Good Old Days - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Today is January 21st, 2026. The song of the day is "Good Old Days" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Christmas at Ground Zero - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Today is December 11th, 2025. The song of the day is "Christmas at Ground Zero" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Let Me Be Your Hog - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Today is July 19th, 2025. The song of the day is "Let Me Be Your Hog" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

shortest song of the day, but a masterpiece nonetheless! 

White & Nerdy - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Today is June 17th, 2025. The song of the day is "White & Nerdy" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

It's All About The Pentiums - Weird Al Yankovic

Today is December 25th, 2024. The song of the day is "It's All About the Pentiums" by Weird Al Yankovic.

Polka Power! - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Today is December 8th, 2024. The song of the day is "Polka Power!" by Weird Al Yankovic.

Amish Paradise - "Weird" Al Yankovic

Today is September 17th, 2024. The song of the day is "Amish Paradise" by "Weird" Al Yankovic.

(This Song's Just) Six Words Long - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Today is June 8th, 2024. The song of the day is "(This Song's Just) Six Words Long" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Trapped in the Drive-Thru - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Today is May 17th, 2024. The song of the day is "Trapped in the Drive-Thru" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Epic.

 

And, I figured this would be the case... the lyrics are too long to fit in the comments, so here they are:

Seven O'Clock in the evening
Watchin' somethin' stupid on TV
I'm zoned out on the sofa
When my wife comes in the room and sees me

And she says "is this 'Behind the Music'
With Lynard Skynard?"
And I say "I don't know
Say, it's gettin' late, watcha wanna do for dinner?"

She says "I kinda had a big lunch
So I'm not super hungry"
I said, "Well you know, baby, I'm not starvin' either
But I could eat"

She said "So whadya have in mind?"
I said "I don't know what about you?"
She said "I don't care, if you're hungry, let's eat"
I said "That's what we're gonna do!

But first you gotta tell me
What it is you're hungry for!"
And she says "let me think,
What's left in our refrigerator?"

I said "Well, there's tuna, I know."
She said "That went bad a week ago!"
I said "Is the chili okay?"
She said "you finished that yesterday!"

I hopped up and I said
"I don't know, do you want to get something delivered?"
She's like "why would I want to eat liver?
I don't even like liver!"

I'm like "No, I said 'delivered'."
She's like "I heard you say liver!"
I'm like "I should know what I said."
She's like "whatever, I just don't want any liver!"

Well I was gonna say something
But my cell phone started to ring
Now who could be callin' me?
Well I checked my caller ID

It was just cousin Larry
Callin' for the third time today
My wife said "Let it go to voicemail"
I said "okay

Where were we? Oh, Dinner, Right
So what d'ya want to do?"
She said "why don't you whip up somethin in the kitchen?"
Yeah, I said why don't you?

And then she said "baby, can't we just go out to dinner, please?"
I says "no"
She says "yes"
I says "no"
She says "yes"
I says "no"
She says "yes
Oh, here's your keys"

I step a little bit closer
Say okay, where ya want to go?
She says "how about The Ivy?"
I said "yeah, well I don't know

I don't feel like gettin all dressed up
And eatin' expensive food"
She's says "Olive Garden?"
I say "nah, I'm not in the mood

And Burrito King would make me gassy
There's no doubt"
She says "Just forget about it"
I said no, I swear I'm gonna take you out!

Then I get an idea
I says I know what we'll do!
She says "What?"
I say, guess?
She says "What?!"
I say "We're goin' to the drive-thru!"

So we head out the front door
Open the garage door
Then I open the car doors
And we get in those car doors

Put my key in the ignition
And then I turn it sideways
Then we fasten our seat belts
As we pull out the driveway

Then we drive to the drive-thru
Heading off to the drive-thru
We're approaching the drive-thru
Getting close to the drive-thru!

Almost there at the drive-thru
Now we're here at the drive thru
Here in line at the drive-thru
Did I mention the drive-thru?

Well here we are
In the drive-thru line, me and her
Cars in front of us, cars in back of us
All just waiting to order

There's some idiot in a Volvo
With his brights on behind me
I lean out the window and scream
"Hey, Whatcha tryin to do, blind me?"

My wife says "maybe we should park
We could just go eat inside"
I said "I'm wearin' bunny slippers
So I ain't leavin' this ride."

Now a woman on a speaker box
Is sayin' "Can I take your order, please?"
I said "yes indeed, you certainly can
We'd like two hamburgers with onions and cheese"

Then my wife says
"Baby, hold on, I've changed my mind!
I think I'm gonna have a chicken sandwich
Instead, this time"

I said "you always get a cheeseburger!"
She says "That's not what I'm hungry for"
I put my head in my hands and screamed,
"I don't know who you are anymore!"

The voice on the speaker says
"I don't have all day!"
I said, "then, take our order,
And we'll be on our way!

I wanna get a chicken sandwich
And I want a cheeseburger, too"
She's like "you want onions on that?"
I'm like, "Yeah, I already said that I do

Plus we need curly fries
And don't you dare forget it!
And two medium root beers
No, just one, we'll split it"

Then I said "I'm guessin' that
You're probably not too bright
So read me back my order
Let's make sure you got it right."

She says "one, you want a chicken sandwich
Two, you want a cheeseburger
Three, curly fries, and a large root beer"
"Stop, don't go no further!

I never ordered a large rootbeer
I said medium, not large!"
Then she says "we're havin' a special,
I supersized you at no charge"

"Oh" and that's all
I could say, was "Oh"
And she says "now there is somethin' else
That I really think you should know

You can have unlimited refills
For just a quarter more"
I say, "Great, except we're in the drive thru
So what would I want that for?"

