Movies seen in 2023

 And the movies seen in the past year:

Movies seen in 2023

1. Threads - feel good movie of the year! Holy lord, people. Nuclear war SUUUUUUCKS. This British film from the 80s follows the lives (and for most of them, deaths) of several average citizens from Sheffield, England, before (and after) a nuclear exchange occurs nearby. If this movie has had ANY role to play in having made sure that we’ve managed to avoid nuclear confrontations so far, then it’s done its job.


2. Benedetta - super religious young woman joins a convent, possibly sees visions of Jesus, has a lesbian affair with another nun.


3. Adaptation. - clever.


4. Glass Onion - this was a lot of fun, just like the first Knives Out movie. Very funny, and I liked how it was like an onion itself, always peeling back another layer to the characters and their motivations.


5. American History X - hmmm. Performances all around were great, but the story itself has aged poorly, I think. Like, the views of racism were just sort of…simplistic? I’m not explaining myself very well. It felt very Oscar bait-y. Like it wanted to be a Serious Movie with Things To Say about racism, but mostly…didn’t.


6. Terrifier 2 - more slasher gore, more hints at lore. We sort of get an origin story for Art the Clown, but, not really. We know he’s got supernatural elements to him (we could sort of imply that from his difficult-to-kill aspects from part 1, but this movie definitely confirms it) and we know he can be defeated (sigh, temporarily, at least) with a magical sword. Aside from that, we get 2 hours and 20 minutes (!!!!) of slasher-flick shenanigans. It was fine for what it was, but, ay ay ay I am glad to have read that part 3 won’t be that long. (Although apparently because it’s going to have so much stuff in it, it’s probably going to be split into 3 and 4. SMH)


7. An American Werewolf in London - still one of the best werewolf transformation scenes in existence. Upon the rewatch, I was struck by how many of the deaths …aren’t really shown. I mean, sure, we see the aftermath (and I remember thinking originally and this time, that if  David had lived longer, he’d have a TON of ghosts bothering him. heh.) but most of the werewolf attacks are largely implied, rather than shown.


8. Bartleby - I could talk about this adaptation of the Herman Melville short story with Crispin Glover in the titular role…but I’d prefer not to. (It was actually decent. Nothing super great, but …decent. If you liked the short story (I did) then you’ll probably enjoy this. If you didn’t like the story, I can’t see this winning you over. If you haven’t read it…I don’t know *what* you’ll make of this, lol.)


9. ¡Three Amigos! - holds up pretty well! Not the laugh riot I remember experiencing when I watched it as a kid, but still pretty funny.


10. Halloween Ends - Well. It was better than Halloween Kills (which isn’t a hard bar to clear), but not by much. I felt like this movie had some okay concepts at its core, but that the execution wasn’t superb. Like, I get that it was trying to be a “serious” horror movie, and wanted to explore how trauma and evil affects the next generation, but it just didn’t work. Mostly because of how quickly the relationship between Michael Myers 2.0 (I forget his character’s name… Billy? No. It was Corey (i had to go look it up)) and Laurie’s granddaughter, Allison. It was FAR too rushed and unbelievable, and it felt like several pages of character/relationship development were missing. And Laurie herself felt wildly inconsistent. And, of course, the town. I think the town is probably far more fucked up than Michael ever was. Like… what the hell is going on in that town? But, whatev. It’s “over”, and we won’t have to see Michael Myers (or his protege) killing randos anymore. (Until like 6 years from now, when they reboot the franchise.)


11. Big Trouble in Little China - Egg Chen is the best. Wang is the best. Jack Burton is the best. I wish Gracie Law and Miao Yin had more to do than just be damsels in distress. Fun and weird 80s action flick.


12. Beneath the Planet of the Apes - I’d seen this before, of course, but it had been a while. It’s such a bonkers ending, I love it. (Also, kinda crazy that they made 3 more sequels after, you know, blowing up the planet.)


13. Blazing Saddles - ehhh. I didn’t find it offensive, I just didn’t find it FUNNY, either. There’s tons of jokes, but way too many of them just fell flat. The breaking of the fourth wall bit near the end was probably the most amusing part of the whole thing.


