Haiku Review: Lost - The End

"It only ends once."
Well, actually, we got two
endings, didn't we?

This is what took place
in Sideways World: Each of the
characters "wakes up".

This "waking up: means
remembering their Island
life (and sometimes death).

As each character
has their epiphany, lots
of great music plays.

Most of these wake ups
happen thanks to loved ones from
their days on the Isle.

I guess in The End
the love you make is equal
to the love you wake.

I wanted to hear
"You All Everybody" at
the Drive Shaft concert.

I like to pretend
it was played during the Church
scene at the end, though.

But I'm not quite there.
Let's go to the Island and
see what happened there.

Desmond was rescued
by Rose, Bernard and Vincent.
(Yay, Vincent!! Good dog!!)

Only to be caught
by Smocke moments later. Then
Jack & co. show up.

Jack's all, "Let me take
you to the Light. The thing
I'm meant to protect."

Once there, Jack & Smocke
lower Des into the Light.
Des removes a cork.

Really. There's a stone
cork plugging up a hole. Des
pulls it out. Earthquake!!

The Island begins
to sink. Jack and Smocke battle.
Smocke is mortal now.

Smocke starts to cut Jack's
neck (I knew it!), but then Kate
shoots Smocke in the chest.

Jack kicks Smocke off a
cliff, and he falls to his death.
Well, that was simple.

But, even with Smocke
dead, the Isle is still sinking.
Must put back the cork.

Jack says he'll do it.
Hurley says it's suicide.
Kate and Sawyer leave.

They're on their way to
Hydra, where Frank and Richard
are alive and well.

Miles is with them, too,
and they're repairing the plane
with duct tape. Hee hee!

Jack needs to put the
cork back in. Since that will kill
him, he transfers the...

...title of "Island
Protector" to Hurley. First
smart thing Jack's done.

Jack gets lowered down
by Hurley and Ben. He puts
the giant cork back.

He has Hurley pull
Desmond back up. And that's it
for Des, Island-wise.

We don't see him get
reunited with Penny,
or his son, Charlie.

But, he does see them
in another life, brotha.
So...hooray for death?

And, it's implied that
Hurley, as the new Jacob,
helps Desmond get home.

Hurley asks Ben to
be the new Richard Alpert.
Aww. Hurley's so sweet.

Kate and Sawyer find
Claire, say, "Come with us." Claire says,
"No." Then says, "OK."

Kate, Claire, Frank, Richard,
Sawyer, and Miles are the new
Oceanic Six.

I guess technically
they're the Ajira Six. Point
is, they're who escape.

(Until 3 years pass
and Richard yells, "We have to
go back, Kate!!!" Ha ha)

Time to revisit
Sideways World one last time. We're
nearing the Ending(s).

The concert is done
and (You All) Everybody
is now at the Church.

Except Jack. He meets
up with Kate, who mentions how
long she has missed him.

Then she says she'll see
him at the Church for the Lost
cast wrap-up party.

Ben is outside the
Church. Hurley invites him in,
but Ben says, "No thanks."

Hurley tells Ben he
was a great number 2, and
Ben tells Hurley he...

...was a great number
one. I think they're talking 'bout
the "fan favorite" poll.

Jack enters the Church,
goes to his dad's coffin. He
opens it. ...empty!!

Christian's body is
always getting LOST, isn't
it? Oh, wait. He's here.

Standing behind his
son, Christian explains Sideways
World to Jack (and us).

All the people in
this world are dead. Some, like Boone,
from before Jack died.

Others, like Hurley,
died "much, much later". But, they're
all dead. ('cept David)

[I haven't figured
out David. Why would Jack and
Juliet make him?]

This world was a place
created by the Losties
for them to meet up...

...before they "move on".
Then (You All) Everybody
hugs and smiles and cries.

Christian opens the
Church doors, and there's a Light. (Same
Light from the Island?)

That's it for Sideways.
All Losties go to Heaven.
(Except those who don't)

But it's not The End.
Lost truly ends with Jack, now
almost at life's end.

He stumbles to the
spot he first woke up on the
Island, and lies down.

Vincent trods over
and kisses Jack's face, lies down
next to him (Good dog!!)

Jack watches as the
Ajira plane flies over.
At peace, Jack smiles, dies.

Lost concludes with a
close up of an eye shutting.
Hey! It's Matthew Fox!


So, there we have it. No more Lost. No more Lost haiku.
I was pretty disappointed with the finale, and I was going to rant at length about it here, but almost don't want to. I'm irritated that I've given it so much thought, even 5 days later. I want to "let go" of Lost myself. Maybe I do need to rant, just to be able to do so.
Lost was never a perfect program, during my rewatch of the first 4 seasons between season 5 & 6, I noticed a LOT of problems with it. But it was entertaining - wildly so in many instances, and for a very long time, I considered it my all time favorite show EVER. (Yes, even beating out Buffy and Angel. Because *those* programs have some pretty bad flaws too)
But the finale... and this final season...*sigh*
I wasn't expecting answers for everything. And it's not like I want the answers to be spoon-fed to me, but to have SO MANY THINGS just completely dropped altogether is a complete slap in the face.
Another haiku:

Dear Cuse and Lindelof,
Please look into this thing called
Chekov's gun. Thanks, P@.


Seriously. So many things were just red herrings. Volcanos, Walt's specialness, the Egyptian hieroglyphs, the Dharma food drops, the interconnections of the Losties before they boarded the plane... I'm sure many of you have already seen this, but here's a pretty funny list of "unanswered questions" from Lost.

The David abandonment was bothersome. Jack (and Juliet) create a fictional child to help themselves get over their own issues, and then, once they realize they're dead, and the kid doesn't exist, just go, "Oh, okay. On to heaven it is, then!"
And, of course, Sawyer doesn't get to bring his daughter to heaven.
And Aaron is there...but as a baby.
And Ji Yeon isn't there at all.
I think the writers might have issues.

Some of the other things I've seen around about how the finale could've been improved have been interesting. I liked the idea of having "Christian" actually be the Smoke Monster, and Sideways World was a trap he made to lead all the Losties into the Light. The final shot would have been of 20-some-odd Smoke Monsters destroying the world.

Another thing that's irritating about the finale is that despite the creators talking about how Lost was "about the characters, not the mysteries" is...no. They didn't wrap up any of the character's arcs except Jack. We don't know what happened with Richard, Kate, Sawyer, etc. Or Hurley and Ben (although apparently there's going to be "missing footage" on the DVD set of exactly that).
Or the Island itself. The Island was a charcter too, ya know. And, in fact, I'd say it was the one that people wanted to know the most about.
By leaving all these things unanswered, they have absolutely a) pissed off a LOT of people
and b) ensured that fanfic and sequels and comics and books and movies and spinoffs are absolutely going to happen. I hope they're happy, but I highly doubt I'll invest in any of them. I want to put the Lost universe behind me. (Wish me luck. I somehow doubt the Island is done with me.)

The best part about
Lost ending is I can stop
watching ABC.

Ha! I kill me!

Alf should be remade/rebooted/reimagined whatever it is they're calling it where they go back and mine a story for nostalgic reasons.

But they should totally go darker.

Other shows that should also get this treatment:

Bosom Buddies (that one doesn't have to be dark, and would probably work best as a comedy movie, ala The Brady Bunch)

Mr. Belvedere (again, big screen adaptation)

The Greatest American Hero (although I suspect that one is already on the air, and is currently going under the name of Chuck)

V. Oh. Wait. No, that one wouldn't work.

I'd like to see a Quantum Leap show that focused more on the time-travel wonkiness and how things were fixed. Like Timecop, but...not sucky like Timecop.

Or, Hollywood could come up with something original for a change. I mean, otherwise what are people going to remake 20 years from now?

Evil snake is watching you

Time, let me waste it

So, two things here.

1) Lost ended, and was ...polarizing, might be the most apt description. I was pretty disappointed, as was Stephanie, and a whole lot of other people on the internet were as well. But, it seems, just as many people seemed to either love it or at least, find it acceptable. And there were moments that I truly enjoyed.
But after it ended, I actually felt trepidation about writing up my haiku review. I still will, and hopefully in the few days that it takes before I get it written/posted, my thoughts will have coalesced a bit more and I can express in it what I both liked and what I did not. All in 17 syllabic chunks.

