That's The Way Love Goes - Janet Jackson

Today is September 3rd, 2023. The song of the day is "That's the Way Love Goes" by Janet Jackson.

Backwater - Meat Puppets

Today is September 2nd, 2023. The song of the day is "Backwater" by the Meat Puppets.

Objects In The Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are - Meat Loaf

Today is September 1st, 2023. The song of the day is "Objects in the Rear View Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are" by Meat Loaf.

August 1sec everyday video

 Pretty late. Almost forgot to do this...

And the day-by-day:

1. How the new hubbing situation breaks down. Jury is still out on how I feel about this change at work, since it really hasn't ACTUALLY gone into effect. It was supposed to start 8/14. But, as with so many things, corporate counted their chickens a bit early...

2. The band at Shadow Ridge was practicing at 6 in the morning on my walk. They were playing "Sail" when I filmed this.

3. Filling up the gas tank. The word of the day was, apparently, Taradiddle. (For the record, blogger has that word underlined.)

4. The satellite dishes outside the station.

5. Finally got our July Road Kill Grill food. :)

6. Jump rope!

7. Delivering pizzas, I guess? Based on my shirt, I'd say that was what I was doing.

8. We got to babysit Boo for a few days.

9. Silas and I played "It Takes Two" for a bit. We broke the game, lol.

10. Last day with Boo.

11. The control room.

12. Abed, bathing.

13. Birds on my walk.

14. I FINALLY set up my second monitor at home. (not fully set up correctly yet, but at least it's plugged in)

15. Feeding chipmunks at the mountain.

16. Domino's day.

17. First TNL game of the season.

18. Hurricane Hillary stuff was on in the background, as I was at work, getting ready to go to Dominos. Again.

19. The million-to-one shot. I threw the darts in the garage. All of the darts hit the board, except that one that hit the wall... AND a spider. Freaking crazy.

20. About the extent of the Hurricane Hillary rain we got.

21. The soda rack at Dominos.

22. A Beatles song was the song of the day, so I got myself a Pepsi. :)

23. A bat was hanging out near our front door. About ten minutes after I filmed this, it flew away, scaring the crap out of me and Steph.

24. Construction outside the TNL game.

25.An outdated pencil! KVBC.com no longer exists.

26. 83333 miles isn't REALLY a milestone, but I recorded it anyway.

27. Playing Sorry with Steph and Silas. (Si won)

28. Bowling at Round 1. Fun! Loud, but fun.

29. Ori!!

30. A nice surprise for Steph.

31. - Rain clouds out in Boulder City, where tonight's TNL game took place.

Shambala - Three Dog Night

Today is August 31st, 2023. The song of the day is "Shambala" by Three Dog Night.

Silent Lucidity - Queensrÿche

Today is August 30th, 2023. The song of the day is "Silent Lucidity" by Queensrÿche.

Back Porch - The Presidents of the United States of America

Today is August 29th, 2023. The song of the day is "Back Porch" by The Presidents of the United States of America.

Levitate - Twenty One Pilots

Today is August 28th, 2023. The song of the day is "Levitate" by Twenty One Pilots.

Authority Song - John Cougar Mellencamp

Today is August 27th, 2023. The song of the day is "Authority Song" by John Cougar Mellencamp.

American Pie - Don McLean

Today is August 26th, 2023. The song of the day is "American Pie" by Don McLean.

 

the lyrics are too long to fit into the comment section so:

A long, long time ago, I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while

But February made me shiver
With every paper I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

So, bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to The Levee, but The Levee was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey in Rye
Singin', "This'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"

Did you write the Book of Love?
And do you have faith in God above
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock 'n' roll?
Can music save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you're in love with him
'Cause I saw you dancing in the gym
You both kicked off your shoes
Then I dig those rhythm and blues
I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died

I started singin', "Bye-bye, Miss American Pie"
Drove my Chevy to The Levee, but The Levee was dry
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey in Rye
Singin', "This'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"

Now for ten years we've been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin' stone
But that's not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the king and queen
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
And a voice that came from you and me

Oh, and while the king was looking down
The jester stole his thorny crown
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned
And while Lennon read a book on Marx
The quartet practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died

We were singin', "Bye-bye Miss American Pie"
Drove my Chevy to The Levee, but The Levee was dry
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey in Rye
Singin', "This'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"

