Saturday, December 31, 2005

FIVE!!!

Alternative title: The longest freaking post in the world.

Here are my answers to the longest boq ever.


WEL
COM
ETO
THE
NEX
TLE
VEL

Man, I used a lot of commercial slogans. This was from Sega, and just illustrates how old this thing was.

Are you ready?
Meh.
If you had 3 wishes, what would they be? No wishing for more wishes.
I don't know. 1) Not to need money. 2) Better health for me and my family. 3) [shrug]
What would you do with a time machine?
Um. Travel in time? I'm not very thinky right now, which is a pity, since it seems most of the later questions are not as in depth. Oh well.
Do you think we'll ever achieve world peace?
The best we can hope for is individual peace of mind.
Yo man, ya got da juice?
Word. Da apple juice is in da fridge, yo.
Imagine winning the $25 million lottery. How'd you spend the cash?
Not very wisely.
Same day you get the $, aliens land on earth and tell you that in two days, the planet will be gone. Now how'd ya spend the money?
Quickly.
Who wants Trident?
Um.
What do you think of Cin-a-burst gum?
Yeah. I love that I used so many outdated commercial slogans. It just...
WHY GOD, WHY?
Because P@, Because.
Are you awake?
I shouldn't be, but yes. Also, that's a lame question. (One of hundreds!)
Where's Waldo?
In the corner near the candy canes.
Are you afraid?
I'm afraid not. Heh. Seriously, though, I'm not scared right now, but I've been scared before, though. Heh. "Nervous?" "Yes." "First time?" "No, I've been nervous lots of times before."
Sweet dreams are made of these. Who am I to disagree?
We are all welcome to our opinions.
must i?
No. (God. SO many of these questions are really unanswerable meaningless nothingness. [sigh])
Is that correct?
Sure.
If people had no lips, could they still kiss?
We'd find a way to show affection, sure. (My original answer in the slam book: "Yes, but saying things like 'Mickey Mouse' would be much more difficult.")
Do you believe in God?
I'm a practicing agnostic. (Although I lean more toward atheistic beliefs personally.)
What religion are you?
Wait - a person can't be a religion, can they? Man, that would be sweet. I guess I'd like to be P@holic.
What do you pray for?
To waste time.
If you were the last person left on earth, what would you do?
Probably spend the rest of my life looking for another person. And reading. And doing lots of other things to take my mind off the crushingly depressing reality of being so damn alone before taking my own life. Why bother going on in a world like that?
What does M&M stand for?
Meh. I can't be arsed to google it up, nor to come up with a witty response.
If a word wasn't spelled correctly in the dictionary, how would we know?
Whoa, dude.
What was Berlin like during the war?
I didn't know him.
If you could turn invisible at will, what would you do?
Turn invisible. Duh.
Who?
Are You? (Who who? Who who?)
What?
I was singing "Who Are You?" by The Who.
Where?
Um. Just now. In my living room.
When?
Dude. Just now. 7:38AM on the last day of 2005.

Why?
I don't know. Something to do, I suppose. I really should be either asleep or doing dishes, though.
Why ask why?
God, I was like a freaking walking television station.

Why not?
WOBBUFFET!! (HEEE!!)

Best couples
The ones that work well together.

Worst couples
The ones that don't.

Favorite school subject
Meh.
Subject you hate the most
Meh.

Favorite T.V. Show(s)
Most everything on television is crap, but the crap I like the best is The Simposons and Lost. Compared to my previous answer (which is highly embarassing): SNL
Get a Life
Quantum Leap
YWI2
MST3K
ST:NG
Saved by the Bell

Worst T.V. Show(s)
If it's really bad, I just don't waste my time with it. (Or try not to) Pretty much oanything on UPN is gonna suck, though. (To be fair, I hvan't watched Veronica Mars yet.)
My origanl answer was Comikaze which I don't even know what that is.

When is your birthday? June 14th.

Where were you born? When? Conway South Carolina. 5:01am.

What's your phone number? Um, no.
Address? Again, I don't think so.
Social Security Number? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. (Sorry. Social Security is a joke.)
Blood type? AB postiive
Eye color? Blue
Hair color? Original answer: Armpit or pubic?
Answer now: Borwnish blonde.
Sexually preference? Heee. I was such a dumb little teenager.
What's your sign? I'm a Gemini.

FREE PAGE 1
Yay! I'm 1/10th of the way done!!

Come here often? No, usually in the shower. (Sorry.)
Favorite Ice Cream flavor I love Rocky ROad! [/Weird Al] But I do. That, and STrawberry.
Favorite Pizza Topping Pepporoni and green peppers. Or Ham and Pineapple.
Are you happy? Overall, yes. Right now... I've been happier. This is such a big file taht it's slowing the computer down considerabley, and so I'm typing, and then ten or fifteen seconds later, my words are catching up with what I've written, and it's resulting in a lot of typos and wahtnot. But. My life is going pretty well right now. I loe vthe girls and the STeph and things area okay. So, yeah. I'm happy.
Are we there yet? Don't make me turn this car around!
Do you talk to yourself? Yes.
Are you really alive? Hmm. I could get philosophical here, but I won't bother. I can't answer that question with 100% accuracty, but I believe that I am, so yes.
What is real? Unicorns and fairies and leprechauns and trolls. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and cinammon rolls.
How many Skittles combinations are there? 52.
What confuses you? Why I'm doing this. Also, most people on the internet. Or most people.
Favorite teacher Life.
Teacher you hate the most Death. (heh)
Oh say can you see? Not as well as I used to, but yes.
By the dawn's early light? Well, yeah, acutally. It is 8:15 AM.
Distilled water? [sigh] Stupid school stuff.
Favorite color(s) Blue. REd.
What kind of store is Smitty's? I have no idea, honestly. See what happens when you do dated material?
Whatever happened to Ollie North? Don't know. Don't care.
Whatever happened to Ken Ober? I liked "Remote Control", but, that was the first non-video show that MTV ever had, so it kinda sucks that it was the start of such a horrible trend.
Whatever happened to ________? Oh, blanks are still around.
How much do you weigh? Um. 140 pounds, I blieev.
Who's the Boss? Bruce Springsteen. Or at least he was. I don't know if he's retired or not.
Why is suicide against the law? Imagine if it weren't!!
Who killed Mr. Boddy? Where? With what? Why? The butler. In the ktichen. The rope. Um.
Casual Sex? There's nothing really casual about it. It's not like you can just be talking to someone and have intercourse, and continue on your conversation like tnothing happened. Unless you're living in a porno movie.
He's a Terminator like you? Nah, he's cooler than I am.
Who sent you? Erm.
We aren't gonna make it, are we? Things look bleak, actually.
Why do you cry? I don't.
What is today? Decmeber 31st, 2005. New Year' WSEve
...and just how long have you had this problem? Who said anything about a problem?
Now what?! Another question. Done, done, on to the next one...
Would you like to know what day you're going to die? I still hold onto the theory that we all DO know, and are simply in denial.
$150 for one hour?!? I wish!
Are those Bugle Boys you're wearing? No. Corporate shill.
Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon? No. Corporate shilll.
Can you save me? This season os Smallville has been a really good one. Of course, compared to teh craptacular trainwreck that was season 4, I don't know how it could not mbe.
Can you sting me? ERm. No.
Whatcha got buried in your backyard? Saren might be able to tell us, since she got a metal detector for Xmas.
What's the deal with Metallica? They're like some kind of monster or something.
What's this? Great. Now I have Jack Skellington's voice in my head.
Binky, what the fuck? I don't know.
Pretty cool, huh? Erm. No. Not really..
What's the melting point of lead? Ahh, school. So glad that I learned that . I use it ALL the freaking time in my everyday life. (it's 622.45 degrees F, by the way)
Have you driven a Ford lately? Can't say that I have.
Hyundai? Nope, not that either.
What kind of car do you want? A newer one that is larger than the eone we have now. And gets good gas mileage. Or better yet, doesn't run on gas at all. Or even better than that, to NOT need a car, period. Ponderous man
Can you see what I'm saying?
Aren't you supposed to be at work? No. I have today, tomorrow, and Monday off. Birchin'!!
and? Um. It's bitchin'! Dudh.
Where'd you lose it? When? With who? (HEEE! Birchin'!!!!) Oh wll.
What are you doing? Freezing. QWriting answers to these lame ass questions. Moving on.
What does the world need now? How should I know? Why don't you ask it? Yes.
Should I stay or should I go?
Are you wanting inspiration?
How ya doin'? Getting by Wishing this was shorter.
What (and/or who) really matters to you? SpishCo. Um. ..


FREE PAGE 2
1/5th of the way!! Woo hoo!

How do you plea? Temporary insanity, I guess.
Story Page1: When I woke, I was sore all over. I couldn't remember last night at all. I had no idea where I was or how I'd gotten there. I tried to look at my watch and noticed I was chained to a wall wearing only my underwear.
I shouldn't have included these. THe oint of the story page was to add on to the part written by the previous person who answered, which can't really be done online. (Although lord knows I've treid it in my blog a few times....)
Would you rather be rich or famous? Yes. (I'd rather be happy)
On a scale of 1 to 10? 5. (Always take the moderate road)
Penny for your thoughts No, thank you.
thank you page Heee! Yes, thank you, Jimmy, for your contribution to Led Zeppelin.
Paper or plastic? Yes.
Are you with us or against us? Yes. Also! Heee! I was all psychic with this question.
Top or bottom? Yes.Yes.
Up or down? Yes.
True or false? Yes.
Truth or dare? Yes.
Favorite movie? Um. I don't know.
Worst movie? Oh, god, I've seen so many.
Most recent movie you've seen? March of the Penguins. Which was really enjoyable.
Wanna go to the movies? Steph and Saren are going today. To see The Chronicles of Narnia.
What if...? Superman had landed in Australia. Or in a pre-civilzed society? Or had been found by the Luthors instead of the Kents?
Who hears your voice? Those who listen when they are around me. (Can you hear me now?)
What's the difference between life and death? Death is a LOT longer.
What's the difference between pleasure and pain? Pleasure is something one seeks. Pain ... not so much.Dude. Something dies all the time.
What do you do when something dies? Sigh. Stupid computer. Again: Dude. Something dies all the time.
Is anything perfect? Strangers. (get out of the city!!)
Who is (are) the strangest person (people) you know? Um...
If you could be in a dark room (with a bed) and 1 other person, who'd it be? Steph, of course. Woo hoo! Let's get it on!! Hee.
If you could be in a dark room (with a gun) and 1 other person, who'd it be? [shrug] Not really into the whole murdering thing, ya know?
How do ya get the blood off? Out, out, damn spot! (Ask Lady MacBeth. She's good with getting blood stains out.)Well, evntually, yeah.
Do you want to die? Well, eventually, yeah.
What do you want to be when you grow up? I don't wanna grow up...
They're gonna put me in jail? Yep. And you can't pass Go or collect $200 either.
had any dreams lately (strange or otherwise)? Yes.
Why can't they leave us alone? Control.
Which is the better of the two, Coke or Pepsi? Yes. (Pepsi. Although, amazingly, back then my answer was Coke!! Crazy!)
If I come on like a dream, will you let me show you what I mean? Yeah, sure, whatever.
What life? I don't know.
What's your favorite radio station? Area 108, even though they went and aded DJs, is still pretty dencent. Jack FM somewhat bugs me more now, but they still have the most variety of music.
What's your excuse this time? Bad Driving. What's YOUR excuse?
You wanna know why? Doesn't everyone?.
Where would you rather live? On the road.I have no control over fate.
You're not supposed to question faith, but how do you accept this fate? I have no control over fate.
Fav. actor(s)? That one guy.
Fav. actress(es)? That one woman who was in that movie. You knoow the one.
Are you lonesome tonight? No.
Who deserves to die? DAMN IT!! I have no control over fate. This computer...
Since when are you God? I'm not God, but seriously. This computer deserves t odie.
Fav. song(s) Um.reat.
Worst song(s) Great. More opinion questions.
Fav. band or singer(s) My original answer to this was really ...not good:
Spin Doctors
REM
U2
IMRU (REM & U2 combined)
The Police
Foreigner
Huey Lewis and the News
Genesis

Holy crap, dude.
Worst band/singer(s) Oh god, there are so many.
Werewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? Um... the shower?
Why, what evil hath ye done? Lots.
And David said unto him, "To whom belongest thou?" I belongest to ... I don't know.
And whence thou? Yeah.
I say then, hath God cast away His people? Yes, but he reeled them back in when He got a nibble.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz the fox ate him.
What do you fear the most? Fear Factor.
How old do you want to be when you die? Old enough.
Everyone in the world is going to die tomorrow except for you, and your choice of 14 other people. Who do you choose? Really!?! Holy shit, dude. Well, four of them are sleeping in teh other room. The otehr 10... I don't know. That would be a lot of perssure to put on a person.
Funniest joke? That one about Superman.
Lamest joke? Oh god, there are so many.
Do you believe in magic? Yes.
Are you hungry? Yes.