14. Don’t Worry Darling - I mean, 1950s suburbia is ALWAYS creepy and bizarre, so, you know if that’s the setting that things are amiss. And, yeah, there’s something going on with the Victory Project where all the husbands work while their wives stay home in the perfect 50s community. This wasn’t perfect, but it was entertaining enough. I did feel like the 3rd act kinda went off the rails somewhat.


15. Angel Heart - I’d seen this when I was much younger, and didn’t recall much about it. That’s because it’s largely pretty boring, and the “twists” are predictable as hell. Harry Angel is a private detective in 1955. He gets hired by Louis Cyphere (sigh) to track down a man named Johnny Favorite that may or may not be dead. Seems Favorite signed a contract with Lou and then tried to renege on it, which doesn’t sit well with him. So, Harry is paid to track him down, which leads him to a lot of various places, including the world of voodoo magic in New Orleans.


16. Blue Ruin - a revenge tale. Dwight’s parents were murdered years ago. After it happened, he abandoned his sister and became homeless. When Wade, the man who was arrested for the murders is set free, Dwight decides to exact revenge by killing him. (Dwight is not good at planning murders, though.) Wade’s death causes *his* family to want to get revenge on Dwight. Revenge is just an escalating never-ending cycle of pain.


17. The Bling Ring - tells the true story of a group of LA teens who, using the internet as their guide, commit the victimless crime of breaking and entering into several celebrities’ unlocked and largely unguarded mansions to steal 3 million dollars worth of clothing, jewelry, materials and money. Eventually, because all criminals are stupid and don’t know when to quit, their greed and longing to have social status (ie, their bragging about it to everyone along with posting on social media) catches up with them. They’re caught and do some time. In the end, none of them (save maybe Marc) seem to show any remorse or have learned any sort of lessons from the experience.


18. Next Exit - low budget sci-fi drama about the discovery that the afterlife does exist - or at least, that some people do stick around as ghosts. A research facility in California has evidence that some individuals can remain around after they’ve died in their physical bodies. Rose and Teddy are two 20-somethings who feel they’ve both got nothing left to lose, and volunteer to become part of the study. Road trip wherein life lessons are learned ensues. Neat enough premise, and the acting was decent, but around the halfway point I started feeling a little bored with it all. Might have made for a better novel than a film, honestly.


19. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - look, Marvel, not EVERY movie needs to be nearly three hours long, ya know? This was… a Marvel flick. I just found myself losing interest in the clash of overpowered civilizations. As its own thing it was… okay. As a follow up to Black Panther, it was woefully less impactful.


20. The Death of Dick Long - Zeke, Earl, and Dick are three redneck buddies in Alabama who spend their time playing classic rock in their band and smoking weed and drinking. One night the trio end up with Dick suffering severe injuries. Zeke and Earl drop him off at the hospital, but without his ID. Unfortunately, Dick dies, leaving Earl and Zeke attempting to cover things up from their families and the cops. Not a bad little flick. Had a few twists that were completely unexpected, and while this was a dark comedy, it also largely played things serious, which I appreciated. The relationships between Zeke and his wife and daughter were all very believable, even if some of the events weren’t, if that makes sense.


21. Black Dynamite - parody/loving homage to Blacksploitation films of the 70s. I’d seen this before, and found it hilarious. Rewatched it, and, not AS funny (which is why I rarely rewatch comedies) but still had some great moments, and was pretty solid overall. Can ya dig it?


22. M3gan - absolutely no surprises in this, but still very fun and enjoyable. Pretty much Child’s Play, just updated to be an AI female-presenting doll instead of a male toy with the soul of serial killer inside it. I wouldn’t really want this to become a franchise or anything, but it was fine for a one-shot deal.


23. Missing - a sequel(ish) of Searching which somehow came out 4 years ago? Anyway, same gimmick, different characters/story. This time it’s an 18 year old young woman named June who is looking for her missing mother after she goes on a vacation with a sketchy guy she’s been dating. The whole movie is told thru June’s screens. Just put your disbelief on hold and enjoy the ride, it’s an enjoyable enough trip, even if a few of the “twists” are pretty easy to figure out.