Helter Skelter in the summer swelter
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter
Eight miles high and fallin' fast
It landed foul on the grass
The players tried for a forward pass
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast

Now, the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune
We all got up to dance
Oh, but we never got the chance
'Cause the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singin', "Bye-bye, Miss American Pie"
Drove my Chevy to The Levee, but The Levee was dry
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey in Rye
And singin', "This'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"

Oh, and there we were, all in one place
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack Flash sat on a candlestick
'Cause fire is the devil's only friend

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in Hell
Could break that Satan's spell
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singin', "Bye-bye, Miss American Pie"
Drove my Chevy to The Levee, but The Levee was dry
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey in Rye
And singin', "This'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I'd heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn't play

And in the streets, the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken
And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died

And they were singin', "Bye-bye, Miss American Pie"
Drove my Chevy to The Levee, but The Levee was dry
And Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey in Rye
Singin', "This'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"

They were singin', "Bye-bye, Miss American Pie"
Drove my Chevy to The Levee, but The Levee was dry
Them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey in Rye
Singin', "This'll be the day that I die"

If You Leave - Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark

Today is August 25th, 2023. The song of the day is "If You Leave" by Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark. 

Sir Duke - Stevie Wonder

Today is August 24th, 2023. The song of the day is "Sir Duke" by Stevie Wonder.

Walking In L.A. - Missing Persons

And the bonus song of the day is "Walking in L.A." by Missing Persons.

Don't Look Back In Anger - Oasis

Today is August 23rd, 2023. The song of the day is "Don't Look Back in Anger" by Oasis.

Ticket To Ride - The Beatles

Today is August 22nd, 2023. The song of the day is "Ticket to Ride" by The Beatles.

Hi-De-Ho - Blood, Sweat & Tears

Today is August 21st, 2023. The song of the day is "Hi-De-Ho" by Blood, Sweat & Tears.

Season of the Witch - Donovan

Today is August 20th, 2023. The song of the day is "Season of the Witch" by Donovan.

I am a Rock - Simon & Garfunkel

Today is August 19th, 2023. The song of the day is "I Am a Rock" by Simon and Garfunkel. (The video unfortunately cuts off the song at the VERY end, but this was the only live performance of the song I could find on YouTube.)

Loose Lips - Kimya Dawson

Today is August 18th, 2023. The song of the day is "Loose Lips" by Kimya Dawson.

You're Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring

Today is August 17th, 2023. The song of the day is "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" by The Offspring.

Man On The Moon - R.E.M.

Today is August 16th, 2023. The song of the day is "Man On the Moon" by R.E.M.

Meaningless Upbeat Happy Song - The Dead Milkmen

Today is August 15th, 2023. The song of the day is "Meaningless Upbeat Happy Song" by The Dead Milkmen.

Da Vinci - Weezer

Today is August 14th, 2023. The song of the day is "Da Vinci" by Weezer.

Nothing Special - Local H

Today is August 13th, 2023. The song of the day is "Nothing Special" by Local H.

Into Your Arms - The Lemonheads

Today is August 12th, 2023. The song of the day is "Into Your Arms" by The Lemonheads. 

Sugar Boats - Modest Mouse

Today is August 11th, 2023. The song of the day is "Sugar Boats" by Modest Mouse.

Angie - The Rolling Stones

Today is August 10th, 2023. The song of the day is "Angie" by The Rolling Stones.

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men

Today is August 9th, 2023. The song of the day is "Little Talks" by Of Monsters and Men.

Rolling in the Deep - Adele

Today is August 8th, 2023. The song of the day is "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele.

So Says I - The Shins

Today is August 7th, 2023. The song of the day is "So Says I" by The Shins.

O Superman - Laurie Anderson

Today is August 6th, 2023. The song of the day is "O Superman" by Laurie Anderson.

Not My Idea - Garbage

Today is August 5th, 2023. The song of the day is "Not My Idea" by Garbage.

Suicide Blonde - INXS

Today is August 4th, 2023. The song of the day is "Suicide Blonde" by INXS.

I Apologise - Prick

Today is August 3rd, 2023. The song of the day is "I Apologise" by Prick.

Invisible City - The Wallflowers

Today is August 2nd, 2023. The song of the day is "Invisible City" by The Wallflowers.

