was surprised to hear a goat speaking, but handled it pretty well. He screamed in absolute terror, and ran toward his father. Goat ran after him (as goats generally do) saying, "Billy. Stop making a scene. I have something important to tell you."

Needless to say, this did not make Billy calmer. His father had already jumped into the petting zoo's fenced-in area, and was running to scoop up his horrified child.
Goat sighed. "I was hoping we wouldn't have to do this the Old Testament way. Humans are so stubborn." Goat then butted Billy in the butt, knocking him down. Billy had the wind knocked out of him. An eternity seemed to pass as Billy's mind processed everything that had recently happened:

A goat spoke to me. And then chased me. And then rammed it's head into my butt and oh my god, I can't breathe!

And then Billy took a huge breath inward, and cried like he hadn't since he was a little baby. All he wanted was to be back home where there weren't goats that talked and he wasn't being assaulted by barnyard animals.

And now it's nearly 11pm, and tomorrow is a 15 hour work day, so I'll have to work on/finish this story later.

Things are about to get real

Heh. Lame joke. It's Reality TV night! Survivor premieres in about 20 minutes (as long as the digital reception stays ...receptionable?), and it's the finale of America's Not Talented! Who will win? LOG? Hatboy? Someone more deserving? We'll find out...unless I fall asleep first.

But, Survivor!! We totally had pizza tonight, too, in honor of it. Yay for traditions. Oh, also, we have decided as a family that Jeff Probst is probably a Twilight-type vampire. I mean, he never ages, and he's handsome and sparkly in the sunshine. ...it makes sense. (we're very nerdy)

And lastly, big thanks to  Saren for blogging for me while I slept.

Dad hasn't blogged yet.

It's almost tomorrow and The P@ hasn't blogged today. So I figured (actually, debated with myself for about an hour) that I'd post for him. I figure if he really doesn't want this post then he can delete it.

Anyway, so that you forget that he almost didn't blog today, here is a kitten, because no one can be angry at kittens.

unless said kitten peed on your floor.

By the way, Dad, if you'd rather not have this post just delete it. I'm sorry for blogging for you.

Cross Canada off the list

If there is any truth the dream I had last night, Canada is not a place to live. Well, I mean, if you're a cat. Because, apparently, in Canada there are spiders the size of a dinner plate, and they exist on a cat-only diet. Still creepy, though.

Oh, and you have to knock on any door that you enter, even ones in your own house.

Those crazy Canucks.

It's true - there aren't enough hours in the day. Or, more accurately, not enough hours in the night.

"And the wot-wot nine under salty agwa, seen?"

This woman was clearly delusional. Some of the words she had been sputtering were English, but making sense of them was beyond me.

"I. Don't. Understand. You."

It's a common fact that if you talk slower to people you don't get, they will gain comprehension.

Which is why the woman began speaking back to me, slowly.

She sighed in frustration, then said, "Rat-a-pills swack. Swack mon, seen? Swack all mon? Rat-a-pills?"

I shook my head. "I don't have any drugs, lady. And I think you probably should lay off them."



Aaaand that's enough for now. It's still forming in my mind, which is in some bad need of some rest. Man, today was long.

nines are bad, huh?

I'm not very knowledgeable on numerology, but is today's date cursed or something? It was just, overall, an unpleasant one.

I've been grumpy the last few days, though, so maybe numbers have nothing to do with it.

Anyway. Tomorrow's the 10th, so it's got to be a better day. In fact, I will make it a better day. Even if I have to kill every single person that gets in my way and tries to ruin it.

Tomorrow: Story time! Just have to decide which one to go with.

Haiku Review: Sherlock Holmes

How did Tony Stark
go back in time to 19th
century London?

4 kids!

Hooray! We have our Saren back!

When we got her from the airport -which, dude. I'm SO glad we don't fly often. Airports are on the same level as DMVs when it comes to boredom production and bureaucracy atmosphere - I said that she looked taller. She replied that we all looked "tinier". Heh.

Sadly, I haven't been able to see her much, because after driving back home, I had to go back to work for the rest of the day, and then when I got home, due to jetlag and having been awake for many hours, Saren was exhausted. I saw her for maybe 20 minutes when I got home, and then she crashed.

But, still. Nice to have all four kids in the house again.

A matter of taste

Who was the United States most delicious president? My gut (ha!) instinct says Franklin Donuthole Roosevelt.

However, John Fructose Kennedy was probably sweeter (although much less nutritious).

I suppose, ultimately, it's a matter of taste, as most things food and political are.

same ol', same ol'

I keep telling myself, "It doesn't matter if it's bad - it probably will be - just write it anyway."

I keep not listening.

dogs are barking

Never quite understood how feet are dogs, but whatever. My feet are really sore right now. The sev keeps me on my feet pretty much the entire shift, as opposed to the station, where I'm more or less sitting the majority of the day. What I really need is a job where I get paid for lying down. Heh.

Tomorrow, definitely no work-related blog entry. Seems like that's all I talk about anymore.

Today though, was a much better day at the sev. Or, rather, I'm feeling better about it. I think yesterday was just bad due to being so long. And the person training me (both yesterday and today) was somoene I hadn't known previously. I got to know him a bit better today, and when I needed help, I asked for it, and he provided it, so the feeling of overwhelmedness was much diminished.

Now, though, I am ready for sleep. Glorious, glorious sleep.

eh.
Just spent the last five minutes or so trying to think of a title, unsuccessfully.
My day was long, stressful, ultimately rather boring.
WOrking at "the sev" is, I think, not something I want to do for an extended amount of time. I like it, in theory. But it seems that each time I go toward there, I feel a small sense of dread. I fear that I'm not learning the job quickly enough, and not really being trained properly. Or, maybe, that I'm not being trained the way I would like to be? Because it seems that the way I've been taught thus far has been the "throw him in and see if he swims" method, which, is, you know, fine. People can learn that way (and I am learning) but it's also somewhat stressful while you thrash about until you start to tread water, ya know?