24. The Super Mario Bros. Movie - the critics seemed to HATE this, which is baffling to me. It was absolutely enjoyable enough, and I’d even say worth the money we paid to go see it in the theater. It’s an animated movie directed toward kids, based on the Super Mario games. Tons of easter eggs, tons of Mario themed music mixed into the soundtrack, a few decent jokes… what more do you want? I had some nitpicks - I don’t think that Donkey Kong should have been included in the movie at all, just because the Donkey Kong series is (mostly) a separate thing from the Mario games, and I felt like the inclusion of the 80s songs in the montages was…strange, somehow, but overall, this was just an enjoyable family film.


25. Scream VI - This was fine. Definitely helps to have seen the ‘22 Scream (or Scream 5, as it’s unofficially known), but ..yeah. Just a slasher flick that checked all the boxes it needed to. (Do stick around til the VERY end, though. 🙂)


26. Bee Movie - how unfunny can it be? All. All the unfunny.


27. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania - easily the worst ant-man movie so far. I mean, it was… okay. But the spark was gone. I know I’ve been saying something along the lines about each Marvel movie since after Endgame, but… yeah. I plan on watching Guardians 3, and then I’m just done with Marvel flicks for a bit.


28. El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie - Working on watching the entire Breaking Bad universe; just finished the main series, so had to rewatch Jesse’s coda. Next, onto Better Call Saul, which is all new to me.


29. Bound - Violet is the girlfriend of a mobster named Cesar. When the opportunity to steal 2 million dollars from the mob arises, she and Corky - a woman doing maintenance work in the next door apartment - compose a plan to steal it. I saw this awesome heist flick back in the 90s, and wanted to rewatch it after being reminded of it from the Chucky series (Jennifer Tilly is a treasure.) This holds up quite well.


30. 65 - Not good. Adam Driver is a pilot from an alien civilization. He’s flying a crew of cryogenically frozen people somewhere, when the ship gets knocked off course and ends up crashing on what turns out to be Earth - sixty five million years ago. Him and a young girl are the only survivors, they have to traverse the terrain, avoiding “dinosaurs” along the way, to get to a rescue ship. Decent enough concept; horrible execution. (There were two (unintentionally?) funny moments, though - when they rescued a baby dinosaur from a tar pit, and it then instantly gets killed by a group of other predators. And when the T-rex tried to eat Adam Driver’s holographic daughter.)


31. Boulevard - Kinda average drama about a 60 year old named Nolan (played by Robin Williams in his last performance) who is married, but is a closeted gay man. His father is in a nursing home and near death, which leads him to thinking about his life, and how he needs to stop lying to himself and his wife and friends. He picks up a prostitute, and their relationship becomes the driving force of him trying to balance his true self from the life that he’s built. It was okay, with pretty decent performances, but this wasn’t really anything amazing or that we haven’t really seen before.


32. Beau is Afraid - Ari Aster directed Hereditary (which was freaking awesome and mind-blowing) and Midsommer (which was pretty awesome and had some real WTF moments). And this. Which … just no. It didn’t work for me. Like at all. It was 3 hours long, and it was just pure …fever dream surreality. Which can work. For a bit. But it was TOO much of it, and not enough… I don’t know. Normalcy? To balance it out. I allowed the entire movie to play, but it wasn’t easy to get through. It was very similar to mother! In that it was (probably) a lot of metaphor or analogy or symbolism or whatever, and maybe I just wasn’t getting it… but this movie was just flat out a bad misstep, in my opinion. I have no doubt I’ll still check out Aster’s future works, because he’s clearly very talented, but I sincerely hope he’ll not continue in this vein.


33. Emma. - Steph seemed to enjoy this adaptation of the Jane Austen novel. I …tried to stay awake throughout but did nod off a couple times. Period pieces are just NOT my jam.