Sandman - America

Today is August 1st, 2023. The song of the day is "Sandman" by America.

July's 1sec everyday

 

 

Here's July. And how it breaks down:

1. Birds outside the window.

2. Picked up Olive Garden To Go for Harper's birthday.

3. Porch design...thing. It's made out of old cans.

4. Fireworks, of course.

5. When out of ideas, film the dog.

6. We played Castle Panic. 

7. It was 77 degrees (in the office) on 7/7. 

8. God, I love that sound.

9. I had an interview at this Domino's to be a delivery driver. ....They hired me on the spot.

10.  This was the 711th Korok that Steph found in Tears of the Kingdom. (ya-ha-ha!)

11. 7-11 day!

12. Just showing how I really need a haircut.

13. Harper filmed that days' video. We were playing Incohearant.

14. Heading into work.

15. Domino's orientation was this day. It was... a thing. There were warning bells then about what the job would truly entail (we signed away our rights to lunch breaks!!) But...

16. ...I started working the very next day. This was at the end of my first shift (although that really only consisted of me doing paperwork/video trainings.)

17. On the walk that morning, there were a ton of dragonflies in the Grassy Area. Can't really see them in the video I took, but they were there.

18. Turtle peep!

19. We played Evolution.

20. Silas downloaded a game called "Heave Ho" that me, Irina and Silas have been playing quite a bit.

21. Ugh. The LONGEST day. I had to work at both the office AND closed (for the first time) at Dominos. This was the start of the day - at like 5:30am.

22. And this was the end of the day, at like 1:45am, when I was getting home.

23. When out of ideas, film the dog.

24. We went to the Pinball Hall of Fame (which is definitely feeling the effects of diminishing returns) and Steph filmed me and Silas playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Cowabunga, dude!

25. Grasshoppers on our doorstop.

26. A bunny in the Grassy Area.

27. Getting the mail.

28. Sasha, that day's Forever Home Friday dog on the noon newscast.

29. Ori, growling at the same bunny in the Grassy Area.

30. Abed, meowing at me filming him.

31. Boring work stuff.

Nothing Else Matters - Metallica

Today is July 31st, 2023. The song of the day is "Nothing Else Matters" by Metallica.

Let's Dance - The Ramones

Today is July 30th, 2023. The song of the day is "Let's Dance" by The Ramones.

Yoda - Weird Al Yankovic

Today is July 29th, 2023. The song of the day is "Yoda" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Hurricane - Panic! At the Disco

Today is July 28th, 2023. The song of the day is "Hurricane" by Panic! At the Disco.

Dog Faced Boy - eels

Today is July 27th, 2023. The song of the day is "Dog Faced Boy" by eels.

If It Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow

Today is July 26th, 2023. The song of the day is "If It Makes You Happy" by Sheryl Crow.

Fuck All The Perfect People - Chip Taylor & The New Ukrainians

Today is July 25th, 2023. The song of the day is "Fuck all the Perfect People" by Chip Taylor  & the New Ukrainians.

Love Shack - The B-52's

Today is July 24th, 2023. The song of the day is "Love Shack" by The B-52's.

Don't Tread On Me - Metallica

And the bonus song of the day is "Don't Tread on Me" by Metallica.(Guess the wheel felt like being metal this morning...)

In My World - Anthrax

Today is July 23rd, 2023. The song of the day is "In My World" by Anthrax.

99 Problems - Hugo

Today is July 22nd, 2023. The song of the day is "99 Problems" by Hugo.

Atomic Man - Portugal. The Man

The other song of the day for today is "Atomic Man" by Portugal. The Man.

Barbie Girl - Aqua

Today is July 21st, 2023. Got two songs of the day. First one is "Barbie Girl" by Aqua.

Run Run Run - Phoenix

Today is July 20th, 2023. The song of the day is "Run Run Run" by Phoenix.

I Don't Care About You - Fear

Today is July 19th, 2023. The song of the day is "I Don't Care About You" by Fear.

Driving Sideways -Aimee Mann

Today is July 18th, 2023. The song of the day is "Driving Sideways" by Aimee Mann.

Fire Water Burn - Bloodhound Gang

Today is July 17th, 2023. The song of the day is "Fire Water Burn" by the Bloodhound Gang.