2) Over the weekend (on Saturday, actually), the station was broken into by some vandals. They stole all the computers downstairs, and dumped a whole bunch of filing cabinets with a BUNCH of papers all over the place.
(Un)fortunately, my computer is upstairs, which was completely left untouched, and so I am still able to work. It was the sales department (and receptionist) that was mostly affected by this. Of course, the repercussions will be long lasting, and I have a feeling things are going to feel...weird at work for a while.

2a) Today was my 15 year anniversary with the station.
... Fifteen years is a god damn long time.

1 light, 1 dark

I'm such a dork

2 Lockes

Silas and I wearing our Locke-shirts

LOST Day!!

To celebrate, the following things have happened:

Silas & I both wore Locke shirts (his is orange, which isn't canon, but he looks cute in it anyway, so a lot is forgiven).

I reread several of my haiku reviews. (God, some of the stuff I've written is hilariously awesome. For example, the fact that Boone [the world's worst lifeguard] performed CPR on his sister...with his tongue. Heh.)

John Locke showed up in the Wii Play game where you have to "find 3 look alikes"! Even the Wii wants to celebrate!

It rained, and hailed, too! Wacky weather that changes on a dime is sooo like the Island's weather!

Saren, Irina, and I started to play Lost: The Game. ...only to stop at a pretty early juncture. (Consider it in honor of the millions of people who started watching Lost, then quit at some point) Now we'll never know if Claire died at her tent or not.

I had Steph take a photo of me with one dark eye and one light eye, just like in Claire's dream. (I might upload it in a little while. We'll see. For now, it's time to start the Lost-a-palooza!! The 2 hour recap, and then 2.5 hour finale. The final haiku will be posted ...sometime this week, after my mind has been reassembled, I guess.

True Fact!

No turtle will ever use a chair.

Rats and Lost and whatnot

It's late, and I very nearly forgot to blog today. So, briefly:

Saren bought a second rat today (it's name is Milky Way), the end of Lost is tomorrow, and ...um. Basically that's it.
Note to self: Plan ahead better for blog entries.

Haiku Review: Lost - What They Died For

Penultimate Lost!!
How on earth will we survive
once this is over?

In Sideways world, Jack
wakes up with a bleeding neck.
Sign of things to come?

Jack has breakfast with
his son, David, who reminds
him 'bout the concert.

David's mom will be
there. It's obvious that she
is Juliet, but...

...since that's so easy
to see and not a twist, I
hope it's someone else.

Desmond prank calls Jack,
says they found his dad's body.
That's just cruel, brotha.

Next, Des drives to Locke's
school, where he plans to run down
Locke once again. Ha!

Ben stops Desmond, who
claims he ran Locke over to
help him let go. Hmmm.

He then proceeds to
beat the crap out of Ben, which
makes Ben remember.

When Ben tells Locke what
Des said about letting go,
Locke's all, "Jack said that!!"

Ben has dinner with
Alex and her mom, Danielle,
and it goes quite well.

Locke returns to Jack:
"I believe in destiny.
Or maybe it's Fate."

Jack says my line: "Don't
underestimate the strength
of coincidence."

Acutally, he says
Eko's line: "Don't mistake fate
for coincidence."

Scratch that. Reverse it.
"Don't mistake coincidence
for fate." There we go.

Either way, Locke says
he's ready to get out of
his wheelchair. Awesome.

Meanwhile, Desmond has
turned himself in to the cops.
Hi, Kate! Hi, Sayid!

With help from Hurley
and Ana-Lucia, Des
gets them out of jail.

Sayid and Hurley
leave together, while Des tells
Kate "it's concert time."

Ben, Miles and Richard
finally get to Ben's old house.
(What took them so long?)

Widmore and Zoe
are already there. Widmore
says Jacob sent him.

Well, that explains how
Widmore got back after he
was banished (if true).

Here comes Smocke! Miles says,
"I've seen what this guy can do."
Decides to run, hide.

Richard says, "I'll talk
to him." Which ...doesn't end well
for our poor Spaniard.

Ben hides Widmore in
his closet, instantly tells
Smocke where he's at. Ha!!

Smocke cuts Zoe's throat.
So, add that one to the list.
Widmore starts to talk...

...but then Ben shoots him.
So long, Widmore. (Be sure to
tell Miles your secrets.)

Let's check in on the
Final Four (Kate, Hurley, Jack
and Sawyer), shall we?

Jack has to sew up
Kate's wound. It's like the reverse
of the pilot ep!

While getting sewn up,
Kate mourns for Ji Yeon, since her
parents forgot her.

She tells Jack, "We have
to kill Locke." (She means Smocke. Locke's
dead, remember Kate?)

Anyway. They head
off to find Des in the well
since Sayid said to.

Hurley gets stopped by
young Jacob. Or maybe it's
young Jacob's ghost. Um.

This kinda bugged me.
We've seen Jacob as a ghost.
His ghost is grown up.

So where'd young Jacob
come from? How can he be both
a kid and adult?

Plus, it's not like he
died when he was a child. So,
really, what the hell?

Well, whatever. Young
Jacob grabs his ashes from
Hurley, runs away.

Hurley finds Jacob
(in adult form) waiting for
him. "Let's have a talk."

The Final Four are
gathered around a campfire.
Jacob clues them in.

"Listen. One of ya'll
have to take over my job.
'Cuz I'm, you know, dead."

To no one's surprise,
Jack volunteers. He follows
Jacob to the Light.

(Which, it turns out, is
right next to where Jack woke up
back in the pilot.)

Jack drinks some magic
water, now they're the same. So...
call him Jackob now?

Smocke, meanwhile, has found
that Des is not in the well.
He tells Ben that he...

...is gonna destroy
the Island. Yeah. Right. There's just
one episode left.

The End is nearly
upon us. Last chance to share
your theories, questions.

Duh-pfront

Yay, May.

That's the time of the year when the networks (and the CW [ha!!]) have their upfront presentations.

The little Netlet that could had it's today, and it's tradition for me to talk about it, so here we go.

The musical guest for this year's presentation was Katie Perry, the woman that sings that horrid "I Kissed a Girl" diddy. She performed two songs, neither of which I had ever heard, and probably would not recognize if I heard them again now. The 2nd one, we were told, is going to be the theme for the CW Summer advertising campaign, so, um, I'm sure I will hear it again.

WHile my respect for Katie Perry is more or less nonexistent, I did get a chuckle out of her attempt to get a rise from the crowd. During the first performance, she said, "Is it too early for you to stand up have some fucking fun?" Hee. I do love it when the f bombs get thrown around. (Sadly, there were no crowd reactions from her rhetorical question, but I'm sure that there was some bigwig somewhere who was rather unhappy about it.)

Anyway. After she finished doing her songs, she introduced the executive vice president of network advertising sales, Rob Tuck. He's the type of individual who simply can not display human emotion without sounding like he's being paid to do it. You know what I mean. He tried to make jokes (dude. Don't quit your day job) and light banter about Katie Perry, but it just wasn't working. So, he handed the presentation off to Dawn Ostroff, the president of entertainment for the CW, who was welcomed with a stunning lack of applause.

Dawn talked about how the CW is fantasticly in touch with the youth of today, what with being online and twitter friendly and app this and facebook that, and several times the phrase "Generation D" was used.

Sigh.

The "D" stands, of course, for "Digital", and ...I just can't muster up enough emotion to be angry about this. It's irritating and stupid and gross and just ...gaaaah. No wonder young people hate us.

If I were feeling more witty, I'd make some jokes about degeneration (get it? D-generation?) or how it's Generation Duh, but they were made during the upfront (by us watching it) so they just feel tired and pointless now.

Anyway.

Only 2 new programs premiering this fall: Hellcats, a drama about cheerleading at a college that loves football. Basically Bring It On: The Series. I'll pass. It does have Sharpay from the High School Musical movies in it. So, good for her for finding work, I guess. Also, the executive producer is Tom Welling (Clark Kent from Smallville). Which is just...kinda weird, actually.

The other new show is Nikita, a remaking of the La Femme Nikita series from back in the 90s. Basically, Nikita is an ex-CIA assassin who goes rogue after developing a conscious regarding who she's killing. And so she's being hunted, while also wanting to take down the people who trained her. It could be semi-entertaining in a mindless popcorn type of way. Of course, it's on Thursday nights, so expect it to be slaughtered in the numbers.

There are 2 new reality shows for later in the year, both sound horrid. Plain Jane - a makeover reality show for the summer, where a "life coach" takes young women who have crushes, gives them makeovers, then lets them go on dates with their would be suitors. Blah. Looks like a rejected show from TLC or something.