FREE PAGE 3

la la la la la la la la la
You could pay more, but why? Money sucks.
What's life like on Planet Reebok? Fuck me. THere's a PLANET reebok??
Doesn't it feel great to pay less? Money still sucks.
What's your shoe size? 11? I don't know.
Has anyone noticed a recurring shoe motif? No. It's not recurring. The last five questions were about shoes (sorta), but it's not a recurring motif.
What is rhynchocephalian? It is the name of a lizard.
What is rupicolous? Having to do with blood.
What do you want for Christmas? War to be over.
What type of animal would make an awesome pet? Chinchilla. Also, a pokemon. WObbuffet or pikachu, perhaps.
"Is Flagg gone? Really gone?" I like Steph's theory that at the end of the "Director's cut" book, he went back in time and started civilization. [up]
Do you think people ever learn anything? I don't know.
Do you remember....? ???
Fav. candy bar M&Ms and um... that other one I like.
What's the matter, Jack? My name is P@, not Jack.
Worse? Um.
The bodies will go to Oxford first, won't they? One can only hope. (God, why did I DO this??)
Who gives a shit? Everybody poops.
Has there been trouble here? With a capital T and that rymes with P and that stands for pool!
My Lord? Try Midol instead.
Did he pop out of a damn sparrow's egg? Um... yes?
Liz and the babies? Erm... no.
His mother? Word to your mother.
What happens if there are others like her? Yay! Sequels!!
He must have put out poison bait, huh, Frank? Guess so. The dead rats pretty much confirm that.
Anything useful? No.
Who/what annoys you the most Seriously, this is ranking right up there.
What is the meaning of life? Life has no meaning. Lives do.
Plans after High School? No.
Turn ons: Chokers, backrubs, lacy underwear, that one shirt of Steph's, linoleum.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Lots.
You have the chance to have anything. Only catch is you lose memory of all your friends forever. Do ya do it? What if I choose to have my friends stay in my memory forever? Ha!
Who or what do you want to come back as? A virus. [up]
Quotes No.
You can invite 10 famous individuals to dinner. Who? Bah! TOO LONG!!!
In a fight to the death, who'd win, the Energizer Bunny or the Snuggle Bear? Yes.
What can I do ya for? Oh, stuff, i guess.
What's in that bag of yours? Oh, stuff, I guess.
Isn't life delicious? It certainly is.
How many bricks are in the Great Wall of China? Lots.
What'd you have in mind for your next move? I was gonna move my bishop over here. Check.
Is the dark side stronger? Naw, they're balanced pretty well.
Our destruction? It's a comin'.
Where did it all go wrong? Um. Leaving the trees.
I have two words for you. Get bent.
Where have all the PENGUINS gone? They're Marching. Heee! (also, where is poor Toga??)
Are you a FISH or a PENGUIN? Yes.
Might I remind you, sir, the probability of successfully navigating through an asteroid field is approximately 365,000 to one...? That's nice.
how did the mystery hole come to be? Years of evolution. Or perhaps Intellgent Deisng.
Need a hint? I need less questions.
Can I have the keys to the car? No.
Did I ever tell you you're my hero? No.
Will I see you tonight... on the downtown train? No. We're staying home tonight.
What is your pulse? It's that thing that keeps me alive...
Pepsi. It's not a multiple choice question. SHUT UP!! God, I hate younger me.
Aren't you glad you use Dial? Corporate shill!!!
What else? Oh, there's plenty more.
Who else? Great. Now we're going to do another series of pointless questions all ending in "else"...
Where else? See?
When else? Uh huh.
Why else? That doesn't even make any sense.
How else? And now the word "else" looks funny.


FREE PAGE 4
2/5th down... WAY TOO MUCH TO GO!!!

Would it help if I got out and pushed? Sure.
How much ya gonna risk? $17.
You didn't smash the car, did you? I have in the past, but not today, no.
Why do we scream at each other? SBecause we are trying to party like it's 1999.
Was she safe? ...Yes?
Why did you not, even after you had fallen the first or the second or the third or the fourth or the hundreth time, repent of you evil ways and turn to God who only waited for your repentance to absolve you of your sins? Oh, sure, now you tell me!
What happened to his legs? Scabies.
Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you? I wonder what my brain would be like if I had enver seen a television...
Spider-Man, where are ya comin' from, Spider-Man? Brooklyn.
What's he doin' with that thing? Stuff.
What type of deodorant do transsexuals use? It's a Secret.
sleep you? No.
Where is the G-spot? I don't know.
Where is the Lambda point? I don't know that,e ither.
Can't get your ship out? I don't have a shit. Heeee! Ship.
Are they defined by region, social class, age, sex, setting, occasion, medium? Most likely, yes.
Why me? Um... becuase.
Guess what What?
Guess when Oh, brother.
Guess where Blah blah blah.
Guess why I don't know.
Guess who I should just start sprouting nonesen to tehe questions.
Guess how Banana.
But the question always is, acceptance by whom? Acceptance by OTHERS. Of course.
What is it that we are counting? Words.
Would you like fries with that? Yes, please.
Who's Harry Crumb? JOhn Candy, if memory serves.
Do you love me question mark ? ! @ # $ % ^ & * ( )
Why don't you shut up, Pat? Yeah!!
Do you admit it? I admit nothing!
But suppose they grab us and drag us into the bedroom? Um... so?
Fav. commercial Ha ha ha ha ha
commercial you hate most? All of them.
Pat? That's me.
Levi? Oh. Right. This was that whole "popularity / opinion" thing. [sigh] STupid school mentality. I did like Levi a lot though. He was a cool friend.
Jim? It's worse than that, he's dead!
Manny? Moe and Jack?
Scott? No, that's Steve. [/Lost]
Andi? I had the biggest freaking crush on her.
Jay? I wonder what happened to half these people.
Duane? Who?
Keith? Hee. Keith was a really funny guy.
Greta? Okay, can we move on now?
Crystal? No, thanks, I'm trying to cut down.
Michele? She emailed me out of the blue ealrier this year. We traded a few emails, and then I didn't reply to her last one, so she probably thinks I gave her the brush off. The truh is, I'm jsut lazy.
Mac? No, I use a PC.
Anyone else you may know that was left out... Oh, like 6 billion people is all.
Best book you've read Ehh.
Who made who? AXC/DC's only good song.
Do you prefer blondes? Meh.
If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be and where? A tatoo that I had to get.
Who is evil, who is blind? Bush is both. WEll, not literally blind, though.
Would you give your life for a cause? What cause? Erm... no.
When did this act become reality? ARound Act 2. Pay attention!
Who are you? P@
What are you? P@
Where are you? Home.
When are you? Now.
Why are you? Um...


FREE PAGE 5
Wooo hooo! Half way!! And now everyone's awake, so I'll stop for now, and od the rest later. But, I'm going to cheat and leave the rest of the questions up so that it counts for my word coutn. Genius!!

Do you watch cartoons?
Do you sleep all day?
What's your birthstone?
Can you take me high enough?
Can you fly me over to yesterday?
Damn, baby, what'd you do to ya hair?
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
Who's Johnny?
R U Ready 4 A New Sensation?
Why can't the night go on forever?
Who's that girl?
Word page.
Opinion page
Lucky number(s)
What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?
What's the most intelligent thing you've ever done?
Who are your best friends?
What are some of your goals in life?
how many lies do you tell a day?
What would be the worst way to die?
If you had to live on one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
OK, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, and Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?
Have you seen Elvis?
Do you believe we put a man on the moon?
If school was optional, would you still go?
? page
What's your IQ?
Your favorite saying?
Who will you run to?
Where now, old timer, padding along the gates?
Do I have one?
Can I have a bite?
Is your mama a pajama?
Quot caper?
Can we go out in the hall?
Where have you been?
Won't ya fill up the tank? Let's go for a ride...
Will I be on the streets tomorrow?
Will I have to beg and borrow?
Will I have to go back to the job I left behind?
Could you still make it with a guy who never made it?
Would you look into my eyes if I were to go blind?
Will you leave me for another?
Will I have the time to tell you how I really feel?
Am I just getting slower or are you just getting faster?
Do we need a bad disaster?
Marry him or marry me?
I'm the one that loves you baby, can't ya see?
Why don't you take me for a little while?
Bad boys, bad boys, watchya gonna do, watchya gonna do when they come for you?
Why you always wanna bring me down?
Bite me?
What are you wondering about?
Something break?
Can diseases hear?
Can you take a joke?
Tired of the meat market?
Do you like reggae?
But cui bono?
You're not even close!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Has Threepio turned up yet?
Word page

FREE PAGE 6


Song lyric page
poetry page
is your gunner alright?
what'd you say?
How's Luke?
What really happened?
story page 2: Her body lay in a bloody puddle. I dropped the gun, having completed my job. I turned to go home and stopped cold when I heard...
Are you tired?
old problem?
what's new?
Q?
Why didn't you just say so?
Guess where I'm calling from, Thad?
How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
What's the most expensive thing in the world?
What's the cheapest?
I'm a bad guy?
How'd he get the hole in his shoe?
Fuck you page
Will you knock it off?!
What's so funny?
You have 24 hours to live. What do you do?
What do you tell your friends?
How does the other side die?
........intermission.......
OK, we're back
What does that have to do with the moon?
discrimation in death?
do you have anything to say for yourself?
Is that Freedom Rock, man?
Is anybody out there?
Can I play with madness?
Have you seen me lately?
Why am I here?
And for how long?
When you wake up, do you stare into the eyes of a stranger?
What's on your mind?
do you like it?
who's watchin' you?
who's lovin' you?
Do Ya?!
Can you feel it, see it, hear it today?
What is it?
What about love?
If I tell you what I'm doin' today, will you shut up and get outta my way?
What time is it?
No, really.
STOP! STOP! STOP! Which one of these words don't you understand?
Do you love?
Are you going to heaven?
or are you halfway to hell?
is there such a thing as too much?
Most disturbing thing you've thought, seen, heard, done?
Are you a killer?


FREE PAGE 7


Which came first - the chicken or the egg?
(Assuming you are buried) What do you want on your tombstone?
Feel like what?
I am wondering - why are you here?
How you get so big eating food of this kind?
How far away is Yoda? Is he close?
What do your Rice Krispies say to you?
Do you see the glass as half empty or half full?
Are we having fun yet?
Autograph page
Will he finish what he begins?
Do you care?
Oh Superman, where are you now?
Who or what were you in previous lives?
What Hits?!
OK, last time. This is your brain. This is drugs. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?
What are your desires?
What happens to the wide-eyed observer when the window between reality and unreality breaks and the glass begins to fly?
Are balloon animals art?
Who do you love?
Is it getting better?
Who do you hate?
If you vote Republican, does that make you an accomplice to their crimes?
Do amoebas feel love?
If animals have no souls, where will Rover spend eternity?
What do you want?
What do you need?
How can God sleep when people are starving?
Is your hand sore?
How much $ do you have on you?
Is today's music as lame as it sounds?
What's something you'd like to change about yourself?
What's something you'd like to change about your friends?
Is man basically good or evil?
Car 54, where are you?
Do your teeth dance?
story page 3: "Don't worry, the drugs'll wear off in about 3 minutes, and you'll be able to move again." He laughed as he crawled back into the time machine. I lay on the ground, helpless and watched the machine disappear back to the present...
How do you talk to an angel?
Have at thee! Why are thou so forth unbecoming to thine own undisturbed nonsensical mischief?
How does that one song go?
What'd ya get?
Why do you feel?
How quick is your wit?
vas A e tf s h a, legru?
ills dh nightioe. f ""u?
May I please have 10 or 15 minutes of your time?
Do you agree or disagree that excultration is inhibited by deprivation?
How long does it take you to complete your paper route?
You got the Ruiz thing fixed?
How's my driving?
Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?
May I see the wine?
Doc, are you telling me you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean?
If after the manner of men I have fought with beasts at Ephesus, what advantageth it me, if the dead rise not?
Do you know about VI-CAP?
What's the meaning of this?
What profit did they expect from it?
Would you care to elaborate?
Most memorable moment in your life?
What's the biggest flaw people (as a whole) have?
Is this my blood dried upon my face?