Sweet Disaster - Dreamers

Today is July 16th, 2023. The song of the day is "Sweet Disaster" by Dreamers.

Stop The Bus - Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

Today is July 15th, 2023. The song of the day is "Stop the Bus" by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals.

It's A Shame About Ray - The Lemonheads

Today is July 14th, 2023. The song of the day is "It's a Shame About Ray" by The Lemonheads.

Fallin' - Alicia Keys

Today is July 13th, 2023. The song of the day is "Fallin'" by Alicia Keys.

Technologic - Daft Punk

Today is July 12th, 2023. The song of the day is "Technologic" by Daft Punk.

I Wonder Why - Dion & the Belmonts

Today is July 11th, 2023. The song of the day is "I Wonder Why" by Dion and the Belmonts.

The Pretender - Foo Fighters

Today is July 10th, 2023. The song of the day is "The Pretender" by the Foo Fighters.

Superman - Goldfinger

Today is July 9th, 2023. The song of the day is "Superman" by Goldfinger.

She's A Rainbow - The Rolling Stones

Today is July 8th, 2023. The song of the day is "She's a Rainbow" by The Rolling Stones.

Dead Souls - Nine Inch Nails

Today is July 7th, 2023. The song of the day is "Dead Souls" by Nine Inch Nails.

Waitin' for a Superman - The Flaming Lips

Today is July 6th, 2023. The song of the day is "Waitin' for a Superman" by The Flaming Lips.

American Woman - The Guess Who

Today is July 5th, 2023. The song of the day is "American Woman" by The Guess Who.

Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer

Today is July 4th, 2023. The song of the day is "Kiss Me" by Sixpence None the Richer.

Out Of My Head - Fastball

Today is July 3rd, 2023. The song of the day is "Out of My Head" by Fastball.

Time Bomb - Rancid

Today is July 2nd, 2023. The song of the day is "Time Bomb" by Rancid.

Pulling Mussels (From The Shell) - Squeeze

Today is July 1st, 2023. The song of the day is "Pulling Mussels (From the Shell)" by Squeeze.

June's 1 sec every day

 dang, yo. Halfway thru the year.

Here's what we're seeing...

1 - Walking in the neighborhood in the morning. 

2 - It was a Forever Home Friday, and this was the dog who came to visit. I don't remember the dog's name. :(

3 - This Target recently went thru an upgrade, and it looks a lot different from the time before that I had been there.

4 - some desserts brought to us by Steph's brother, Brett.

5 - June's weather was weird. It was super windy at the time, so I was just filming the flags outside the library.

6 - Turtle peep, doing her thang.

7 - Made a quick run to the grocery store.

8 - Walking Ori.

9 - the US Open was on, interrupting regular programming that day.

10 - the song of the day that day.

11 - ORI CLOSEUP

12 - Silas still makes some pretty great levels on Mario Maker 2.

13 - yup.

14 - we went to Mt. Charleston for my birthday. (We didn't stay long because it was cold. As I said, June's weather was just weird.)

15 - walking at night.

16 - it rained a LOT this morning.

17 - a dead bee, with an ant investigating nearby.

18 - ABED CLOSEUP

19 - Ori playing fetch with one of her toys.

20 - Rhett and Link's video that day involved serving sizes; when they started talking about Ritz crackers, I decided to get me some.

21 - grasshopper hanging out near our front door

22 - Silas and I (mostly) beat Demon Throttle. Pretty fun little game.

23 - Heading into one of the breakrooms at work.

24 - Mammoth made of metal.

25 - Tang.

26 - It was garbage day. (Making a video every day, even just 1 second, is difficult. There's only so much "interesting" stuff to film.)

27 - we played Pandemic. We lost again.

28 - Ori, just licking the air like she does.

29 - the odometer in the car hit 080808.

30 - we finally had a high over 100 degrees today. AND....now all we're gonna get is triple digit highs for the next three months. (I like that you can hear Kelly saying "Excessive heat warning" in the background.)

We Are Young - fun.

Today is June 30th, 2023. The song of the day is "We Are Young" by fun.

(Another great tune to sing along with that also has over a billion views. Nice.)

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

Today is June 29th, 2023. The song of the day is "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. 

One of the most sing-along-able songs ever. There's a reason this has 1.6 billion views on YouTube.