And "Shedding for the Wedding", basically Biggest Loser for folks planning on getting married soon. Bor-ing!!

So that was basically it. The new lineup, for what it's worth:

Monday
8p- 90210
9p - Gossip Girl
Tuesday
8p - One Tree Hill (still??? Seriously. This was supposed to be the last season!!)
9p - Life Unexpected
Wednesday
8p - America's Next Top Model
9p - Hellcats
Thursday
8p - Vampire Diaries
9p - Nikita
Friday
8p - Smallville
9p - Supernatural

$

i wantz it.

A compilation of every death on Lost, through Across the Sea. Man, that show has a body count, doesn't it? I wonder how much higher it'll get in the remaining 3.5 hours.

Silas bday part 4

Yummy cake

Silas bday part 3

Cake!!

Silas's bday part 2

Playing with new toys

Silas's birthday part 1

Opening presents

Sleepin' dude

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzxzzzzzzzzaxza ZSAzaQ

Title is from Silas smashing his fingers on the keyboard.

...and that's gonnna have to do it for this entry, since he's REALLY unhappy right now, and I'm not sure if I'm going to get anotehr chance to blog today.

Haiku Review: Lost - Across the Sea

Since Lost is wrapping
up, and there are lots of loose
threads, let's flash way back.

Pregnant woman winds
up stranded on the Island.
Whoa. Déjà vu, dude.

An unnamed woman
finds and takes in the pregnant
woman, Claudia.

Hmm. I think unnamed
woman needs a name. I think
Crazy Pants works well.

Some other names we
might consider: Smoke Momster,
or how about Eve?

Well, whatever we
call her, she ends up summing
up Lost perfectly:

"Every question I
answer will simply lead to
another question."

Claudia gives birth
to a boy named Jacob. As
well as his brother.

And then Crazy Pants
smashes Claudia's head in
with a rock. Brutal!

Since Jacob's brother
is never directly named,
we had to come up...

...with possible names:
Milo, José, Boy in Black.
Or how about Adam?

Years pass. Crazy Pants
raises Jacob and Milo,
fills their heads with lies.

Lies such as: there is
nothing except the Island,
men are dangerous.

...Okay, that's more a
generalization than an
outright lie, but still.

Crazy Pants shows the
boys a magic cave of light.
She says, "Protect it."

Claudia's ghost tells
Milo the truth about all
of Crazy Pants lies.

Well, screw that, he says,
and leaves to join Claudia's
clan. Jacob stays back.

30 years later,
Milo is still trying to
get off the Island.

He discovered the
electromagnetic spots,
built the donkey wheel.

Crazy Pants is not
happy to learn about this.
Says, "No way, José."

She knocks him out, then
fills in the well, and slaughters
...well, ...everybody.

(This has led to the
specualtion that she might
be a smoke monster)

Then she takes Jacob
back to the magic light cave,
has him drink some wine.

This makes them "the same",
meaning he knows everything
and we still don't, right?

Milo comes to, finds
his people slaughtered, then goes
and stabs Crazy Pants.

Jacob gets pissed off,
throws Milo into the light.
Smokey emerges.

Jacob takes Milo's
corpse, along with Smoke Momster's,
puts them in the caves.

Where Jack, Kate and Locke
(remember them?) will find them
centuries later.

Lots of questions were
raised by this ep (see comments)
but remember...

Every question I
answer will simply lead to
another question.

Russell, self-proclaimed best Survivor ever

And let's not get started on that Nantucket fellow

At first I wanted to pout,
"What on earth should I blog about?"
Then I learned that 12 May
is Limerick Day.
And that removed all my doubt.

If I were feeling a bit more creative,
another limerick I would give.
I wrote out this one,
but it wasn't much fun,
perhaps I should be less dismissive?

Here we gooo

Silas loves to play Super Mario

Basketball diaries

Yesterday I went out to get pizza for dinner, and realized halfway there that I had forgotten both my wallet and my debit card.

Seeing as how we live about a thousand miles away from everything, having to turn around and go back home was slightly irritating.

And Steph will attest that when I get irritated, other drivers and distractions on the road are that much more vexing to me.

So, when I got near home, and was blocked by a group of children playing basketball in the road*, I was not exactly focusing on much other than my mounting rage.

*Seriously. These kids have an outdoor basketball hoop that they have set up right on the corner of our main road. One of these days someone is going to come around that corner a little too fast and there is going to be a pretty ugly situation as a result.

Anyway. I began driving past the kids, when I heard something "pop" in the direction of the right rear tire, as though I had run over a bottle or a child. I semi-slowed down, and glancing back in the mirror, could see the children sorta staring at me. I thought that they were probably worried that I was going to stop the car and get out and yell at them. Instead, I continued down the street until I got to our driveway. I got out of the van and looked the van over - no visible damage. Good.

I began walking into the house, when one of the kids yelled something to me. I stopped and faced him and he must have known that I hadn't heard him originally because he reyelled it: "You just flattened our basketball!"

It took my brain a second to comprehend, and perhaps he saw that moment of confusion on my face because he added, "With your tire! You ran over our ball!"

I (finally) put two and two together and said simply, "Sorry!" (although, really, I wasn't. And I'm certain that my voice conveyed that.) I then turned and went into the house to get my wallet.

As I recapped the events for Steph, between curses, she (or maybe one of the girls) said, "There's a basketball in the neighbor's garbage."

I was all, "What in the who now?"

And so I learned that our neighbor across the street, who had put out her garbage to the curb early, had thrown away a perfectly good basketball.

Well, I don't always understand the messages that the universe gives me, but that one was so clear that even I couldn't misread it.

Me, Saren, and Irina all walked out, grabbed the basketball from the trash (really, there was nothing wrong with it, why was it being thrown out?), and walked down the street to where the children were still congregated (they had obtained another ball, and were playing with that one). I gave them the ball to replace the one that I had run over, and, feeling that the karmic scales were balanced, we began to walk home.

...And then we found another basketball, lodged underneath one of the cars parked on the side of the street.

Irina was very excited about that, so she picked it up and asked if we could keep it. I was assuming that it had also been thrown away, and had rolled out of the garbage collection (that particular neighbor's trash was just up the street, so it is plausible that it came from there.) So, I said, "Sure."

And with that, we got ourselves a free basketball.

As we returned to the house, we all pondered over the events, and what, exactly, it meant. We had done a good deed, after having wronged some people, and were instantly rewarded, but then, the ball we took could very well have been the one that I had hit with the car to begin with. And not only that, but the kids REALLY shouldn't have been out in the road where their toys (and bodies) could easily be damaged by passing vehicles. And none of the events would have gone down if I had just remembered my wallet when I first left.

And that's when I realized that there was no moral to this story, it was just a bunch of things that happened.

Chester

Castle building

Haiku Review: Lost - The Candidate

John Locke proclaims that
he won't walk 500 miles,
much to Jack's chagrin.

Jack: "I can fix you."
Locke: "But then we'd get married.
So, thanks, but no thanks."

Mr. Fix-It's all,
"Don't tell me what I can't do!"
and invades Locke's life.

Jack asks Locke's dentist
(who happens to be Bernard)
for info on Locke.

Does doctor-patient
confidentiality
mean anything, guys?

Well, whatever. Jack
visits Locke's dad, Anthony.
And he's brain dead. Ha!!

Karma's a bitch, ain't
it, Mr. Cooper? (I'll take
'drooling' as a yes.)

Turns out Locke and his
pop were in a plane crash three
years prior, which caused...

...Locke's paralysis,
his dad's vegetative state.
So Locke feels guilty.

Claire shows up. She and
Jack ponder the music box
Christian willed to her.

Jack: "Stay with me, Claire."
Since they're practically strangers,
Claire would have said yes.

But then Jack reminds
her that they're related, so
Claire might say no. Heh.

Widmore has Hurley,
James, Jin and Sun, Kate and Frank
locked in a bear cage.

Then Widmore's lackeys
die due to second hand smoke.
Jack unlocks the cage.

They make their way to
the Ajira plane. The plan
is to fly away.

Smocke got to the plane
first. He killed two more Widmore
guards, then went on board.

Inside, the plane was
rigged with C-4 explosives.
This show loves C-4.

Smocke shows the bomb to
the group, says, "we'll need to take
Widmore's sub instead."

Sawyer informs Jack
he doesn't trust Smocke, so don't
let him on the sub.

Once there, there is yet
another shoot out, and Kate
winds up getting shot.