FREE PAGE 8


This is long, isn't it?
Who is John Galt?
What % of total production of the top ten did lime account for?
At what price will total revenue be the greatest?
OK, where'd we lose you?
List the reasons you're an asshole
Why is the room spinning?
Proof God exists:
Proof God doesn't exist:
Hobbie, are you still with me?
What is thy bidding, my Master?
Who pissed in your Cheerios?
So?
Are you O.K.?
if you died today, what would you regret the most?
What's your definition of dirty, baby?
What do you consider pornography?
Can you hear it calling?
What about Mary?
What do you see when you turn out the lights?
What's on TV?
What did her daddy do?
Have you found what you're looking for?
Do you know what you're looking for?
Who's gonna ride your wild horses?
Yes or no?
Do you sing in the shower?
What is something you wouldn't do no matter how much $ somebody paid you?
Do bugs have souls?
Do you believe in aliens?
Do you believe in ghosts?
Do you believe in Bigfoot?
Name one of the 10 commandments
Ladies - what qualities do you look for in Mr. Right?
Guys - what qualities do you look for in Mrs. Right?
What was I going to ask?
Whose line is it, anyway?
The school is going to blow up. You have time to save yourself and 5 others. Name them.
What is something you could not live without?
Who is someone you could not live without?
last story page: I had time to think, "What the hell?" before...
What'll pop up next?
Birds?
Reptiles?
Who killed Pee-Wee Herman?
Who framed Roger Rabbit?
What's the word I'm looking for?
What's up with that?
Best day of your life?
Worst day of your life?
If a movie about your life was made, what would be the title and what rating would it get?
Describe the Utopian society
Who do you admire most?
Ya down wit' O.P.P.?
Do you smoke, drink, do drugs, or gamble?
If you ever got arrested, who'd you call w/ your free call?
Fav. video
Video you hate the most?
What'd you have for breakfast today?
Things that make you go hmmmm....


FREE PAGE 9


Make your last will & testament
Does anybody really know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?
When ya comin' home, son?
How long?
The Emperor?
Where do we go now?
Ain't that a shame?
What's there to worry about?
You know where you are?
do you fly by night?
You don't remember?
WHY'D THEY CHANGE IT?
Statement.
What did you do that for?
how many?
What's it taste like?
Can we get on with this already?
What do you want from me?
how does it work?
What was that?
How do you want to be remembered?
Can't we all just get along?
How do you put holes in your jeans?
Saved by the Bell vs. 90210
Who would hear you scream?
Who's fault is it?
What's wrong with this picture?
Who's crying now?
Who'll be the lonely one?
What can I say?
Who wrote the book of love?
Where's the party?
Isn't that special?
What are these walking blues all about?
What's that you're wearing?
Eighty-five cents for a can of soda?!?
Ever been to Wooster, Ohio?
How's the weather?
How many words?
Wanna play Monopoly?
What was #12?
Hello?
Can I help you?
Can't ya read the signs?
What else can go wrong?
Do you understand these rights?
How does he do that?
Don't quit now!!!
What'd ya go 'n' do to get into another one of these here rock and roll songs?
How could you want him when you know you could have me?
Do you accept the charges?
Do you want a new drug?
Who sailed through the sea and rivers?
You did say that you had the book, didn't you?
Donuts?
What was the question?
And when did you wake up?
Brain, Brain, where's Uncle Gadget?


FREE PAGE 10


What's the situation?
Can I have a dollar?
You expected something better?
Is there anything that hasn't been asked?
You just finished the biggest slam book EVER! What are you going to do now?
That was fun. Can we do it again?
P.S. Page
You did it! You're done! How long did it take you?

Friday, December 30, 2005

SEVEN!!!

Alternative title 1: Slam Boq
Alternative title 2: The 2nd longest freaking post in the world.

Backstory:
In Junior High I discovered Slam Books. A slam book for those of you who do not know is a notebook which... well, let's see what wikipedia says about it:

Traditionally a notebook passed from student to student in which questions are written and answered anonymously. Questions often focus on such issues as which girl is most popular, who is a dog, and which teacher is the worst dressed. Named "slam book" because when a teacher would come near, the book would be slammed shut and covered with homework, papers, or other appropriate camouflage. Most popular during junior high school, slam books are capable of devastating public humiliation and also liberating bloodletting.

These days slam books are being replaced by the internet which has essentially become a huge slam book for children and adults alike.

Exactly! Although I always thought the name "slam books" was because you could (and were encouraged to) "slam" or "dis" people you didn't like in them. [shrug] Anyway, I was going to say that they were the precursor of boqs. And they totally were.
Anyway. In Junior High I first discovered the slam books. Our version had you sign in under a number on the first page, and then you would answer the questions on each page as that number. (Which, I guess, takes away the anonymity...er, you know what I mean.)  But, yeah.
The first slam books were, as the wikipedia article mentions, dedicated to junior high crap - who do you think is cute, what teacher do you hate, blah blah blah - but then I decided to make some of my own. And they were, essentially, the same as my boqs from my online days, only, you know, on paper.

Anyway.

I continued the slam book tradition long past junior high, and was creating them even during my senior year of high school. (High school = productive!)
That year, I created four (at least) slam books. Most have been lost to the ages (sadly), but I still have the 600 pager. Yes. 600 pages. It's a big black three ring binder with lots of paper in it. It was dubbed "SLAM BOOK 0: The Ultimate Slam Book" (although the zero had a diagonal line through it, to indicate that it was a zero, and because that looks cool).

The questions from this one were actually originally composed from the first three slam books I had made that year, along with some new questions. As I stated in the 'prologue':

"In the year 2260BC, the Ninnoth, a superior race from the M'Naegth System, came to the conclusion that humans have too much spare time. It is because of this spare time that we have wars, violence, insanity, poverty and death. TO prevent such boredom (and thus, all of mankind's problems), the Ninnoth created the ideal time consumer, the Book of Eternal Questions. The Book was originally sent to earth in one piece. Throughout the years, however, it became 3 separate books.

It has been told that those that complete all of the books and the original manuscript (1, 2, and 3 combined plus over 100 new questions) are among the few that shall share in the infinite knowledge of the Ninnoth... when the time comes.

If you think you've got what it takes, turn the page."

Every seventy pages or so, I put in a divider, which were labeled as "Free Pages" - they didn't have any questions on them, and you could doodle or leave an obscure message or just skip over it completely.
The fun was in replying to the other people's responses, and how that would sometimes grow and change and become really funny. (You'd have to see the book to get a good understanding of it.)

So. I'm now going to actually post the questions.
Because I am insane.

A lot of these questions have been asked before online. And I'm sure a lot of them will be very dated and/or irrelavent, but if you want to answer them (in your own blog, because there's no way the comment system will handle it), just cut and paste.

Hey, maybe this will become one of those 'memes' that the kids seem to love. Or not.

Here we go:

<b><center>WEL
COM
ETO
THE
NEX
TLE
VEL</b></center>
<b>Are you ready?</b>
<b>If you had 3 wishes, what would they be? No wishing for more wishes.</b>
<b>What would you do with a time machine?</b>
<b>Do you think we'll ever achieve world peace?</b>
<b>Yo man, ya got da juice?</b>
<b>Imagine winning the $25 million lottery. How'd you spend the cash?</b>
<b>Same day you get the $, aliens land on earth and tell you that in two days, the planet will be gone. Now how'd ya spend the money?</b>
<b>Who wants Trident?</b>
<b>What do you think of Cin-a-burst gum?</b>
<b>WHY GOD, WHY?</b>
<b>Are you awake?</b>
<b>Where's Waldo?</b>
<b>Are you afraid?</b>
<b>Sweet dreams are made of these. Who am I to disagree?</b>
<b>must i?</b>
<b>Is that correct?</b>
<b>If people had no lips, could they still kiss?</b>
<b>Do you believe in God?</b>
<b>What religion are you?</b>
<b>What do you pray for?</b>
<b>If you were the last person left on earth, what would you do?</b>
<b>What does M&M stand for?</b>
<b>If a word wasn't spelled correctly in the dictionary, how would we know?</b>
<b>What was Berlin like during the war?</b>
<b>If you could turn invisible at will, what would you do?</b>
<b>Who?</b>
<b>What?</b>
<b>Where?</b>
<b>When?</b>
<b>Why?</b>
<b>Why ask why?</b>
<b>Why not?</b>
<b>Best couples</b>
<b>Worst couples</b>
<b>Favorite school subject</b>
<b>Subject you hate the most</b>
<b>Favorite T.V. Show(s)</b>
<b>Worst T.V. Show(s)</b>
<b>When is your birthday?</b>
<b>Where were you born? When?</b>
<b>What's your phone number?</b>
<b>Address?</b>
<b>Social Security Number?</b>
<b>Blood type?</b>
<b>Eye color?</b>
<b>Hair color?</b>
<b>Sexually preference?</b>
<b>What's your sign?</b>

FREE PAGE 1

<b>Come here often?</b>
<b>Favorite Ice Cream flavor</b>
<b>Favorite Pizza Topping</b>
<b>Are you happy?</b>
<b>Are we there yet?</b>
<b>Do you talk to yourself?</b>
<b>Are you really alive?</b>
<b>What is real?</b>
<b>How many Skittles combinations are there?</b>
<b>What confuses you?</b>
<b>Favorite teacher</b>
<b>Teacher you hate the most</b>
<b>Oh say can you see?</b>
<b>By the dawn's early light?</b>
<b>Distilled water?</b>
<b>Favorite color(s)</b>
<b>What kind of store is Smitty's?</b>
<b>Whatever happened to Ollie North?</b>
<b>Whatever happened to Ken Ober?</b>
<b>Whatever happened to ________?</b>
<b>How much do you weigh?</b>
<b>Who's the Boss?</b?
<b>Why is suicide against the law?</b>
<b>Who killed Mr. Boddy? Where? With what? Why?</b>
<b>Casual Sex?</b>
<b>He's a Terminator like you?</b>
<b>Who sent you?</b>
<b>We aren't gonna make it, are we?</b>
<b>Why do you cry?</b>
<b>What is today?</b>
<b>...and just how long have you had this problem?</b>
<b>Now what?!</b>
<b>Would you like to know what day you're going to die?</b>
<b>$150 for one hour?!?</b>
<b>Are those Bugle Boys you're wearing?</b>
<b>Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?</b>
<b>Can you save me?</b>
<b>Can you sting me?</b>
<b>Whatcha got buried in your backyard?</b>
<b>What's the deal with Metallica?</b>
<b>What's this?</b>
<b>Binky, what the fuck?</b>
<b>Pretty cool, huh?</b>
<b>What's the melting point of lead?</b>
<b>Have you driven a Ford lately?</b>
<b>Hyundai?</b>
<b>What kind of car do you want?</b>
<b>Can you see what I'm saying?</b>
<b>Aren't you supposed to be at work?</b>
<b>and?</b>
<b>Where'd you lose it? When? With who?</b>
<b>What are you doing?</b>
<b>What does the world need now?</b>
<b>Should I stay or should I go?</b>
<b>Are you wanting inspiration?</b>
<b>How ya doin'?</b>
<b>What (and/or who) really matters to you?</b>

