Friday, October 10, 2008

Four more years!

Four years ago I made a post arguing against voting (which wound up being the post that has generated the most comments on my blog to date. I guess voting [or not] is a hot topic. I wonder how many comments this entry will inspire...). And while a good percentage of that post still rings true, I have decided that this presidential election I am going to cave in to The Man and actually cast my ballot.

Oddly, having made this decision, I'm finding that I'm also encouraging other people to do the same. At least two of my coworkers are also voting (for the first time) come this November. Yay?

Anyway. What I'm posting about today, my friends, are the reasons for voting for John McCain.

Here we go!

[-] For the lulz. Seriously. Mocking McCain (and Palin) is the bread-and-butter for late-night commentators such as John Stewart and David Letterman. Won't somebody think of the comedians!?!

[-] President Fey. The plan is as follows: Sometime between now and November 5th, we need to kidnap Sarah Palin, and replace her with Tina Fey. Then, once we elect McCain/Faux-Palin into office, we just wait for nature to take it's course with McCain, and voila! President Tina Fey. Brilliant!

[-] Here's the thing. At my work there's a new guy who is a Republican through and through - he's a conservative, Amur-i-can, jingoistic bonehead. He's also quite well off financially. Most conservatives are (right?) So, I figure, thinking like they do (or at least, voting like they do) will result in becoming like they are. If I vote Republican, perhaps I'll be rich like a Republican. And money is the most important thing in this life. Lord knows supporting liberals hasn't paid off for me. Maybe it's time to switch tactics.

[-] And McCain's promise to raise the Child Tax Credit to 7 thousand per child is just more evidence of the above. Sure, we would need that extra money to just be able to afford the status quo as the dollar continues to erode, but, hey. I don't see Obama giving us handouts.

[-] He's gonna win anyway. America has proven time and again that it's voters are ignorant, racist, and fearful. Obama may be leading in the polls, but I know far too many people who are still planning on voting for McCain (I know of six off the top of my head. Seven if you think I'm seriously going to vote for the old man), and then, of course, there's DieBold to take into account...

[-] His name. I never get tired of saying "McCaaaaaaaain!!" (Which is a Simpsons reference.) Sure, Obama's name is fun to say too, so I guess in this case it's a draw.

[-] McCain is a crasher. Who better to drive this country into the ground than the guy who crashed 4 airplanes during his military career? But really, things are bad. Do we want to elect the guy who has a chance of improving them slightly, or the one that will guarantee to fuck them up hard core?

In case it wasn't obvious, this is (mostly) meant as a joke. Of course I'm going to vote for the sane(r of the two) candidates. Although points 3 & 4 do have some merit to them.
Anyway. I'll open it up to the floor now, and to make it more interactive, ask for your favorite funny political videos. I've probably seen most of them (I've seen all 3 of Tina Fey's Palin skits on SNL, as well as the time McCain dissed Letterman, and a few of the Daily Show's stuff, but it's always good to see things again, so link away to your favorites)


Amy said...

1. Oh dude. You know this one time, after I voted, I got interviewed by the Star Ledger. It was kind of awesome, because I was able to say informed things, unlike everyone else also quoted in that article. If it happens again, I am so telling them, "I voted for McCain. I did it for the lulz."

3. Man, my father has been testing out that strategy for the past 40 years, and it hasn't worked out yet.

6. I'm so glad that you called him "Barry" that one time, because I was really coming up short on a nickname for him. I mean, can't go with "BO."

Simon said...

Your fifth point makes me awful sad, because that's what I'm fearing will happen too.

CosmicAvatar said...

I never get tired of saying "McCaaaaaaaain!!"

Hee. Now, I watch The Simpsons, but my first thought on seeing that was Star Trek. Even with the Mc.

P@ said...

Regarding Barack's name, Amy - I had read that when he was younger, "Barry" was the nickname he chose for himself. But then I heard that when he matured somewhat (college age, perhaps? I can't remember exactly) he decided that he is Barack, and that from here on out, he is going by his given name. So I'm not going to refer to him as Barry any longer.
I have occasionally called him "Barama" or "Barometer", though. :)

Anonymous said...

I vote your mom for president.

Kirk said..., Grasshopper.