Smocke: "I've secretly
replaced Jack's regular pack
with one with C-4!"

The sub dives away,
leaving Claire behind. AGAIN!
Girl can't catch a break!

But Smocke tells her, "You
don't want to be on that sub.
It's much too sad there."

And he's right. But I'm
getting ahead of myself.
First, they find the bomb.

Jack says, "I've played this
game before! Don't worry, we
can't blow up. We're safe!"

Sawyer ain't buying
it, though. He pulls some wires and..
the timer speeds up!

Sayid: "Jack, save Des."
Then, he takes the bomb, goes boom.
There is no Sayid.

The sub starts to flood.
Sawyer gets knocked out. Frank gets
killed. (maybe he lived?)

Sun gets trapped by some
debris. Jin says he won't leave.
The room is flooding.

Hurley rescues Kate.
Jack escapes with Sawyer. Sun
and Jin stay behind.

Rest In Peace Sayid,
Jin, Sun, maybe Frank, and lots
of Widmore's lackeys.

Sadly, I expect
more blood to be spilled in the
last few episodes.

Irina

U win a hobo smile

Umm.... yay?

Doctors, monkeys, and werewolves.

I could probably do a full month's worth of these, but for now, just three short ones. (because that's all I can remember/think of right now)

When it comes to songs, I'm full of ...idiosyncrasies (or maybe audiosyncrasies. Heh.).
What I mean by that is that I will continue to sing things as I originally heard them, even if the lyrics are incorrect. Or, as is the case with the last two examples I'll give in a moment, I know the correct words, but have changed them to be more jokey/weird, and even though I don't *hear* them that way, I always change it.

Hopefully when I get to the examples, it'll make more sense.

The first is (most likely) a mondegreen, and I really have no idea what's truly being said. I could google up the lyrics, of course, but I almost prefer not to really know.
It's from Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust", and the lyric is at the 2:04 mark. I swear that Freddie Mercury is saying either, "I'm a doctor!" or "I'm adopted!" Neither really makes a lot of sense, but that's how I've sung it for years.

The next is from the Beatles, and it's from "Get Back". (I may have mentioned this one in my blog before. But since I can't freaking search...[/irritated])
The beginning line is, "Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner", but I ALWAYS sing it as, "Jojo was a man who thought he was a monkey."
Yeah, I know. "loner" sounds NOTHING like "monkey", but, dude. All songs are better when you add monkeys.

And lastly, is "Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morissette. At the end, when she sings, "I am aware now. I am aware now." [2:58 - 3:04] I simply can not resist changing it to the hysterical, "I am a were-wolf. I am a were-wolf."

Good times. If I remember any others (and there are plenty of them), I'll make sure I update ya'll. And if you have any of your own you want to share, the comment box is open.

So, as Steph mentioned, yesterday we went to PetSmart, and Saren bought a female Fancy Rat, along with the bedding and some rat food, all using her own money.

Saren named the rat Skittles due to it's skittish nature, and also, I'm assuming, because inside the rodent were fruit-flavored sweet candies. Okay, not really. (But, man, if Science ever creates rats that poop skittles...)

Anyway. The new pet is quite cute, and Saren's pretty excited about the new addition to our household. She's wanted to have a rat for a long time, so it's nice for her to have accomplished that goal. I'm proud of her, and happy for her as well.

There is a cell-phone picture of Skittles down a few scrolls of the mouse (ha!!), or if you look at Steph's blog, you'll see much better resolution photos there.

The other pic I blogged was of Silas playing peek-a-boo with me behind the curtain. So, in that picture I can't see his face. Or his pants. (cuz they're camouflage.) He's a very well hidden little boy.

Where's Silas?

Saren's rat, Skittles

Mr. Mischief

New Rat cage!!

Rats not included

Every day in May

So the plan is to blog every day this month. The original plan was to write a story, in installments, like I did last May (remember that? I think it turned out well), and I still may (ha), but I will definitely be blogging each day. And a large majority of them might be photos. Because they're easier than writing words.

In fact, the next post (or, um, the one that you read before this one, if you got here after it has been posted [time is meaningless!]), is a photo. It's of Saren, cleaning her new rat cage. Yep. She's going to be picking up some rodents here in a few days. Perhaps as soon as tomorrow. I think she should name one of them Jen. [/only funny if you remember my unfinished Perth story. ...and even then, not really that funny]

So, yeah. At least one blog post a day for the next 31 days. We'll see how that plays out.

April 2010 word cloud

Here's the word cloud for the past month. Can't believe how quick this year is going by.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Last Recruit

Linear story
telling is so passé. Let's
bounce around, shall we?

Poor Miss Littleton.
Always being abandoned.
Until Kate arrives.

She's talked her out of
being crazy. At least, it
seems that way for now.

Well, well, well. It looks
as though Des survived his fall.
Now... did Sayid shoot?

Jack is on a boat
Until Sawyer kicks him off,
so he swims ashore.

(By the way, what's in
the back pack that Jack has on?
Bet it's a plot twist!)

Smocke meets Jack on shore.
Widmore tries to blow them up.
Smocke: "You're with me now."

Over on Hydra,
Jin & Sun - reunited
and it feels so good!

Although the pylons
had me worried they'd get fried.
(Joss would've done it.)

Meanwhile, in LA,
Kate and Sayid are both caught
by cops Ford & Straume

Claire, through Desmond, meets
Ilana, who has Christian's
will to read to her.

Jack gets called in to
do surgery on John Locke.
"Hey! I know this guy!"

Search fail, story sad, and tyctwd

What the hell, blogger? I can't search my own blog?
I mean, I can, it just doesn't work properly.
I haven't checked to see if this is a widespread problem, or if it's just me, but either way it's irritating. What good is a record of musings past if it's not easily accessible? [sigh]

So, in the story writing development news, I've come up with an(other) epic idea! And several characters-in-forming. Still no clear ending (not surprised, are ya?), but I know it will come to me. I'd talk about it more, but honestly, I don't want to jinx myself. I'm a little worried about just mentioning it. [/paranoid...but with good reason] The good news is - idea! I've missed having those!
[edit section!]
Heh. I totally forgot to talk more about this story idea. (This section was called "story sad" for a reason.) The story...it's going to be pretty dark. In fact, it may very well be some of the most disturbing and depressing material I've come up with in a good long time. Which also makes me nervous. What if it's too dreary?
Of course, I won't know until/unless I write it. So, I guess the worrying about the tone of the piece is just a bit of stalling, huh?
[/edit section]

Thursday is Take Your Child(ren) to Work Day. I'm looking forward to it. I'll be sure to blog about it on Thursday evening after our day is complete.

Haiku Review: Food, Inc.

If you are what you
eat, then for the most part, we
don't know who we are.

Haiku Review: The Strangers

Like when Liv Tyler
screams and cries and screams some more?
You'll love this movie.

Haiku Review: Lost - Everybody Loves Hugo

Hurley's pretty great,
but he's lonely - no soul mate.
There's Libby! It's fate!

Libby's got a hunch.
She and Hurley have their lunch.
Des makes Locke go crunch.

Why did Des attack
Locke in his car? For payback?
Or to cause flashback?

Hey! There's Michael's ghost!
Oops, now Ilana is toast.
Jack trusts Hurley most.

He blew up Black Rock,
now Hurley wants to talk
with the thing called Smocke.

Who is Island Boy?
He shows up, Smocke is annoyed.
Jacob reborn? Oy!

Des tells Smocke, "I'm swell"
Smocke throws Desmond down a well.
My response - "Oh hell!"

Haiku Review: Lost - Happily Ever After

Widmore thinks Des has
one hell of a magnetic
personality.

After Des gets zapped
by a massive EMF,
he goes to alt-world.

There, things are good for
Des. For one thing, he's got the
respect of Widmore.

However, it's not
Happily Ever After,
fairy-tale perfect.

Because Des has to
babysit Charlie. Plus, he's
never met Penny.

Charlie tells hi when
he died on the plane, he had
a glimpse of true love.

Charlie steers the car
into the ocean. Well that's
just a bad idea.

Sorry, Charlie, you're
not a tuna, so you can't
live under the sea.

While Charlie almost
drowns, Des has a vision of
that time he did drown.

An MRI gives
Des flashes of his Lost-life.
He must find Penny!

Eloise Widmore,
for some reason, doesn't want
Des to meet Penny.

Maybe she doesn't
want the universe to do
a course correction.

After all, in this
reality, her son is
still alive and well.