FREE PAGE 2

<b>How do you plea?</b>
<b>Story Page1: When I woke, I was sore all over. I couldn't remember last night at all. I had no idea where I was or how I'd gotten there. I tried to look at my watch and noticed I was chained to a wall wearing only my underwear.</b>
<b>Would you rather be rich or famous?</b>
<b>On a scale of 1 to 10?</b>
<b>Penny for your thoughts</b>
<b>thank you page</b>
<b>Paper or plastic?</b>
<b>Are you with us or against us?</b>
<b>Top or bottom?</b>
<b>Up or down?</b>
<b>True or false?</b>
<b>Truth or dare?</b>
<b>Favorite movie?</b>
<b>Worst movie?</b>
<b>Most recent movie you've seen?</b>
<b>Wanna go to the movies?</b>
<b>What if...?</b>
<b>Who hears your voice?</b>
<b>What's the difference between life and death?</b>
<b>What's the difference between pleasure and pain?</b>
<b>What do you do when something dies?</b>
<b>Is anything perfect?</b>
<b>Who is (are) the strangest person (people) you know?</b>
<b>If you could be in a dark room (with a bed) and 1 other person, who'd it be?</b>
<b>If you could be in a dark room (with a gun) and 1 other person, who'd it be?</b>
<b>How do ya get the blood off?</b>
<b>Do you want to die?</b>
<b>What do you want to be when you grow up?</b>
<b>They're gonna put me in jail?</b>
<b>had any dreams lately (strange or otherwise)?</b>
<b>Why can't they leave us alone?</b>
<b>Which is the better of the two, Coke or Pepsi?</b>
<b>If I come on like a dream, will you let me show you what I mean?</b>
<b>What life?</b>
<b>What's your favorite radio station?</b>
<b>What's your excuse this time?</b>
<b>You wanna know why?</b>
<b>Where would you rather live?</b>
<b>You're not supposed to question faith, but how do you accept this fate?</b>
<b>Fav. actor(s)?</b>
<b>Fav. actress(es)?</b>
<b>Are you lonesome tonight?</b>
<b>Who deserves to die?</b>
<b>Since when are you God?</b>
<b>Fav. song(s)</b>
<b>Worst song(s)</b>
<b>Fav. band or singer(s)</b>
<b>Worst band/singer(s)</b>
<b>Werewithal shall a young man cleanse his way?</b>
<b>Why, what evil hath ye done?</b>
<b>And David said unto him, "To whom belongest thou?"</b>
<b>And whence thou?</b>
<b>I say then, hath God cast away His people?</b>
<b>Why did the chicken cross the road?</b>
<b>What do you fear the most?</b>
<b>How old do you want to be when you die?</b>
<b>Everyone in the world is going to die tomorrow except for you, and your choice of 14 other people. Who do you choose?</b>
<b>Funniest joke?</b>
<b>Lamest joke?</b>
<b>Do you believe in magic?</b>
<b>Are you hungry?</b>

FREE PAGE 3

<b>You could pay more, but why?</b>
<b>What's life like on Planet Reebok?</b>
<b>Doesn't it feel great to pay less?</b>
<b>What's your shoe size?</b>
<b>Has anyone noticed a recurring shoe motif?</b>
<b>What is rhynchocephalian?</b>
<b>What is rupicolous?</b>
<b>What do you want for Christmas?</b>
<b>What type of animal would make an awesome pet?</b>
<b>"Is Flagg gone? Really gone?"</b>
<b>Do you think people ever learn anything?</b>
<b>Do you remember....?</b>
<b>Fav. candy bar</b>
<b>What's the matter, Jack?</b>
<b>Worse?</b>
<b>The bodies will go to Oxford first, won't they?</b>
<b>Who gives a shit?</b>
<b>Has there been trouble here?</b>
<b>My Lord?</b>
<b>Did he pop out of a damn sparrow's egg?</b>
<b>Liz and the babies?</b>
<b>His <i>mother</i>?</b>
<b>What happens if there are others like her?</b>
<b>He must have put out poison bait, huh, Frank?</b>
<b>Anything useful?</b>
<b>Who/what annoys you the most</b>
<b>What is the meaning of life?</b>
<b>Plans after High School?</b>
<b>Turn ons:</b>
<b>How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?</b>
<b>You have the chance to have anything. Only catch is you lose memory of all your friends forever. Do ya do it?</b>
<b>Who or what do you want to come back as?</b>
<b>Quotes</b>
<b>You can invite 10 famous individuals to dinner. Who?</b>
<b>In a fight to the death, who'd win, the Energizer Bunny or the Snuggle Bear?</b>
<b>What can I do ya for?</b>
<b>What's in that bag of yours?</b>
<b>Isn't life delicious?</b>
<b>How many bricks are in the Great Wall of China?</b>
<b>What'd you have in mind for your next move?</b>
<b>Is the dark side stronger?</b>
<b>Our destruction?</b>
<b>Where did it all go wrong?</b>
<b>I have two words for you.</b>
<b>Where have all the PENGUINS gone?</b>
<b>Are you a FISH or a PENGUIN?</b>
<b>Might I remind you, sir, the probability of successfully navigating through an asteroid field is approximately 365,000 to one...?</b>
<b>how did the mystery hole come to be?</b>
<b>Need a hint?</b>
<b>Can I have the keys to the car?</b>
<b>Did I ever tell you you're my hero?</b>
<b>Will I see you tonight... on the downtown train?</b>
<b>What is your pulse?</b>
<b>Pepsi. It's not a multiple choice question.</b>
<b>Aren't you glad you use Dial?</b>
<b>What else?</b>
<b>Who else?</b>
<b>Where else?</b>
<b>When else?</b>
<b>Why else?</b>
<b>How else?</b>

FREE PAGE 4

<b>Would it help if I got out and pushed?</b>
<b>How much ya gonna risk?</b>
<b>You didn't smash the car, did you?</b>
<b>Why do we scream at each other?</b>
<b>Was she safe?</b>
<b>Why did you not, even after you had fallen the first or the second or the third or the fourth or the hundreth time, repent of you evil ways and turn to God who only waited for your repentance to absolve you of your sins?</b>
<b>What happened to his legs?</b>
<b>Scooby Dooby Doo, where are you?</b>
<b>Spider-Man, where are ya comin' from, Spider-Man?</b>
<b>What's he doin' with that thing?</b>
<b>What type of deodorant do transsexuals use?</b>
<b>sleep you?</b>
<b>Where is the G-spot?</b>
<b>Where is the Lambda point?</b>
<b>Can't get your ship out?</b>
<b>Are they defined by region, social class, age, sex, setting, occasion, medium?</b>
<b>Why me?</b>
<b>Guess what</b>
<b>Guess when</b>
<b>Guess where</b>
<b>Guess why</b>
<b>Guess who</b>
<b>Guess how</b>
<b>But the question always is, acceptance by whom?</b>
<b>What is it that we are counting?</b>
<b>Would you like fries with that?</b>
<b>Who's Harry Crumb?</b>
<b>Do you love me question mark</b>
<b>Why don't you shut up, Pat?</b>
<b>Do you admit it?</b>
<b>But suppose they grab us and drag us into the bedroom?</b>
<b>Fav. commercial</b>
<b>commercial you hate most?</b>
<b>Pat?</b>
<b>Levi?</b>
<b>Jim?</b>
<b>Manny?</b>
<b>Scott?</b>
<b>Andi?</b>
<b>Jay?</b>
<b>Duane?</b>
<b>Keith?</b>
<b>Greta?</b>
<b>Crystal?</b>
<b>Michele?</b>
<b>Mac?</b>
<b>Anyone else you may know that was left out...</b>
<b>Best book you've read</b>
<b>Who made who?</b>
<b>Do you prefer blondes?</b>
<b>If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be and where?</b>
<b>Who is evil, who is blind?</b>
<b>Would you give your life for a cause? What cause?</b>
<b>When did this act become reality?</b>
<b>Who are you?</b>
<b>What are you?</b>
<b>Where are you?</b>
<b>When are you?</b>
<b>Why are you?</b>

FREE PAGE 5

<b>Do you watch cartoons?</b>
<b>Do you sleep all day?</b>
<b>What's your birthstone?</b>
<b>Can you take me high enough?</b>
<b>Can you fly me over to yesterday?</b>
<b>Damn, baby, what'd you do to ya hair?</b>
<b>Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?</b>
<b>Who's Johnny?</b>
<b>R U Ready 4 A New Sensation?</b>
<b>Why can't the night go on forever?</b>
<b>Who's that girl?</b>
<b>Word page.</b>
<b>Opinion page</b>
<b>Lucky number(s)</b>
<b>What's the dumbest thing you've ever done?</b>
<b>What's the most intelligent thing you've ever done?</b>
<b>Who are your best friends?</b>
<b>What are some of your goals in life?</b>
<b>how many lies do you tell a day?</b>
<b>What would be the worst way to die?</b>
<b>If you had to live on one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?</b>
<b>OK, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, and Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?</b>
<b>Have you seen Elvis?</b>
<b>Do you believe we put a man on the moon?</b>
<b>If school was optional, would you still go?</b>
<b>? page</b>
<b>What's your IQ?</b>
<b>Your favorite saying?</b>
<b>Who will you run to?</b>
<b>Where now, old timer, padding along the gates?</b>
<b>Do I have one?</b>
<b>Can I have a bite?</b>
<b>Is your mama a pajama?</b>
<b>Quot caper?</b>
<b>Can we go out in the hall?</b>
<b>Where have you been?</b>
<b>Won't ya fill up the tank? Let's go for a ride...</b>
<b>Will I be on the streets tomorrow?</b>
<b>Will I have to beg and borrow?</b>
<b>Will I have to go back to the job I left behind?</b>
<b>Could you still make it with a guy who never made it?</b>
<b>Would you look into my eyes if I were to go blind?</b>
<b>Will you leave me for another?</b>
<b>Will I have the time to tell you how I really feel?</b>
<b>Am I just getting slower or are you just getting faster?</b>
<b>Do we need a bad disaster?</b>
<b>Marry him or marry me?</b>
<b>I'm the one that loves you baby, can't ya see?</b>
<b>Why don't you take me for a little while?</b>
<b>Bad boys, bad boys, watchya gonna do, watchya gonna do when they come for you?</b>
<b>Why you always wanna bring me down?</b>
<b>Bite me?</b>
<b>What are you wondering about?</b>
<b>Something break?</b>
<b>Can diseases hear?</b>
<b>Can you take a joke?</b>
<b>Tired of the meat market?</b>
<b>Do you like reggae?</b>
<b>But cui bono?</b>
<b>You're not even close!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!</b>
<b>Has Threepio turned up yet?</b>
<b>Word page</b>

FREE PAGE 6

<b>Song lyric page</b>
<b>poetry page</b>
<b>is your gunner alright?</b>
<b>what'd you say?</b>
<b>How's Luke?</b>
<b>What <i>really</i> happened?</b>
<b>story page 2: Her body lay in a bloody puddle. I dropped the gun, having completed my job. I turned to go home and stopped cold when I heard...</b>
<b>Are you tired?</b>
<b>old problem?</b>
<b>what's new?</b>
<b>Q?</b>
<b>Why didn't you just say so?</b>
<b>Guess where I'm calling from, Thad?</b>
<b>How many hours of sleep did you get last night?</b>
<b>What's the most expensive thing in the world?</b>
<b>What's the cheapest?</b>
<b>I'm a bad guy?</b>
<b>How'd he get the hole in his shoe?</b>
<b>Fuck you page</b>
<b>Will you knock it off?!</b>
<b>What's so funny?</b>
<b>You have 24 hours to live. What do you do?</b>
<b>What do you tell your friends?</b>
<b>How does the other side die?</b>
<b>........intermission.......</b>
<b>OK, we're back</b>
<b>What does that have to do with the moon?</b>
<b>discrimation in death?</b>
<b>do you have anything to say for yourself?</b>
<b>Is that Freedom Rock, man?</b>
<b>Is anybody out there?</b>
<b>Can I play with madness?</b>
<b>Have you seen me lately?</b>
<b>Why am I here?</b>
<b>And for how long?</b>
<b>When you wake up, do you stare into the eyes of a stranger?</b>
<b>What's on your mind?</b>
<b>do you like it?</b>
<b>who's watchin' you?</b>
<b>who's lovin' you?</b>
<b>Do Ya?!</b>
<b>Can you feel it, see it, hear it today?</b>
<b>What is it?</b>
<b>What about love?</b>
<b>If I tell you what I'm doin' today, will you shut up and get outta my way?</b>
<b>What time is it?</b>
<b>No, really.</b>
<b>STOP! STOP! STOP! Which one of these words don't you understand?</b>
<b>Do you love?</b>
<b>Are you going to heaven?</b>
<b>or are you halfway to hell?</b>
<b>is there such a thing as too much?</b>
<b>Most disturbing thing you've thought, seen, heard, done?</b>
<b>Are you a killer?</b>

