always with the wit! He’s a
Wilde and crazy guy!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Haiku Review: She's All That
This movie wasn’t all that
But, ehh, I’ve seen worse.
Haiku Review: Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
All that plus Bellatrix!
So much to adore!
Haiku Review: Comic Book Villains
greed, power, and comic books
You know, the vitals.
Haiku Review: The Ruins
the middle of sacred
ground, where evil lives”
“Uh-oh! The natives
are forcing us to be killed
by…flesh eating vines!?”
Haiku Review: A Civil Action
the town’s water supply so
Travolta sues ‘em.
Based on true story
Just like Erin Brokovich
Hooray for lawyers!!
Haiku Review: Dan in Real Life
with a subdued Steve Carell
Not bad, but not great
Haiku Review: I Am Legend
except for hundreds of
CGI monsters
Relatively good
except for weird religious
ending. What was that?
Haiku Review: Back to the Future
that I can do this classic
justice with haiku
Hello, McFly. When
you see Biff, say, "Hey you get
your damn hands off her!"
Enchantment Under
The Sea Dance is where Marty
Gets his folks to kiss
Thus saving the day
And making his future way
Better than his past
88 miles
Lightning, a Delorean
but we don't need roads
Haiku Review: Ghostbusters
one: when someone asks if you’re
a god, you say yes.
Ghostbusters lesson
two: don’t cross the streams. Unless
you’re fighting Gozer
Ghostbusters lesson
the third: Dogs and cats living
together means laughs!
Haiku Review: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Or more sane than everyone?
The Chief could tell us.
Haiku Review: Premonition
Well, now you won’t have to waste
your time watching this.
Haiku Review: American Dreamz
wanting to be famous does
to a person's soul
In addition, it
was surprisingly funny
funny 'cause it's true
Haiku Review: Vantage Point
"what's the point?", know what I mean?
Seriously, dude.
All those big name stars
and a neat idea, but then
it just ends up meh
Haiku Review: Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs
Futurama can be so
much more than this was
I guess I just hold
Futurama to higher
standards. I should chill.
Haiku Review: You Can't Take it With You
to make movies that make you
feel good about life
Haiku Review: The Dark Knight
performance of a lifetime
his Joker's top-notch
The pencil trick still
makes me laugh, cringe, squirm at once
psychopathic fun
Bruce Wayne, Joker, Dent
Gotham sure does produce a
lot of psychos, huh?
Haiku Review: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Steve Martin as a con man
who's not all that bright
Haiku Review: The Descent
Paranoia, fear, terror
creepy-ass movie
Sigh. Except, of course,
for the illogical end
what was up with that?
Haiku Review: Casino Royale
Bond reboot was too much. I
felt shaken, not stirred.
Also, hard to root
for the hero when he seems
smug and psychotic
Haiku Review: Earth vs the Flying Saucers
to want Earth to win, but man
50's folks were jerks.
Haiku Review: The Terminator
the film that started it all
Thank you, James Cameron
What did it teach us?
Get an unlisted number
and get a dog, too.
Also, it had some
great lines. "I'll be back," for one
and, "Fuck you, asshole."
Haiku Review: Terminator 2: Judgment Day
to inspire and terrify
teenage me LOVED this
All these years later
T2 has aged very well
effects are still great
T-1000 is
one of the best villains in
movie history
Haiku Review: The Frighteners
Michael J. Fox try to make
Ghostbusters-ish film
Too many "effects",
piss-poor writing, dialogue
make this a must-miss.
Haiku Review: Summer of Sam
the best talking dog scene since...
well, ever, really
While I'm no fan of
disco, gotta say, songs used
were quite effective.
Haiku Review: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
the franchise, guys. Huge step down
in quality here.
It was okay as
an action flick, but T1
and 2 raised the bar
Problems: Stahl's Connor,
T-X sucked, Sarah is dead
and too many "jokes".
Haiku Review: The Thing About My Folks
dad, Columbo, bond on a
cross-country road trip
Haiku Review: The Forsaken
vampire flick. I'm surprised that
it's not more well-known
I dug the idea
of a semi-infected
vamp hunting the rest
Haiku Review: Clue
make me LOL. To make
a long story short...
Tim Curry is great
as is the rest of the cast
Best. Casting. Ever.
And now, some choice quotes:
"Mrs Peacock was a man?"
"Is that what we ate?"
"What, another door?"
"Look what happened to the cook!"
"I didn't do it!!"
Haiku Review: Hoffa
my interest for all three hours
great acting, writing
But while it was good
I've got nothing else to say
I mean, it's Hoffa.
Haiku Review: They
Barely watchable film 'bout
demonic creatures
They dwell in the dark
and in mirrors and closets
or... they're just made up
Haiku Review: Joy Ride
in logic you could drive a
truck through, if you can
The moral is don't
pull practical jokes on truck
drivers...they'll kill you.
Haiku Review: The Brothers Grimm
Terry Gilliam made good
movies. Not this one.
This was almost like
Van Helsing had a spin-off.
That's not a good thing.
Haiku Review: Going Back
through personal issues by
reliving the past
It was an okay
movie, nothing great. But, hey!
It's got Lem in it!
Haiku Review: The Producers
Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick
what more do you need?
Did I mention that
Mel Brooks wrote this and it's a
musical? 'Nuff said.
Haiku Review: Burn After Reading
Bullets, f-words, deception
and nothing is learned
Brad Pitt is a dork
Malkovich crazy, Clooney
addicted to sex
and McDormand
is obsessed with her beauty
quirky, funny folks.
Haiku Review: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
were awesome. The remaining
hundred? Not so much.
Haiku Review: Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
AKA the Piemaker
He should get more work
Haiku Review: House on Haunted Hill
are what give remakes a bad
reputation, dude.
Haiku Review: Fallen
Denzel Washington
and John Goodman star in this
thriller 'bout demons
Had some effective
scenes and it made "Time is on
my side" way creepy
and John Goodman star in this
thriller 'bout demons
Had some effective
scenes and it made "Time is on
my side" way creepy
Haiku Review: Six Days, Seven Nights
have no chemistry and are
not compatible
In addition they
have significant others
already. And yet...
After a Jewel
of the Nile rip-off, they both
dump their mates. So dumb.
Haiku Review: Network
the message' seems to be the
lesson to learn here.
And that networks will
do anything for ratings
which we've seen is true.
Haiku Review: North Country
a Minnesotan miner
demands equal rights
After harassment
Aimes says, "Enough!" and sues the
bastards. You go, girl!!
Haiku Review: The Out of Towners
New York City treats him bad
but it's fun to watch
Haiku Review: Vampires
hunters in league with The Church
plus - James Woods! Kick-ass!
Haiku Review: The Never Ending Story 3
No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
No. No. No. No. No.
Haiku Review: The Omega Man
it up in "I Am Legend"
from the '70's
May have been edgy,
controversial back then
it hasn't aged well
And while I rooted
for the infected to win
his death was empty
Haiku Review: The Pursuit of Happyness
to provide a better life
back in the '80's
Haiku Review: 30 Days of Night
flick that has, you know, horror!
The vamps were vicious
The townspeople were
the right mix of ingenious
and fodder. A+
Haiku Review: Platinum Blonde
been making the romantic
comedy for years.
Not a lot to say
'bout this lightly amusing
'31 talkie
Haiku Review: Idle Hands
in every single teen film
ever made, or what?
Still, zombie-Seth Green
helps make this brain dead mess a
little more pleasant
Haiku Review: The Howling
viewed the nostalgic eyes but
upon rewatch, meh.
It may very well
be the most boring werewolf
movie ever made.
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