Dan Widmore tells Des
"I think I made the whole world
through use of a nuke."

Desmond probably
thinks Dan is off his rocker,
but Dan knows Penny!

She's his half-sister,
and he tells Des where he can
find her. Nice job, Dan!

Penny is in the
stadium where Des first met
Jack, in season two.

They meet, and Des is
back on the Island, where he's
Mr. Calm and Cool.

Des calmly goes with
Sayid, after he kills most
of Widmore's lackeys.

Back in the alt-world, Des
wants the manifest so he
can "show them something".

Solon and thanks for all the bees

Or, "Life imitating art: A blog entry (mentally) composed during the bike ride home today"

On the bus ride, I finished reading Douglas Coupland's latest novel, Generation A.
The book is set in the near future where bees have gone extinct. Or so people believe, until five random strangers are each stung.

While riding my bike, and thinking about the book, I had a bee fly into my face.

Well, that's a crazy coincidence, I thought.

Then, I thought, Oh, dude. I'm going to have to blog about this.

Later, still riding my bike, ANOTHER bee flew in my direction, hitting me in the head this time.

At that point, I thought, what would be super creepy is if I end up getting hit by *five* bees...

(Of course, both of these bees may have actually been flies, or some other sort of flying insect, since I didn't particularly get a good look at them, but getting pelted by bees is more interesting since it fit with what I had just read.)

Other things I thought while riding home and composing this entry:

15 years ago (!!!!), I wrote stories with interesting premises, cool characters, and thought out plots (although I usually didn't finish them completely)

10 years ago, I wrote stories stories with interesting premises and cool characters. (and I still usually didn't finish them)

5 years ago, I was down to interesting premises. ...that I didn't complete.

Now, I can't even muster up enough creativity to think of premises for stories.
Not really for a lack of trying, it's just that any story idea I develop ...sorta fizzles out before it really gets anywhere.

It's like my creativity muscles have atrophied.

...

I know that I thought a LOT of other things, and at the time they seemed blog-worthy, but now that a few hours have passed, I've forgotten most of them. And I realize now that I didn't have a decent conclusion (yay for consistency!), so I'll just hit publish post.

Haiku Review: Lost - The Package

In the alt-world, there
were plenty of things reVealed
about Sun. *ahem*

Apparently, oneof Lost's sponsors this week wasVictoria's Secret.
Anyway. We findout that Sun and Jin are notwed, but still make loVe.
And while the coupleapproVe of pre-maritalsex, Sun's dad doesn't.
Man, Daddy issuesplague our Losties no matterwhat dimension, huh? Not only did Sun'sdad steal her cash, he alsoplanned to haVe Jin whacked.
Of course, Sayid makessure that doesn't happen, aswe already saw.
But. While Sayidtook care of Keamy and co,there was still Patchy.
Who started off notneeding his trademark eyepatch.-didn't stay that way.
Sadly, Sun gets hitby a stray bullet. And wefind out she's pregnant.
On the Island, Smockegoes to Sun, says, "Hey, join myteam! It'll be fun!"
But Sun has a thingabout trusting walking smokethat looks like dead Locke.
So, she runs away,and hits her head on the Treeof Forgetfulness.
Once she comes to, sheno longer speaks English. Justlike her alt-world self!
Meanwhile, Widmore's crewdrugs Smocke's team and kidnaps Jin.Who are these people?!?
Can't anyone on the Island simply talk to each other? Why's it... ...always gotta bekidnapping and subterfuge?Niceness works wonders.
Zoe asks Jin toexplain some of the Dharmamaps. Jin's not helpful.
He might haVe been, ifyou hadn't tazed him, Zo....e.Again, try niceness.
Widmore tells Jin, ifSmocke gets off the Island, wewill cease to exist.
Well, that's intriguing.And also good incentiVefor Jin to help you.
Widmore decides toshow Jin "the package", which soundshomoerotic.
But, it turns out it'sDesmond, just like the whole worldalready guessed.
When Smocke finds that Jinis missing, he takes SayidoVer to Hydra.
Pretend there's a great"Smoke on the Water" joke here.I can't think of one.
Smocke confronts Widmore,tells him that war just arriVed.Wonder who will win.

March 2010

Ready, Willing, and Cable

Earlier this month, we ordered cable for the house. We've been cable-less for years now, and haven't really missed it, but the reason we decided to get the hook up now was because the digital conversion has made it more or less a necessity. See, when we moved to the new house, channel 8 (CBS) would not pick up the signal. And since it's digital, it just wasn't there. Unlike analog, where you would get some signal, but it would just be fuzzy.
And since channel 8 houses Survivor...there was just no way we'd be going without that.
So.
We now have the 50ish channels that the extended basic package provides.
And while I have previously done a channel surfing blog entry, that was done at work. This time, I wanted to get a sampling of the stuff that's on at my own house. So. Yesterday, March 30th, 2010, I sat down and started on channel 2 and worked my way up through all the channels to see what exactly it is we're paying for.
Here we go!

All of these were from 3/30/10 5:00pm - 5:22pm:

2 - KCLV - a woman playing a cello. I'm still not sure what this channel *is*, exactly, except that we never watch it.

3 - KVBC - the NBC affiliate - their 5pm news was on, and they were talking about the extremely windy weather. (Gusts up to 50mph)

4 - CCTV - a Clark County Commission hearing wherein a woman was talking about Mountain's Edge and home owners associations.

5 - KVVU - Fox 5 - their 5pm news was advising people not to drive in the wind...

6 - KVCW - Dr. Oz was talking about how anthrax can kill you. Um. Huh. That seems rather ...belated. Weren't all the major the anthrax scares, like, 8 or 9 years ago? (I'm fully aware that I might not have heard about a recent news story relating to this.)

7 - TBS - a King of Queens episode

8 - KLAS - the CBS affiliate - newswoman talking about how allergy season is particularly bad, and especially because of the extremely windy weather!

9 - Spanish - a soldier in camouflage holding flowers, walking down a runway

10 - KLVX - Vegas PBS station - The new Electric Company opening credits. Aaaaah!!!

11- QVC - golden earrings

12 - KVMY - George Lopez show opening credits. "Low. Ri. Der. is a little higher."

13 - KTNV - ABC affiliate - news story about an 80 year old woman who can't get ID from the DMV due to not having the appropriate paper work. Yay, bureaucracy!

14 - KTUD - independent station - but is simulcasting channel 3's news. They're talking about an officer being injured in a motorcycle accident.

15 - Spanish news...just some guy talking. (Can't understand, just what does he say?)

16 - WGN - I think this was Angela's Ashes. It was a scene with a couple of young boys, and there was an Irish narrator, and it looked dark. I've not seen Angela's Ashes, but it seems like this could be it.

17 - Home Shopping Network - selling a pilates workout machine

18 - TNT _ Law & Order episode, a doctor is telling the officers that a woman is in a coma. Oh, and she's pregnant. (The woman in the coma. Not the doctor or the officers.)

19 - Black. This channel has always been just a black screen. I have no idea what it's supposed to be, but it ain't very compelling.

20 - CNN - some talking head mentions that there might be American Militia Terror plots brewing.

21 - Fox News - Bill O'Reilly show, where Laura Ingraham is talking about...Militia Terror plots! (Dude. CNN and Fox News talking about the same thing? Has something semi-important happened I'm not aware of? Let's switch the channel and see.)

22 - Headline News - Sandra Bullock is filing for divorce. (Phew!! *that's* the America I know and love.)

23 - Nickelodeon - Spongebob Squarepants - Spongebob has painted Squidwart's apartment blue. (Oh, and Nickelodeon has 2 shows. Spongebob Squarepants, and iCarly. It's ALWAYS one or the other.)

24 - FX - One of the Underworld movies.

25 - Discovery channel - a StarKist tuna commercial.

26 - Lifetime - an episode of Desperate Housewives

27 - BET - an episode of Everybody Hates Chris

28 - Disney channel - an episode of the animated show Phineas and Ferb. I think.

29 - a Just for Men beard commercial.

30 - some basketball game. The score is Florida St - 30, UConn - 47

31 - NIT (Which, I guess is also some sort of basketball?)...Wow. I should've taken better notes on this channel.

32 - commercial for Claritin D

33 - commercial for the Alvin & the Chipmunks "squeakel"

34 - USA - Law & Order episode

35 - CNBC - Bill Gates is talking about the economy and the real estate market.

36 - commercial for DSW, with talking shoes.