34. Bubba Ho-Tep - On paper, the idea of Bruce Campbell playing a decrepit old Elvis Presley and Ossie Davis as JFK (who was dyed to look like a Black man by Them) fighting an ancient evil mummy is something wacky enough that it should work. And maybe I’m just broken inside, but, this was boring AF and didn’t produce any joy for me.


35. The Super Mario Bros. Movie - rewatched this since it’s streaming now, and Irina hadn’t seen it in the theaters with us. Still cute, but I don’t know that I’ll ever need to watch this AGAIN.


36. Better Off Dead - speaking of rewatching things. “I want my two dollars!” is of course, the thing that EVERYONE remembers from this 80s comedy. Mostly this was not nearly as funny as I remember it (ah, to be young and easily amused again), but there were a few things that brought a smile to my face: The mom’s cooking, the students in the math class all being rapt with attention, and “Gee, Ricky, I’m sorry your mom blew up.”


37. Triangle - quite good! Probably best to go into this as blind as possible. Just know that it’s a bit of a mashup of horror, scifi, and thriller. It’s a little bit low-budget, and the acting (especially at first) was a little iffy (as are some of the effects) but this was one trippy movie that I really enjoyed. Quick overview, without spoiling anything - Jess is a mother of an autistic child. She gets invited to go on a yacht by a guy who is interested in her. Also on board are a handful of his friends. While out sailing, a storm approaches out of nowhere, leaving their boat capsized. A cruise ship soon arrives to help rescue them, but getting on that boat is NOT a good decision…


38. Renfield - Extremely bloody and also very funny horror comedy about Dracula’s familiar, Renfield, set in the modern day. Dracula is played by Nic Cage, who hams it up as you’d expect him to. After witnessing a cop (played by Awkwafina) stand up to a local drug/mob boss, Renfield decides he’s had enough of Drac’s humiliation and wants out of his toxic relationship. This was dumb, but entertainingly so.


39. Blood Punch - this was VERY difficult to get into, but if you stick with it for the first 45 minutes or so, it FINALLY kicks into gear and …while not exactly ENJOYABLE, it’s ..tolerable for the rest of the ride. It’s a low budget horror “comedy” (there were a couple of smile-inducing moments but nothing laugh out loud funny) about a trio of despicable characters caught in a time loop out in a isolated cabin in the woods. Lots of deaths, lots of swearing, lots of betrayal. I think there’s a true gem of a movie in this, but it’s buried pretty freaking deep to get to it.


40. The Blackening - horror comedy that was about a group of Black friends who go to a cabin in the woods only to be terrorized by a serial killer. Very meta and very funny. Even had a few moments of real dread! It was very much in the vein of Bodies Bodies Bodies in that it was a group of Gen Zers dealing with a killer, but I liked (most of) the characters more in this, and I think the jokes were better. Overall, a pretty good flick.


41. City Lights - A silent movie starring Charlie Chaplin. This was great! I laughed a few times, and I was entertained throughout. I didn’t cry at the end, but I got awfully close. So glad that I checked this out. Chaplin stars as a tramp who falls in love with a blind flower girl, and befriends a drunk, eccentric millionaire. Hijinks ensue. 🙂


42. Clash of the Titans - cheesy stop motion goodness! I’d seen this dozens of times as a kid, of course, but decided it was time for a rewatch. Holds up surprisingly well. I mean, it is, as I said, cheesy as hell, but it was never down-right AWFUL. (The Bebo Owl character was far more eye-roll-y than when I was a kid, though. Heh. Can’t stop the progression of Cranky Old Man.)


43. Clash of the Titans - decided to check out the 2010 remake. I went in with super low expectations, and as a result, enjoyed it slightly more than I thought I would! It had that 2010 feel and look to it (hard to explain, but if you know it, you know it) but for what it was, it wasn’t all bad. I think getting Liam Nesson to play Zeus helped elevate this a bit. And the CGI while suffering from the ‘video game’ syndrome that so many action movies suffer from, was actually pretty decent, and the action sequences were mostly interesting enough to keep me paying attention throughout.


