rhymes with 'cruel'

I didn't cry. It's kind of hitting me now, when I'm at work.

I'm doing this wrong.

My day so far.

5am. the alarm went off. I woke up. Laid there for about 30 minutes. Got up. Washed some dishes.
Went online around 6, and saw Jupe's pictures. (Yay!)
Thought about blogging then, opted not to, since I knew today was going to be a long day with lots to talk about.
Started ironing my shirt for work, Steph came into the kitchen, scaring me.
I asked her if she wanted me to wake the girls up, she said not yet. I laid back down. She went into the kitchen to make Saren's lunch.
A few minutes later, I went to take my shower, Saren woke up and came out to eat breakfast with Stephanie.
Saren got dressed - pink shirt with a cat on it, and a cute little skirt. She'd picked out her clothes yesterday - and then Harper and Irina woke up too.
Once everyone was ready, we left the house to begin the walk to the school. It was 8:21 in the morning.
Saren was carrying her purple backpack all the way there, and I felt bad for her, but she never asked for help.
Along the way, I asked twice "Do you want to change your mind?" Once about half way there, and then once we got onto the school grounds.
Her responses were, "I can't not go now." ("Sure you can." I told her. "You just say, 'eh, I don't want to go.' and then we turn around and walk home.") and "No."
When we got to the school, I was overwhelmed by the amount of children there. Loads of them! All lining up, carrying their own little burdens of backpacks filled with papers and pencils, none of them looking overly happy (it was in the mid 90s outside), most of them talking. It was chaotic.
Steph and I wanted to talk to Saren's teacher beforehand, but, of course, she wasn't out there with the other teachers. We waited and waited and waited, and finally she came out of the building. And then she started talking to several other people.
Finally Steph got her attention and introduced Saren to her, telling her that she'd never been to school before. Her teacher said that Saren would be "just fine", and corralled her into the line with the other students.
I went over and gave her a hug and a kiss, told her to have a good day and then went over with Steph to watch them go in.
As the cattle (one of the teachers did sing a verse from the theme from "Rawhide") children began to move inside , I yelled to Saren so that we could wave to her one last time. She didn't hear me, though. [megafrown] Once she got inside, I turned to look at Steph, and she was crying. As I said, I didn't cry then. Although we got maybe 1/4th of a mile away from the school and I had a minor-major panic attack, and I nearly turned back. But, obviously, I didn't.
We walked home in the heat and for 90% of the walk, I carried Harper, who has somehow become very freaking heavy.
We got home, I took another shower, changed into my work clothes, got my lunch, and drove to work.
I talked to Tina for a while when I got in, and now it's just hitting me. While other parents here at work talk about their children and the trials of dropping them off, and how they're "glad to have them go back" ...I just don't get it. My head hurts.
I told Steph before I left to tell Saren when she picks her up that she'll have to tell the story of how her day went twice, because I want to hear about it too. I'm sure that Steph has blogged most of this -undoubtedly told better, as well- or she will. I don't know how to conclude this, I guess because the story hasn't really reached a conclusion yet. I guess "part 2" will be tonight, after I learn more.