37 - a Sprint commercial

38 - a hockey game. The score is CHI - 0; STL - 0

39 - VH1 - one of those "I love the [whatever]" shows, where they get a bunch of unknown, unfunny comedians to talk about topics. Right now they're talking about Seth Rogen, and how he's always the same character in all his movies.

40 - Turner Classic Movies - 3 guys around a campfire, talking in Korean.

41 - TV Land - Bewitched episode

42 - Food Network - onions being dumped into a skillet. Mmm. Brings tears to my eyes.

43 - History Channel - dinosaurs! We watched (part of ) this show earlier in the week. It's about what really killed the dinos, and this particular section was discussing parasites/insects. Dude. Bugs suck.

44 - the weather channel - some guy talking on Skype. About...wind?

45 - a commercial for Orkin. It's the one where the giant ant is driving a car. Creepy.

46 - a Glen Lerner commercial. ("Glen Lerner is the one to call. Call 877-1500." [sigh])

47 - Kevin Olberman. That's all I wrote down.

48 - an infomercial. Again, that's all I wrote down.

49 - another hockey game. Where again, the score is tied at zero. ("Who's winning?") The teams were LA and NSH.

50 - A basketball game. LAC is at 7, while MIL is at 8. ...Which seem pretty low for basketball scores. But, hey, that's what I saw.

51 - a commercial for something called "auto relief group".

52 - AMC is showing a Clint Eastwood movie.

53 - Kathy Najimy...talking on a telephone about cooking.

54 - a funniest videos show

55 - a commercial for Le Cordon Blue cooking schools

56 - an episode of Married with Children.

57 - a woman smoking a cigarette

58 - a Wal-mart commercial.

59 - a commercial for DentalVille (a local dentist office)

60 - Discovery Health. a doctor taking x-rays. Yup. That's health for ya.

61 - Spanish channel - selling a watch

62 - Spanish channel - a man talking

63 - Spanish weather

64 - Spanish court show

65 -cartoon network... I don't recognize the cartoon though.

66 - the travel channel is talking about the Mall of America and all it's wondrous glory

67, 68, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73 and 74 are all just blue screens.
Then jumps to 96, which is also a blue screen.

Now, overall, this doesn't really seem like it's worth paying for, but we've been pretty happy with our new viewing capabilities. We get to see Mythbusters (tonight! New episode!), and Breaking Bad (I'm into it, Steph and the girls, not so much. And I haven't watched all of the previous seasons, but before season 3 started, AMC did a marathon of some of the best eps, and I caught a good 4 or 5 of them, so I've been watching season 3 and liking it.), and Cash Cab (Harper likes this show, and so do I), and iCarly (it's dumb, but we like it anyway) and the Food Network and the Daily Show.
Now, all that probably isn't worth the 50 dollars a month it costs us, and we'll probably cut it down to just basic service (channels 2 - 17) very soon, but in the meantime, we'll go with it.

Haiku Review: Lost - Ab Aeterno

Ricardo, you got
some 'splainin' to do. So he
does, via flashback.

Richard lived in Spain
in 1867
with his dog, Vincent.*

Richard's wife gets sick
so he goes to the doctor,
who's a total prick.

Is he perhaps Jack's
great-great-great-great-grandfather?
We'll never find out.

Since Richard killed him
(completely by accident).
Richard must now hang.

That's not the worst part.
Richard's wife, Isabella,
ended up dying.

So now Richard is
a widower on death row.
Things are looking grim.

He gets sold into
slavery by a priest who
sucks bad at his job.

Richard is on board
the Black Rock, which hits the storm
of the century.

The boat somehow takes
down the statue and lands in
the jungle, unharmed.

Smokey shows up, kills
everyone except Richard.
That was nice of him.

Then Smokey decides
to play dead wife/good cop to
make Richard confused.

Smokey appears as
the Man in Black, tells Richard
"go and stab Jacob".

Jacob, of course, thinks
this plan sucks. He convinces
Richard of this truth.

By "convince", I mean
he tries to drown him, then grants
him eternal life.

Then Jacob is all,
"Look. There's only, like, seven
episodes left, so...

...let me spell some stuff
out. Me and Smokey wanna
know - do people suck?...

...Smokey thinks you do,
but then, he's a bit biased
cuz his mom was nuts."

And I was all, "Um.
This is old info, dude. We
learned this last season."

So Jacob said, "Here's
something you don't know, then:
Smokey's like fine wine...

...and the Island is
like a cork, keeping Smokey
here, where he belongs."

Richard's dead wife warns:
Don't let that cork-soaker, Smocke,
get off the Island.

cuz if that fargin'
icehole gets off the Island,
we all go to hell.

Haiku Review: Lost - Recon

So, in the alt-world,
James Ford is a policeman.
Miles is his partner.

I guess every cop
is a criminal, and all
the sinners saints, right?

Well, no. Kate is still
on the run from the law, though
she's not good at it.

Here's a hint, Kate -
don't run your getaway car
into a cop car.

James still has desire
to find and kill Anthony
Cooper (still Locke's dad?)

I have a theory
Smocke is from the sideways world
and wants to get back.

Evidence, maybe?
Smocke has issues with his mom
instead of his dad!

Smocke tells Kate his mom
caused him "growing pains". Show me
that smile again, Smocke!

I still can't raise much
sympathy for this devil,
because he smacked Claire!!

Though at least he stopped
Claire from killing Kate. Unlike
non-action Sayid.

Smocke sends Sawyer to
Hydra Island so Sawyer
can do some recon.

He visits the old
bear cage/sex pit which makes him
long for season three.

Also on Hydra -
a dozen new characters
who work for Widmore.

Um. Did the writers
get the memo that this is
Lost's final season?

Widmore's got a sub
and he brought sonic fences
and a padlocked door.

What's he got locked up?
Or should I say "who"? I bet
it's Desmond. Or Walt.

Sawyer promises
Jin they won't leave without Sun,
plans to steal the sub.

Haiku Review: Inglourious Basterds

Tarantino can't
spell. He can make good movies.
This isn't one, though.

Vengeance flick with no
real heroes. I guess his point
is that war is hell.

Save yourself the time
(two and a half hours!!) and watch
Downfall jokes instead.

Haiku Review: Lost - Dr. Linus

In the other realm,
Ben Linus has to contend
with his dickless boss.

He could have power,
instead, he makes sure Alex
gets to go to Yale.

Richard's lost his faith
in Jacob. He heads to the
Black Rock. Dynomite!!!

Jack knows he's safe from
death, which has made him reckless
and kinda awesome.

Ilana boards the
Daddy Issue train: Jacob?
Her father figure.

Ilana learns Ben
killed Jacob. She forces him
to dig his own grave.

Smocke unlocks Ben's chains
says, "I'll be at the Hydra
Station. See you there!"

But Ilana stops
Ben, who breaks down and says he
regrets Jacob's death.

Ilana forgives
him, which is kinda crazy,
but to each their own.

Yay! Music montage!!
And Hurley hugs!! Heartwarming!
But now Widmore's back.

Yum!

Thursday is pizza day

Who who, who who

("Who Are You?" by The Who)

Time for a work-related tale that is hopefully entertaining, despite not having a decent denouement.

A few weeks ago we received a commercial for Auto Insurance America, which is a local insurance company (they're not nationwide like, say, Geico or All State). Anyway.
The commercial starts with a guy washing his truck (the title of the commercial is even "Truck Wash"), when he's suddenly startled by the appearance of the Auto Insurance America mascot (a cartoony/CGI Uncle Sam character. You can see what he looks like if you go to their website)

Truck Wash Guy (let's call him...Doug) yells out, "WHOA!! Who the heck are you!??"

Again, that's "who the heck are you" [my emphasis]

When the guys in Master Control were dubbing the spot, they weren't looking directly at the screen, and the inevitable reaction occurred.
"What did he just say??"

After I viewed the spot myself (several times) we came to the conclusion that, yeah, if you aren't paying attention to the commercial when it first airs (like, say, you're in the kitchen while it's on in another room), you could VERY easily mistake "heck" for "fuck".

Which is, more than likely, exactly why they chose that wording.

However, since "heck" is legally allowed by the FCC, there wasn't anything I could do about it, other than opine, "I bet we get calls about this."

We did.

It took about a week, but eventually we did get a call from an older lady who complained about the Auto Insurance America spot where the guy was swearing. After calling her back to explain that it certainly sounds like it, but, that, no, he really ISN'T saying "that word", I told her that short of getting a barrage of calls/complaints and/or also complaining to the client themselves, there wasn't anything that I coudl do about it.