FREE PAGE 7

<b>Which came first - the chicken or the egg?</b>
<b>(Assuming you are buried) What do you want on your tombstone?</b>
<b>Feel like what?</b>
<b>I am wondering - why are you here?</b>
<b>How you get so big eating food of this kind?</b>
<b>How far away is Yoda? Is he close?</b>
<b>What do your Rice Krispies say to you?</b>
<b>Do you see the glass as half empty or half full?</b>
<b>Are we having fun yet?</b>
<b>Autograph page</b>
<b>Will he finish what he begins?</b>
<b>Do you care?</b>
<b>Oh Superman, where are you now?</b>
<b>Who or what were you in previous lives?</b>
<b>What Hits?!</b>
<b>OK, last time. This is your brain. This is drugs. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?</b>
<b>What are your desires?</b>
<b>What happens to the wide-eyed observer when the window between reality and unreality breaks and the glass begins to fly?</b>
<b>Are balloon animals art?</b>
<b>Who do you love?</b>
<b>Is it getting better?</b>
<b>Who do you hate?</b>
<b>If you vote Republican, does that make you an accomplice to their crimes?</b>
<b>Do amoebas feel love?</b>
<b>If animals have no souls, where will Rover spend eternity?</b>
<b>What do you want?</b>
<b>What do you need?</b>
<b>How can God sleep when people are starving?</b>
<b>Is your hand sore?</b>
<b>How much $ do you have on you?</b>
<b>Is today's music as lame as it sounds?</b>
<b>What's something you'd like to change about yourself?</b>
<b>What's something you'd like to change about your friends?</b>
<b>Is man basically good or evil?</b>
<b>Car 54, where are you?</b>
<b>Do your teeth dance?</b>
<b>story page 3: "Don't worry, the drugs'll wear off in about 3 minutes, and you'll be able to move again." He laughed as he crawled back into the time machine. I lay on the ground, helpless and watched the machine disappear back to the present...</b>
<b>How do you talk to an angel?</b>
<b>Have at thee! Why are thou so forth unbecoming to thine own undisturbed nonsensical mischief?</b>
<b>How does that one song go?</b>
<b>What'd ya get?</b>
<b>Why do you feel?</b>
<b>How quick is your wit?</b>
<b>vas  A  e tf s h a, legru?</b>
<b>ills dh nightioe. f ""u?</b>
<b>May I please have 10 or 15 minutes of your time?</b>
<b>Do you agree or disagree that excultration is inhibited by deprivation?</b>
<b>How long does it take you to complete your paper route?</b>
<b>You got the Ruiz thing fixed?</b>
<b>How's my driving?</b>
<b>Well, Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?</b>
<b>May I see the wine?</b>
<b>Doc, are you telling me you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean?</b>
<b>If after the manner of men I have fought with beasts at Ephesus, what advantageth it me, if the dead rise not?</b>
<b>Do you know about VI-CAP?</b>
<b>What's the meaning of this?</b>
<b>What profit did they expect from it?</b>
<b>Would you care to elaborate?</b>
<b>Most memorable moment in your life?</b>
<b>What's the biggest flaw people (as a whole) have?</b>
<b>Is this my blood dried upon my face?</b>

FREE PAGE 8

<b>This is long, isn't it?</b>
<b>Who is John Galt?</b>
<b>What % of total production of the top ten did lime account for?</b>
<b>At what price will total revenue be the greatest?</b>
<b>OK, where'd we lose you?</b>
<b>List the reasons you're an asshole</b>
<b>Why is the room spinning?</b>
<b>Proof God exists:</b>
<b>Proof God doesn't exist:</b>
<b>Hobbie, are you still with me?</b>
<b>What is thy bidding, my Master?</b>
<b>Who pissed in your Cheerios?</b>
<b>So?</b>
<b>Are you O.K.?</b>
<b>if you died today, what would you regret the most?</b>
<b>What's your definition of dirty, baby?</b>
<b>What do you consider pornography?</b>
<b>Can you hear it calling?</b>
<b>What about Mary?</b>
<b>What do you see when you turn out the lights?</b>
<b>What's on TV?</b>
<b>What did her daddy do?</b>
<b>Have you found what you're looking for?</b>
<b>Do you <i>know</i> what you're looking for?</b>
<b>Who's gonna ride your wild horses?</b>
<b>Yes or no?</b>
<b>Do you sing in the shower?</b>
<b>What is something you wouldn't do no matter how much $ somebody paid you?</b>
<b>Do bugs have souls?</b>
<b>Do you believe in aliens?</b>
<b>Do you believe in ghosts?</b>
<b>Do you believe in Bigfoot?</b>
<b>Name one of the 10 commandments</b>
<b>Ladies - what qualities do you look for in Mr. Right?</b>
<b>Guys - what qualities do you look for in Mrs. Right?</b>
<b>What was I going to ask?</b>
<b>Whose line is it, anyway?</b>
<b>The school is going to blow up. You have time to save yourself and 5 others. Name them.</b>
<b>What is something you could not live without?</b>
<b>Who is someone you could not live without?</b>
<b>last story page: I had time to think, "What the hell?" before...</b>
<b>What'll pop up next?</b>
<b>Birds?</b>
<b>Reptiles?</b>
<b>Who killed Pee-Wee Herman?</b>
<b>Who framed Roger Rabbit?</b>
<b>What's the word I'm looking for?</b>
<b>What's up with that?</b>
<b>Best day of your life?</b>
<b>Worst day of your life?</b>
<b>If a movie about your life was made, what would be the title and what rating would it get?</b>
<b>Describe <i>the</i> Utopian society</b>
<b>Who do you admire most?</b>
<b>Ya down wit' O.P.P.?</b>
<b>Do you smoke, drink, do drugs, or gamble?</b>
<b>If you ever got arrested, who'd you call w/ your free call?</b>
<b>Fav. video</b>
<b>Video you hate the most?</b>
<b>What'd you have for breakfast today?</b>
<b>Things that make you go hmmmm....</b>

FREE PAGE 9

<b>Make your last will & testament</b>
<b>Does anybody really know what time it is?</b>
<b>Does anybody really care?</b>
<b>When ya comin' home, son?</b>
<b>How long?</b>
<b>The Emperor?</b>
<b>Where do we go now?</b>
<b>Ain't that a shame?</b>
<b>What's there to worry about?</b>
<b>You know where you are?</b>
<b>do you fly by night?</b>
<b>You don't remember?</b>
<b>WHY'D THEY CHANGE IT?</b>
<b>Statement.</b>
<b>What did you do that for?</b>
<b>how many?</b>
<b>What's it taste like?</b>
<b>Can we get on with this already?</b>
<b>What do you want from me?</b>
<b>how does it work?</b>
<b>What was that?</b>
<b>How do you want to be remembered?</b>
<b>Can't we all just get along?</b>
<b>How do you put holes in your jeans?</b>
<b>Saved by the Bell vs. 90210</b>
<b>Who would hear you scream?</b>
<b>Who's fault is it?</b>
<b>What's wrong with this picture?</b>
<b>Who's crying now?</b>
<b>Who'll be the lonely one?</b>
<b>What can I say?</b>
<b>Who wrote the book of love?</b>
<b>Where's the party?</b>
<b>Isn't that special?</b>
<b>What are these walking blues all about?</b>
<b>What's that you're wearing?</b>
<b>Eighty-five cents for a can of soda?!?</b>
<b>Ever been to Wooster, Ohio?</b>
<b>How's the weather?</b>
<b>How many words?</b>
<b>Wanna play Monopoly?</b>
<b>What was #12?</b>
<b>Hello?</b>
<b>Can I help you?</b>
<b>Can't ya read the signs?</b>
<b>What else can go wrong?</b>
<b>Do you understand these rights?</b>
<b>How does he do that?</b>
<b>Don't quit now!!!</b>
<b>What'd ya go 'n' do to get into another one of these here rock and roll songs?</b>
<b>How could you want him when you know you could have me?</b>
<b>Do you accept the charges?</b>
<b>Do you want a new drug?</b>
<b>Who sailed through the sea and rivers?</b>
<b>You did say that you had the book, didn't you?</b>
<b>Donuts?</b>
<b>What was the question?</b>
<b>And when did you wake up?</b>
<b>Brain, Brain, where's Uncle Gadget?</b>

FREE PAGE 10

<b>What's the situation?</b>
<b>Can I have a dollar?</b>
<b>You expected something better?</b>
<b>Is there anything that hasn't been asked?</b>
<b>You just finished the biggest slam book EVER! What are you going to do now?</b>
<b>That was fun. Can we do it again?</b>
<b>P.S. Page</b>
<b>You did it! You're done! How long did it take you?</b>

Whew! That took way too long. Tomorrow (or maybe tonight) I answer it! Mwahahaha!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

NINE!!!

As in, posts to go. This is post #991.

Before I started typing this entry, my word count (just think, only three days left and you'll never have to hear me bitch about word count again!) was at 139,498.

That means that the remaining posts (this one included) need to each be 6,723 words long.

{sigh]

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
139,555 / 200,005
(69.8%)

Another Scrabble Story

They're fun! (I can only hope that they're being enjoyed by the P@riots as well.)

This one was one that Steph and I composed together, which is the best way to do Scrabble Stories, in my opinion. Steph would lay down her tiles, and then I would write the first sentence (using the word(s) she created) then give her the paper while I played my turn.

My ultimate Scrabble Story dream is to have four players, each of us having a story in front of us, passing it around from person to person. So you wouldn't get back to the story you started until three other people had had a go at it. It would take hours to play, but it would no doubt result in some hilarious stories. Some day when the girls are old enough that they don't need constant supervision, I'm totally going to have some friends over so we can spend a night doing that. Let me know if any of you are interested. :)

Okay. So, since there were two authors for this story, I think I'll have to indicate in some way what parts are mine, and what parts are Steph's. I think I'll change the color. Hopefully it won't be too painful on the eyes.

This story was, according to the page, originally written on 12/16/98. I started...


It was Christmas day of 2000. I awoke early and raced to the living room. I saw only one package, covered with beautiful wrapping paper, ribbons, and bows. And for some reason there were orange rinds littering the floor. "Hmm.." I thought, "Orange rinds, banana peels, and only one gift... my god, we've been visited by the evil twin of Santa Claus!" That damn Sindy Claus just drove in here like she owned the place, took all our presents, left her garbage all over the floor, and I can just bet what's in that box! Expecting an ear-shattering BOOM, I gingerly tugged at the string tied to the package...
Seeing that being gentle wasn't getting me anywhere, I decided to get my hatchet from the garage and I axed my way into the package. Imagine my disappointment (and sore arms) when I discovered that directly underneath the wrapping paper was a cement block. But what was inside that? I headed down to Home Base to purchase some dynamite... When I got there I discovered a sign on the door that read, "Closed today at 12pm", and there were only fifteen minutes left in the forenoon!
I hurriedly ran through the aisles picking up the necessary equipment. When I got to the cashier, he was rather miserable. And quite vocal about it. "Man, I always get the crappy shifts," he says. "I have to work Christmas, New Years, Groundhog's Day. I never get the holidays off." I felt kinda bad, so I invited him to return home with me to open the mysterious box. He looked me in the eye and simply said, "No." I am normally a very calm and collected person but when he said that to me, refused my generous offer of hospitality, I suddenly and quite unexpectedly went into a craze. "What do you mean NO?!?" I screamed as I pulled the poor man toward me by the straps of his orange apron. Part of me was wondering what the hell I was doing (Did it have something to do with the mysterious package?)
"Look, sir or madam, I just work here. If you want a manager, press one now. If you want a withdrawal, por favor... That will be $10.95... I am Joe... welcome to Home Baaaaase." With that, the employee died! Or appeared to. Sparks began to fly from his neck and a whirring sound emanated from within him (or should I say 'it'?). I pushed the robotic employee away from me in a state of terror and confusion and watched as it suddenly burst into flames. "Hmm..." I thought, "Robotic Home Base employees, stores closing at noon... seems I've stumbled onto a larger conspiracy than I had first thought."
I sighed and lit a cigarette from the box in my shirt pocket. It's my only vice.
Abruptly, another "employee" appeared. She shook a disapproving finger at me and said, "No smoking allowed. Please step outside. Seeing this cyborg as my only opportunity for answers, I asked her, "What's going on here? Who are you? Who do you really work for?"
The female cashier stopped and I thought I had caused another meltdown. But then she sighed and said, "We work for S.N.A.R.E. Find them, and they'll answer all your questions. Unless they kill you first."
"Snare? What's that?"
"I've said too much. Take your dynamite and go home and open the block in your living room."
I was shocked. "How do you know about that?"
Before I could get more answers, she ushered me out the doors and locked them behind me.
Walking back down the street toward my house, I felt as if I was losing my mind. What would I find in the big package of cement? Was S.N.A.R.E. waiting at my house ready to kill me as soon as I walked in the door? Were my parents and sister ever going to wake up this strange and eventful Christmas morning or would they sleep until late afternoon?
Unfortunately it looked like I may never find out the answers to these questions because just ahead I saw a plume of smoke rising to the sky and as I got closer I discovered that underneath it was a huge fire and inside that was my house. Oh my poor dog, Rusty!!