I'm rambling, and not really sure what my point is, or if this is even worth blogging about, but, there ya go. All I know is that I'm rather relieved that I don't have to work at any of my jobs on Sunday.

Now or never

It's really very early, but I figure if I don't blog NOW, I won't really get a chance, since I'm working both jobs today, and won't be home until after 10pm. And by that point, I have no idea if I'll be alert enough to even compose anything on the computer.
So, I thought, why not blog now, before you leave home?

Great. Only problem is, I have nothing to talk about.

All right. I promise to blog again when I get back home. Perhaps something interesting will happen during my 15 hour work day. (One can hope, right?) For now, I need to go wash some dishes and make my lunch(es).

Nine oh two one schmoe

That was Steph's nickname for Beverly Hills 90210, which we sometimes watched (in syndication) waaaay back in the day.

I had originally wanted Fridays to be "Fiction Fridays" wherein I would write some sort of nontrue anecdote. But I'm rather tired (shocking!), so I'll pass for now. Perhaps I'll ...oh wait. Heh. TOday is only Thursday. Oh, man. See? Tired!

Speaking of fiction, though, and also of weird coincidences:
For a few days now I've had a story idea mulling about in my head (actually, it's alternated between about 3 or 4 of them), but anyway, one of the main ones was about a guy who goes to a party, and takes a hit of a new drug called Zig Zag, and passes out. When he comes to, he's somewhere he doesn't recognize. Eventually, he discovers that he's in a different world, one wherein the zombie apocalypse has already taken place. (Yeah, it's always zombies.)
I was trying to think up a way to make it so that, in fact, he himself was a zombie.
But, the thing was, he would flip back and forth between our world and zombieland (heh. Zombieland.) whenever he would sleep in one, and that proved tricky, since, you know, zombies don't sleep.

But anyway. I've had that premise in my head for a few days.

Today, I'm at the library, picking up some other items, and a graphic novel caught my eye. That novel? Revolver. Which is about a guy in a dead-end job who, whenever he falls asleep, finds himself in a post-apocalyptic world...

Would you like to take a survey?

So, I didn't get my nap.

I was lying down, just on the brink of actually getting some sleep, when, as the Universe often does when Loki (this one, not this one) is in charge, the telephone rang.

Thinking it might be important (Saren, perhaps, whom I haven't talked to in ages! I miss her!!), I answered.

It wasn't Saren. Unless, while in Ithaca she has become roboticized. And has developed a sudden and acute interest in Southern Nevada politics and my opinion on how Jim Gibson is doing in his job. [sigh]

So, after completing the phone survey (I know. I should've just hung up. It's not like I was oging to hurt the robot's feelings...), I couldn't go back to sleep, so I went outside and cleaned up the front yard's massive amount of leaves. (It's been, like, 3 months since I last did, so there were a LOT).
Now I'm all sweaty, and hungry, and even more tired than before.

All told, I would have preferred the nap.

That's August's word cloud, for what it's worth.

I'm exhausted, which is nothing new. And still not used to blogging. Day one of September is covered, though, so there's that. Tomorrow should be better. And by better, I mean, I'll be more alert, and hopefully have some more interesting content to provide. For now, I think I'm going to attempt to take a nap while Steph, Harper, Irina, and Silas are still out enjoying the minor break in the heat we've been having.

June words, etc

Wordle cloud from June:



I've decided to blog everyday in September. Not expecting it to be wonderful writing or anything, just that my blog has been rather neglected lately, and I want to remedy that.

The Eels have a new album ("Tomorrow Morning") coming out in 2 days. But you can currently listen to it free on their myspace page. Hooray!

Also in 2 days? The entire series of Lost comes out on DVD. Eh. I have a feeling that maybe in 5 years or so, I'll want to revisit the series, but the ending has, for now, soured my view of the whole thing. (Although I did watch that 12 minute "epilogue" that will be in the special features. It was ...okay.)

Another thing happening in 2 days? The 3rd (and final) Hunger Games book ("Mockingjay") comes out. The first two were wonderful. We're on the waiting list for Mockingjay at the library, but we are like #240, so it may be a while before we get to it. Although I get first dibs. Because Saren read book 1 first, then Steph read book 2 first, so I get book 3 first, right? (Man. That sentence had a lot of 'first' in it, and probably could have been better stated. But, whatever. I'm tired, and my mind is focused on the Eels songs and my point got across.)

Another other thing in 2 days? Saren leaves on her trip to Ithaca. Steph has already talked about this briefly. It's going to be really strange for Saren to be out of the house for that long. And so far away. I'm sure she'll have a great time, though. I wonder if she'll get homesick. And if Steph will be okay. She's the one who is going to see her off at the airport, after all. (Her flight leaves at some ungodly hour in the morning, and because of airport "security" inconveniences, I'll stay home with Harper, Irina, and Silas. So, most of us will have to say our goodbyes to Saren the night before. Steph, on the other hand, will be there to actually hug her before she leaves. I'm not sure who has the better deal there.)

We'll have Skype of course, so we'll be in touch everyday, but it's still gonna be strange for our eldest to be out of the house - and across the country! - for two weeks.

one two three...

Today is 8/9/10, and I started a second (part-time) job at 7-Eleven.

Numbers are cool.

Edit - Ha! Being bored, I just entered "7-8-9-10-11" into swagbucks, and got rewarded with six of them. Heh.