The very next day, we received a revised version of the commercial. "Truck Wash Rev." came in, and intrigued, I decided I wanted to see how the edit had gone. Would they bleep Doug? Did they make a completely new commercial? Did they put fine print at the bottom of the screen saying, "He said 'heck'."? How would the makers of the commercial work around the puritan standards of our culture??

Well, it turns out that they did edit the audio.

But poorly.

Now, instead of Doug saying, "WHOA!! Who the heck are you!??"

He now says, "WHOA!! Who you!??"

Oh, man. Seriously? They couldn't leave in the "are"?? To at least make Doug sound literate? Bwahaha!

I only wish I had the ability to put it online so I could share it with everyone. It's quite amusing.

"WHOA!! Who you!??"

Haiku Review: Lost - Sundown

Huh. I figured with
a title like that, it would
be Sun-centric. Nope!

Instead, it's all 'bout
Sayid. He's a killer who
struggles with his guilt.

Just like every one
of the Sayid-centric eps.
I can't complain, though.

Sayid is still one
hell of a cool character.
Just don't piss him off.

On the island, the
battle for Sayid's soul is
under way. Let's watch!

Team Dogen (can't call
them Team Jacob...) start things off
by fighting Sayid...

...and very nearly
killing him, but then give him
a knife to kill Smocke.

So, yeah, Team Dogen's
continuing to stick with
confusion tactics.

Team Smocke's going with
(false?) promises and smooth talk.
Much more effective.

Smocke says deliver
a message for me, you'll get
to see your true love.

So Sayid tells the
Temple Others: "Come with Smocke
if you want to live."

Dogen's then all, "My
life story - let me give it
to you: Don't drive drunk."

And Sayid is all,
"Bored now." and drowns Dogen in
Resurrection Pool.

Then Smocke, in Smoke form,
goes through the Temple, killing
Others all the way.

But Smokey didn't
kill all the Others because
Lost loves it's extras.

Sayid joins Smocke and
his followers (Claire's there too)
as they head...somewhere.

In the off-Island
reality, Nadia
is alive. Hooray!

But she's married! To
Sayid's brother. Bittersweet!
Was a wish granted?.

After Sayid shoots
three goons (including Keamy!)
he finds Jin - chillin'.

Jin is tied up in
Keamy's freezer. He says, in
Korean, "I'm cool!"

Haiku Review: Moon

Sam Bell is alone.
No, "alone" isn't quite right.
It's pretty close, though.

Sam's got GERTY, who
is there to help Sam during
his three year mission.

And Sam can (and does)
talk to himself. You could say
Sam is Sam's best friend.

Haiku Review: District 9

Lots of "fooks", lots of
awesome, lots of gore, lots of
fooking awesome gore.

At first, Wikus can't
stand the Prawn. Can you blame him?
He's only human.

Wikus gets in touch
with his inner Prawn, befriends
Chris - he's a changed man.

today is Friday

normally on Fridays I post the latest haiku review of the Lost episode from this week.
However, I... um. kinda haven't seen the episode yet.

this week has been extraordinarily draining.

Monday, the 1st, was just a Monday. But after getting home from work, and then watching Chuck, and needing to wake up early the next day, I never got around to going online to blog.
Tuesday, the 2nd, was the sleepover (that Steph blogged about already) and it was fun, although that day I rode 14 miles on my bike, so I was a little bit tired. [/understatement]
Wednesday, the 3rd, was another day of riding my bike/the bus (I didn't take my bike all the way home that day, because my legs were KILLING me by that point). Instead of going online, I watched Moon.
Yesterday, the 4th, we had Sean (Steph's youngest brother) over for dinner and games, plus there was Survivor to watch, so that was another night of non-onlineness.

Which brings us to today. I'm sick, with whatever illness it was that Irina and Harper had earlier in the week, but I'm only suffering slightly. (I suspect that it might be worse tomorrow, but we'll see.)

I had originally planned for March to have a story-a-day as my blog entries, but you know what they say about plans. (They're the best way to make god laugh, and also that they're for intellectuals and morons) Besides, none of the umpteen hundred of story ideas I had over the past week or so seemed... good. Which shouldn't stop me, since it's never stopped me before, but ...I don't really have a point. Just rambling.

But, anyway. At least now I've blogged, and I do have some ideas for future blog posts for this month, so, stay tuned, I guess?

Promise made on 22810 - next month's word cloud (and, by extension, next month's blog entries) will be far more interesting than the one for February.

Haiku Review: Lost - Lighthouse

Jacob, through Hurley,
gets Jack to smash some magic
mirrors. What's his plan?

"I've been on Craphole
for a while now. Know what
I've never seen before?"...

..."A big ol' honking
castle lighthouse?" Don't worry. I doubt
we'll see it again.

We get a nod to
Season 1 with the Adam
and Eve skeletons.

Still don't know who they
are, but at least the writers
know they still exist.

Clarie's been living in
the jungle with her "friend" for
three years now. Poor girl.

In that time, she has
gone batshit fucking insane.
To put it mildly.

She's put a boar's skull
in Aaron's crib. Insert "This
Little Piggy" joke.

Claire kills an Other,
threatens to kill Kate, and shows
Jin her "friend". - It's Smocke.

In the other realm,
Jack has a teenage son named
David. Oh, that's great. ...

...Now Jack can be the
cause of some daddy issues.
But, gasp!! Not so much!!

Jack is determined
to NOT repeat his father's
mistakes. Good for him.

blah blah blah blah blah blah Hollywood

It hasn't been a good year for movie watching thus far.

Up until a few days ago we had put our Netflix account on hold, and I can't remember the last movie I watched.

But! We're all (semi) settled into the new house now, so we're once again receiving those wonderful red envelopes.

The other night we watched 9, but I don't think I'll be writing a Haiku Review of it. For one, I didn't see the entire thing - there was a 15-20 minute window where I was trying to get Silas to sleep in the other room that I missed out on.
Secondly, it wasn't that great a movie. Not that a movie has to be good for me to do a HR of it, but 9 wasn't really horrible either, just sorta... average.
Thirdly, I'm somewhat out of practice in writing haiku reviews for films, rather than Lost episodes. Heh.

I also recently watched Funny Games. Not sure how I felt about it, but I'm leaning toward "didn't like it". But then, when I start to think that's my final verdict, a voice speaks up and says, "but some of the performances...and what about the message the filmmaker was delivering about violence and whatnot?"
But then again, it wasn't something I would ever really want to rewatch... So, until I can get my opinion straight on Funny Games, probably won't write a haiku review for that, either.

Tonight (maybe) we'll watch District 9. And I suspect I'll be able to write a haiku review of that. (hopefully!)

So, have any of you guys seen any movies recently that you can recommend? I mean, there are still good films out there, right?

Haiku Review: Lost - The Substitute

Reality X:
Locke gets fired (rightfully so).
Hurley rehires him.

Locke is engaged to
Helen, and they seem happy.
Can they stay that way?

I hope Helen's
aneurysm doesn't kill
her off. That would suck.

So, Locke is a sub.
He meets another teacher -
Benjamin Linus!

Ben's a history
teacher. Which means he should have
reports on John Locke.

On the Island,
Locke's body gets buried, Ben gives
a great eulogy.

Ilana tells Ben
Smocke can not take the form of
anyone else now.

(How does she know that?)
She takes Jacob's ashes. Bet
those will be useful.

Smocke and Sawyer see
a blonde haired little boy who
Richard does not see.

Richard tells Sawyer
"Smocke wants to kill you and all
your friends. Beware!"

The boy tells Smocke that
he "can't kill him". Smocke: "Don't tell
me what I can't do!!"

Smocke leads Sawyer down
a cliffside ladder, shows him
Jacob's graffiti.

Locke, Shepard, Reyes,
Ford, Jarrah, and Kwon all have
a Number by them.

Names not on the wall,
but should be: Austen, Dawson,
Rutherford, Vincent.

Smocke says Jacob brought
all ya'll here to take over
his Island duties.

"You have 3 options,"
Smocke tells James. "1. Do nothing.
See how this plays out...

...That would make for some
boring television, though,
so let's not do that.

Option 2 is - do
what Jacob wanted - become
Island Protector."

"Protect it from what?"
James asks. "That's the joke," Smocke laughs.
"It's just an Island!!"

"Option 3 - join me.
What do you say, James? Ready
to go home?" "Hell yes."

