Wish me luck!!

Dear Mr. Bush -

I hear that Tom Ridge, the Director of Homeland Security is stepping down. I also hear that the replacement you had originally chosen - a Mr. Kerik - has stepped down before even taking the position! Man! What a bummer for you.

I think you should really consider hiring me as your new Director of Homeland Security. While I have absolutely zero experience doing that job and whatever it entails, I do believe that I would be a winning candidate. I mean, in the nine years that I have worked for the Company I am with now, there has not been one single terrorist attack. Not one!! (Several threats, but no follow through!)

In addition to that, I also have experience with Microsoft Word, and can type 80 wpm.

Also, I don't know what the pay is for Homeland Security folk (including the Director), but I can guarantee you that I will work for cheaper. Think of all the money you'll be saving! You can put it toward, I don't know, killing people in Iraq or something.

Lastly, I have plenty of references. There are at least ten or two Internet Weirdos that will vouch for my character, and my pals Osama, Mohammed, Jzarkairi, and Dave all think I'm great too.

In conclusion, monkey.

I mean, in conclusion, please consider hiring me for Homeland Security Director. Thank you.

Sincerely,
the P@