Screaming, I ran the rest of the way toward my house. I was stopped by a large crowd of onlookers. And a strange crowd they were. They were all dressed like they had recently been swimming, and several of them were roasting marshmallows in the remains of my abode. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was about to confront these rude people when a thought occurred to me - maybe these people are from S.N.A.R.E.
I put my theory to test. "A ...um... nifty fire, huh?" I asked in what I was hoping passed for a casual tone.
The marshmallow-roasters collectively turned and looked at me. "One of them spoke, "You know about the box, don't you?"
I grabbed the arm of the nearest marshmallow loving swimmer and pulled her aside. "Let's have a little chat, shall we?" I said in a low and caustic tone. We walked into the bushes of my neighbor, Jack. I was about to ask her what was going on when I noticed something. I could see my neighbor Jack through his living room window and he was standing in front of a very large and handsomely wrapped package amid what looked like orange rinds and banana peels.
"Stay here. I'll be right back."
"Sure. I'll just tidy up Jack's rose garden," the woman replied cheerfully.
If I had had time, that statement would've bothered me. But I had to save Jack's life. Or at least warn him about ...something weird.
I rang Jack's doorbell in a dramatic fashion and after a while the door opened. It was Jack's little girl, Cynthia. She looked at me ponderously for a moment before I said, "Can you get your daddy, please?"
She smiled (knowingly? Or was I just paranoid?) and went to retrieve her father.
While she was absent a little boy came to the door. "Who are you?" I asked him.
He was a cute little thing, probably five or six years old. He said nothing but just then Jack came to the door. "This is Brian. Julia and I just got through adopting him. He's our best Christmas present." Jack smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. Brian just continued to look up at me, smiling. "Do you happen to know what's going on?" Jack asked me, but I couldn't answer because I couldn't tear my eyes away from the boy's gaze. He was so... so... cute.

Absentmindedly, I finally responded, "I woke up, found a huge gift, and stumbled onto some conspiracy with a group called S.N.A.R.E. Oh, and my house burned down."
Jack pulled Brian away from me as though I'd gone crazy. "Look," he said, "it's Christmas, and I'd love to talk crazy-talk with you, but I've got to clip my toe nails, so, um... get lost, will you?" The door was then slammed in my face.
I rang he doorbell again. "You again," said Jack when he saw me. "Luckily this time I thought to equip myself." He pulled a rifle from behind his back and pointed it at my face. "Yelp!" said I, and he pulled the trigger.
Luckily, it was merely a toy rifle that one of his kids had received for the holiday. Aside from an accelerated heart beat, I was unharmed. Jack then whispered, "Pretend I killed you. Fall down." I was confused for just a second, then did as told. Jack dragged my "corpse" into his living room and told me, "Stay down. They're still watching. As long as they think you're dead, we're okay. I'm gonna sneak you into my jeep in the garage so we can get the hell out of here."


That's the bad thing about Scrabble stories. They don't really ever end well. I guess once you know the last word is going to be played, you should start trying to wrap it up so you don't end up with unfinished stories. But, still, this one was a pretty good one. There's another one about a car accident and alien cows (I think) that Steph and I composed together that is really funny too. I'll have to see if I can track that one down.

Jack and the Beanstalk Scrabble Story

This is another Scrabble story from 1998. It's unfinished - well, the story is unfinished, but I did use all of the Scrabble words (they're underlined this time) and it's much shorter than the one I blogged yesterday. I think parts of this one are even funny.

Oh, background - I wanted to write a story that explained WHY the man in the Jack & the Beanstalk story would trade magic beans for a cow. What was it about that cow that was so special that the stranger would give up beans that would provide a way to the giant's riches? Most likely the stranger didn't know they were really magical beans and was attempting to pull a fast one on Jack, but what if it was more that the cow had some kind of ...something to it that made it more valuable than the beans? With that as a premise for the story, I wrote the following... Enjoy!


Long, long ago in a land far away – perhaps it was Germany – lived a man without a name. He was a mysterious man who lived on the outskirts of the main village, tending to his garden.

 When he did make his way into the town, he was ignored, or laughed at, or feared, on account of how he would utter strange sayings to everyone he met.

 The townsfolk thought the man was a little bit crazy, but mostly harmless. He had never hurt anyone, so he was more of an annoyance than a real threat. Still, most parents warned their children not to speak to him.

 Then one day, when the man without a name was walking through the streets, approaching strangers with such unusual greetings as, “Tomato for an ox,” and “Grape for a hare,” he came across a kid named Jack.

 Jack had been warned by his mother and father to avoid the man without a name, so of course, he was curious to find out what the fuss was all about. However, Jack was a good kid, and had been raised to respect his parents, (the fact that TV hadn’t been invented yet helped matters, also) so he made his way to the other side of the street.

 The man without a name seemed to look directly at Jack and said, “Men will one day turn you into a myth… if you dare deal with me.” Jack thought the man was talking directly to him, but that was foolishness. He lowered his eyes and hurried home.

 That night, Jack dreamt of the man without a name. In his dream, Jack was in the land of the Gods, everything was much larger than usual. Jack was in a long hallway, and the man without a name was at the other end. A cow was standing in the middle, happy just to graze on a patch of grass growing there.

 The man without a name seemed to notice Jack and shouted, “She’s mine! The cow goes with me!” and began to run toward the animal.

 Jack began to run toward the cow also, knowing that he must get the cow before the man without a name did, but unsure why. Jack was running as fast as he could, but stopped short when a thundering crash came from the ceiling. A huge hand crashed through the roof of the building, scooped the cow in its fist, and lifted the animal through the newly-formed hole. Both Jack and the man without a name peered up, trying in vain to see who could have done this. The man without a name looked at Jack and opened his mouth as if to say something, but Jack woke up at that moment.

 Despite his telling himself that it was just a dream, Jack still had a qualm from the nightmare. He decided to check on the cows. Quietly, Jack grabbed a candle, lit it, put on his slippers, and headed toward the barn. The flames of the candle did little to aid Jack’s vision, and he almost went to bed, but the dream nagged at him again, and he continued.

 Jack had to lug the barn door open. He stepped through the door and used the candle to light the lanterns.

 He saw the pigs, sleeping soundly, snoring, in the first pen. He made his way to the next and nearly jumped out of his skin when an owl hooted. The chickens were all safe and accounted for, so he moved to the far back, where the two cows should be.

 And they were.

They were awake, which Jack thought was odd, and he briefly wondered if they had had bad dreams, too, then dismissed it as foolishness. The lights from the candle, and Jack himself had been what had stirred them from slumber.

 “Sorry, girls,” Jack whispered to the cattle. A flip of the tail was Jack’s only sign of forgiveness from the animals.

 Convinced that everything was fine, and suddenly very tired, Jack put out the lights and went back to bed. He slept soundly and dreamlessly the rest of the night.

 Several weeks went by, and Jack eventually forgot about his dream. He hadn’t seen the man without a name in a long time and had put the whole event out of his mind.

 Until…

 Jack didn’t see the man without a name for three years. He had completely forgotten about his dream and his earlier encounter with the stranger.

 Much had happened in Jack’s life in those years. Very little of it had had a positive effect on him. Two years previous, Jack’s father had gone across the bridge to the other village to purchase a goat. On the way home, both the goat and Jack’s father had been attacked and killed. Rumor had it that the assailant was a troll, but that was never proven.

 His father’s death had a devastating impact on Jack, and he began to drink. (The drinking age had yet to be established, so if one had money, one could purchase mead, gin, ale, or what-have-you.)

 Jack spent most of the family’s savings on gin, and drove the family slowly to the poorhouse. His mother attempted to keep the farm going, but had a difficult time without Jack’s help. Jack did get a job as a scribe, but was laid off after six months on account of his drinking.

 Eventually, they had to sell most of the animals to keep going. It was generally Jack’s responsibility to trade the animals for gold or silver or clothing.

 Once, Jack got into a fight at a bar and wound up in jail. His mother had to sell one of the cows to bail him out.

 It was a hard time for Jack and his mother. They were lucky to have one meal a day and they had very little ware left to sell.

 Jack’s mother said to Jack, “We have nothing left. You must sell our last items and we’ll have to pray that the grace of the gods will help us.” She gave him the final valuables (word used loosely) the family had: a tin mug, his father’s gun, and an axe.

 “This is it?” Jack asked indignitantly.

 Jack’s mother replied sheepishly, “I’m afraid it is. Well, that, and our other cow. She’s all harnessed up out back. Perhaps the kind sirs at the local K-mart will be interested in her.”

 Jack muttered “Doubtful” under his breath, but he took the family’s belongings and the cow and made his way into the town.

 It was on this day that Jack encountered the man without a name again. Jack was not quite in the town yet. He was walking past a cavern when the strange man came out of the hold, surprising Jack and causing the cow to let out a startled moo.

 Not recognizing the man at first, Jack was angry at being scared. “What the … hey, I know you, don’t I?”

 The man lowered his head and removed his hat. “Good day, sir. I see that you are on your way to town to do some trading. I can save you a trip. I’m always eager to do deals.”

 Jack’s interest was piqued. “Oh yeah? Like what?”

 “Just last week I gave a young lady from a circus some porridge for three bears. Goldy, I believe her name was. Or I could give you a kiwi for a cat. Or a bunch of bananas for a young piglet. Or perhaps an apple for a donkey. Or…” the man’s eyes narrowed, “some beans for that cow of yours. Whaddya say?”

 The cow looked bored and whisked some flies away with her tail.

 Jack thought the man was a bit crazed, and briefly considered using the gun, but he hadn’t harmed him yet, and didn’t seem to be a threat, so Jack decided to just walk past the man.

 The odd fellow gazed at Jack studiously, and then offered, “I could throw in a drink or two.”

 Jack looked at the man, considering his options. He could always try to bribe the weapon shop owner into paying more for the axe and the gun then they were worth. (Jack had discovered the owner was tapping the tavern’s liquor supply for himself. The two were good drinking buddies, naturally.) His mother would never have to know that he traded the cow for beans… and beer.

 Jack handed the mug to the man and said, “Fill ‘er up.”

 The man smiled widely and said, “So you’re taking the deal, are ya? Good man.” He snatched the mug from Jack and went into the cave. He returned after several minutes, carrying a full mug, a couple beans, a document, and a pen.

 Handing the ale to Jack, he said, “This is yours. As are the beans – just sign this here and give me la vaca.”

 Jack didn’t understand what the man meant at first, then he realized he was talking about the cow.

 Jack gulped his drink, the best he had had in a long time, and set down his mug.

 He took the document from the man and looked it over. “What’s all this say?” he asked. The print was very small and the words Jack could read didn’t make much sense to him. Words such as ipso facto, precontractual, and et cetera seemed like a foreign language to Jack.

 “I use it to seal all my deals. It’s just saying that you are giving me the cow in exchange for the beans. And that I’m not responsible for whatever happens because of the beans. Just as you won’t be responsible to me for anything the cow does to me. Standard trade agreement papers, so nobody blames anybody else. Just sign on the line next to the X.”

 Jack didn’t quite understand everything the man had said, but since he didn’t have a lawyer with him, he signed the papers. The man gave Jack a duplicate of the paper, then took the cow and headed down the road.

 Jack was going to call the man back, thinking he’d just made a huge mistake – and also he hadn’t given him his second glass of beer – but then noticed that the mug was full again.

 After finishing the drink, Jack proceeded into town.

 The weapon shop, however, was closed. Jack considered the pawn shop, but they always offered only a dollar, no matter how much the item was worth. Jack thought about, briefly, using the gun and/or the axe to commit a robbery, but he didn’t for fear of ending up in jail again. If that happened, his mother would have no means of bailing him out.

 Depressed, Jack looked at the beans. “How could I have been so stupid?” he thought. The cow was not much, but it had been the family’s final hope. And Jack had blown it.

 Not looking forward to what awaited him at home, but wanting to get it over with, Jack was soon homeward bound.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Scrabble Story

It was about seven years ago (nearly eight now, what with 2005 almost done) that I first came up with the idea of Scrabble Stories.

The basic gist of a Scrabble Story is that you take the words formed from playing a game of Scrabble and incorporate them into a fictional (or nonfictional, I suppose) story. There are several variations on how that can be done, depending on how many players there are in the Scrabble game and also with whatever way you feel most comfortable with.

Here are the ways that a Scrabble Story Game could be played:

1) Simply write down the words as you play, and using that list, write the story afterward. The words can then be put into the story either in the order they were played, or randomly.

2) Write the story as you go.
2a) If there are two players, you can write the parts of the story as each word is placed - alternating who has the paper. Or, if only one person is writing, they can still write the story as the words are placed on the board. Or, both players can write as you go along, each person writing their own tale, and you can swap papers after each word is placed. That would make for some really amusing stories.