Mamma Mia - ABBA

Today is June 28th, 2023. The song of the day is "Mamma Mia" by ABBA.

Vow - Garbage

Today is June 27th, 2023. The song of the day is "Vow" by Garbage.

Suck - Nine Inch Nails

Today is June 26th, 2023. The song of the day is "Suck" by Nine Inch Nails.

The Metro - Berlin

Today is June 25th, 2023. The song of the day is "The Metro" by Berlin.

I Am - AWOLNATION

Today is June 24th, 2023. The song of the day is "I Am" by AWOLNATION.

Strong as an Oak - Watsky

And the bonus song of the day is "Strong as an Oak" by Watsky.

The Rubberband Man - The Spinners

Today is June 23rd, 2023. The song of the day is "The Rubberband Man" by The Spinners.

Reach Out Of The Darkness - Friend & Lover

Today is June 22nd, 2023. The song of the day is "Reach Out of the Darkness" by Friend & Lover.

Just - Radiohead

Today is June 21st, 2023. The song of the day is "Just" by Radiohead. Classic video.

Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall

Today is June 20th, 2023. The song of the day is "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstall.

Wild Honey - U2

Today is June 19th, 2023. The song of the day is "Wild Honey" by U2.

Axel F - Harold Faltermeyer

Today is June 18th, 2023. The song of the day is "Axel F" by Harold Faltermeyer.

Come To My Window - Melissa Etheridge

Today is June 17th, 2023. The song of the day is "Come to My Window" by Melissa Etheridge.

Satellite of Love - Lou Reed

Today is June 16th, 2023. The song of the day is "Satellite of Love" by Lou Reed.

Respect - Aretha Franklin

Today is June 15th, 2023. The song of the day is "Respect" by Aretha Franklin.

The Great Intoxication - David Byrne

Today is June 14th, 2023. The song of the day is "The Great Intoxication" by David Byrne.

One Headlight - The Wallflowers

Today is June 13th, 2023. The song of the day is "One Headlight" by The Wallflowers.

Sun King - The Beatles

Today is June 12th, 2023. The song of the day is "Sun King" by The Beatles. Go get yourself a soda!

Volcano Girls - Veruca Salt

Today is June 11th, 2023. The song of the day is "Volcano Girls" by Veruca Salt.

Kill Your Heroes - AWOLNATION

Today is June 10th, 2023. The song of the day is "Kill Your Heroes" by AWOLNATION.

It Was A Good Day - Ice Cube

Today is June 9th, 2023. The song of the day is "It Was a Good Day" by Ice Cube. 

Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings - Father John Misty

Today is June 8th, 2023. The song of the day is "Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings" by Father John Misty.

Rich Girl - Hall and Oates

Today is June 7th, 2023. The song of the day is "Rich Girl" by Hall & Oates.

Another One Bites the Dust - Queen

Today is June 6th, 2023. The song of the day is "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen.

Complainer - Cold War Kids

Today is June 5th, 2023. The song of the day is "Complainer" by the Cold War Kids.

Whoever You Are - Geggy Tah

Today is June 4th, 2023. The song of the day is "Whoever You Are" by Geggy Tah.

Albuquerque - Weird Al Yankovic

Today is June 3rd, 2023. The song of the day is "Albuquerque" by Weird Al Yankovic.

 

Seeing how this is a MASSIVELY epic song, the lyrics won't fit in a comment, so I'm putting them below:

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs
In the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Aww, big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single morning
It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said "It's good for you"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut
Until I was twenty six and a half years old

That's when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That's right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women
With excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?

'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's OK, they're clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"Who is it?"
They're not sayin' anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said

It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
I said "You got any apple fritters?"
He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"

"No, we're outta bear claws"
I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?"
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
I said "OK, I'll take that"

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time
That a little ditty started goin' through my head
I believe it went a little something like this

Doh
Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
Oh
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get 'em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, aah, aah

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Like a constipated wiener dog
And as luck would have it
That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a calligraphy enthusiast
With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me
She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"

That's when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"
"I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment"
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin' a lot of attitude

Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty
Tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Well, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy
So what's he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street
And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I hate sauerkraut

That's all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandary
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours
There's still a little place called

Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque

I said "A" (A)
"L" (L)
"B" (B)
"U" (U)
"Querque" (querque)

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque