I've got too many things to blog about!
So I'm blogging about none of them!
Logic!
In completely unrelated news, I'm fooking hungry. Fooking!
Tomorrow is April 1st. In recent years I've lessened my love of this holiday. But I have something planned for this year. Nothing bad, though. Just harmless fun. Yay for April Fools Day!
My hands are cold. And I need to pee.
My wife's latest entry in her blog starts: "Man, I feel like I've been sick for 10,000 years." hee. She's totally (not) talking about Takers. Hee.
Well, how should this entry end? I'm thinking fanfare and fireworks.
Or perhaps only half that. I dunno.
I need some gum.
Matty and Becky are expecting! Wooo!!! And he explained it using Hot Pockets as an analogy. Dude. Guess we know who his favorite Ape10 character is.
The Rock? I've got nothing against him - not like that fuck Vin Diesel - but of all the movies to be remade why Walking Tall? WHY!!!????
Need food.
*fanfare*
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Saturday, March 27, 2004
currently
Life is amazing.
Breathing is something that each of us does everyday - thousands of times - without thinking about it. Our brains take care of it. Asleep or awake, our brains have been doing it for millions of years. (Good thing, too. [wink])
But it's just a remarkable process. That, and our heartbeating, and our stomach digesting and our cells growing and our immune system fighting off illnesses...it's just ...awesome. It really is.
And the world is FULL of life. Not just human life, which is pretty fucking amazing, but so many other mammals and birds and lizards and insects. And even bacteria. Oh, and plants. Plants - trees especially - have a new(ly)(re)found special place in my heart. It is because of trees and their amazing ability to intake carbon dioxide that we are still here. Or here at all. They are - to borrow a quote - the planet's lungs. And lungs do remarkable things - as stated above.
It's sometimes hard to remember that this mystery that we call "life" is something to be treasured. Always. I think I'm going to make a more conscious effort to remember that. I'll be a better person, a happier person.
Breathing is something that each of us does everyday - thousands of times - without thinking about it. Our brains take care of it. Asleep or awake, our brains have been doing it for millions of years. (Good thing, too. [wink])
But it's just a remarkable process. That, and our heartbeating, and our stomach digesting and our cells growing and our immune system fighting off illnesses...it's just ...awesome. It really is.
And the world is FULL of life. Not just human life, which is pretty fucking amazing, but so many other mammals and birds and lizards and insects. And even bacteria. Oh, and plants. Plants - trees especially - have a new(ly)(re)found special place in my heart. It is because of trees and their amazing ability to intake carbon dioxide that we are still here. Or here at all. They are - to borrow a quote - the planet's lungs. And lungs do remarkable things - as stated above.
It's sometimes hard to remember that this mystery that we call "life" is something to be treasured. Always. I think I'm going to make a more conscious effort to remember that. I'll be a better person, a happier person.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
....I'm getting older too.
So, yeah.
Now the Steph is an "old woman". (Heeeheee!) She (I believe) had a really great day. Except for the whole sick factor. But otherwise - it was good.
In addition, Saren lost her first tooth! She was very excited about it. The tooth fairy has visited her. I think Steph will blog about this in more detail when she feels better. Or I will when I'm not so tired.
I wanted to take the time, though, to mention the loss of the tooth. Saren looks different, although I'm sure that it's mostly psychological. She appears ...older. Our little girl is growing up. *frown*
Now the Steph is an "old woman". (Heeeheee!) She (I believe) had a really great day. Except for the whole sick factor. But otherwise - it was good.
In addition, Saren lost her first tooth! She was very excited about it. The tooth fairy has visited her. I think Steph will blog about this in more detail when she feels better. Or I will when I'm not so tired.
I wanted to take the time, though, to mention the loss of the tooth. Saren looks different, although I'm sure that it's mostly psychological. She appears ...older. Our little girl is growing up. *frown*
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Improve the world...no! CONSUME!!!!!
So we were watching Yaylias! the other night (name changed back to Yay!lias due to it finally becoming better again) and the local break time came along.
A Public Service Announcement began. This is what happened:
Lindsey Wagner was sitting there and very solemnly said: "Hi. I'm Lindsey Wagner. When violence against women stops..."
The spot suddenly switched to a Papa John's commercial for some March Madness special.
Hee. Taker insanity.
In completely unrelated news, the girls have been unhealthy the past three days, and it's been of the not good. Tomorrow, though, the Steph hits the three decade mark, so we're gonna all be really really happy and healthy and perfect.
OR ELSE.
A Public Service Announcement began. This is what happened:
Lindsey Wagner was sitting there and very solemnly said: "Hi. I'm Lindsey Wagner. When violence against women stops..."
The spot suddenly switched to a Papa John's commercial for some March Madness special.
Hee. Taker insanity.
In completely unrelated news, the girls have been unhealthy the past three days, and it's been of the not good. Tomorrow, though, the Steph hits the three decade mark, so we're gonna all be really really happy and healthy and perfect.
OR ELSE.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
You better watch out, because I'm about to say "fuck"!
Heh.
Okay. I apologize upfront about the length of the post. Everything else, I have no apologies for.
A little back story, first.
Apparently on either the 6th or 7th of March, the Sinclair owned station WZTV in Nashville ran an afternoon movie that was unedited for air. The movie was Quiet Days in Hollywood. I've not seen the movie (yet - we supposedly have an unedited copy of it ourselves at our station - our programming department decided to not air it), but from what I've heard, the movie contains a lot of swearing (fuck is reportedly said a couple dozen times in a five minute span), full frontal nudity of males and females, homesexual intercourse, and a rape scene. Quality Family Programming!
Anywhat, the movie aired, and the master control operator running it called the program director and said, "Hey, this movie is bad." And the program director said, "Ah, just run it anyway."
So, they did.