Mama, my ass is tired

So very tired. And, sadly, so very very sore.

Some things I've learned from my biking experience today:

1) Downhill is MUCH easier than up.

2) riding down Decatur at 5:30 in the morning is less stressful than riding down Decatur at 5:30 at night (less cars. Dude. Cars? SUCK.)

3) my butt is bruised. I don't know if it's because the seat I have on the bike is too hard or I'm just not used to sitting on a bicycle seat, or if I have a weak/bony butt, but. There ya have it. It hurts to sit down right now. I'm not happy about it. But (ha!) there's not much I can do about it, either. Other than just get used to it and/or wait as it heals. *sigh*

4) ...Um. I can't remember if there was a 4. I think I did have other things to say, but that was way earlier this evening, and now I'm so beyond tired that I'm having a hard time knowing what I'm even talking about now.
On the plus side, I get to be one of the countless masses tomorrow, and I'll be able to drive in to work. (Hooray!) Steph isn't needing the van tomorrow, so I can a]sleep in and b] not have to worry about being run over by someone like me.

Oh, I remember. 5) Vegas is totally NOT bike-friendly. Mad props to my brother-in-law, Sean, for driving his bike all over the city for as long as he did. Especially in this town. I mean, seriously, would it kill the city planners to, I don't know, make sidewalks that didn't mysteriously end for no reason? And for them, when there are bike lanes on the road, to not place obstacles in the middle of them? Gah. No wonder people don't bike anywhere.

But, overall, it was a pretty cool experience. I'm not unhappy iwth it, I'm just semi-cranky due to being overtired.

Woo hoo! new bike!

New bike!

Forecast: Sore today... sorer tomorrow?

So I did a bunch of boxing* yesterday, and today my arms, shoulders, and upper back are somewhat achey. That's a good thing, though, right?

Tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday, Steph is going to keep the van. Tonight (in just a matter of minutes, actually) we are going to go out and purchase a bicycle for me so that I can ride the 2.4 miles from home to the bus stop in the morning.

Then, once the bus gets to my stop, I still need to ride another mile to get to work.

Add that to the return trip, and I'll be bicycling just about 7 miles tomorrow (and the next day, and the day after that). This ought to be interesting.


*on the Wii - I'm not insane. Real boxing hurts.

Happy (Chinese) New Year!

Well, let's see if I can restart my resolutions, since the ones I had made for zolo have all failed horribly at this point.

So far, so good. (Or maybe I should say I'm doing g-r-r-r-eat!!, since this is the year of the tiger.)

Haiku Review: Lost - What Kate Does

Why are Kate-centric
episodes so damn boring?
Guess that's What Kate Does.

What Kate Does - she runs,
butts in when she's not needed,
loves Jack... James... Jack... James

Specifically, What
Kate Does: In Reality
X, hijacks Claire's cab...

...then gives her a ride
to the adoptive parents
and the hospital.

Sure, none of it makes
much sense, but, hey! We get to
see Ethan again!

What Kate Does in the
other Reality is -
chase after Sawyer.

Not surprisingly,
the best parts had nothing to
do with Kate at all.

Sayid fails a test.
(But in his defense, he had
no time to study.)

Sayid's infected.
Just like Claire. Who is now a
Rousseau look-alike.

Some things never change

Buffybowl 9 is now one for the history books.

I don't want to spoil the ending, but it's not that difficult to guess.

It was another matchup between Adam and the Scoobies (we've decided that the way to determine which villain is used is the following: Whomever is Evil rolls one of the 6 sided die: 1 = Master, 2 = Judge, 3 = Mayor, 4 = Adam, 5 = Evil player rolls again, 6 = Good player rolls again).

I was Adam, while Saren and Harper were the Good guys - Saren controlled Useless Xander and Oz, while Harper was in charge of the female counterparts: Willow & Buffy.

It's difficult to get things done with Adam, since all your minions are vampires, and are allergic to sunlight. So, I foolishly brought Adam out, and was promptly surrounded by Willow, Xander and Oz.

I was able to kill off the witch, and Adam and Spike managed to get a few hits in on Buffy. She was, at one point, down to 3 hit points. Victory was within my grasp! I rolled Adam's 4 fight dice, and came up with three blanks and 1 stake.
Sigh.

Buffy finished Adam off in the next round.

Next year, I swear.

On the commercial front, there were several that were quite good. The Simpsons-Coke ad was an early favorite (even if it was for Coke), and I thought the beavers that played fiddles was pretty good.
We all liked the Human Bridge ad, and the Human Dolphins were funny as well, but the one that got the biggest laugh was the Dorito's ad with ...Tim. ("Tim loves Dorito's.") (Sadly, all the other Dorito's spots were painfully unamusing.)

The movies that were advertised: Prince of Persia: Sands of Time [get on DVD. maybe.]
The Wolfman [meh. DVD. Which is surprising. Steph even said, "You like wolfmen!" Which is true, but I'm just not feeling this one]
The Crazies [definitely rent]
Shutter Island [yup, want to see this one too.]
Robin Hood [pass]
and
Alice in Wonderland [looks....Tim Burtony. Which means we'll see it, of course, but while I'm excited about it, I also have reservations. There's only so much weird one can handle, you know, and I fear the scale may be broken on this one.]

Haiku Review: Lost - LA X

Looks like this season

is "It's A Wonderful Life:

Island's POV"

In other words, what

if the Island wasn't there

during the Pilot?

Well, we begin to

find out. Looks like there are two

realities here.

Reality X:

In '04, flight 815

doesn't crash. Because...

...the Island is now

an octopus's garden.

It's under the sea!

The effects here were

supremely awful. I was

all, "Lost jumped the shark!"

On the flight, Jack talks

with Rose, saves Charlie's life, sees

Desmond's twin brotha.

On the Island, Jack

gets his ass kicked by James, who

also gives death threats.

Who else is on the

flight? Hurley, Kate, James, Locke, Boone (!!),

Charlie (!!) and Sayid.

Notoriously

absent: Shannon, Nikki and

Paulo, the Tailies.

We don't see Michael,

but I bet he's off looking

for Walt in first class.

Some things are the same:

Boone still sucks as a lifeguard

("Ocean crash? We'd die.")

Jin is sadly, still

a jerk.  Kate is arrested,

Hurley won lotto.

(Although Hurley says

he never has bad luck. So

that's a big difference.)

Locke's still wheelchair bound,

and Jack still wants to fix things.

Can he fix Locke's spine?

(question - did Jacob

not touch John, Jack, Kate or James?

Does Jacob "live" here?)

Oceanic lost

Jack's dad's body. They are the

worst. airline. ever.

Lots of things happen

on the Island, in the "real"

time line. Let's review:

Juliet dies a

second deaht, so James can feel

the loss once again.

Before she dies, she

hints James should "go then. There are

other worlds than these."

A recently dead

Jacob tells Hurley to get

to the Temple. Now.

At the statue, the

fake Locke becomes Smokey and

kills Ilana's men.

Fake Locke/Smokey (Smocke?)

tells Ben he wants to go home.

He's just like E.T.!

Tells Richard it's good

to see him out of his chains.

That's slashfic fuel, there.

Tells everyone else,

"I'm disappointed in you."

Jeez. Judgmental much?

The 70s group

gets to the Temple. Some more

Others are there. Like:

Secret Asian Man.

They've told us he's an Other,

won't divulge his name.

Also, Cindy, the

stewardess from 815.

And Zach and Emma.

The guitar case that

Jacob gave Hurley held a

giant wooden ankh.

Inside that was a

piece of paper. So it's a

fortune cookie, then?

Supposedly the

note says "if Sayid dies, they're

in danger. ....in bed."

The Others then hold

Sayid underwater 'til

he ceases to breathe.

Talk about sending

mixed signals. But then, Others

have always been...odd.

Hurley says Jacob

is dead. The Others spread ash,

shoot off some fireworks.

Dead Sayid wakes up.

"What happened?" he asks. Dude. That's

what we want to know!!

Here we gooooo!!

If I were a billionaire, I would totally make a Nintendo-themed amusement park. I'm honestly shocked it hasn't been done already. A real life Super Mario World? Where you could go around riding Yoshis and saving princesses and defeating Bowsers (where's my refund?) and wearing Raccoon Suits and bouncing on flying turtles? It. would. be. AWESOME.

And that could be just one section of the park. There could also be the Zelda/Link world, and the Sonic the Hedgehog section, and the Metroid area....

Man. This so needs to happen.