44. Five Nights at Freddy’s - movie adaptation of the popular video game series. I’ve never played the games, but Silas, of course, has, and he enjoyed this quite a bit. Being only moderately familiar with the source material, I found it… okay? It wasn’t scary as a horror movie, and it felt like a lot of the “character development” bits were …generic and kinda dull, but I’ve ABSOLUTELY seen worse movies. Would I recommend this? Eh… not really unless you’re a FNAF fan - in which case you were probably going to see it already.


45. Contact - rewatch. It’s maybe a little long, and bits of it haven’t aged super well, but a lot of this holds up quite well. The first Machine launch was intense, and Ellie’s journey - all of it - is just a great climax to this movie.


46. Cobweb - Peter is a young boy with parents who seem loving, but… appearances can be deceiving. (The first clue should have been that his father is freaking Homelander, lol. - actually, Antony Starr is a great actor who has a lot of charisma, although playing ANOTHER psychopath hiding behind a veneer of niceness may lead him to being typecast) Anyway, Peter’s parents are EXTERMELY abusive and cruel - I know “trigger warnings” are sometimes thrown around as punchlines nowadays, but, eesh. If you have any sort of past trauma with regard to child abuse, just be careful with this one. The crazy thing about this movie is that there’s layers of evil. There’s the bullies at Peter’s school, and there’s his parents, and there’s …something else in the house. This movie was by no means a GREAT one, but it DID keep me enthralled and tense for 90 minutes, so job well done in that regard.


47. Shazam: Fury of the Gods - Well, this was a sequel. There were some entertaining nuggets through it, but not really enough to make it an *enjoyable* movie. (And it seriously didn’t need to be as long as it was. Good lord.)


48. Con Air  - It's a  90s Nic Cage action comedy. You're either on board with that sort of thing or you're not.


49. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York - “Down the hall and to the left.”


50. Dead Alive - Bloody hell! (heh.) This is a bonkers zombie movie that leans HEAVY on the gore. I suspect that wahtever this film’s budge was, 90% of it went to fake blood and makeup. None of it is really *funny*, but there were moments that were slightly amusing. (The baby in the park scene was mostly pretty predictable/eye rolly, but did make me chuckle nonetheless).


51. The Muppets Christmas Carol - I fell asleep during this, because I’m old and tired. But the parts that I was awake for were enjoyable, of course.


52. John Wick Chapter 4 - I’d honestly be REALLY happy with this ending the series. The law of diminishing returns is hitting hard, yo, and it would be nice to just put a bow on it and call it a day.


53. Dark Places - despite some decent acting from Christina Hendricks, Charlize Theron, and Chloe Grace Moretz, this was a very average and forgettable thriller about a young girl whose mom and two sisters were murdered back in the 80s. Her older brother took the blame, and 25 years later, she begins to realize there may have been more to that night than she knew. It’s based on a book by Gillian Flynn, so it’s probably a better read than a movie. I mean, it wasn’t BAD, just nothing that made it stand out.


54. Dead End - Ray Wise is the only good thing in this low budget horror movie about an obnoxious family on the way to Christmas dinner who take a short cut into a supernaturally weird section of woods. And even he isn’t really enough to make it worth the time. Not recommended.


55. The Flash - not sure if I should actually count this, as I fell asleep during large sections of it, but whatever. The cameos would have probably made me like this more, if I hadn’t been spoiled for them. I think this truly and finally and once and for all has put a nail in the coffin of superhero movies for me. I just don’t care about them anymore. Or, rather, I’m not able to get enjoyment from them anymore. It’s going to have to be something TRULY unique to get me to pay attention to any hero movies moving forward.


56. Plane - more like Plain, amiright?

57. The Day After - essentially, this was the American-remake of Threads. This movie follows average citizens in and around Kansas City after a nuclear exchange between the US and Russia results in several bombs being detonated. This one had Jason Robards, Steve Guttenberg, and John Lithgow in it! But, pretty much the same beats as Threads had - bombs go off, people who die instantly are the lucky ones. The survivors have to deal with a shit-sack world of radiation poisoning, starvation, violence and disease. Good times!!