Monday the 8th, there were 8000 (eight thousand!!) emails and calls to the FCC. This means that 8000 people do not know what a remote control is.
The program director for that station no longer works for Sinclair.
On the 9th, we got the following memo from one of the Higher Ups at Sinclair Broadcasting. I'm going to type it verbatim, and then I'll break it down with commentary. Any typos or grammatical errors are from the memo itself. The names and numbers will be edited out to protect ...other people.
TO: All Master Control Operators
FROM: David O.
DATE: March 9, 2004
RE: Material Inapporpriate for Broadcast
It is absolutely essential that we take every step to prevent obscene material from appearing on our airwaves.
The Programming Department is responsible to prescreen all programming and edit offensive material. All objectionable content should be eliminated before it reaches Master Control.
It is also the responsiblity of the Master Control Operator to monitor the on-air signal. In the unlikely event that something obscene slips through the safety net, it is the responsibility of the Master Control Operator on duty to initiate immediate corrective action.
The following five words are never appropriate for broadcast: Shit, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, and Motherfucker. We also do not allow scenes that include shots of frontal nudity; female waist up or waist down, male waist down.
If you are on duty when prohibited content appears inside any pre-recorded non-network programming or IMMEDIATELY ABORT FROM THE PROGRAM.
Place a full screen still store graphic on the air while you locate a standby program to use as time filler. Place the standby program on the air until you receive additional direction from a station manager.
While the standby program is on the air call Tina M in the Programming Department. Her cell phone number is (702)806 -XXXX.
If she is unavailabe, contact Tommie G at (702)806-XXXX.
If he us unavailabe,contact Rob W at (702)610-XXXX or Sonia M at (702)610-XXXX.
Taking no action is considered negligence and is subject to disciplinary action.
[sigh]
It is absolutely essential that we take every step to prevent obscene material from appearing on our airwaves. Oh? And why is that? So that the FCC doesn't slap a half-a-million-dollar fine on your ass? Well, here's a step that hasn't been taken - change what is considered "obscene". Shocking, I know! Simply because the word "fuck" has been deemed "vulgar" doesn't make it so. It. Is. A. WORD. Just like mockingbird, or watermelon, or tekirana. And nudity? Don't get me started. Perhaps if we weren't so bloody uptight over things that are natural, we'd be healthier, happier human beings. Just a thought.
Besides, I find Crossing Over with John Edwards more offensive than any of the "swear" words. Maybe I'll start having an hour of dead air from 4 to 5 each day, stating that the programming was "obscene".
The Programming Department is responsible to prescreen all programming and edit offensive material. Funny thing - on Friday I was talking to Tina (the same one mentioned in the memo) and she said that this memo had not been given to her. Doh! She also said that we were supposed to get a set of guidelines on what is obscene from corporate, not simply from David O. ...
It is also the responsibility of the Master Control Operator to monitor the on-air signal.
Duh. That's my job, dumbass. I've been doing it for almost nine years. Thanks, though, for the condescending remark! Makes me feel wonderful!
Now we get to the meat & potatoes of the memo -
The following five words are never appropriate for broadcast:
Wait - Never? Not ever? I think, perhaps, if September 11th were to take place again, that it might be appropraite to use "Shit" or "Fuck", or any number of words, actually. And what if someone's name is legally "Motherfucker"? It would be so god-damn awesome for some celebrity to change their name to that. Hell, if any politician started running under the name "God damn motherfucker", I honestly think I'd vote for them. Even if it were George Bush.
Shit, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, and Motherfucker.
First- he capitalized them!!! How great is that?
Second - heeeeeeeee!!! This is an official Fucking Memo!! Heeeeeeeee!
Third - Does this mean that "cock" is allowed? And apparently there is no problem with "asshole" or "pussy"? Bastard, bitch, nigger, faggot? Those are all appropriate? Or sometimes appropriate, perhaps?
Lastly - Cunt? Cunt!?! What movies do you ever hear that in? I mean, hell, cunt was not even "legal" on the WD until just recently. But I think that we should go extreme with it. (Heh. "Extreme Cunt!" Heee! I'd watch that show.) But I think any thing that resembles Cunt should be not allowed. The word Country, for example. We have a show called "A Country Affair" that I've been wanting to get off the air for a while now. This gives me the opportunity. It's obscene.
If you are on duty when prohibited content appears inside any pre-recorded non-network programming or IMMEDIATELY ABORT FROM THE PROGRAM.
First, there's the typo. The "or" is in the wrong spot.
Second - so if we're in a network program or airing something live, and it has "prohibited" content, that's okay?
Third - dude, don't bring abortion into this debate.
Place a full screen store graphic on the air...
Yeah, um, except we don't have a full screen graphic. Perhaps if you spent some time in our control room, you might know that. Urgh.
However, I'm thinking that we should create one. A graphic that reads: "Experiencing Technical Fucking Difficulties. Please stand by, Motherfucker!"
Taking no action is considered negligence and is subject to disciplinary action.
Yeah. Fuck off.
Whew. I was going to make/continue a tirade about censorship, but I'm not up to it right now. Maybe later.
Okay. I apologize upfront about the length of the post. Everything else, I have no apologies for.
A little back story, first.
Apparently on either the 6th or 7th of March, the Sinclair owned station WZTV in Nashville ran an afternoon movie that was unedited for air. The movie was Quiet Days in Hollywood. I've not seen the movie (yet - we supposedly have an unedited copy of it ourselves at our station - our programming department decided to not air it), but from what I've heard, the movie contains a lot of swearing (fuck is reportedly said a couple dozen times in a five minute span), full frontal nudity of males and females, homesexual intercourse, and a rape scene. Quality Family Programming!
Anywhat, the movie aired, and the master control operator running it called the program director and said, "Hey, this movie is bad." And the program director said, "Ah, just run it anyway."
So, they did.
Monday the 8th, there were 8000 (eight thousand!!) emails and calls to the FCC. This means that 8000 people do not know what a remote control is.
The program director for that station no longer works for Sinclair.
On the 9th, we got the following memo from one of the Higher Ups at Sinclair Broadcasting. I'm going to type it verbatim, and then I'll break it down with commentary. Any typos or grammatical errors are from the memo itself. The names and numbers will be edited out to protect ...other people.
TO: All Master Control Operators
FROM: David O.
DATE: March 9, 2004
RE: Material Inapporpriate for Broadcast
It is absolutely essential that we take every step to prevent obscene material from appearing on our airwaves.
The Programming Department is responsible to prescreen all programming and edit offensive material. All objectionable content should be eliminated before it reaches Master Control.
It is also the responsiblity of the Master Control Operator to monitor the on-air signal. In the unlikely event that something obscene slips through the safety net, it is the responsibility of the Master Control Operator on duty to initiate immediate corrective action.
The following five words are never appropriate for broadcast: Shit, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, and Motherfucker. We also do not allow scenes that include shots of frontal nudity; female waist up or waist down, male waist down.
If you are on duty when prohibited content appears inside any pre-recorded non-network programming or IMMEDIATELY ABORT FROM THE PROGRAM.
Place a full screen still store graphic on the air while you locate a standby program to use as time filler. Place the standby program on the air until you receive additional direction from a station manager.
While the standby program is on the air call Tina M in the Programming Department. Her cell phone number is (702)806 -XXXX.
If she is unavailabe, contact Tommie G at (702)806-XXXX.
If he us unavailabe,contact Rob W at (702)610-XXXX or Sonia M at (702)610-XXXX.
Taking no action is considered negligence and is subject to disciplinary action.
[sigh]
It is absolutely essential that we take every step to prevent obscene material from appearing on our airwaves. Oh? And why is that? So that the FCC doesn't slap a half-a-million-dollar fine on your ass? Well, here's a step that hasn't been taken - change what is considered "obscene". Shocking, I know! Simply because the word "fuck" has been deemed "vulgar" doesn't make it so. It. Is. A. WORD. Just like mockingbird, or watermelon, or tekirana. And nudity? Don't get me started. Perhaps if we weren't so bloody uptight over things that are natural, we'd be healthier, happier human beings. Just a thought.
Besides, I find Crossing Over with John Edwards more offensive than any of the "swear" words. Maybe I'll start having an hour of dead air from 4 to 5 each day, stating that the programming was "obscene".
The Programming Department is responsible to prescreen all programming and edit offensive material. Funny thing - on Friday I was talking to Tina (the same one mentioned in the memo) and she said that this memo had not been given to her. Doh! She also said that we were supposed to get a set of guidelines on what is obscene from corporate, not simply from David O. ...
It is also the responsibility of the Master Control Operator to monitor the on-air signal.
Duh. That's my job, dumbass. I've been doing it for almost nine years. Thanks, though, for the condescending remark! Makes me feel wonderful!
Now we get to the meat & potatoes of the memo -
The following five words are never appropriate for broadcast:
Wait - Never? Not ever? I think, perhaps, if September 11th were to take place again, that it might be appropraite to use "Shit" or "Fuck", or any number of words, actually. And what if someone's name is legally "Motherfucker"? It would be so god-damn awesome for some celebrity to change their name to that. Hell, if any politician started running under the name "God damn motherfucker", I honestly think I'd vote for them. Even if it were George Bush.
Shit, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, and Motherfucker.
First- he capitalized them!!! How great is that?
Second - heeeeeeeee!!! This is an official Fucking Memo!! Heeeeeeeee!
Third - Does this mean that "cock" is allowed? And apparently there is no problem with "asshole" or "pussy"? Bastard, bitch, nigger, faggot? Those are all appropriate? Or sometimes appropriate, perhaps?
Lastly - Cunt? Cunt!?! What movies do you ever hear that in? I mean, hell, cunt was not even "legal" on the WD until just recently. But I think that we should go extreme with it. (Heh. "Extreme Cunt!" Heee! I'd watch that show.) But I think any thing that resembles Cunt should be not allowed. The word Country, for example. We have a show called "A Country Affair" that I've been wanting to get off the air for a while now. This gives me the opportunity. It's obscene.
If you are on duty when prohibited content appears inside any pre-recorded non-network programming or IMMEDIATELY ABORT FROM THE PROGRAM.
First, there's the typo. The "or" is in the wrong spot.
Second - so if we're in a network program or airing something live, and it has "prohibited" content, that's okay?
Third - dude, don't bring abortion into this debate.
Place a full screen store graphic on the air...
Yeah, um, except we don't have a full screen graphic. Perhaps if you spent some time in our control room, you might know that. Urgh.
However, I'm thinking that we should create one. A graphic that reads: "Experiencing Technical Fucking Difficulties. Please stand by, Motherfucker!"
Taking no action is considered negligence and is subject to disciplinary action.
Yeah. Fuck off.
Whew. I was going to make/continue a tirade about censorship, but I'm not up to it right now. Maybe later.
Monday, March 15, 2004
Ides.
Heh. That's such a bizarre word.
Tomorrow, I promise, I finally post about the motherfucking work thing. It will be worth it. I swear.
In the meantime, it's bloqtime.
Aren't dollar stores just the shizz-nit?
Well, I don't know that they are just the shizz-nit, but they do have everything, for just a dollar! And that's pretty damn shizz-nit-ish. Also, I promise never to use "shizz-nit" again. Now if only the rest of the world would also take that pledge...
What three words best describe you?
I don't know.
Hee!
What would a Ph.D. do fo-r your care-r?
I'd be able to Fire my boss, with eBay!
If a book were being written about your life, what would the chapter you are currently in be called?
Chapter 28: Chapter 11
Heh.
Bob Dylan said everyone must get stoned - but why?
He answered that question in the song - He "would not feel so all alone." Apparently misery (or, um, chemical alteration) loves company.
Don't you hate that?
"Hate is a strong word." I hate that. That phrase drives me insane. I know hate is a strong word. That's why I used it.
How can they possibly expect you to go to work on a day like today?
They didn't! ALthough I did anyway. But only to pick up my paycheck. Suckers!!
Alternate answer: What are ya gonna do - starve?
If you could change the color of your eyes, your hair, or your skin at will - what would you alter your appearance to?
I like my eyes, so they'd stay the same.
My hair ...I'd just make it bigger. (Bigger is better!)
I would change my skin to be the same complexity and color as my eyes. That would be awesome.
Pick a movie or a book or a television series that you know fairly well - now, what character would you like to see their point of view from? (eg, Harry Potter from Draco's perspective, or Snow White as strictly told by Sneezy, etc)
Star Wars as told by Chewbacca. "Grrraararr!!"
Or
I wouldn't mind getting into the heads of the Senior Partners (or the Powers That Be).
Or
The Bible (Genesis, in particular) as told by Satan.
And...without giving too much away, an upcoming Ape10 is told from a different perspective...
What song do you currently have in your head?
"Sara spelled without an h was getting bored..."
What have you learned today?
Among other things - that Pennslyvania is the only state that does not have a state song.
I love the sound of a Pepsi can opening. Also, certain sirens are cool. What sounds do you find appealing?
Other than those sounds I mentioned - The laughter of my girls, the questioning "merrrow?" that Oreo makes, the bling-blings of video poker machines, orgasm noises, music, applause, the "You've got mail" voice [/hint], birds.
If you could visit 83 years in the past, or 83 years in the future, (for one week, with no time paradoxes resulting) which would you choose and why?
Yes.
I'd visit the future. I'd like to know if we'll still be around in 8 decades, and also it would be neat to see how much will have changed.
and finally...
Invent a new word right now....please?
Tekarina.
It's um...the amount of time that it takes for someone to devise a BS answer to an online survey.
"I'll be there in just a tekarina!"
Tomorrow, I promise, I finally post about the motherfucking work thing. It will be worth it. I swear.
In the meantime, it's bloqtime.
Aren't dollar stores just the shizz-nit?
Well, I don't know that they are just the shizz-nit, but they do have everything, for just a dollar! And that's pretty damn shizz-nit-ish. Also, I promise never to use "shizz-nit" again. Now if only the rest of the world would also take that pledge...
What three words best describe you?
I don't know.
Hee!
What would a Ph.D. do fo-r your care-r?
I'd be able to Fire my boss, with eBay!
If a book were being written about your life, what would the chapter you are currently in be called?
Chapter 28: Chapter 11
Heh.
Bob Dylan said everyone must get stoned - but why?
He answered that question in the song - He "would not feel so all alone." Apparently misery (or, um, chemical alteration) loves company.
Don't you hate that?
"Hate is a strong word." I hate that. That phrase drives me insane. I know hate is a strong word. That's why I used it.
How can they possibly expect you to go to work on a day like today?
They didn't! ALthough I did anyway. But only to pick up my paycheck. Suckers!!
Alternate answer: What are ya gonna do - starve?
If you could change the color of your eyes, your hair, or your skin at will - what would you alter your appearance to?
I like my eyes, so they'd stay the same.
My hair ...I'd just make it bigger. (Bigger is better!)
I would change my skin to be the same complexity and color as my eyes. That would be awesome.
Pick a movie or a book or a television series that you know fairly well - now, what character would you like to see their point of view from? (eg, Harry Potter from Draco's perspective, or Snow White as strictly told by Sneezy, etc)
Star Wars as told by Chewbacca. "Grrraararr!!"
Or
I wouldn't mind getting into the heads of the Senior Partners (or the Powers That Be).
Or
The Bible (Genesis, in particular) as told by Satan.
And...without giving too much away, an upcoming Ape10 is told from a different perspective...
What song do you currently have in your head?
"Sara spelled without an h was getting bored..."
What have you learned today?
Among other things - that Pennslyvania is the only state that does not have a state song.
I love the sound of a Pepsi can opening. Also, certain sirens are cool. What sounds do you find appealing?
Other than those sounds I mentioned - The laughter of my girls, the questioning "merrrow?" that Oreo makes, the bling-blings of video poker machines, orgasm noises, music, applause, the "You've got mail" voice [/hint], birds.
If you could visit 83 years in the past, or 83 years in the future, (for one week, with no time paradoxes resulting) which would you choose and why?
Yes.
I'd visit the future. I'd like to know if we'll still be around in 8 decades, and also it would be neat to see how much will have changed.
and finally...
Invent a new word right now....please?
Tekarina.
It's um...the amount of time that it takes for someone to devise a BS answer to an online survey.
"I'll be there in just a tekarina!"
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Ape10 episode 4: Que Sera Sera
England, The Middle Ages.
Ape10, Spark, and Zombielyn are wandering the countryside. "And you're sure that this is where the second dinowarrior is?" Ape10 asked Spark.
"Affirmative." Spark responded. "The history books from our present day stated that many villagers in this time period reported seeing a "dragon" terrorizing their day to day activities. My computer brain predicts that there is a 99.98% chance that the dragon is in fact one of the chronologically misplaced dinosaurs."
"Greeeeaaayt!" Zombielyn said. " Hnnuuh."
Ape10 approached a passing villager. "Excuse me, sir, I'm trying to find the ..."
But by that time, the person had turned to see Ape10 and reacted.
"Ahhh! Ye are infected with the olde plague! Back! Back! Before I am cursed with the disease!"
And with that, the man fled down the olde pathe.
The primate looked slightly offended. "Pfft. Primitive middle-ager. Well...maybe you should ask someone, Spark. I don't want the next person to attempt to cure me with leeches."
Spark found another passerby and approached him. Before the robot could speak, the young man bowed.
Spark looked back to Ape10 and Zombielyn. They were as baffled as he was, but gestured for him to go ahead.
"Um...I'm looking for the dragon that has been terrorizing your village lately. Do you know where it is?"
The young man rose and said, "Kind Knight, Sir - Nobody knows where to find the mighty dragon. It simply comes to town and kidnaps the maidens. If only we knew where the beast was hiding, I myself would take it down. Then the villagers would write great tales of my heroic deeds. They would say, 'Brave Arthur slayed the creature!' and other such things."
Spark analyzed the small person named Arthur in front of him. "Hmm." he thought, "there is a 83.12% chance that this is the King Arthur from those legends. I should make sure that history is not altered." Before leaving, he whispered into Arthur's ear.
Spark then conferred with his friends. "It seems that the dragon has an interest in maidens." At that, Spark and Ape10 looked at Zombielyn.
"Unnnhhh."
As Zombielyn strolled around, doing her best to look 'maidenish', Ape10 and Spark remained hidden behind some trees. The plan was to ambush the dragon once it tried to attack Zombielyn. Spark was wielding a sword, Ape10 had a rock.
Suddenly, the dragon appeared. Zombielyn monotoned, "Heeehhlp." and the robot and the ape stepped out from behind the trees. Ape10 said, "We're about to get medieval upon your ass." and then they began to attack the creature from another time.
As Spark sliced it with his sword, Ape10 began to hit it with the heavy rock, and Zombielyn tore into its flesh with her undead fangs. Before long, the dinosaur was deceased.
Having nullified the threat, Ape10 set his weapon down on the ground. Spark stuck the sword into the stone, and Zombielyn wiped the blood off her face.
Ape10 said, "You know, if we keep this up, the series is gonna be done before it even gets started. We need a more difficult enemy than these dinosaurs."
"There is still one more out there," Spark said. "And we have Bluebush himself to track down and bring to justice. Not to mention The Boy."
Before they could return to the Time Blender, an elderly man dressed in robes appeared. "Excuse me, but which one of you is Ape10?"
Ape10 looked at the old man with curiosity, then answered, "Who wants to know?"
"My name," the gentleman responded, "is Merlin."
"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" Ape10 asked.
Zombielyn leaned over and whispered "Maaaahgic." into Ape10's ear. He looked impressed.
"Oh. Well. Then. Yes. I am Ape10. What can I do for you?"
Merlin said gravely, "I know that you have had dealings with The Boy."
Ape10 cringed. "How do you know about him?"
Merlin smiled and said, "Try to understand. Try to understand. Try, try, try, to understand. I'm a magic man."
By this point, a small crowd of people had gathered around the dragon's corpse. A few of the men were trying to take credit for the slaying, but none of them were able to remove the sword from the stone to prove that they were responsible. Arthur was among the crowd. He remembered what Spark had told him, and using the tip that he'd given him, he easily unsheathed the weapon.
Merlin sighed. "I would like to return to the future with you three to assist you in battling The Boy, but as you can see, I am needed here. However, I will do the next best thing. When you return to your own time, I will have arranged for a magician to provide guidance in regard to your nemesis. To call upon this fellow augur, follow these directions." Merlin handed a scroll to Ape10.
Ape10 took the scroll, and Merlin said, "Be careful, Ape10. The Boy will stop at nothing to become The Man. If that happens, he will be much more difficult to deal with."
Ape10 nodded. "Thank you, Merlin. And...um. May the Force be with you, I guess."
*****
Azwood, Present Day.
Upon returning to their home, Ape10 took the scroll and unfurled it. The text was written in Latin. He grimaced and handed the scroll to Spark. The robot looked it over and said, "Sorry, buddy. But I can't help you."
Ape10 did a double take. "You can't read Latin, Spark?"
Spark said, "Of course I can read Latin. But everyone knows that robots can't do magic. Or at least, not unless they have the right processors implanted. I do not."
Ape10 sighed. "Oh. Well..." Zombielyn reached over and took the scroll. She looked it over, then read it aloud, doing the necessary dance steps as well. Once she was finished, the scroll disintegrated.
Ape10 looked at Zombielyn and asked, "You can read Latin?"
"Etiam!"
"Wonderful! So...did it work?"
"I'd say yes." A voice from behind them said. The trio turned to see a redheaded woman standing in the park. "I am Belinda, the witch. You summoned me?"
Spark asked, "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"
Belinda smiled and said, "Good one. I've not heard that one a thousand times before."
Spark softly said, "Well there's no need to get snippy."
Ape10 stepped in and said, "Yes. Merlin told us that you would be able to assist us in our battle with The Boy. What can you tell us about him?"
"I will attempt to gaze into the future, and tell you what I can see. I warn you now, though, that using these powers is not easy, and I may not be able to predict what The Boy is planning. In addition, future knowledge may not be as helpful as you would like. I will try, though."
Belinda closed her eyes briefly, then said, "I...yes...I see...a robot!"
Spark seemed to become more interested in what the woman had to say. "Yes?" he prodded, "Go on."
The witch added, "This robot...will travel from the future....and into the past...to ...cause death and destruction."
Spark shook his head. "No. It can't be true."
Belinda opened her eyes and glaring at Spark, said, "It is. It shall come to pass."
Spark looked at Ape10 and Zombielyn. "She's mistaken, then. She must be thinking of that old Arnold movie, perhaps."
Before anyone could comment on this idea, Belinda closed her eyes again and said, "Zombielyn! I see you ...Ape10 and Spark have abandonded you in the past. During the ...Salem witch trials. You will be placed on trial for some reason, and ..." she didn't finish her thought, instead began to predict Ape10's fate.
"As for you, Ape10 - you will soon die. It seems that The Boy will, ultimately, become The Man, and he will kill you. He will kill all of you. It is inevitable!"
At that point, Ape10 said angrily, "Okay, witch. How long have you been working for The Boy?"
Belinda smiled evilly. "You're a smart monkey, aren't you? I see why The Boy admires you. But it won't matter. I may have been lying about Zombielyn, but I am a soothsayer, and it is fact that you will all be killed. It isn't my fault if you can't handle the sooth."
Ape10 growled. "What happened to the wizard Merlin was going to send us?"
Belinda shrugged. "She died. It happens."
The ape glared at the woman and said, "It certainly does."
*****
Spark returned from the Time Blender alone.
Ape10 asked the robot, "Done?"
Spark answered, "Affirimative. I took our friend to the Salem Witch Trials. With the outfit she was wearing, it didn't require much convincing on the mob's part to believe that she was, in fact, a witch."
Zombielyn said, "Guuuuhuhhhhhhhhhh."
Ape10 nodded, but looked troubled. "Spark? Zombielyn? Do ...do you guys think that Belinda was actually able to see the future?"
Zombielyn shook her head. "Nuuuuuuhhhhhh-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh."
Spark agreed. "She was simply an agent of The Boy, trying to get us to doubt ourselves. Remember what Linda Hamilton told us? 'The Future is not set. There is no fate but that which we make.' And besides, the only real way to tell the future is to highlight spoilers."
Zombielyn added, "Plaaaaahhhhstik."
Ape10 smiled and thanked his friends. "Thanks, guys. You're both right, of course. Worrying about the future is completely pointless. Whatever happens, happens. From now on, "Inevitable, schminevtable" is my motto. Besides, the future can't be as bad as she predicted."
[Being spoiler for -15 minutes highlight to view]Ape10 becomes famous.[end spoiler]
Ape10, Spark, and Zombielyn are wandering the countryside. "And you're sure that this is where the second dinowarrior is?" Ape10 asked Spark.
"Affirmative." Spark responded. "The history books from our present day stated that many villagers in this time period reported seeing a "dragon" terrorizing their day to day activities. My computer brain predicts that there is a 99.98% chance that the dragon is in fact one of the chronologically misplaced dinosaurs."
"Greeeeaaayt!" Zombielyn said. " Hnnuuh."
Ape10 approached a passing villager. "Excuse me, sir, I'm trying to find the ..."
But by that time, the person had turned to see Ape10 and reacted.
"Ahhh! Ye are infected with the olde plague! Back! Back! Before I am cursed with the disease!"
And with that, the man fled down the olde pathe.
The primate looked slightly offended. "Pfft. Primitive middle-ager. Well...maybe you should ask someone, Spark. I don't want the next person to attempt to cure me with leeches."
Spark found another passerby and approached him. Before the robot could speak, the young man bowed.
Spark looked back to Ape10 and Zombielyn. They were as baffled as he was, but gestured for him to go ahead.
"Um...I'm looking for the dragon that has been terrorizing your village lately. Do you know where it is?"
The young man rose and said, "Kind Knight, Sir - Nobody knows where to find the mighty dragon. It simply comes to town and kidnaps the maidens. If only we knew where the beast was hiding, I myself would take it down. Then the villagers would write great tales of my heroic deeds. They would say, 'Brave Arthur slayed the creature!' and other such things."
Spark analyzed the small person named Arthur in front of him. "Hmm." he thought, "there is a 83.12% chance that this is the King Arthur from those legends. I should make sure that history is not altered." Before leaving, he whispered into Arthur's ear.
Spark then conferred with his friends. "It seems that the dragon has an interest in maidens." At that, Spark and Ape10 looked at Zombielyn.
"Unnnhhh."
As Zombielyn strolled around, doing her best to look 'maidenish', Ape10 and Spark remained hidden behind some trees. The plan was to ambush the dragon once it tried to attack Zombielyn. Spark was wielding a sword, Ape10 had a rock.
Suddenly, the dragon appeared. Zombielyn monotoned, "Heeehhlp." and the robot and the ape stepped out from behind the trees. Ape10 said, "We're about to get medieval upon your ass." and then they began to attack the creature from another time.
As Spark sliced it with his sword, Ape10 began to hit it with the heavy rock, and Zombielyn tore into its flesh with her undead fangs. Before long, the dinosaur was deceased.
Having nullified the threat, Ape10 set his weapon down on the ground. Spark stuck the sword into the stone, and Zombielyn wiped the blood off her face.
Ape10 said, "You know, if we keep this up, the series is gonna be done before it even gets started. We need a more difficult enemy than these dinosaurs."
"There is still one more out there," Spark said. "And we have Bluebush himself to track down and bring to justice. Not to mention The Boy."
Before they could return to the Time Blender, an elderly man dressed in robes appeared. "Excuse me, but which one of you is Ape10?"
Ape10 looked at the old man with curiosity, then answered, "Who wants to know?"
"My name," the gentleman responded, "is Merlin."
"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" Ape10 asked.
Zombielyn leaned over and whispered "Maaaahgic." into Ape10's ear. He looked impressed.
"Oh. Well. Then. Yes. I am Ape10. What can I do for you?"
Merlin said gravely, "I know that you have had dealings with The Boy."
Ape10 cringed. "How do you know about him?"
Merlin smiled and said, "Try to understand. Try to understand. Try, try, try, to understand. I'm a magic man."
By this point, a small crowd of people had gathered around the dragon's corpse. A few of the men were trying to take credit for the slaying, but none of them were able to remove the sword from the stone to prove that they were responsible. Arthur was among the crowd. He remembered what Spark had told him, and using the tip that he'd given him, he easily unsheathed the weapon.
Merlin sighed. "I would like to return to the future with you three to assist you in battling The Boy, but as you can see, I am needed here. However, I will do the next best thing. When you return to your own time, I will have arranged for a magician to provide guidance in regard to your nemesis. To call upon this fellow augur, follow these directions." Merlin handed a scroll to Ape10.
Ape10 took the scroll, and Merlin said, "Be careful, Ape10. The Boy will stop at nothing to become The Man. If that happens, he will be much more difficult to deal with."
Ape10 nodded. "Thank you, Merlin. And...um. May the Force be with you, I guess."
Azwood, Present Day.
Upon returning to their home, Ape10 took the scroll and unfurled it. The text was written in Latin. He grimaced and handed the scroll to Spark. The robot looked it over and said, "Sorry, buddy. But I can't help you."
Ape10 did a double take. "You can't read Latin, Spark?"
Spark said, "Of course I can read Latin. But everyone knows that robots can't do magic. Or at least, not unless they have the right processors implanted. I do not."
Ape10 sighed. "Oh. Well..." Zombielyn reached over and took the scroll. She looked it over, then read it aloud, doing the necessary dance steps as well. Once she was finished, the scroll disintegrated.
Ape10 looked at Zombielyn and asked, "You can read Latin?"
"Etiam!"
"Wonderful! So...did it work?"
"I'd say yes." A voice from behind them said. The trio turned to see a redheaded woman standing in the park. "I am Belinda, the witch. You summoned me?"
Spark asked, "Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"
Belinda smiled and said, "Good one. I've not heard that one a thousand times before."
Spark softly said, "Well there's no need to get snippy."
Ape10 stepped in and said, "Yes. Merlin told us that you would be able to assist us in our battle with The Boy. What can you tell us about him?"
"I will attempt to gaze into the future, and tell you what I can see. I warn you now, though, that using these powers is not easy, and I may not be able to predict what The Boy is planning. In addition, future knowledge may not be as helpful as you would like. I will try, though."
Belinda closed her eyes briefly, then said, "I...yes...I see...a robot!"
Spark seemed to become more interested in what the woman had to say. "Yes?" he prodded, "Go on."
The witch added, "This robot...will travel from the future....and into the past...to ...cause death and destruction."
Spark shook his head. "No. It can't be true."
Belinda opened her eyes and glaring at Spark, said, "It is. It shall come to pass."
Spark looked at Ape10 and Zombielyn. "She's mistaken, then. She must be thinking of that old Arnold movie, perhaps."
Before anyone could comment on this idea, Belinda closed her eyes again and said, "Zombielyn! I see you ...Ape10 and Spark have abandonded you in the past. During the ...Salem witch trials. You will be placed on trial for some reason, and ..." she didn't finish her thought, instead began to predict Ape10's fate.
"As for you, Ape10 - you will soon die. It seems that The Boy will, ultimately, become The Man, and he will kill you. He will kill all of you. It is inevitable!"
At that point, Ape10 said angrily, "Okay, witch. How long have you been working for The Boy?"
Belinda smiled evilly. "You're a smart monkey, aren't you? I see why The Boy admires you. But it won't matter. I may have been lying about Zombielyn, but I am a soothsayer, and it is fact that you will all be killed. It isn't my fault if you can't handle the sooth."
Ape10 growled. "What happened to the wizard Merlin was going to send us?"
Belinda shrugged. "She died. It happens."
The ape glared at the woman and said, "It certainly does."
Spark returned from the Time Blender alone.
Ape10 asked the robot, "Done?"
Spark answered, "Affirimative. I took our friend to the Salem Witch Trials. With the outfit she was wearing, it didn't require much convincing on the mob's part to believe that she was, in fact, a witch."
Zombielyn said, "Guuuuhuhhhhhhhhhh."
Ape10 nodded, but looked troubled. "Spark? Zombielyn? Do ...do you guys think that Belinda was actually able to see the future?"
Zombielyn shook her head. "Nuuuuuuhhhhhh-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh."
Spark agreed. "She was simply an agent of The Boy, trying to get us to doubt ourselves. Remember what Linda Hamilton told us? 'The Future is not set. There is no fate but that which we make.' And besides, the only real way to tell the future is to highlight spoilers."
Zombielyn added, "Plaaaaahhhhstik."
Ape10 smiled and thanked his friends. "Thanks, guys. You're both right, of course. Worrying about the future is completely pointless. Whatever happens, happens. From now on, "Inevitable, schminevtable" is my motto. Besides, the future can't be as bad as she predicted."
[Being spoiler for -15 minutes highlight to view]Ape10 becomes famous.[end spoiler]
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Back to you, fuckers!
Mostly this is a reminder to myself to blog about the hilairity that is my workplace on a later date. Man, that place is fucking funny! Emphasis on the fucking!
Saturday, March 06, 2004
The groove? It's in the heart.
Oh yeah.
So, the money came. And ironically (er...coincidentally, rather) that day I aired the episode of Seinfeld called "The Money". Never underestimate the power of coincidence.
Oddly, I'm not as happy about the cash as I expected to be. I'm all ...not. Who knew that money didn't equate happiness? I mean, I'm glad we got it, because, hey, it beats starving (because although starving is truly hilarious, it's only funny when it's happening to other people.), but I'm not overjoyed. In fact, I spent most of yesterday in Grumpy Old Troll mode. Bah.
Today's been better, though. I've had two cans of Pepsi. And not just regular Pepsis, either! They're 8 ounce cans!!!!
I call them....Mini-P.
They make me feel like a giant when I'm consuming them. And they're so cute! Everything should be minisized. Tiny = aesthetically pleasing, in other words, fly.
Tomorrow I'm off work! For two days! Hot damn!
I really should be working on Ape10. I hope that it doesn't end up suffering as a result of my laziness. Speaking of - I was thinking about my "Do you hate ME?" post, and I've decided to go easier on the ME folks. Writing is hard. Creating an entertaining, engaging piece of art takes a lot out of you, and to do it for as long as they did - they deserve quite a bit of slack. Season 7 still sucked major ass, though.
Speaking of writing (and of Ape10) I really do wish that that type of thing were more prevelant on blogs. Don't get me wrong, I love the diary type things that everyone does, but sometimes I get a hankering for a dose of fiction. Are there "story" blogs? It seems there should be. And it seems that some of them would incorporate pictures like Ape10 does. So where are they? Or maybe I'm actually the first one to do this type of thing. [shrug] That's me. The trendsetter. [drolleyes]
One final note - I can't seem to read anything anymore. The last book I finished was Hey Nostradamus! which was back in January. I never did finish reading The Egg Code nor The Silk Code (they were completely unrelated to each other, in case you're wondering), and while I was enjoying The Forest People, I all of a sudden ...stopped reading it. [shrug] I simply can't find any books to grab my interest any more. No wonder I quit doing the WD Book Club.
So, the money came. And ironically (er...coincidentally, rather) that day I aired the episode of Seinfeld called "The Money". Never underestimate the power of coincidence.
Oddly, I'm not as happy about the cash as I expected to be. I'm all ...not. Who knew that money didn't equate happiness? I mean, I'm glad we got it, because, hey, it beats starving (because although starving is truly hilarious, it's only funny when it's happening to other people.), but I'm not overjoyed. In fact, I spent most of yesterday in Grumpy Old Troll mode. Bah.
Today's been better, though. I've had two cans of Pepsi. And not just regular Pepsis, either! They're 8 ounce cans!!!!
I call them....Mini-P.
They make me feel like a giant when I'm consuming them. And they're so cute! Everything should be minisized. Tiny = aesthetically pleasing, in other words, fly.
Tomorrow I'm off work! For two days! Hot damn!
I really should be working on Ape10. I hope that it doesn't end up suffering as a result of my laziness. Speaking of - I was thinking about my "Do you hate ME?" post, and I've decided to go easier on the ME folks. Writing is hard. Creating an entertaining, engaging piece of art takes a lot out of you, and to do it for as long as they did - they deserve quite a bit of slack. Season 7 still sucked major ass, though.
Speaking of writing (and of Ape10) I really do wish that that type of thing were more prevelant on blogs. Don't get me wrong, I love the diary type things that everyone does, but sometimes I get a hankering for a dose of fiction. Are there "story" blogs? It seems there should be. And it seems that some of them would incorporate pictures like Ape10 does. So where are they? Or maybe I'm actually the first one to do this type of thing. [shrug] That's me. The trendsetter. [drolleyes]
One final note - I can't seem to read anything anymore. The last book I finished was Hey Nostradamus! which was back in January. I never did finish reading The Egg Code nor The Silk Code (they were completely unrelated to each other, in case you're wondering), and while I was enjoying The Forest People, I all of a sudden ...stopped reading it. [shrug] I simply can't find any books to grab my interest any more. No wonder I quit doing the WD Book Club.
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Shouldn't this be on that Buffyboard?
Without getting all spoilery, I'm hoping that the season (and series) ends with the Angel team giving into the evils of W&H. I want all of them to be corrupted, and to just accept that.
There are spoilerish examples of things that have happened this year I could cite, but I'm not in the mood to do it right now. Also, I haven't seen Shells yet, so I have no idea if that will change my POV or not. But as of right now, I want them all to wind up evil, and proud of it.
We'll see how it goes.
And (still trying to not use spoilertags. Man, I go through so much for the benefit of Jupe), going back to the events that ended episode 100 - how do we know that it was the SP that did the hole thing? We have no way of knowing for sure that that is where that character went...(Hopefully that was vague enough.)
In other news, the 8-ball is one kickass piece of plastic.
There are spoilerish examples of things that have happened this year I could cite, but I'm not in the mood to do it right now. Also, I haven't seen Shells yet, so I have no idea if that will change my POV or not. But as of right now, I want them all to wind up evil, and proud of it.
We'll see how it goes.
And (still trying to not use spoilertags. Man, I go through so much for the benefit of Jupe), going back to the events that ended episode 100 - how do we know that it was the SP that did the hole thing? We have no way of knowing for sure that that is where that character went...(Hopefully that was vague enough.)
In other news, the 8-ball is one kickass piece of plastic.
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Nowhere Man
I'm my way of the brain is yareh.
Yeah.
Also, my nose hurts.
Maybe later, I all actually post the thing I was going to post about when I frist started to want to type this up. Maybe.
Remember wahile back when I made a post that was on that Buffyboard that was about Dr. Seuss, and I misspelled his name? Guess what! So did our news department today! (Today is his 100th birthday) So I
Supposedly, the rain will stop, and the nice weather will be back by the weekend. Thank Gord. (Heee. Gord.)
IT's been a while since I've been sick, so I'd forgotten how much it sucks. A lot, is the amount, in case you're curious.
Gord, I 've got just over a week to type up the next Ape10, and I've not even started. Not a problem, so along as I feel better before then. Get to work, anti-bodies!! Get to work!!
IN conclusion, SHamalamadingdong.
Yeah.
Also, my nose hurts.
Maybe later, I all actually post the thing I was going to post about when I frist started to want to type this up. Maybe.
Remember wahile back when I made a post that was on that Buffyboard that was about Dr. Seuss, and I misspelled his name? Guess what! So did our news department today! (Today is his 100th birthday) So I
Supposedly, the rain will stop, and the nice weather will be back by the weekend. Thank Gord. (Heee. Gord.)
IT's been a while since I've been sick, so I'd forgotten how much it sucks. A lot, is the amount, in case you're curious.
Gord, I 've got just over a week to type up the next Ape10, and I've not even started. Not a problem, so along as I feel better before then. Get to work, anti-bodies!! Get to work!!
IN conclusion, SHamalamadingdong.
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