Steph and I have done the 'write as you go' version a couple times, and they were hilarious. I have done the 'write the words down, and make the story using the words from the list' version several different times, and the stories have been... interesting. I think I will post them. The words that came from the Scrabble game will be underlined. Also, note that there is no 'winner' in Scrabble Story, the point is simply to be able to work the words into the narrative in whatever way possible. (Harder than it sounds, sometimes.) You can still keep score of the Scrabble game, since the story is not really connected to the game in any way other than that it is providing words that need to be used.

This little gimmick is probably quite useful for NaNo writers. I didn't use it on my (much neglected) NaNo story, but that's mostly due to the fact that we didn't play Scrabble that month. In fact, we have only played Scrabble one time this year at all. I wrote down the words in a list (I've done that everytime we've played Scrabble now since the first time back in 1998) but I've misplaced the list, so I won't be doing that. Maybe Steph and I can play Scrabble between now and Saturday and I'll write another Scrabble Story. That would be kind of fun, to have a day when all the blogosphere (or at least the part of the blogosphere that reads my blog) plays Scrabble Story together. Hmmm. I might have to coordinate that with folks for sometime in '06...
We could either all play Scrabble at our perspective houses and then post the stories we come up with, or we could have one Master List from someone's game that everyone would have to write a story using those words... Hmm.

Anyway. Here's the very first Scrabble Story EVER. Please note that I wrote it here and there over the course of several days (weeks?) and didn't really finish it. Also, that I am not the world's greatest writer by any stretch of the imagination.

The words were from a Scrabble game played on 6/29/1998 and were as follows:
jam, humid, axe, over, twine, guts, hordes, nice, fin, alp (not a real word, as Steph pointed out), eve, mails, toad, okra, tuber, no, glue, ewer, he, don, brain, faster, vent, teddy, goof, thine, seamy, lo, pickle, vote, snake, zine, dig, or and or.

Since I didn't indicate when I wrote the story which were the words, I won't do that now either. (Next time I will). I am also going to leave in any crossing outs. (Any striked out text, stuff in parenthesis, or other comments will be exactly as it was in my notebook. You'll see what I mean.)

And with no further ado, I present:
Shakespeare and Einstein

Ellen woke unusually early. She had been having an unusual nightmare. As she sat in her bed, panting, she tried to remember the dream, but couldn't. This was also unusual; Ellen always remembered her dreams. It was the start of a highly unusual week for Ellen.

Ellen tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail. She tossed and turned for about seven minutes, then got out of bed. It was 3:24 in the morning. She slipped on a sweatshirt and some sweat pants and went into the kitchen.

Ellen opened the refrigerator, and took out the bread, butter and strawberry jam. She put two slices of bread in the toaster and sat down on the kitchen floor, thinking about her recent nightmare.

Flashes of the dream came to her. A giant snake. A plastic ladder that seemed endless. A lot of cardboard. None of it seemed to make sense.

The ringing of the phone startled her enough that she let out a sharp scream. Embarrassed at herself, then angry that someone would call her at this hours, she stood up and went to answer it.

"Hello?"

"El. I'm glad you're awake. I figured you would be. How soon can you get over to my place?" it was her longtime friend Teddy. He sounded frantic.

Ellen glanced at the clock on the wall: 3:28. "I can be there in ten minutes. What's going on, Ted?"

"I don't know yet. But I think it's big. Xil and Loam are on their way over also. And I tried to call Jude, but the line was busy. I paged Alp, but he hasn't called back yet. If you hear from them before I do, send them here, please."

Ellen was speechless. Her mind was racing. It was 3:30 in the morning, why would Teddy want all of the gang to be at his house? And why had he assumed that I'd be awake? Ellen thought, remembering the first part of the conversation. I'm sure Ted will explain it all when I get there, she thought, shaking her head and looking for her car keys.

She found them just as her toast popped up. Exasperated, she slipped on her loafers and ran into the kitchen, grabbing the toast in one hand and the butter and jam in the other. Using her foot, she nudged the door of the fridge open and shoved everything on the top shelf beside a jar of pickles. "I'll just nuke the toast later," she said to herself, closing the door.

As she rounded the corner of the kitchen, she realized she didn't have her driver's license. I'm only going up the street, she thought, maybe I should just walk. It is a nice night out.

Pausing once more before finally leaving, she changed the message on her answering machine, in case Jude or Alp called her, informing them that despite the hour, she was at Teddy's house  and if they could make it to go there as well.

I sure hope this isn't bad news
, she thought as she walked out the front door.

It was not as nice out as Ellen had thought. The night was, in fact, rather humid. This is one of the strangest nights of my life, Ellen thought as she walked toward Teddy's house. Maybe I'm still dreaming. That would explain a lot. Of course, if I'm not, it wouldn't be all that strange. Aswood had always been a little off-center and it's denizens were no different. Particularly Ellen's group of friends. In Aswood, it seemed one of three things was true about all who lived there. Either your name was strange, your job was strange, or you yourself were strange. Often, more than one was applicable to the same person.

Teddy was an average enough individual, and Theodore was not that bizarre of a name, ti was his occupation that was unorthodox.

Ted was a pet lawyer.

And he was a damn good one. It seemed at times that Ted knew animals better than he knew people. Of course, the usual jokes were made behind his back, and most people in town called him by his nickname, Teddy "Bear" Cutler, or thought of him as making a goof on the lawyer profession. But Teddy took his job seriously, and if he did know about the jokes, he didn't let them bother him. In many ways, he encouraged it, relishing in the entire self-mockery humor of it all.

Since 1996, Teddy had begun bringing his pet rats, Shakespeare and Einstein, everywhere with him, including to his cases. The rodents were well trained and amicable toward humans, which was partly the reason the judges allowed them to be brought into the courtroom. The fact that everyone all the judges in town knew and liked Teddy  his mother was mayor didn't hurt, either.

Teddy himself had noticed that since having the rats in court, he hadn't lost a single case. While it was only a coincidence, Teddy had begun to accept it as a superstition, and some of the other lawyers had started to notice it, too.

"What'd ya do, Teddy? Make a deal with the devil?"
"Yeah, or are your rats doing the work for you?"

Teddy laughed these comments off, but did worry that things were going too well.

Teddy had been good friends with Ellen for several years. She had been the one who helped him pick out Einstein and Shakespeare back in '96 when he'd purchased them.

Loam and Xil were the celebrity couple in Aswood. The two twenty year olds were inseparable and had been since childhood. It was rumored that when Loam had been born, 15 hours before Xil, that he had nearly died until his soul mate was placed in the delivery room next to him.

The two had been together everyday since then.

Loam (French word for 'eagle', whatever that is, will be his last name) was the only child of Suzzette and Qaal (French eagle). Qaal "Battle Axe" (French eagle) was is the one of the last members of an Indian tribe that lived where Aswood now stands long before there was an Aswood.

The majority of Qaal's people abandoned the land near the turn of the century. Qaal and his family stayed, and were accepted by the white people. Qaal and Suzzette met in high school, during Qaal's senior year. Suzzette was a sophomore and a French foreign exchange student. When they met, it was the fabled love at first sight. Though she was only in the states for four months, they began dating. By the second month, they began knew they would get married someday. When Suzzette's tour was finished, she promised Qaal that she would return, and true to her word, one year later, she did. Suzzette finished high school, then moved in with Qaal when they were married. Though they wanted to have many children, they were devastated to find that Suzzette could not.

Despite this setback, they remained happily married and were considering adoption, when Suzzette discovered that she was pregnant. The pregnancy, while a miracle, was not an easy one and there were several complications.

In fact, when Loam was born, New Year's Eve, 1979, he was given less than a 30% chance of survival. The doctors connected Loam to all of the latest machinery, but things still looked bleak for the newborn. It wasn't until the New Year came and a healthy baby girl named Xil Young was born in the same hospital that Loam mysteriously and miracously recovered.

Xil's parents, Unaas and Paul, had never met Qaal and Suzzette, despite the fact that they lived 3 houses apart, and Aswood was nothing not much more than a ghost town. The Youngs were rather quiet and did not like to reclusive and had no friends in town. They were seldom seen around town, and Paul Young didn't even work in Aswood, but commuted each day the 22 miles to Springfield (or some other generic town name) in their 1970 Chevy pickup. It was not known what his job was. There were many things about the Young family that  weren't known.

Loam and Xil didn't meet until '85 when they were both enrolled in kindergarten. As with Loam's parents, when they met, they both seemed to know they were destined to be together. It didn't take long for them to realize how close they lived to one another. Once they did, it was nearly impossible to keep them apart. Qaal and Suzzette didn't mind, and welcomed Xil over any time. Xil's parents, however, were a different story. While not out and out opposed to the friendship, and then later relationship, they never exactly welcomed Loam.

As they grew up, Loam had once asked Xil's parents. Xil had grown solemn and a bizarre zombie-like transformation seemed to occur in her. She had replied, "They like to be alone. I love them very much but I don't want to talk about them." Any other attempts to learn about Paul or Unaas was met with similar responses. Eventually, Loam quit asking about them.

When Loam had turned 18, back in 1997, he had moved into his own apartment. It had taken a lot of begging on Xil's part (so she said), but eventually her parents allowed her to move in with him.

Shortly thereafter, they had announced that in May 2004 2005, they would be getting married. They wanted to take a year off, then finish college before exchanging vows.

Their year off had just ended, and Loam & Xil would be starting their freshman year at Aswood University (Aswood U - ha ha!) in the fall of '99 - a mere two months away.

Most Aswoodians didn't think they needed to go to college. They were both planning on being filmmakers/screenwriters and had already produced several short films. In fact, Loam had received seven an award for one of his shorts, documentaries, "No Guts, No Gory", about the horror film industry. And Xil had been written about in a movie zine because of her seamy screenplay about a homeless vet and his slipping into drug abuse. Naive slackers these children were not.

Judith Anderson had changed. When Ellen had first met her, she had been upbeat, active, and energizing. All that had ceased back on Feb. 15th when her son, Billy, had been killed by a werewolf. Since then, Jude, as her friends called her, had withdrawn into her home. She had made fewer and fewer public appearances, and when she spoke to people, she sounded distant. Even her work had changed. Jude wrote a weekly editorial column for the local paper, The Aswood Republic. There was serious talk of it going nationally syndicated, which would do wonders for Jude's career. Jude, however, did not care about advancing in her occupation. She wanted her Billy back. Ellen, who I should've mentioned earlier is a dream therapist, had on several occasions invited Jude in for a session or two, even going so far as to offer the service for free, but Judith had not come to see her.

Ellen was worried about her. Teddy had said her phone was busy. She must've taken the phone off the hook. Who on earth would she be talking to at 3:30am?
Oh yeah. Her column. It had changed. It, too, had been affected by Billy's death. However, as is often the case in situations like Jude's, it seemed that Jude was putting all of her life force into her work. Her writing had become sharper, clearer, and often times, more cynical. But it sold more papers. In the Friday night edition, according to sales, more than 20% more people bought the paper than any other weekday - surpassed only by the Sunday edition. (What?!?)

Her column, Inside Society's Brain, was typically the buzz around town over the weekend, and oftentimes the first thing discussed in offices on Monday. Jude Anderson was the Mike Rokyo of Aswood.

Ellen was almost to Ted's house now. She continued to think about her friends, and wonder what surprise(s) awaited her (and them).

The final person Teddy mentioned was Alp. Alp, of course, was not his real name, per se. Alp's full name was Donalp Lee Taylor. Of course, when he was born, he was supposed to have been Donald, but through the wonders of typos and the fact that Alp was an orphan and not adopted until he was 8 and had been referred to as Donalp his whole life, it stuck. There was a time, during his early teens, that he tried to go by Don - needless to say, this failed. The children merely adapted and took to calling him Alp instead. By the time Alp had entered his 20's, he had accepted the name, and felt he had even grown into it, that it gave him character. If nothing else it was a good ice-breaker when meeting new people. Of course, the almost surefire way to re-freeze that ice would be to tell them what he did for a living. In this day of post-modern-anti-intellectual-pseudo-spiritual-superstitious belief, being a scientist, especially one who was studying animal intelligence, was almost like being a leper.  Fortunately, he had Teddy, Ellen, Loam, and Xil. He was also very much in love with Judith Anderson.

Of course, Jude, who had been single since late '89, almost ten years, wouldn't give Alp the time of day now. They had dated a few times and things had been going smoothly. But, after Billy's death, she had ceased seeing him.

Ellen had arrived at Ted's house. The porch light was on and the front door was propped open. As she neared the door, she could hear the faint sounds of technology. A radio playing La Bamba, and at least two televisions. What is going on? she thought.