Then she says "Wait a minute
Your voice sounds so familiar hey, is this Paul?
And my wife is all like "no, that ain't Paul,
Now tell me, who's this Paul?"

She says "Oh, he's just some guy
Who goes to school with me
I sat behind him last year
And I copied off him in Geometry."

I said "I know a guy named Paul
He used to be my plumber
He was prematurely bald
And he moved to Pittsburgh last summer

He also had bladder problems
And a really bad infection on his toe."
And she said "Mister, please, you can stop right there,
That's way more than I needed to know!"

And then we both were quiet
And things got real intense
Then she says "next window please,
That'll be five dollars and eighty two cents"

So we inched ahead in line
Movin' painfully slow
I got a little bored
So I turned on the radio

Click, turned it off
Because my wife was getting a headache
So we both just sat there quietly
For her sake

Then I looked at her
And she looked back at me
And I said "umm,
I think you have somethin' in your teeth."

She turned away from me
And then turned back and said "did I get it?"
I said "yeah well, I mean, most of it
But hey, ya know, don't sweat it."

Then she said "how about now?"
I said "yeah, almost
There's still a little bit there
But don't worry, it's probably just a piece of toast"

Now we're at the pay window
Or whatever you call it
Put my hand in my pocket
I can't believe there's no wallet!

And the lady at the window's like,
"Well, well, well, that'll be five eighty two"
I turn around to my wife, and say
How much have you got on you?

She just rolls her eyes and says
"I'll pay for this, I guess"
So she reaches into her purse
And pulls out the American Express

I hand it to the lady
And she says "oh, dear
It's gotta be cash only
We don't take credit cards here"

I took back the card and said
"Gee, really? Well that sucks."
And that's when I found out
My wife was only carryin' three bucks

I said "I thought you were
Going to hit the ATM today."
She says "I never got around to it
So where's your wallet anyway?"

And I said "Never mind,
Just help me to find some change."
Now the lady at the window
Is lookin' at me kinda strange

And she says "Mister, please,
We gotta move this line along"
I said "Now hold your stinkin' horses lady,
We won't be long."

So, we looked around inside the glove-box
And check the mat beneath my feet
I found a nickel in the ashtray
And a couple pennies and a dime in the space between he seats

Before long I had a little pile
Of coins of every sort
The lady counts it up and says
"You're still about a dollar short"

And now my woman's got this weird look
Frozen on her face
She screams, "you know
I wasn't even really hungry in the first place"

And so I turned around
To the cashier again
I shrugged and said "Okay
Forget the chicken sandwich then."

So I pick up my change
Pick up my receipt
And I drive to the pickup window
Man, I just can't wait to eat

And now we see this acne ridden
Kid about sixteen
Wearin' a dorky name tag that says
"Hello, my name is Eugene"

And he hands me a paper bag
I look him in the eyes
And I say to him, "Hey, Eugene,
Could I get some ketchup for my fries?"

Well he looks at me
And I look at him
And he looks at me
And I look at him

And he looks at me
And I look at him
And he says "I'm sorry
What did you want again?"

I say "Ketchup!"
And he says "oh yeah, that's right
I just spaced out there for a second
I'm really kind of burnt tonight"

And then he hands me the ketchup
And now we're finally drivin' away
And the food is drivin' me mad
With its intoxicating bouquet

I'm starvin' to death
By the time we pull up at the traffic light
I say, "Baby, gimme that burger,
I just gotta have a bite!"

So she reaches in the bag
And pulls out the burger
And she hands me the burger
And I pick up the burger

And then I unwrap the paper
I bite into those buns
And I just can't believe it
They forgot the onions!

Bob - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Today is April 22nd, 2024. The song of the day is "Bob" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Word Crimes - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Today is March 31st, 2024. The song of the day is "Word Crimes" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Yoda - Weird Al Yankovic

Today is July 29th, 2023. The song of the day is "Yoda" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.

Albuquerque - Weird Al Yankovic

Today is June 3rd, 2023. The song of the day is "Albuquerque" by Weird Al Yankovic.

 

Seeing how this is a MASSIVELY epic song, the lyrics won't fit in a comment, so I'm putting them below:

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy
Living in a box under the stairs
In the corner of the basement of the house
Half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop
You know the place
Well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Aww, big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single morning
It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's up with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said "It's good for you"
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut
Until I was twenty six and a half years old

That's when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doo-doo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That's right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women
With excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?

'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ah

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arrived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It's OK, they're clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"Who is it?"
They're not sayin' anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said

It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donuts shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"
I said "You got any apple fritters?"
He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"
I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"

"No, we're outta bear claws"
I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have?"
He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"
I said "OK, I'll take that"

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time
That a little ditty started goin' through my head
I believe it went a little something like this

Doh
Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
Oh
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get 'em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, aah, aah

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Like a constipated wiener dog
And as luck would have it
That's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a calligraphy enthusiast
With a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I'll never forget the very first thing she said to me
She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"

That's when I knew it was true love
We were inseparable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"
I said "Whoa, hold on now, baby"
"I'm just not ready for that kind of a commitment"
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go

In Albuquerque
Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put out that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin' a lot of attitude

Ok, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty
Tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Well, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname, Torso-Boy
So what's he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street
And he tells he hasn't had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
And I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?"
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I hate sauerkraut

That's all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandary
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy ol' mixed-up universe of ours
There's still a little place called

Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque

I said "A" (A)
"L" (L)
"B" (B)
"U" (U)
"Querque" (querque)

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Your Horoscope for Today

Today is October 23rd, 2021. The song of the day is "Your Horoscope for Today" by Weird Al Yankovic.

One More Minute - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Today is September 21st, 2021. The song of the day is "One More Minute" by "Weird Al" Yankovic.