She creaked the door open, knocking slightly. Apparently Ted heard the knocking, because he opened the door immediately, rushing signaling Ellen to come in, but to be quiet. He had an old Toad the Wet Sprockets t-shirt on and some old shorts that Ellen presumed he slept in. His hair wasn't combed and he hadn't shaved. This was unlike Ted.

A mixture of curiosity and fear was rising in Ellen. Teddy left the door opened a little for Xil and Loam, then led Ellen into the living room.

"Will you please tell me what the hell is going on?" Ellen whispered. She noticed that one of the televisions was playing a French movie that was ending. The word "Fin" was on the screen. On the radio, Richie Valens (?) had ended his song, and was replaced with the Smashing Pumpkins doing Feliz Navidad.

"Now, El, I need you to promise me you're not gonna freak out here. What's going on is pretty wild, I'm barely keeping it together myself, so I don't want you to go screaming into the street."

"All right, Teddy. Jesus, you're scaring me. What's wrong? Was it a dream?"

Sidenote: Teddy was a patient of Ellen's, that's how they first met, and Teddy had had a recurring nightmare problem. He was cured, aside from an occasional relapse.

"I wish to hell it was. No, this is no dream."

From the living room spare room, someone said, "Who's that?" It was a voice that Ellen didn't recognize, and didn't like right away either. It was raspy and ...unnatural was the best word Ellen could think of to describe it.

Ellen gave Teddy a puzzled look as he responded, "Um... it's um, Ellen, my friend from uh... down the street. I'm... um... trying to bring her... um... up to date on the situation."

One of the televisions turned off and the radio 
The radio was shut off during in the middle of Love Me Tender and the TVs were either turned off, or muted. "She's here! Why didn't you tell us?" the voice was approaching the other room, and Ellen thought it sounded tiny, like perhaps from a midget, or a child. A child who had smoked its entire life, but maybe a child. It also sounded strangely familiar, as though from a long forgotten movie.

"No, Shakespeare, stay back!" Teddy screamed looking down
"No, wait!" Teddy yelled to the stranger in the other room. It was at this time that Xil and Loam showed up, knocking on the door and walking in at the same time. "Teddy?" Xil asked, then upon seeing Ellen and Teddy, smiled. "Oh, hi!" Loam smiled and said, "Morning," and was making his way to the sofa, when Shakespeare, one of Teddy's rats, walked in from the guest room with a piece of twine in his mouth like a toothpick. "Hello there, Ellen. And you must be Xil and Loam. I'm Shakespeare, but ya'll knew that. Would any of you like something to drink?"

Ellen fainted.

Loam quickly jumped from the sofa, pointing at the rodent, screeching hysterically, "What the hell is that?!"

Teddy sighed. "I told you to wait in the guest room."

Shakespeare shrugged. (Yes, rats have shoulders) "They'd have to find out eventually," he said to Teddy. "Best to get it out of the way."

Noticing that Ellen had fainted, Shakespeare seemed to have a change of heart. He jogged over to her, scampering from one side of Ellen's head to the other. "Oh! Oh! She's not dead, is she? Oh! Please don't let her be dead. Not this. Not now. Oh, dear!"

Teddy stepped past a still shocked Xil and a still terrified Loam and knelt down to help Ellen. "No, Shakes, she's not dead. She fainted. Go get me some smelling salt. It's in the bathroom. First Aid Kit."

Shakespeare disappeared into the bathroom hallway toward the bathroom.

Teddy turned to face Loam and Xil. "Well, surprise. You'll accept it eventually, kids." And then to Loam, "Is she okay?" This seemed to bring Loam out of the state of fear he was in. "Huh?" He turned to Xil, who hadn't blinked since first seeing Shakespeare.

"Xil? Honey, come on. It's all right. Teddy's going to explain this. It's a joke or something. Come on." He shook Xil slightly. Xil looked at her lover with a blank stare. "Rat. Talked." She shook her head and looked at Loam, coming out of shock enough to recognize him. "Sorry. Didn't mean to space out. IT's just not everyday, you know. I'm... I'll be okay." She finally said.

Shakespeare returned, walking on his hind legs and carrying a packet of smelling salt in his front paws. He was unstable, as if walking on two legs was new to him, and somewhat of an exercise. "Here," he said, giving Teddy the packet.

"Why didn't you carry it in your mouth?" Teddy asked.

"You kidding? That's poisonous! Oh, humans! I can't wait to get this trial under way." With that, Shakespeare went back into the guest room. The television and radio turned back on momentarily after.

Teddy broke the smelling salt under Ellen's nose, bringing her around.

"Are you all right?" Teddy asked.

"I... um... it was a hallucination, right?" Ellend was gaining her senses quickly.

"'Fraid not," Teddy told her, helping her up.

"But rats don't talk," Ellen said, trying to make sense of it.

"I guess Shakespeare does," Xil said.

"Einstein does, too," Teddy said, "but she's asleep still. Probably dream transferring." With that cryptic remark, Teddy went into the kitchen. "Would any of you like anything to drink?" he asked.

Shakespeare made a disgusted noise, upset that no one had responded when he'd asked just five minutes earlier.

Xil, Ellen, and Loam went into the kitchen. Teddy had an ewer filled with apple cider. He poured a glass for himself, then for Loam. Xil wanted water. Ellen wanted a beer.

"Let's stay in here for a while," Teddy siad. "I can tell you what I know and they won't be able to hear us."

Xil plopped down in the middle of the kitchen floor, sitting Indian style. Loam hopped up on one of the counters. Ellen leaned against the stove. "So," Loam asked, "how long have your pets been able to speak?"

"As far as I know, just a couple of hours. I woke up from one of their dreams around 1 this morning."

Ellen gasped, the final piece of her nightmare falling into place.
Teddy, Xil, and Loam looked at Ellen.

"Sorry," she said.

"What is it?" Teddy asked.

"It's a... long story and I don't really understand it. Hell, I don't understand any of this. But... nevermind. Please, og on Teddy."

"If what happened to me happened to you, I'll explain fully in a moment. Let me ask you, was were your nightmare dreams this morning... different in any way?"

Ellen nodded. "Yes. They were. First off, they were nightmares. And secondly, I couldn't remember them right away, and that never happens."

The group nodded its concurrence, knowing very well that Ellen's profession was dream therapy, and in order for her to stay the best, she kept a precise dream log. In the past three years, Ellen had only two entries that could be considered even partly vague.

"I did begin to remember them a bit later, but it was ... like it was somebody else's dream. As if, this sounds crazy, but it was like somebody, or something, had taken over my theatre of the mind and changed the movie."

"That," Teddy said, "is a perfect way of describing what is going on. It seems my rats have, overnight, accrewed supernatural powers, and the ability to speak."

"Does Alp know about this?" Loam asked.

"I think Alp is, indirectly, responsible for this." Teddy answered. "But that's speculation, because I can't reach him. He was over here the other day and had one of his lab rats, Tuber or Tubey or Two-bin, that's it. Two-bin was with him. And it was playing with Einstein and Shakespeare. Nothing odd about that. Alp often brings the other rats over to compare them to mine. Usually racing through mazes, or who can dig faster, stuff like that. And nothing seemed stragne about Alp's rat. Perhaps I'm jumping to conclusions. I mean, just because Alp has been doing animal intelligence research, and now my animals have supreme extreme intelligence is no reason to assume..."

"Where is Alp, anyway?" Xil asked.

"When I saw him on Tuesday, he mentioned some convention in Canada. He told me that he'd have his pager with him at all times, though. I've paged him five times now, and I've written three different emails to his screen name. But so far, no response. I hope that he's all right. I mean, if this isn't an isolated occurance, well, let's just say that I'm not sure how safe we are, but I feel a lot better now that I'm no longer alone with them."

"Not that we're out of the danger zone yet." Not that my characters are developed or interesting and the dialog blows and it's an okay idea but i have GOT to do some major repair work on this story. All right, enough bitching. Anyone reading this knows that this isn't the best piece of work they could be reading. Back to the story:

"If the press gets hold of this, we're in for a long ride."

"I agree, Teddy, so why did you try to call Jude... and why was her phone busy?" Ellen said.

"Well... Einstein and Shakespeare wanted me to call her... but I don't think they wanted the papers in on it. Luckily they haven't wanted decided to get press coverage... yet. They wanted me to get hold of Banka, Judith's dog."

"What on earth for?" Xil asked. "Can she talk too?"

"I'm not sure, but I think they'd be able to make her speak, if she can't. And from what I understand, they want her to reside as the judge."

"Judge for what?" Loam inquired.

"Shakespeare and Einstein want to put humanity on trial."

Teddy let that sink in. Everyone was silent. The only noise was from the televisions and radio the rat was watching in the other room, barely audible in the kitchen.

"Like Q in Star Trek: The Next Generation," Loam said quietly.

Xil either heard him or had the same thought. "They believe they're omnipotent," she said.

"And for all we know," Ellen said glumly, "they are."

"Wait a minute," Teddy said. "They're rats! They may be able to speak and take over people's minds - when they're both unconcious, I might add - but that's about the extent of their power. We're a lot bigger than they are, and we outnumber them. If they had godlike powers, they'd have put us in cages hours ago. Let's face it, they're just rodents with delusions of grandeur. I should know, they're my pets. And I've spent the most time with them. Both before and after their jump on the evolutionary ladder. If I feared for even one minute that they had any real power over us, I wouldn't have agreed to this trial of theirs."

"Why did you?" Xil asked.

"To think own self be true. I'm an animal lawyer. If I had declined this trial, I'd be a hypocrite. Besides, they're my pets and I do love them. If this will make them happy, I'll humor them."

"Cool."

"Well, let's get this under way. I'm kinda interested in talking to the rats themselves. See how much they know, what they think, stuff like that." Xil said.

They walked into the other room and found Shakespeare eating a piece of okra, watching something on tv, and with his ear next to the air vent.

"Oh, hi. I was just trying to turn the air on," he said, "It's really warm tonight."

Teddy looked at him suspiciously. "Yeah. Humid. The AC controls are in the living room. Or you could just turn on the fan in here."

"Oh yeah." Shakespeare smirked. He ran over to the fan controls and with some work managed to push the button that said "Lo".

Einstein was curled up in a corner, asleep. She twitched periodically.

"I hate to wake her when she's sleeping so soundly," Shakespeare said, "But we have a lot to do."

Shakespeare went over to where Einstein was sleeping and nudged her with his nose.

After a while, Einstein stirred and woke. She blinked, looking at Shakespeare. "What?"

"There are other humans here. We should get the trial started."

At hearing this, Einstein sprung to life. Noticing the group, she said, "Morning. I'm Einstein. I guesss you all know what you're here for. Well, let's decide the fate of humanity. I vote they die."

The humans exchanged some puzzled looks, most cast in Teddy's direction. He seemed as shocked as they the rest of them at Einstein's sudden delve into the macabre.

"I second," Shakespeare said wickedly.

"All opposed?" Einstein asked. Without waiting for a response, she continued, "Fine. Then it is settled. Humanity shall be exterminated."

"But..." Teddy started.

A thundering crash interrupted his objection. The four of them turned toward the noise and saw hordes of rats tearing down Teddy's house.

The End

Notes written back then: I like the idea of rats (or some animals) becoming aware and wanting to put the human race on trial. The ending, the last couple days writing in fact, just kind of spiraled into something I didn't want. I will come back to this story eventually and fix it up. I like the characters and was having fun developing them. I wanted Loam to be more like the Indian character from Northern Exposure and Xil to be ...I don't know, just more there. The idea of an animal lawyer is amusing, especially for a story like this one which pits humans against the so-called lower animals. To sum it up, I believe Shakespeare and Einstein has potential and eventually may be something to be proud of.

Notes from now: Ugh. Some of that was horrible. Like so much of my writing, it has a great premise, horrible execution. It was difficult for me not to edit a lot of the writing as I was typing this up. It was also difficult not to editorialize and comment on how stupid some of the sentences were. It's also interesting that intelligent rats played a role in my NaNo novel, even though it had none of the same characters.

I wonder if I ever will come back to work on this story. If done correctly, it could be an entertaining little short story. Eh. Probably not. But hopefully those of you who read the whole thing got some enjoyment from it. Perhaps I'll post some of my other Scrabble Stories in the next couple of days. If nothing else, they certainly help with the word count.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

inching toward bethlehem

or something.

so, honestly, what do you think my total will be at year's end? right now i've got 70415 words to go to reach my goal...

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter
129,590 / 200,005
(64.8%)